Hey, Girl. It's Wanda.: Xena 2011 Movie Campaign

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Thursday, January 16, 2014

Xena: Season 3 Pre-Thoughts

If you're watching this series for the first time, do not read this entry, as I am about to unabashadly spoil stuff. I am going to spoil right and I am going to spoil left. This section should only be read by those who either don't care that things will be spoiled or have already seen this show. I repeat:

THIS WHOLE ENTRY IS A SPOILER.

Now's your chance to save yourself.

Turn back now.

[SPOILER] [SPOILER] [SPOILER] [SPOILER] [SPOILER] [SPOILER] [SPOILER]

All right, now that it's just us, let's talk season 3.

I'll open by saying, this is where the good shit starts to hit the fan.

Right around here, after season 2 but before season 3, I moved to Austin in late 1997 and lost television/stopped watching Xena. I wouldn't sit down to watch Xena again until 2009, as I previously stated. (Check out the link here for my recap of that viewing, during which I watched every single episode of Xena from beginning to end for the first time.)

In 2009, I remember being turned completely ass-backwards by the depth of the show in seasons 3–6. Utterly shocked. I just had no idea it would get so good. I mean, seasons 1 and 2 were already great; I was sure it couldn't get much better than that. But for it to escalate? I just didn't see it coming.

I took life-changing delight in watching season 3, during which, to the best of my knowledge, the following events and people happened:

          1) Hope
          2) Lao Ma
          3) The Rift arc (on this, I'm a bit fuzzy):
                    a. Gabrielle gives birth to Hope, who's pure evil
                    b. Hope kills Solan, Xena's son, after Xena tells Gabrielle to kill Hope
                    c. Xena beats the shit out of Gabrielle and nearly kills her
                    d. There's the first musical episode which brings them back together again
                    e. Xena must go back to Chin to avenge the death of Lao Ma.
                    f. Gabrielle betrays Xena in Chin and gets her caught.
          4)    I'm fairly sure Xena dies?
          5)    Gabrielle fucking plummets to her death in the last episode. This shocked me.

I know there's so much more, and I wait with bated breath to rewatch the episodes I've forgotten.

In a nutshell, before I saw season 3, I thought the series peaked at season 2, but I was wrong.

It was just warming up.

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Xena: Season 3 Box Set Detail

Pics of the Season 3 box set. Again, if you're watching this series for the first time, maybe don't look at these, 'cause some pictures are spoilers. Also, can I just say that I think this is my favorite box set cover?

Front

Back

Unfolded - Discs on Top

Discs in Back

Interior Images

Exterior Images

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Sunday, January 20, 2013

Xena: Season 2, Episode 22: "A Comedy of Eros"

Is it poor form to just..put up a post with no explanation, as though months and months of silence haven't gone by?

"A Comedy of Eros"

So this...child...shoots arrows at random people, making them fall in love with each other. Obviously, a writer's first choice in a storyline such as this might have Gabrielle or Xena get struck by an arrow and fall in love with the other, were they not already in love. I, however, subscribe to the theme that they are, because we know the writer and director are not afraid of gay love in this episode, as evidenced by some of the coupling on display.

I know there's this feeling for many of, "CHRIST, why couldn't Gabrielle have seen Xena first, instead of fucking Joxer??" But to have Xena and Gabrielle react to the arrows and "fall in love" would dispel the idea that they've been in love all along. i.e. It would've done more harm that good. Then when the curse was removed? The show would have had to either confirm or deny that Gabrielle and Xena are actually in love (which they are).

Perhaps it was simply funnier to have Gabrielle fall in love with Joxer. On that note: [SEASON SPOILER] This is the episode that marks the start of Joxer’s unflagging love for Gabrielle. [END SPOILER]

G: “I love [Joxer]!” X: “...What?” G: “I know. It shocked me, too, seeing how blind I’ve been.

But maybe that’s what love is; it’s blind... I should write that down.”
- I love this show.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

CLICK HERE for full page view.

CLICK HERE FOR bigger VIEW!

EXTRAS:

G: “It’s the virgins I’m talking about. Think of the faith it takes to be one of them.” X: “Yeah, not to mention the other requirement.” G: “Just between you and me, being chaste can be real hard.” X: “Chaste?” G: “Hmm.” X: “No, I was talking about having to answer to that stupid bell your whole life.” G: “That too. Yeah.” - This is hilarious. Any suggestions that Gabrielle is a slut (or anything else that she isn't) are always hilarious. Also, at first, I totally thought she was saying, "chased." Would've worked either way.

D: “I can’t deny you excite me." - Ditto, big D!

X: “You told me you tried to change once.” D: “I did, and almost got killed for my trouble.” X: “Then try again. With me, profit’s not always measured in gold.” – Love the way she says this then leans in for the kiss. Is Xena not the slyest fox around? Girl got game.

D: “Wait! Round up those virgins.” – Love the look on Gabrielle’s face when the guards run right past her. She’s a little shocked. Does this mean that she’s offended because they’re calling her a whore? Or that she’s a virgin and they’re just assuming she's not? Also this is interesting, because it sort of suggests that she never slept with Perdicus.

D: “You dressed them like locals and hid them in plain sight.” – Love that he uses the word locals. Sounds slangy.

G: “Come on, Joxer. Please, just one more time?” J: “You really love it, don’t you?” G: “I love it. The more I practice, the better I’ll get.” – Jesus Christ.

J: “He hurt my hand!” G: “Pookie!” - Hahaha!

X: “Wait a minute. Something’s going on, here. You-you can’t want Gabrielle. Between you and me, she’s a little-” – She seesaws her hand. What could she possibly mean?

X: “This love thing that’s going around. Haven’t you noticed? First, I fall for Draco, and then Gabrielle falls for you, and then Draco falls for Gabrielle!” J: “Who could be in very big trouble right now.” X: “Wait! Slow down. Gabrielle’s going to be fine just as long as Draco’s in love with her. It’s you who’s gonna get killed when he finds out that she’s in love with you! So, what is the big picture here? What’s going on?” – I love how Xena is the only one smart and clear-headed enough to put all this together.

J: “I don’t know. Love? Chaos? Aphrodite?” X: “Yeah, that’s what I thought at first. But there’s no vanity in it. It seems so haphazard. It’s like some child’s game.” – Neat watching Xena literally figure it out, out loud.

X: “You can’t change the one you love. So, wise up. Gabrielle could never love someone who lives off hurting others. You can’t change her. So, if you want to win her love, you better change yourself.” – So much good shit is said in this. Sort of a great episode.

G: “Can you imagine the two of us in love?” J: “Ridiculous” G: “Yeah, kind of makes you laugh just to think about it.” J: “Ha-ha.” – Aawww...

Draco and Xena's arm wrestling scene, I believe, is an exact replica of this scene from prized 80s film, Over the Top, starring Sly Stallone (for the record, the child actor in this is annoying as shiiiiiit):

Or perhaps it's an imitation of this short match from Superman II:

I feel that the "game of doors" at the end of the ep might have taken a little inspiration from this particular scene from the 80s movie, The Secret of My Success, a movie that I absolutely adore. And I love this scene:

Here's a song I absolutely jammed to (hard) in July of 2012. There's no doubt I listened to this song at least once, if not several times, the day I watched "A Comedy of Eros." To be honest, I am shocked that six months have passed since then, but I'm not ashamed!!

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Saturday, September 1, 2012

Xena: Season 2, Episode 21: "Lost Mariner"

"Lost Mariner"

This episode is just right of middle for me. I love it. I could watch it over and over again, but I couldn't tell you exactly why...Perhaps it's because Steven L. Sears is a genius and he writes simply and as though Xena and Gabrielle are in love. There are a few more episodes about which I feel similarly. I'll point them out as we go along. As a matter of fact, I believe I've already pointed out a few using different wording.

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EXTRAS:

1) C: “Do you know the story of how Athena became goddess of Athens?” G: “Yeah. Poseidon and Athena both wanted Athens. So a contest was held. The first citizen was chosen to arbitrate.” C: “He wasn’t the first citizen. A minor point, but go ahead.” – I love the way he says this. Then Gabrielle’s short reaction to the way he says it. From his tone, she marvels over the fact that he truly knows what happened.

2) Pirate: “That was just insanity! She just jumped onto that cursed ship!” – This pirate lacky is kind of hilarious. I can’t take him seriously. His wig is terrible.

3) C: “I love stupid pirates.” – Me too. Mmmm.

4) C: “It isn’t that someone loves me! It’s my love for others! The love you had for Gabrielle, Xena! When you risked your life for her! The love Hidsim had for me when he died! You’re right! It really is just that simple! Thank you! Thank you!” – Love that he’s telling Xena these tender things as they’re literally being thrown about, swirled into a sinkhole, and about to die on the ship.

For no reason–no reason at all–a Milli Vanilli song I recently fell in love with all over again:

What's happening currently: this Radiohead cover makes me want to come in my pants. You must listen to the whole thing (or, if you're impatient and want the shiz, skip to 2:28).

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Xena: Season 2, Episode 20: "The Price"

"The Price"

So this is an episode about asshole Xena. I love asshole Xena or what some people refer to as "dark Xena." This episode's fuckin' awesome.

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EXTRAS:

1) X: “We don’t have any friends, right now. Get used to it. We’re not gonna let these bastards defeat the elite of the Athenian army, are we?!” – YES.

2) X: “Yeah, get a water bag for yourself, Gabrielle, but no food and water for the seriously wounded, only for the men who can fight.” G: “But these men will die without water.” X: “It won’t matter if we can’t defend the compound.” G: “You expect me to decide who lives and-” X: “I want men outside, Gabrielle. You figure it out. And let Menticles know when they die. We need them out on the wall.” G: “I can’t. I can’t.” – This is good stuff, here.

3) X: “Make your rounds, and meet me back at the command hut.” – "Command hut" is an oxymoron.

4) G: “I can’t believe this, Xena. You’re scaring me.” – The most awesome thing Gabrielle says to Xena.

5) G: “What happened to the Xena that I know?” X: “That Xena can’t help us now. If losing her is the price for saving us all, I’ll pay it. It’s just a part of me I didn’t think I’d need anymore. Get back to work.” – So good. Xena suggests that losing good Xena is "the price" referred to in the title. It's not, though, is it. Gabrielle's life becomes the price.

6) G: “Put it over there. Start feeding these men. And, uh, grab some rags and start boiling some water.” – I would’ve loved it if she’d just kept on in this tone, like, “tell that guy over there that he needs to go to sleep. Uh, put some pancakes on and have them ready in an hour.”

The Horde is also a villainous group of assholes from the animated series She-Ra. Now, anyone who knows me knows how much I hate fart and/or poop jokes. I truly hate them, but this particular fart joke is so well-done (in terms of editing and overdubbing), that I'm going to let it stand as my Evil Horde reference from the beloved 80s cartoon:

At one point, Gabrielle tells Xena, "I think we all came from the water." She's not the only one who thinks so. Why, Bjork sings a song about this very topic (Remember, all things lead back to Bjork.)

I know this post occurred long after the watching, but here is a song I know for a fact I listened to a lot around June 24th. "I Think About It" by College:

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Sunday, July 8, 2012

Xena: Season 2, Episode 19: "Ulysses"

"Ulysses"

One word sums it up: awkward.

I remember liking this episode in 2009. This is the first time I've watched it, though, since watching seasons 3-6 for the first time. Now, it kind of hurts to watch certain parts of "Ulysses." For instance, at the beginning when Gabrielle is standing in the shot in the background between Ulysses and Xena (which is done on purpose), you just feel her panic and fight-or-flight mode kick in.

[SERIES SPOILER] This might be the last episode where, I think, the makers of the show try pair Xena and Gabrielle up with other people. If I remember right (and I think I do), this is the last time Xena has a written love interest other than Gabrielle. I know that’s a tall order, considering there are four more seasons to go (and I’m not really including season 5, which, as far as I’m concerned, doesn’t really count. What I'm trying to say is, if my calcs are corr, not until season 5 does Xena take on another lover, sort of… God, season 5 is such a train wreck; I almost can’t wait to rewatch it knowing what I know.) [END SPOILER]

Despite the ultimate focus of "Ulysses," this episode is loaded with subtext. And what a platform!

I touched on these briefly in the review template, but all of the subtext incidents beg for far more coverage, which I will now provide. As an ancient mythological journalist, this is exactly the kind of shit I live for.

1) So, Xena and Ulysses start talking after teaming up during their first battle together. Gabrielle is framed between them in the background. If this were just a normal story about Xena and U-dawg falling in love, there would be no reason to show Gabrielle's reaction to this at all. Putting her between them is an obvious nod to jealousy.

2) While Ulysses and Xena talk at night as Gabrielle sleeps, they address the idea that Ulysses will find love again someday. Gabrielle, coincidentally, interrupts the tender moment, claiming thirst as her excuse. You know, some would say there are no coincidences.

3) What the hell was that appraising, surprised look that Xena gave Gabrielle when she spots her dancing "erotically?" And Gabrielle seems pleased with the reaction. Then Xena says: "Hey boys. I want in on the fun, too." - I'm a little unclear about whose fun she wants in on.

4) Gabrielle sports an unpleasant, shocked expression when she and Ulysses admire Xena and Ulysses says, "What a woman."

5) Ulysses says, “We'd be going up against a god. Your friend-” Gabrielle cuts in, “-goes where Xena goes.” Not only do Gabrielle and Xena finish each others sentences, they are inseparable.

6) Ulysses tells Xena he's found his soulmate, but Xena does not say it back. Xena and Ulysses kiss. After Ulysses walks away from Xena, the camera pans to a once-sleeping Gabrielle, who's now awake and looks sad. Why include this, if not to say, "OUCH."

7) Gabrielle confronts Xena about her feelings for Ulysses, saying, "I need to know." Besides being understanding and grown-up about it, this is not the sort of thing or way a friend asks another friend about a new love.

Gabrielle then says, “Promise me one thing. You’ll follow your heart and don't worry about me.” Xena says so sweetly, “You're part of my heart.” Gabrielle says, “Xena, do you remember what you told me when Perdicus asked me to marry him? You said that seeing me happy would make you happy. I feel the same way.” I told my ex this once before-the exact same thing-when another person walked into the picture of our relationship. Xena proceeds to say, “Gabrielle, you’ve been so good for me, I don’t think I would ever have let myself feel the way I feel now about Ulysses if it wasn’t for you teaching me how to love.” Let's just wait a minute... I know what Xena means to say with this and Gabrielle takes it the way Xena obviously means it, but I believe this statement is way more revealing than it seems. Think about it for a sec.

8) Xena tries to discourage Ulysses from liking her, supposedly because she wants to give him and Penelope a clear shot at their marriage. She says, “Let me lay it on the line for you, Ulysses. You’re not my type.” Why say this? Why not just say, “The feeling's not mutual?”

9) Might I also note, that Xena says these horrible things to Ulysses to give him a chance to figure out for himself if he truly loves her. Ulysses, in the end, sees her hurtful words for what they are and approaches Xena again, saying he realizes what she was doing and still wants to be with her. She then thinks of Penelope and completely thwarts the advance once and for all.

Look, if you love someone and they tell you they love you back, you don’t just throw that away.

I love Xena. She is so deep, cares for people, is pulled to people, but she is a nomad and must keep moving. Regardless of everything, she has the balls to acknowledge her feelings as they arise.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

CLICK HERE for full page view.

CLICK HERE FOR bigger VIEW!

EXTRAS:

1) X: “I’m gonna have to push this all the way through. It’s gonna hurt.” U: “As if it hasn’t been hurting up to now? (she pushes it through) That’ll wake you up in the morning!” - This is fucking funny.

2) U: “I’d like to see that chakram in action. I’ve never seen one before.” X: “Yeah, I guess it’s unique to me.” - I love this line of Xena's. The chakram is totally unique to her, which is awesome.

3) G: “Sirens? Their song is said to call all men who hear it to their death on the rocks of the island.” X: “All men. I’m not a man.” U: “Yeah, I’ve noticed.” – I know there’s something notable about this quote; I just can’t figure out what.

4) I’m so happy you’re back to reclaim your kingdom, be reunited with your wife.” U: “My wife? But, Meticles, Penelope is dead.” – Wah-wah waaah.

5) X: “Well, isn’t that just a typical man? I give you a few smiles and a kiss, and you’re convinced that I’m in love with you. You’re kidding yourself. I was embarrassed with all that mush you were spewing the other night. The only reason I didn’t shoot you down right then is because I didn’t think you could handle it. So let me lay it on the line for you, Ulysses. You’re not my type.” – Jesus Christ; that’s harsh. Wouldn’t the truth have sufficed just as well?

6) X: “What about Penelope?” U: “I don’t love her, anymore.” X: “Does she love you? She does.” U: “I don’t know if she loves me; I don’t know.” X: “Ulysses, your kingdom needs you. Your wife needs you. You’re home at last. Whatever you feel toward me will pass.” – I find it interesting and awesome that Xena won’t let Ulysses hurt another woman.

"Satellites" by Guster - Here's a song that has nothing to do with anything, only that I just heard it for the first time a few minutes ago and kind of like it:

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Sunday, June 17, 2012

Xena: Season 2, Episode 18: "Blind Faith"

Hi. I'm not even going to explain why I haven't posted for over a month. Let's just jump right in, shall we?

"Blind Faith" - I feel like such a dick for not knowing what this episode was about. I mean, it’s practically spelled out in the title. They might as well have called it, “In This Episode, Xena Is Blind.”

I watched this during the day, which is a first. I think it was because I was overly excited about my bunk weekend sleep-over experience in New Jersey.

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EXTRAS:

1) X: “Any market in Athens’ll have it.” P: “Well, if I were you, I’d be headed for Athens.” – Love how he says this.

2) V: “You are not reaching out for a glass of beer in a tavern. You are extending your hand for a kiss.” – I love that he insults Gabrielle at every turn.

3) P: “You see, friends make you vulnerable. That’s why I don’t have any.” X: “Oh, is that why?” - So simple, so effective.

4) P: “Are you crazy! I killed Krakus of Pyla.” X: “No, you didn’t.” P: “What makes you so sure?” X: “Because, I did.” – Nine times out of 10, this is Xena’s retort to someone who claims to have killed someone powerful.

5) V: “Egyptian senna? I have that growing in my garden. Well, you can’t make a good face cream without it.” - Vidalis is so "on" in this episode.

6) G: “OK, you ready? Now, this might sting a little bit.” – How the fuck would she know? “Look, I’ll try to be careful, all right?” – What she means is, "I’ll try not to smear your mascara."

Watching Gabrielle struggle inside that casket, as it's being pulled into a blazing inferno, reminds me of this scene from Kill Bill:

Ulrich Schnauss - "Nothing Happens in June." I've listened to this song several times daily, every day for a month:

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Monday, May 14, 2012

Xena: Season 2, Episode 17: "The Execution"

All right, people, settle down. Yes, I did stay with my friend over the weekend and yes I hated every minute of it. Every minute. "Never again," and that's all I'll say on the matter. Moving right along!

"The Execution:" Not a bad episode. I liked watching it, actually. It's "OK."

It reminds me of one of my all time favorite movies, Errol Morris' The Thin Blue Line. The reenactment style is the same, same dramatic lighting, and the storyline is basically the same: Someone is killed, someone is wrongly accused, someone is tried within a flawed justice system, different accounts are given, eventually justice prevails. If you’ve never seen TTBL, watch it; you will love it.

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EXTRAS:

1) X: “Don’t make this more difficult than it already is. I don’t want to bring him back, but I have to!” G: “He is an innocent man.” X: “You don’t know that!” – Good stuff. Really good stuff.

2) G: "I won’t let you do this.” M: “Gabrielle.” G: “She’s not taking you anywhere.” – This is so bold. I love that she has the balls to talk to Xena this way.

3) M: “I didn’t want you to know I started drinking again. I thought I could handle just one. Then it was another and another.” – They should show this in high schools or AA meetings.

4) G: “Friends don’t lie. You were right; he wasn’t being honest. I’m sorry for not believing you.” X: “That’s not an issue. You and I have plenty of time to talk about it, but Meleager’s not that lucky.” – I love this. What I’d give to see this future conversation take place.

6) X: "Now I know you’re innocent. You didn’t kill that man. I did.” – Man, Xena's killed EVERYBODY.

7) X: “Remember me? I saved you from that assassin.” - Love the way she says this.

8) G: “It doesn’t matter how valuable they are, as long as it’s priceless to you.” - Good times, Gabrielle. Good times.

9) M: "Look, Gabrielle, when the time comes, don’t look outside.” G: “I have to. I want you to look at me. I want the last face that you to see in this world to be a friend.” – Intense and deep. I love it all over myself.

Now, in this episode, a judge–Judge Arbus–is the bad guy. Because of his slanted ways, innocent people died. Let’s talk about another Arbus, of whom I’m a huge fan. This is Diane Arbus, my favorite photographer (holding her daughter):

Here is some of her work for which she is known:

This one's probably my favorite.

I love her, because even though she took pictures of seemingly ordinary things, her work scares the living shit out of me.

The song/video of the day is "Birthday Cake" by Rihanna (I'm just going to pretend that Chris Brown is not featured.) I watched my friend Pauline absolutely jam to this song in the car while riding with her in New Jersey, and I fell in love with it. It's so good:

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Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Xena: Season 2, Episode 16: "For Him the Bell Tolls"

"For Him the Bell Tolls"

The only people saving it from floppage are Gabrielle and Aphrodite

(and to a certain extent, Cupid).

You don't understand. It's not that this episode was shitty; it's just that it suuucked and was completely irrelevant.

Here's the deal: It wasn't badly done or poorly acted and the script was fine. HOWEVER... Nothing hooked me. [SERIES SPOILER] If I remember correctly, there's a whole lotta this going on in season 5, too, so it's not that it's Joxer-based. [END SPOILER] I love Joxer! I'm on team Joxer, all right? It's not him. There was just no depth to the story. No oomph. No chutzpah.

The show is about Xena. It's even titled, Xena: Warrior Princess. They can get away with a show solely about Gabrielle, because we know Gabrielle. She's been in every single episode thus far and is a compelling character, but we barely know Joxer... In fact, there's little complexity to him as a character, right now. He gets deeper later, but that's for me to tell and for you to hear. So the point is, this episode was a whole lot of fluff, with no sugar or cream. It was like cotton candy made of actual cotton.

As you probably, maybe, might know, "For Him the Bell Tolls" is a direct lift from a passage in one of John Donne's poems or meditations (or whatever). The famous lines read as such:

... any mans death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankinde; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee..

Pretty awesome, isn't it? It's chilling. However "For Him the Bell Tolls" has absolutely nothing to do with the passage or the John Donne-inspired novel, Ernest Hemingway's "For Whom the Bell Tolls." I do like the linkage of the famous title to the relevance of this Xena ep, though.

Let's talk about the goddess of love. I looove Aphrodite. She’s one of the funniest, intriguing characters on the show (right up there with Ares) and this episode hosts her first appearance! I was so excited! [SERIES SPOILER] My most favorite thing that she ever says comes up later, in season 3 or 4, I think. Hmm… Maybe it’s even in season 6... Whatever, I'll point it out when it happens. [END SPOILER]

Might I conclude by saying that the rewatch of this was extra painful... It was like watching an episode of Batman that's about neither Batman nor Robin, but, say, Alfred the butler. It’s fine, BUT… you see where I'm goin'?

CLICK HERE FOR bigger VIEW!

EXTRAS:

1) J: “My sword is always ready to pleasure you, my lady.” – When “cool” Joxer says this, it’s just not funny.

2) A: “Love isn’t just about happy endings. There’s also jealous love, and unrequited love, and tragic love. And when you strip away all the tinsel, it’s really just about hormones, isn’t it?” – Who can argue with the G. of L.?

3) G: “I think I’m gonna be sick.” – You and me both, sister.

4) G: “This is ridiculous. Don’t touch her, Joxer. Cut it out!” I: “Come here.” G: “Guys, stop it! I’ve had enough of- oh! It’s gonna be a long night. Oh, this is so sick!” – This was probably the highlight of the episode for me. Yeah, I know.

5) J: “Joxer the Mighty roams through the countryside, he never needs a place to hide. With Gaby as his sidekick, fighting with her little stick. Righting wrongs and singing songs. Being mightly all day long. He's Joxer, he's Joxer the Mighty. Oh, he's Joxer the Mighty, he's really tidy. Everybody likes him 'cause he has a funny grin. Joxer! He's Joxer the Mighty!” – Word on the street is Sam Raimi wrote this himself.

6) A: “Mmm. You’re that goody-two-shoes that hangs around my boy, Joxer.” – Seriously love the way she says, “my boy, Joxer.” That’s fucking hilarious. Aphrodite - inventing street lingo since ancient times.

7) G: “So you’re going to let an innocent man die?” A: “Oh, come on! No one’s really innocent. Well, maybe you.” – I love that even Aphrodite backs this up.

8) G: “Love is soft and gentle. It’s not violent and cruel.” A: “You don’t know much about love, do you?” – I know the way Aphrodite intends this to be taken, but there’s another way this can go that is utterly fascinating.

9) G: “Remember, that love is about trust and giving. It’s not about anger and jealousy.” A: “She really doesn’t get it, does she?” C: “Maybe she gets it better than any of us.” – God, I love Gabrielle. Now that I think about it, though, it is about anger and jealousy. It’s about aaall of those things. Just sayin’.

Aphrodite learned to talk by watching Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure repeatedly on her VCR:

I'd like to start doing this thing where I paste the song that I'm listening to the day of the post into the blog. Usually, I'll have a certain song in my head for whatever reason. Today it was "Goddess Eyes II" by Julia Holter, a new artist I came across. Her music is a mix of basic instruments and stiff notes, like this episode. In her case, however, it works:

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Sunday, May 6, 2012

Xena: Season 2, Episode 15: "A Day in the Life"

"A Day in the Life:" The girls wake up to a fight, Gabrielle tweaks over a frying pan and Xena invents the kite. Totally brilliant.

Sorry, Ben. You're a little late!

This episode jumps right in with Greek headlines prefacing each segment of the episode, the English translation falling below it. (For instance, the first scene and segment is titled “Waking Up.”) From the first second, we know we’re in for something a little different (as we’re shot into the realization that, of course, Xena and Gabrielle actually would have spoken Greek) and our interest is peaked.

Lots of subtext going on, which adds to this ep’s infamous status of “cult favorite.” For example, when Gabrielle sends Hower to collect firewood after Xena goes fishing, Xena sits down next to Gabrielle and... they look awfully snug together on that log. Several conversations take place in which it's explained to Hower that Xena's "not having it." In fact, so we're clear, here they all are:

1) H: “Let me ask you something, Gabrielle. Does Xena ever think about settling down and getting married?” G: “No; she likes what I do- I think she likes what she’s doing. No, I don’t think settling down is for Xena.” H: “Hmm... maybe she just hasn’t met the right guy.”G: “You know, anything’s possible, Hower.”

2) G: “Minia, Xena would never take anybody’s boyfriend. She has more integrity in that way than anyone I’ve ever met.”

3) X: “Hower, Minia’s a good woman. She loves you. You’re lucky to have her. And you got a snowball’s chance in Tartarus with me. You got that?”

Xena don't want no scrub. Then, to top it off, Minia goes ahead and spells it out for us. She says this to Xena about the whip that Gabrielle just traded for a frying pan: “No! It belongs to me! You don’t get that concept very well, do you? The whip is mine. The frying pan’s yours. Hower is mine!... She’s yours.” Of course, we all know the "she" that Minia refers to is Gabrielle of Potidaea.

Let's not even mention the “I let you get this close” scene. It was intense and I looked around my apartment self-consciously to make sure no one was watching me. It felt as though I was intruding on a private moment and needed to find an exit, quick. Good shit. No wonder this ep is the bomb.

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EXTRAS:

1) The whole thing with Gabrielle bonking Xena in the nose with her staff is adorable. And then she gives Xena a sweet lil kiss on the head, which Xena resents, because she's stoic.

2) X: “Well, you were there. Why didn’t you ask him?” G: “Oh, like you would want me to butt in on one of your pinch interrogations?” X: “Why not? You ask good questions.” G: “Really? Thank you.” - I love this shit.

3) G: “Were you killed by a certain Warrior Princess?” X: “Yes.” G: “Well, that narrows it down. A little." - NICE.

4) G: "Another one’s fallen for you.” X: “Again?” G: “Yeah.” X: “Why does this always happen?” G: “It’s the blue eyes, the leather. Some guys just love leather.” X: “I think a wardrobe change is in order.” G: “You could wear chain mail.” X: “Yeah, but I think that’d just attract a kinkier group.” G: “You’re probably right.” - Another comment like this is made later and they're just hilarious. I believe that this is how Xena and Gabrielle would really talk behind the scenes.

5) G: “Well, what was I supposed to use, huh? You threw our only good cutting knife at a warlord last week. I bet it’s still sticking out of his thigh.” - This shit is so funny!

6) M: “All right! I finally get to meet the, the Warrior Princess herself! I’ve heard about all your adventures. How you unchained death, and, and liberated Prometheus, and nailed that Callisto witch.” – OK. I thought I heard “bitch” here. Still not convinced it's "witch," but either way is good.

7) Does she sleep in the-” G: “Well-” X: “Hey!” – Because… you know, rumor has it that Xena sleeps in the nude and Gabrielle is about to explain!

8) M: “Hello, Hower! Xena’s here! Isn’t she incredible?! So strong, so confident, so brave, so-” H: “Beautiful.” M: “Well, she’s all right, if you like that type.” - I kind of love Minia for her unabashed admiration for Xena (at first).

9) X: “Hey! Hower, say goodbye to Minia.” - I love that Xena says this. She's so good. She really cares!

10) G: “Look; we have to cook our food. I am still waiting for the fish I had for lunch to stop trying to swim upstream!” - This line is very subtle, but it's there. See it?

11) M: “Xena’s old buddy, Goliath, wanted to get revenge on Gareth for killing his family, but then, Xena and Goliath ended up on opposite sides during the Israelite-Philistine feud, and then Goliath got wasted.” - The way she says this is masterful and amazing.

12) G: “Hey, don’t get defensive. I just don’t share your vision here.” X: “There were plenty of other times when you didn’t share my vision.” G: “Yes, and you were right those other times. But, eventually you’re going to be wrong. Call it the law of averages. I just as soon it not be when the biggest giant to ever walk the Earth is headed our way!” - The law of averages? Gabrielle's brilliant.

13) X: “How did it go with Hower?” G: “Not well. Maybe you could kick him around a little bit.” X: “Yeah. No, he might like it.” G: “That’s true. Hmm.” - Their candor here is spot-on. And FUNNY.

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