Xena: Warrior Princess: Series Wrap-up

Oh my god what am I about to do. What I mean is, welcome to my series sitsum, my lay report, my back door diddio, and hopefully not a twerpy little shmoop you'll soon forget. But seriously how does one summarize...a whole show... 

First, as a little pallet cleanser, I'd like to share that I watched "A Solstice Carol" on Christmas Day and oh how I cried, reader. It's the perfect, cute Xena episode. It's funny, sweet, poignant, hopeful, subtexty, and that ending. It's, in a word, adorable. I wonder if my tears owe to the fact this is the worst Xmas ever, or to this being the way Xena has settled into my body and this is just how it's gonna be now. 

Before I begin, and before I forget, I record into record that Xena: Warrior Princess – your favorite show and mine – stood Emmy-nominated for Seasons 2-5 in the music category alongside the big guns: The X-Files, The Simpsons, 24, The West Wing, and frickin' Star Trek: Voyager. It actually won in 2000 for Season 5's score to "Fallen Angel." It was nominated twice in one year for "The Bitter Suite" and somehow lost.

Now! We got the rank 'n' file of the series, one post back. I laid it out. I even memorized it. If you're "a friend in need" of a refresher, behold: 

1) Season 6

2) Season 4

3) Season 5

4) Season 3

5) Season 2

6) Season 1

Of course, I feel a little weird ranking the seasons, because I love them all and can't cherry-pick. Like there's no way I'd watch Season 2 without first watching Season 1 and so forth. One season begets the next. 

I can tell you this, right now: If you look online and ask fans how they rank all the seasons, if Season 6 is nowhere near the top, they're a lie. 

There is not a single bad season of Xena. There are a handful of less than desirable episodes, but…I just ranked every single episode of Xena and there are only five or six episodes I don't like*. (Five or six eps I'd skip, *if I had the remote in my hand and didn't have to get up.) Literally, I get joy out of the 129 other nugs. 

At the only XenaCon I ever made it to, I heard Lucy Lawless say this one thing. I had it written down verbatim, but for some reason I can't find it right now. I think the audience was asking questions of Lucy Lawless and Renee O'Connor about character development on the show. It was an intricate conversation and then Lucy Lawless said something like, "Did it ever occur to you that the show is about the growth of Gabrielle?"

Hearing this changed everything about the way I viewed Xena: Warrior Princess. The show is totally about the progress of Gabrielle. I don't know if the creators originally planned that, but that's exactly what the show's about from beginning to end, literally from beginning to end. 

Like here's Gabrielle in the very first episode compared to Gabrielle in the very last episode.

Gabrielle in "Sins of the Past"

Gabrielle in "A Friend in Need, Part II"

My apologies for the shabby photos. I had to take them with my phone from the discs, if you wanna let this be your quality guide. (By the way, I think the last image is the most gorgeous shot of "A Friend in Need." I think about it all the time. The way that light shines off the very middle of that katana. Mm.)

I could lay-out pics next to each other of Gabrielle's various outfits all day long. I kind of wish the last episode centered her usually bare mid-riff, because that would be more striking and accurate next to Potidaea Gabrielle. She's usually never covered-up; yet another reason to find fault with the finale.

In the sense that the show's about Gabrielle, it could theoretically be called Gabrielle: The Battling Bard of Potidaea. BUT, the show is sneaky as Xena: Warrior Princess; the title secretly beholds Gabrielle, because she wrote the show scrolls! Xena is Gabrielle's book.

Xena, for her part, still wears her original outfit in the final episode of the show (amongst various temporary costume changes in the last episode). 

Xena in "Sins of the Past"

Xena in "A Friend in Need, Part II"

Sure, she lost the hair wreath, but other than that...Xena changed morally, Gabrielle morphed.

Look at how Xena and Gabrielle's relationship evolved, though, mon chéri.

Gabrielle trying to convince Xena to take her with her in "Sins of the Past"

Xena begrudgingly giving Gabrielle a ride in "Sins of the Past"

Xena hungrily chatting-up Gabrielle in "A Friend in Need, Part I"

Xena watching Gabrielle get her back done so Gabrielle can save her life in "A Friend in Need, Part II"

Xena taking Gabrielle with her in "A Friend in Need, Part II"

I would say Gabrielle's little plan worked, wouldn't you? Gabrielle is the most powerful and influential person in the world and should be on the cover of Time.

Instead of talking a lot about the whole show and recapping what happened, I'm just gonna lay-out a bunch of stats. I will say this though, for my big thing this post: 

This is my favorite show in the world. I couldn’t tell you what specifically about it makes it my favorite show. The only thing I can solidly point to is that it’s just so much damn fun to watch. It covers eeeeverthing that has ever interested me. It’s funny, it’s sad, it's full of women, it's got swords, it's romantic, violent, creative, it’s sooo interesting. They literally made-up a fake mythological character on par with Hercules. They so successfully did this, that Xena has as much notoriety than an actual Greek god, and I would bet 1,000 dinars a number of people actually believe Xena was in the history books, like Athena and Zeus.

Now. I'm gonna throw the math at you. Can you handle it? Can you? Handle it?

I figured I'd give each season a nonsensical slogan, why not.

Season 1: Welcome to the jungle, baby! You're gonna diieeeeeeeeeyyyya!

Season 2: Mass hysteria. Dogs and cats, living together.

Season 3: Thine rakefire doth stepeth to me? 'Tis my turn.

Season 4: Death to Smoochie.

Season 5: Ah, but one cannot survive on chakram throws alone. 

Season 6: The lady in red.

Get a load of this. Here's the breakdown of episodes and their star-counts per my rating system:

# of 10-star episodes: 1
# of 9-star episodes: 3
# of 8-star episodes: 25
# of 7-star episodes: 38
# of 6-star episodes: 40
# of 5-star episodes: 20
# of 4-star episodes: 4
# of 3-star episodes: 2
# of 2-star episodes: 1
# of 1-star episodes: 0

I favorited 75 Xena episodes total.

• Season 1 has 7 favorites
• Season 2 has 12 favorites
• Season 3 has 13 favorites
• Season 4 has 14 favorites
• Season 5 has 12 favorites
• Season 6 has 17 favorites

Breakdown of which seasons had the most of each star-rating:

The most 10-star episodes: Season 6
The most 9-star episodes: Season 6
The most 8-star episodes: Season 3
The most 7-star episodes: Tie between Season 2 and Season 5 with nine 7-star eps apiece
The most 6-star episodes: Season 1
The most 5-star episodes: Season 1
The most 4-star episodes: Season 5
The most 3-star episodes: Tie between Season 3 and Season 5 with one 3-star ep apiece
The most 2-star episodes: Season 5

The most 1-star episodes: Every episode of Hercules

Sum of stars per season. (Look at Season 5 here, god damn. I didn't realize this.):

Season 1: 146 total stars (Remember, it has two extra episodes)
Season 2: 141 total stars
Season 3: 144 total stars
Season 4: 143 total stars
Season 5: 138 total stars
Season 6: 155 total stars

Average stars per episode each season:

Season 1: 6.08
Season 2: 6.41
Season 3: 6.54
Season 4: 6.50
Season 5: 6.27
Season 6: 7.05

Ok, after these last two stats, I clearly need to reexamine Season 3. Maybe it should rank ahead of Season 5 in my life. Maybe even be ahead of Season 4, shit.  

Dramas per season:

Season 1: 14

Season 2: 12

Season 3: 10

Season 4: 15

Season 5: 16

Season 6: 15

Comedies per season: 

Season 1: 1

Season 2: 7

Season 3: 6

Season 4: 7

Season 5: 5

Season 6: 4

Dramadies per season:

Season 1: 9

Season 2: 3

Season 3: 6

Season 4: None

Season 5: 1

Season 6: 3

Number of episodes that made me cry, per season:

Season 1: 1

Season 2: 1

Season 3: 2

Season 4: 6

Season 5: 6

Season 6: 6

And this is what separates the men from the boys. Also probably why I didn't rank Season 3 any higher than Season 4. It's the emotional return that does it for me. Also interesting that the last three seasons tied here. I had no awareness of this balance. 

As mentioned in my Season 6 summary, I wondered if there were any 7+ star reviews that went shunned by the favorite box. Indeed there are three: “Lyre, Lyre, Hearts on Fire,” “Motherhood,” and “The Royal Couple of Thieves." These eps each wave 7 stars like a flag in heat, while their favorite boxes remain cold and barren. This is weird to me. When I rewatch, I'll dubsy check. Otherwise:

• All 8+ episodes are favorites. 
• Of the many 6-star episodes, only 11 are favorites. The other 29 fell short. 
• As previously pondered, there is nothing below 6 stars that got faved. 

Odds and ends:

• Shortest title: "Eve"
• Longest title: “Athens City Academy of the Performing Bards” (So long, I copied and pasted it. I typed-out "Eve.")
• Season 1 is the only season with 24 episodes. The rest have 22.
• There are two musical episodes in Xena.
• There is one dancing-themed episode.
• There are six legit clips episodes.
• None of the clips episodes got favorited. Not a conscious decision.

[I will add to this as I think of more fun stuff!]