Xena: Season 2, Episode 16: "For Him the Bell Tolls"

"For Him the Bell Tolls" 

 The only people saving it from floppage are Gabrielle and Aphrodite

(and to a certain extent, Cupid).

You don't understand. It's not that this episode was shitty; it's just that it suuucked and was completely irrelevant. 

Here's the deal: It wasn't badly done or poorly acted and the script was fine. HOWEVER... Nothing hooked me. [SERIES SPOILER] If I remember correctly, there's a whole lotta this going on in season 5, too, so it's not that it's Joxer-based. [END SPOILER] I love Joxer! I'm on team Joxer, all right? It's not him. There was just no depth to the story. No oomph. No chutzpah.

The show is about Xena. It's even titled, Xena: Warrior Princess. They can get away with a show solely about Gabrielle, because we know Gabrielle. She's been in every single episode thus far and is a compelling character, but we barely know Joxer... In fact, there's little complexity to him as a character, right now. He gets deeper later, but that's for me to tell and for you to hear. So the point is, this episode was a whole lot of fluff, with no sugar or cream. It was like cotton candy made of actual cotton.

As you probably, maybe, might know, "For Him the Bell Tolls" is a direct lift from a passage in one of John Donne's poems or meditations (or whatever). The famous lines read as such:

... any mans death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankinde; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee..

Pretty awesome, isn't it? It's chilling. However "For Him the Bell Tolls" has absolutely nothing to do with the passage or the John Donne-inspired novel, Ernest Hemingway's "For Whom the Bell Tolls." I do like the linkage of the famous title to the relevance of this Xena ep, though.

Let's talk about the goddess of love. I looove Aphrodite. She’s one of the funniest, intriguing characters on the show (right up there with Ares) and this episode hosts her first appearance! I was so excited! [SERIES SPOILER] My most favorite thing that she ever says comes up later, in season 3 or 4, I think. Hmm… Maybe it’s even in season 6... Whatever, I'll point it out when it happens. [END SPOILER]

Might I conclude by saying that the rewatch of this was extra painful... It was like watching an episode of Batman that's about neither Batman nor Robin, but, say, Alfred the butler. It’s fine, BUT… you see where I'm goin'?

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it. 

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EXTRAS:

1) J: “My sword is always ready to pleasure you, my lady.” – When “cool” Joxer says this, it’s just not funny.

2) A: “Love isn’t just about happy endings. There’s also jealous love, and unrequited love, and tragic love. And when you strip away all the tinsel, it’s really just about hormones, isn’t it?” – Who can argue with the G. of L.?

3) G: “I think I’m gonna be sick.” – You and me both, sister.

4) G: “This is ridiculous. Don’t touch her, Joxer. Cut it out!” I: “Come here.” G: “Guys, stop it! I’ve had enough of- oh! It’s gonna be a long night. Oh, this is so sick!” – This was probably the highlight of the episode for me. Yeah, I know.

5) J: “Joxer the Mighty roams through the countryside, he never needs a place to hide. With Gaby as his sidekick, fighting with her little stick. Righting wrongs and singing songs. Being mightly all day long. He's Joxer, he's Joxer the Mighty. Oh, he's Joxer the Mighty, he's really tidy. Everybody likes him 'cause he has a funny grin. Joxer! He's Joxer the Mighty!” – Word on the street is Sam Raimi wrote this himself.

6) A: “Mmm. You’re that goody-two-shoes that hangs around my boy, Joxer.” – Seriously love the way she says, “my boy, Joxer.” That’s fucking hilarious. Aphrodite - inventing street lingo since ancient times.

7) G: “So you’re going to let an innocent man die?” A: “Oh, come on! No one’s really innocent. Well, maybe you.” – I love that even Aphrodite backs this up.

8) G: “Love is soft and gentle. It’s not violent and cruel.” A: “You don’t know much about love, do you?” – I know the way Aphrodite intends this to be taken, but there’s another way this can go that is utterly fascinating.

9) G: “Remember, that love is about trust and giving. It’s not about anger and jealousy.” A: “She really doesn’t get it, does she?” C: “Maybe she gets it better than any of us.” – God, I love Gabrielle. Now that I think about it, though, it is about anger and jealousy. It’s about aaall of those things. Just sayin’. 

Aphrodite learned to talk by watching Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure repeatedly on her VCR:

I'd like to start doing this thing where I paste the song that I'm listening to the day of the post into the blog. Usually, I'll have a certain song in my head for whatever reason. Today it was "Goddess Eyes II" by Julia Holter, a new artist I came across. Her music is a mix of basic instruments and stiff notes, like this episode. In her case, however, it works:

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