Xena: Season 6, Episode 22: "A Friend in Need, Part 2"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE: 

“I Didn't Hate It, Part 2” 

Not to be dramatic, but every moment of writing this review was pure and utter agony. Just bittersweet anguish, from choosing which awesome parts to include to analyzing and reading really sad words over and over, I did struggle. Nevertheless, she persisted. This is the first time I've seen this, a reminder. And this will be quite the review, because it's the last of the whole series, so just hold onto your pantaloons. 

The beginning of this episode: Xena buries her shit. 

Then we all know what happens...

Please don't wish me harm, but frankly I relish Xena getting shot with every arrow. I think it’s fascinating, watching characters react to pain. It was believable each time she was struck, her expressions, the noises she made, etc. And when Xena decided she'd had enough arrowing and switched to kick-ass mode, she slaughtered soldiers holding the katana stabby style. It reminded me of Conan the Barbarian wielding his sword, almost like a twirler. It was fluid and magic, and I loved it.

I incorrectly assumed Xena's death would be somebody legit overcoming Xena. You know, that she'd finally met her match, but that's spectacularly not what happened. Her death was more an elaborate suicide. She knew she had to die but wanted to make her death count. I mean, I get it: Homegirl didn’t want to drag Gabrielle through the torment of killing her girlfriend, she wanted to take-out as many bad guys as possible, and she wanted to die a warrior’s death. 

And I hear everyone's alternative ideas to still achieve these things without overkill. I do! But IN THE END…Xena is a warrior. She’s the warrior princess, y’all. I thought the death scene – though we didn’t get to see her die, which hurts me – was resplendent. That red splash of blood when whatshisface cuts her head off? [Chef’s kiss] 

It was a coward’s gambit to maim Xena with the rain of arrows, but that's also slimly brilliant, because it was the only way to defeat her. Think of it like that: She's so powerful, it takes 1,000 men and thousands of lily-livered arrows to bring her down. I read a quick synopsis somewhere that said she "allows" herself to be killed. That’s the perfect word. Xena allowed herself to be killed. "I'll allow it." Yes. 

The most painful-looking arrow wound: One could say the arrow to the gut or the arrow to the gd knee, but I'm going to go with the bolt in the forearm, near the inner elbow. My grrrd. Ouch, ouch, ouch. 

I appreciated the care with which the introduction of Gabrielle to Akemi was paid. Gabrielle, as always, was so graceful, upstanding, and big, even tender and sympathetic to Akemi. Almost like she knew how Akemi felt about Xena, knew Akemi would never know Xena the way Gabrielle does. She’s instantly warm to Akemi. What a treat.

In unhinged continuation of pointing-out things that were hot in AFIN: Xena laying beside Gabrielle as Gabrielle got tortured with a massive tattoo is way the hell up there. Way the hell. It was so sensual… And just the fact that Xena is a spirit while Gabrielle is alive, and they're interacting like this. After these reviews are concluded, I will seek-out Gabrielle and Ghost-Xena fanfic. Thank you.

I mentioned a while ago that when Xena was originally airing, I watched the first two seasons then moved to Austin and didn't have time to watch the show anymore. Though I did proudly hang a Xena poster in my house, which I think I've shown you. Anyway, I would see stills here and there of the show as it went along over the years, and I told you how I felt about Gabrielle's short hair. When I first saw it, I haaaated. it. Then I saw "Between the Lines" in 2009 and omg, I loved her short locks. I don't know when I became aware of Gabrielle's tattoo. Probably somewhere in the 2010's, but oh I hated it, too, upon seeing it without context. I thought it was show-ruining, kinda like Felicity when Felicity cut her hair short and they canceled the show. But now, seeing this episode and how Gabrielle got the tattoo, holy frick I worship it. My god. This show taught me so much.

Set aside that Gabrielle is a sheer bad-ass in this episode, she looks so fucking hot in her blue and black battle clothes. When she calmly circles Morimoto in that outfit, it's almost more than I can handle. It competes among my favorite moments of the episode, and might be my #1. It's like the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. And when the back of her top gets blown out, showing-off and practically framing that painfully-begotten dragon tattoo? Please. Just..please.

Also, and I knew I would, I love that Xena’s body gets hacked-up. Then again, I adore horror, and I cherish when bad things happen to the protagonist. It just adds this new dimension to everything that I can’t get enough of. Like we get to see Gabrielle react to seeing Xena’s dead body. That was stunning. You guys. They took their time with that scene, she gets sick, she hyperventilates, just that shot of X’s legs dangling with an arrow through them. What a vision. 

Another thing that got me that isn’t really spotlighted is Xena’s funeral for an audience of one. One person was at Xena’s funeral. This is both so sad and ideal. It got me to thinking, many of us assume celebrities have huge funerals. I don’t know, this just affected me a lot. Has Gabrielle every buried or burned Xena before?

Jumping to the tea house slaughter...man, I frickin love this shit. Kenji getting his head cut off reminds me of Kill Bill again. I can't remember exactly when or who, but someone gets beheaded in a spray of blood in Kill Bill, Vol. 1. Don't get me wrong, I love Kenji, but his lovability makes it all the more gruesome and shocking when Yodoshi kills him. Xena cuts Yodoshi's head off at the end with the same flair with which she used to kill Akemi in Part 1. She twirls and comes down on him with the katana, it's magnificent.

The kiss was nice, if a little weak. I wish it had happened at a different time in the episode, and not during a moment where one wouldn’t normally want to make out with their girlfriend. You know, like in the middle of a sensitive life and death encounter while one party's struggling to breath. And it coulda been more passionate...I'm just saying. I'M HAPPY TO HAVE IT AT ALL.

I love that Gabrielle says, "I don’t care," when talking about 40,000 souls suffering. This is some astute writing. We know she totally cares, but she loves Xena so much, Xena's soul is worth more to her than 40,000 others. And of course, Xena absorbs these words like a mother would a child. It feels like she could almost laugh at Gabrielle, if the situation weren't so dire. It becomes another way Gabrielle tells Xena she loves her. She just loses her mind a little bit. Ugh, it's so intense. And so interesting, because Xena wants to come back, but she knows Gabrielle wouldn’t be able to live with herself if those souls were lost because of her selfishness. Xena’s doing what Gabrielle would want her to do. Gabrielle has, in a way, created her own monster. It’s a classic catch-22 (Is it?) (It is.)

 

On that note, Gabrielle tells Xena she loves her, but Xena doesn’t say it back. I think this is also great writing, because for Xena to have said it would take the punch out of the words. Xena knows Gabrielle knows Xena loves her. The situation is actually reversed in Part 1, when Xena says it and Gabrielle doesn't say it back. There is a lot of mirroring that takes place in AFIN, which I covet. 

Then...they put their heads together and hold each other until Xena disappears. I’m so glad they went with simple closeness in the final moments, because it’s more believable than say, a couple kissing, which is more sexual than love. It's gut-wrenching how delicate this time is.   

So sad when: 

1) Xena teaches Gabrielle the pinch. 

2) Gabrielle finds Xena’s dead bod.

3) Gabrielle sets Xena's funeral pyre on fire.

4) Xena’s body disappears at the end.

Here be a few quibbles: I don’t like that Gabrielle is taught the sword in one episode. They had all series to do this. Felt like an afterthought.

Xena didn’t kill all those people. That was 1) the city's fault for not having higher housing safety standards, AND 2) she was frickin defending herself! It wasn’t like she fell over drunk and set the city on fire. The townspeople fucking picked on her (for doing the honorable thing, even) and tried to lynch her. She fought back. Come on, writers. I could believe, more, that Xena would just outright agree to die to save 40,000 souls with no more connection than that. Why not just write around that?  

Xena would’ve fought and fought and fought to be with Gabrielle. She would’ve looked for a loophole for the rest of her existence. She wouldn’t just say, “Whelp! That’s it! I’m done, you’re on your own. No way to fix this!” That’s not how Xena's mind works. I disagree, sir. 

However, to address the argument that Xena wouldn't just leave Gabrielle and give-up her life like that, yes, she would. She's done this before. She has. To name a few: she gave her soul over to Callisto that one time in Hell, she was gonna kill herself when she tried to kill Hope to save the world, she put herself in a situation where she was going to leave Gabrielle forever to kill the emperor of Chin. There are so many instances. I'll add them as I think of them, but Xena has tried to kill herself a LOT. This ain’t her first rodeo, so two things 1) It makes sense that Xena “dies” at the end of this rich, gorgeous series. She often dies at the end of a season anyway, and 2) no, I don’t believe for a second that she’s fully dead. Xena always comes back. She always comes back. Gabrielle has her damned ashes, so we know it’s coming. 

That said, I read that in the non-Director's Cut, they show Gabrielle alone on the boat after her and Xena's banter about needing a girl with a chakram. This is most excellent to me, and I think I prefer that ending over the DC's hopeful one. I don’t like sugar-coated things, and the original ending seems more stark and impactful, but still with a little wiggle room for hope.  

# of times Xena gets shot by an arrow: 5 

# of times someone’s naked back is filmed with a robe draping off: 2 

# of beheadings in this story: 4 

# of urns in this story: 2 

Summary Talk: It’s a GREAT episode of Xena: Warrior Princess. I think some of the fan disgruntlement argues not whether the episode was good or bad, but that the creators didn’t read the room. Like, I personally wouldn't choose AFIN as the series finale. The story would work better around 6:19 or 6:20. "When Fates Collide" should’ve been last. I’m ok with the order, though. I respect it and think it's still a strong end to the show. 

It helps that I knew Xena’s death was coming, and it helps that I’ve read so much fan fiction, haha, to know that “A Friend in Need” is by far not the end of Xena: Warrior Princess. The stories in fan fiction are END. LESS. There’s not a single person in the world who’s read every Xena story. It’s literally impossible, there are so many. 

I did think it weak that the show suddenly introduces a new character and doesn’t want to end in Greece where all the magic happened. (I mean, after all, Xena is a fake Greek mythological character.) The episode is gorgeous, and I looove Japan (omg so much), but for the Xena series finale? It’s like setting the Sex and the City finale in Boise, Idaho. The mark is missed, no matter how great the story is. Like why would the creators do this? One could say someone put their artistic ambitions ahead of the good of the show, which is ironic, considering. That said, *I, personally,* loved and treasured that this show went to Japan, lol.  

Adding Akemi also kind of is just like...they keep adding all these women that Xena falls in love with, when at the beginning of the series, the impression is given that Gabrielle is the first person who had an impact on Xena in that way. Also unclear if this is before Lao Ma or after. I think it’s after. I love Xena's women, but not for the final episode. Akemi was somewhat a competing love story, which is annoying. It felt trite, a waste of time, and redundant. Redundant, because Akemi is basically another Gabrielle, asking Xena to teach her everything and take her with her. This wasn't awful, just a little lazy. 

That I was a bit confused about what the hell was happening, when Xena cut her hair off over Akemi and walked around trashed through Higuchi, speaks again to how disconnected and unbuyable the Akemi storyline was. Xena was so fucked up over Akemi that sheeee cuts her hair off? Xena lost her shit that hard, and this is the first we're hearing of it? What? When? 

I know it seems like I didn't care for episode, because of the guff I'm dishing, but I actually love it. I'm most critical of things I know can be better. 

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the entire series by posting "series spoiler" before said item number. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it. 

 

EXTRA QUOTES:

1) X: [Pulls arrow out of right arm and stands up.] "All right. Now you asked for it.” – Dude, SWEET. 

2) X: “Gabrielle!.. Gabrielle!” – How extreme this is. Xena's about to buy the farm, and all she can think about is her girlfriend. 

3) Akemi: “You came to me in my dreams and I thought it was reality. Now you come to me in reality. It feels like it’s a dream. Either way, I’m filled with joy.” – But it's not reality, what's Akemi playin' at.

4) G: “The ghost killer. What’s he doing?” Kenji: “His job, speeding wandering souls on their way before they can be devoured by Yodoshi. Perhaps he sees Xena.”G: “Xena is alive! Do you understand? She is alive.” – You tell ‘em, girl!! 

5) Akemi: “I want to write a verse to express how I feel but there’s no poetry of sufficient beauty.” – The way Xena smiles here. Man, when Akemi goes in, she goes hard. 

6) X: “I am at your service, Lord Yodoshi.” Yodoshi: “You most certainly are. An eternity of playing the whore to service my appetite for souls.” – He barely get this line out, but she’s no stranger to playing the whore. I love this scene. 

7) A: “You know you are being watched.” X: “Akemi, I can still hear your heart beating, and I can hear everyone of Miyuki's clumsy foot falls.” – This is so toight. 

8) G: “Xena.” X: “Gabrielle. What are you doing here?” G: “I was so worried about you. I found your chakram. There’s so much blood.” X: “I’m all right.” – Such a liar. 

9) X: “Gabrielle, I’m going to kill the lord of the dark land.” G: “You’ll need this.” X: “[Can't hold the chakram.] I can’t take that." – This is so cool. 

10) X: “It’s difficult to explain.” G: “You’re dead.” – No, no, it’s not what it looks like!...Ok, it is. 

11) G: "You're dead. How could you let yourself be killed?” X: “I’m sorry, Gabrielle. I couldn’t tell you. You’d have tried to stop me, and then we’d both be dead.” G: “Is that supposed to make me feel better?” X: “We’ve overcome death before. We will find a way to bring me back." – See THEEESE are the WORRDSS. 

12) G: “You’re my whole life, Xena.” – I love that Xena closes her eyes at hearing this. I'd put this shot in a locket, if I could.

13) G: “I won’t lose you.” X: “You won’t lose me.” – Narrator: She loses her. 

14) X: “Put down your weapons, Gabrielle.” – Love this whole dynamic and the way she says this. Gabrielle is ready to throw hands for Xena. 

15) X: “This is my soulmate. She’s a poet like you, Akemi.” – I am surprised every time I hear one of them say this. It’s so gay.

16) Harukata: “I have one question. Would you risk your life for the return of hers?” G: “Without hesitation.” – Love the way Gabrielle says “without hesitation” without hesitation. 

17) X: “Gabrielle this is Akemi.” Akemi: “It is an honor to meet you at last.” G: “And you, Akemi.” – This is exchange is perfect, said perfectly, really sweet. 

18) Akemi: “Wait. I would like to give you something to protect you on your journey.” – This is when Bon Jovi should start playing, but it doesn’t. 

19) X: “Good luck, old friend.” G: “I am getting your body back, Xena, no matter where they have hidden it. Before sunset tomorrow, we will meet again on the side of Mt. Fujisan.” X: “See you there.” – OMG, so maybe now Gabrielle is the friend in need. 

20) Morimoto: “Your friend was a fine opponent. She provided me with one of the greatest trophies an honorable samurai could ever claim.” G: “You call yourself honorable? You outnumbered her a thousand to one. You’re not a samurai. You’re a fraud. You couldn’t have killed Xena unless she wanted you to.” Morimoto: “I think it’s you with a death wish!” G: “I accept the challenge.” – I love Gabrielle just laying it on the table for this douchebag. 

21) Morimoto: “It was the greatest honor of my life to send Xena to an early grave. If I cannot do the same to you, then I ask you to grant me a noble defeat. Please, remove my head in one stroke.” – I hold dear that everyone's ultimate goal in life is to be the one to kill Xena. 

22) G: “You will return to me, my friend.” – OMG, Gabrielle has become the friend in need, indeed.

23) X: “Yodoshi is a hawk. Even with his injuries, in bird form he can reach Fujisan in half a day.” A: “Yes, but he's weakened. We're no longer confined to these physical illusions. We could change into other vessels.” X: “What about them? [Points to two poor birds.] Akemi: “Yes.” X: “Good.” – What is going on. 

24) Akemi: “Xena. Gabrielle is on her way to Mt. Fujisan, and if she succeeds...” X: “She'll succeed, don't worry. She's very good at what she does.” – The way X sidesmiles here. This is so sexy, her confidence in Gabrielle. 

 

25) Akemi: “I'm so sorry.” X: “Akemi...what's wrong?” Akemi: “I have to tell you, what must be done to save those souls, but I feel my own soul is doomed for what I am about to tell you.” [Some time passes that we don’t see.] X: “I know that you did what you thought you had to, Akemi, and perhaps by releasing those souls we'll all be redeemed. Come on.” – This whole past section is an important convo that wasn’t included in the original cut of the episode. I feel so bad for those who had to watch the episodes without the details that redeem the CHARACTERS in this story. Then again, I respect the removal of talking to make way for more awesome shots and action. 

26) Morimoto: “You'll come to regret not allowing me a warrior's death.” G: “It's not too late to put that right!” – This is the first and perhaps only joke in the second episode. 

27) G: “The sun is setting, Xena. I have to find your ashes.” X: “Gabrielle ” – This is so sad. 

28) Yodoshi: “You are about to join the 40,000 souls you condemned, Xena. And the first thing I’ll do is take the head off your little friend with the tattoo.” X: “You won’t live that long.” – A second joke?? Is it funny or just bad-ass?? Haha! Also, "little friend with the tattoo." Awe-inspiring. 

29) Akemi: “You’ve redeemed me. You’ve redeemed them! You’ve redeemed yourself!” X: “Go in peace, Akemi. We’ll meet again one day.” – This tells me Xena has no intention of seeing Akemi again anytime soon. Akemi won’t replace Gabrielle. The story doesn't even give her a second thought. 

30) X: “Akemi didn’t wanna tell me this in case I wouldn’t come back to help, but for those souls to be released into a state of grace, they must be avenged. I must stay dead.” – Eye roll. 

31) G: “But if I bring you back to life-" X: “Those souls will be lost forever.” G: “But Xena, that is not right.” – I love this line. That is not right. 

32) G: [Crying] “I don’t care. You’re all that matters to me.” – I’m so glad this line exists in this story, and I love how it isn’t explained. It’s clear what Gabrielle means when she says, “I don’t care.” She means, “Fuck all those people.” People will go to any extreme for love. I would've said the same thing. 

33) G: “I love you, Xena. How am I supposed to go on without you?” X: “I’ll always be with you, Gabrielle. Always.” – But she wooooon't, and Gabrielle knows it. 

34) G [Whispers]: “Xena.” – Exactly. 

35) G: “A life of journeying has brought you to the farthest lands, to the very edges of the Earth.” X: “And to the place where I’ll always remain, in your heart.” – Well, that’s presumptuous. Seriously, though, it's so deep. I won’t take it away from them with a bad joke, even though it was funny. This is beautiful.

36) X: "So, where to now?” G: “I think we should go south to the land of the Pharaohs. I hear they need a girl with a chakram.” – This begins the repeated but swapped convo from the beginning of Part 1. I feel like this is the kind of chatter the gynecologist offers to distract from the fact her hand is inside you. The audience is traumatized. This conversation is tossed-on, but also a lot of work. 

37) X: “Where you go, I'm at your side.” G: “I knew you’d say that.” – They said this in the first episode except the speakers were reversed. Xena’s last words. Gabrielle’s last words.

EXTRA LOVED:

• X uses her chakram like a shovel to bury her shit 
• X’s death outfit, fan service-y as it is 
• How smokey it is during the battle with Morimoto 
• The chakram ricocheting off guy  
• X kicking those broken spears into people 
• X breaking off the arrows in her body 
• X getting shot with arrows 
• X pulls out an arrow, kills someone with katana in the same breath
• X killing everyone with the katana 
• X just thinking of and screaming G’s name while she’s dying/killing 
• X’s death scene with that red splash of blood 
• X putting on that red robe 
• Y’s black nails, lord have mercy 
• Y making X bow to him 
• X can’t take the chakram 
• H killing Miyuki 
• X leaping for that anklet 
• G walking into that tea house 
• X watching G walk to the tea house 
• G’s naked, tatted bod in that sheet 
• H&K blessing the katana 
• G’s battlegear  
• G using that whip, damn 
• X’s dead, headless body 
• It’s raining during G’s reconnaissance mission 
• G cutting X’s body down 
• M’s manbun  
• All M’s guards bowing to G as she rides out w/X's body
• X workin’ that anklet 
• Y T-1000-ing himself back into a standing position after dripping from the rafter in the tea house 
• H’s death 
• X kicking the sword out of Y’s hand, and cutting off his arm 
• G lighting the pyre 
• Mt. Fuji  
• G falling with her horse. Neat stunt!
• X trying to get that spirit water. I hear you gf! 
• X dying in her red robe 
• Y swallowing A. What a nightmare. 
• G’s glorious back exposed through the burnt hole in her shirt  
• G supporting X’s head as the fountain water does its trick
• X suddenly whipping back into her leathers that she buried 
• X still excited to kick Y’s ass even though she knows she’s not getting her life back
• G ensnaring X’s ashes 
• X stabbing Y without looking, my favorite stabbing maneuver of hers 
• X not letting G do the ashes thing  
• X telling G that she was learning from her all this time to know the right thing to do, which is why she chooses to stay dead, instead of doing what she really wants to do so badly, which is let G bring her back to life so they can be together.  
• G telling X she loves her, X saying she will always be with her 
• X holding each other with G's dragon tattoo right there 
• G seeing X’s face in the sunset  

EXTRA NOTES:

In the beginning of the battle scene, X is listening, a common theme 

I-eee am not sure what to say about the mushroom nuclear explosion during the battle Is this a commentary on WWII? 

The drummers remind me of the Fury Road  

52:16 X standing up with her own blood slicked down her body, awesome 

G incorporated a whip into her act  

Every shot of G in her fight with M is perfectly balanced  

G burning X’s body, reminds me of Conan burning Valeria’s body in Conan the Barbarian (1982)  

X & A choosing their birds reminds me of that scene in Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002) where Austin is like “one of us has to get on the other one's shoulders” then we see Austin on Mini-Me's shoulders. It's obvious X will be the owl and A the little bird, but wouldn’t it be funny if... 

I saw Mt. Fuji last year around this time, whilst flying from Japan to Taiwan. I thought it was just a big mountain, until the flight attendant announced on the loud speaker what it was. It’s really beautiful. 

I like that we don’t really see Akemi again after Y swallows her. The episode isn’t about her, in other words. She's not the real friend in need, y'all. Translated, the title is, "A Lover in Need."

Like I mentioned last review, I listened to this song the day I reviewed this episode and was shocked to learn that I had not already posted it in a previous review. This song feels great, and if you read the lyrics (something I usually never do or count on), they...well..they're of this episode.