Xena: Season 6, Episode 21: "A Friend in Need, Part 1"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE: 

“A Bummer of an Ending, Some Say: Part 1”

Well, here we are. You've met me at my maker, at long last, and my maker is the tits. 

I am reminded why I got this particular DVD set (The Deluxe Collector's Edition): Because it has the directors cut of these two episodes, everybody. Which I watched the shit out of. 

The director’s cut of "A Friend in Need" is like a movie. How the hell am I gonna review it...I guess in two reviews, like the two episodes they actually are. I gotta know the cutoff point. [Looks it up, knows it.] Also, the DC did not feel like a movie. IMDB says the DC is 100 minutes long. My Blu-ray player says it’s ~97 minutes. Regardless of who's lying, "A Friend in Need: The Director's Cut" went by like a flash in the pan – a sign of a good film! 

Some "Director’s Cut" Notes, Suitable for Part 1:

• The Director’s Cut begins with the Xena title sequence, just goes right into it. No teaser, no nothin'.  
• At 13:14 in the D’s C, the opening credits are still rolling in.
• The Director's Cut is just called “A Friend in Need.” No Part 1 or 2 following anything.   
• There is no break between episode 1 and 2. This is a movie. 

AFIN:TDC is the first time an episode has opened with the title sequence. I think.  

DC formalities outta the way, let me say that, man, I cried like three times watching this. AFIN was better than I thought it would be. I think I...I-I...I think I loved it! Now, I did watch the director’s cut, so maybe that’s why. Do I need to watch the originals? Do I even *want* to? Am I that pure? 

So sad when: 

1) Xena teaches Gabrielle the pinch.
2)
3)
4)

Reader, you may have noticed that 2), 3), and 4) are blank. We will be revisiting this ambitious list in the next review.

Now, can I just say how delicious it is that this ep is set in Japan? I fucking love Japan. I’m learning Japanese and want to live there for a couple years.  

Some of this was so fucking hot, too. Xena and Gabrielle in their scrap bikinis on that boat? Mercy. Wild Xena? Who doesn't love that. Xena and Gabrielle puttin' out that fire together, Xena teaching Gabrielle the pinch, the two of them just bullshitting at the beginning – all of it. And several things that happen in Part 2, which I’ll get to in that review. The whole story is ripe with hard slappin' romance. 

–Including just the hottest-ass scene, right here, on Xena: Warrior Princess. 

All right, you got Xena teaching her girlfriend the pinch. 'K? Xena makes Gabrielle put the pinch on her, and Xena's so in love with her, that as Xena's dying and bleeding from the nose at her girlfriend’s hand, she tells Gabrielle that she loves her, and that if she only had 30 seconds to live, she’d want to spend them like that, looking into Gabrielle’s god damn eyes. I love the shiiit out of this. It’s very literal about a D/s relationship (yes, I know how to use the cases), in that the sub is actually the one with the power (or so I've heard). 

This erotic act is Xena precisely showing Gabrielle that Xena's life is in Gabrielle's hands, that Xena belongs to her, that if Gabrielle wanted to kill Xena, Xena would not only let her do it, she would enjoy it, while swan-diving into Gabrielle’s gorgeous seafoam eyes. This is soooo beautiful, my god. I didn’t see it coming. It's maybe the most intimate thing I’ve ever seen. I'm real glad they didn't show Xena teaching Akemi.

The pinch scene also begets the most romantic lines. Some writer sold their soul to the devil to get this fresh unadulterated poetry onto the show. 

Segueing into another dimension: Kill Bill (2003-2004) lifted SO MUCH from this. Sweet lord. Xena going after that very masterfully crafted katana? That happens in Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003). The katana is almost the star of the whole gd movie. The snow scene where Xena cuts Akemi’s head off? Happens in Kill Bill: Vol 1 (2003). The snowy setting and the way Xena wields that sword harkens to Beatrix cutting-off O-Ren's cap. Zoë Bell? She's the stuntwoman in both these productions. It's no accident!! 

Kill Bill even takes two installments to tell, as AFIN does two episodes. If you have time (and if I do later, I'll put it in here), look-up what Quentin Tarantino said about AFIN in particular. It’s known that he loved the show. Like he may even have gotten the idea for Kill Bill from Xena. If he didn't, it's a hard af nod to Xena. An obvious wink!

Seriously though, it isn’t talked about enough, how inspired Tarantino was by Xena when he made Kill Bill. Kiddo kills Bill with a fucking pulse point move...not unlike the pinch. I could go on and on and on.

# of times Xena says, “No, no”: 4

# of names Yodoshi goes by: 4 

# of times Xena teaches someone the pinch: 2

# of people who die from the pinch: 2
# of people Xena kills in AFIN, Part 1: 40,004

Many fans of the show have a problem with Xena believing stupidly that she has to atone for killing 40,000 people, and while it's probably partially true Xena believed their deaths were her fault, I read it as Xena being less concerned with whose fault it was, and more about simply doing what she had to do to save 40,000 souls. She’s gone this hard in the past to atone for killing people before she changed to good. Remember that one time she went on trial and aaall the times she’s killed people and felt she should die because of it? This is nothing new, but I really didn’t get from this that we’re all supposed to believe Xena thinks she killed 40,000 people. She’s more pulling something Jesus-like. She’s sacrificing herself for the greater good.  

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion

or don't care if I spoil it.

 

EXTRA QUOTES:

1) G: “Looking out at the cosmos makes you think about where we are where we’ve been where we’re going now.” X: “Yeah, and like the bigger 'now.' I mean, Gabrielle, what are we gonna do? Wander around Greece our whole lives looking for trouble? Why don’t we go away? Far away? What do you say?” G: “I can’t believe you’re awake, much less listening to me.” – This is really sweet. The way Gabrielle says this, and that Xena secretly likes to listen to her. 

2) Akemi: “Honorable monk I beg you to do what must be done to stop him enslaving the souls of that city.” Kenji: “But I’m no swordsman!” Akemi: “There’s one in the west far beyond the setting sun.” Kenji: “A samurai?! A priest?! A god?!” Akemi: “No, a warrior princess.” – First: people talking about Xena. Second: "A warrior princess!" You can hear the theme song here a bit.

3) X: “Gabrielle, before we reach Jappa, I should tell you everything that happened there last time.” – EEee!! She's talking about Japannnnn!! 

4) Kao: “This girl deserves to die speaking like that in front of my guests.” Akemi: “You won’t kill me. Xena won’t let you, because in her heart she knows that she will soon love me.” Borias: “Xena loves no one.” – I don’t even know what to say to this.

5) Akemi: “I’ll be your student, Xena. You’ll take me with you. You’ll teach me everything you know.” – Eye roll. 

6) X: “Here, 50 pieces of gold. It’s the best offer you’ll get for her.” Kao: “I do what I want with my property. I say this isn’t a good day to trade.” X: “Is it a good day to die?” – Excellent. And the answer to that question is always "no."

7) Akemi: “Right, so that’s right, a left, a.. feint, uh, a jumping, swinging-” X: “-jumping, spinning back-kick. All right. Now, I’ll be a bad guy.” – Hahaha, the way Xena confirms this  move, like it’s a no-brainer.

8) X: "Listen to that.” Akemi: “To what?” X: “To life and death.” – Awesome.

9) Akemi: “The Kami are the powers behind all nature. They make the sun shine the grass grow. They brought you to me.” – This would feel deeper, if they'd let this storyline have more of a life in the series, instead of tacking it on right at the end. 

10) X: “No, no, no. When I listen like that, I’m at war. Every sound is a possible warning of an enemy approaching.” – Again, awesome, that. 

11) Akemi: "And I would be honored if you would accept this.” X: “Ohhh, it’s.. really pretty.” – This is hilarious and so Xena. 

12) Akemi: "When my people are overcome with a feeling that needs to be preserved, we write verse.” X: “Oh, yeah? Like what feeling?” Akemi: “Love.” X: “Love?” Akemi: “‘Yesterday the moon took lodging on my sleeve. Today I have hope for even the brokenhearted stars.’” – Wut 

13) G: “So beautiful. To write something like that, she must have loved you very much." – I looove that Gabrielle isn’t jealous or threatened by Akemi at all here. She’s so big. She trusts Xena so much. 

14) X: “I thought I was taking you to your father.” Akemi: “His castle’s in the north. We came here first to visit my grandfather. He died here many years ago.” X: “Are you telling me that we have walked days in the wrong direction to see a dead guy?!” – Hahahaa. This feels like an 80's movie line. 

15) Akemi: “We must visit my grandfather to seek his blessing. He’s dead but I can still speak to him.” X: “All your talk about moons up your sleeve, you were playing me for a fool. I ought to just-!” – Hahaha! I love Xena.

16) Akemi: “My grandfather says that you are a wise and appropriate teacher, and he feels your sword is not good enough.” X: “There’s a string of widows from here to Greece that say different.” – Lol! 

17) Akemi: “Compared to a katana, all other swords are toys.” – Dude, SWEET.

18) Akemi: “The great Katana lies near here but you must know in our country women are forbidden to own Katana.” X: “Well, they’re just gonna have to get used to it, aren’t they?” – Boom, bitches.

19) Sensei: “Your master must be a mighty samurai.” X: “Oh, no, I’m just a girl in search of a really good sword.” – OMg, why is she scantily clad. Also, this is what I want written on my tombstone. 

20) X: “Yeah. Grandpa was right. Now, this is a sword.” – Is this a reference kind of to Crocodile Dundee (1986)? I feel like it is. Also, something similar is said in Kill Bill (2003) about Beatrix's Hanzo sword.  

21) X: “Listen, Akemi, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way. I really love this sword, and you’re a nice kid, but I just came for the ransom.” – Yaaay!! 

22) Akemi: "What do you hear now?” X: “Snow falling on cedars. No.. your heart beating harder than normal.” – This is line is big. It means X could hear people’s heartbeats this whole time. Just annoying we’re seeing all of these tender things come out with a character we have no investment in. 

23) Akemi: “You’re a master of war, yet you know no words to speak of love." – This remains true long after Akemi for the rest of Xena's life, except for when she talks to Gabrielle.

24) Akemi: "I have another gift I must ask of you. I saw what you did to kill that coward, Kao.” X: “It’s a sacred trust.” Akemi: “I would be honored beyond words.. if you’d teach me that.” – Love the way Akemi says this. 

25) G: “You knew her for a few weeks, and you taught her the pinch?” – Someone had to say it!! Hahaha. Also, this is code for, “You knew her a few weeks and you got married?” 

26) G: “I saw these acrobats. They used-” X: “Show me, Gabrielle.” – Awww yeaaah

27) G: “Climb on!” – This is what I yell every time I make love. 

28) X: “Gabrielle!” – Love the way X says this here, and the way she looks trying to not get burned.

29) Akemi: “I pray you suffer in death the way your family suffered in life.” – Not the words I would’ve chosen, but not bad. 

30) Akemi: “It was my duty. He had to die.” X: “I don’t care about that! What about the ransom?! Where’s my money?!” – Hahaha! Always looking out for #1.

31) Akemi: “Forgive me, Xena.” X: “I don’t suppose there’s any inheritance in this!” – Haha! This episode is full of laughs. It's actually a comedy, isn’t it. 

32) Akemi: “I have one last thing to ask of you. Restore my honor. The sacred katana.” X: “You want me to cut off-? That’s why you wanted me to take the katana.” – I'm confused as usual.

33) X: “No, no. No, I’m not going to-! [Akemi stabs herself.] Akemi.” Akemi: “I pray you will. ‘The snow melts. Flowers fade. And I pass as all things do.’” X: “You-” Akemi: “‘But time and love, they go on.’ Restore my honor, Xena.” – I can tell you one damn thing, I will not be reciting any gd poetry when I die, so just get that out of your head right now. 

34) G: “Who are you?” Harukata: “My family name is Harukata.” Kenji: “But he’s know as the killer of ghosts.” – Impressive. We have an elite squad who does that now, called The Ghostbusters.

35) X: “Word got out that I was honoring the ashes of a girl who had killed her father. The townsfolk felt that I would be defiling her graveyard. They banded together to stop me. I tried to ignore them, but they came after me.” – Do you work on commission? Big mistake. HUGE!

36) X: “I am guilty of a greater evil than I ever thought possible.” G: “Xena, it was a horrible accident.” X: “No, no, I must put things right.” – But WHyYyy? 

37) X: “Ghost killer, I know that you think of me as your enemy.” – Xena, I think you mean Ghostface Killah. 

38) Harukata: “We both want the same thing to release those souls.” X: “You’ve devoted your life to killing Yodoshi. Why is it that you have never succeeded?” Harukata: “I have the power to slay, but it is impossible for me to get close enough to use my blade.” X: “Why?” Harukata: “Because I am mortal. Only another ghost can trap a spirit as mighty as Yodoshi.” – The moment X realizes it's over. 

39) X: “Gabrielle, come here.. Come here. Give me your hands. All right. [She brings Gabrielle's hands up to her neck.] Here. Feel the surge of blood under the skin.” – Uh, COOOOL.

40) X: “Now just behind that-” – This is awesome. The look on Xena's face, how much she loves the pinch and killing people. She’s explaining that you gotta tuck your finger behind the jugular and twist it, intertwine it with some other neck cord or something. That’s awesome. 

41) G: “Xena you don’t have to do this. I understand why you would never wanna teach me the pinch.” – This is interesting, because Gabrielle's talking about Akemi, but also, I think she subconsciously knows that Xena teaching her the pinch is the end of the road. So, she wants to not learn it. 

42) X: “No. No, today more than ever I want you to know what I know. Please.” – This is so sweet. She even says please.

43) X: “Gabrielle, if I only had 30 seconds to live, this is how I’d want to live them, looking into your eyes.” – [Throws hands up.] This. This is the money shot. I can’t even type this without my eyes leaking. 

44) G: “Stop this. Stop it.” X: “Always remember, I love you.” – I can’t express properly how much I love the way Lucy Lawless says this. Like, as an actor, did she purposely drop the end of 'remember' when, “Always remem- I love you.”

EXTRA LOVED:

• X’s expression when G gets up from the campfire to look for the guy who's been following them 
• Kenji’s crooked teeth 
• X lifting Akemi’s chin with her shoe  
• X’s leer at Akemi, at Akemi's words to try to get her jailer killed  
• Borias trying to save the jailer by telling him to take the gold 
• Borias drinks that drink then breaks the glass on Kao as Kao takes his last breath
• X trying to teach Akemi to fight 
• X not knowing what to do w/Akemi’s drawing  
• X sliding her hands down her own leg on the boat
• X&G jumping in the water 
• The very Evil Dead II (1987) way Yodoshi flies through the forest then barrels into the tea house to confront Akemi 
• X&G grabbing X’s hand and saying, “This way!” 
• X loving G’s fire plan 
• X hacking-open the water tower 
• X with short hair, just for the commodity of never having seen it like that
• X’s reaction to the pinch, even she is not immune to it
• X casually wiping the blood off her nose 
• X in that Jappa battle outfit 

EXTRA NOTES:

• The beginning of this ep foreshadows the whole story, when G casually displays that she's learned how to listen, when she hears Kenji bumbling around in the woods. 
• The tea house reminds me of the master’s house in Come Drink with Me (1966).
• Why does Borias part with Xena and Akemi, I wonder? Don’t gemme wrong: GREAT, but WHY?  
• So, wait, did X learn something about listening to Akemi through the kami? It turns into one of the last pieces of her skills that she finally teaches to G, so all is complete in this series. Xena can now die. 
• Again, X taught G the pinch in “The Haunting of Amphipolis.” I must be missing something. I must be. I refuse to believe that a whole crew of writers either forgot that happened or ignored it harder than I've ever seen anything be ignored, and I've seen the trump children. 
• X&G jimmying that ladder over to the water tower together is funny.  
• Xena, fucked up and stumbling through Higuchi with Akemi's ashes, was maybe the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen on this show, and I’ve seen “Married with Fishsticks.” 
• Yodoshi’s other aka's: Eater of Souls, Lord of the Dark Land, Father.
• That whole winter scene during Akemi’s Dad battle is like Beatrix and O-Ren Ishii's in Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003).
• X telling G she loves her, under G’s pinch, with a nose bleed and a tear running down her face, is probably my favorite moment in the whole show. I can’t believe I never watched this. I can't think of anything more hardcore, except maybe Archer drowning in front of Lana, because there was only one scuba suit and he wanted her to have it. 
• X is still surprised and 'not cool' with how it feels having the pinch put on her. It's only the 2nd time it's ever happened to her. So, she had the pinch put on her when she learned the pinch, and she had it put on her when she teaches Gabrielle. Did she let Akemi put the pinch on her?

I listened to this this day, and I gotta say, I'm shocked I never posted this song in here. I could have sworn I already embedded this song and the one I'll post in the last review, but I didn't. And I'm kinda glad about that, because they're both flawless and two songs I've been listening to for months and months, if not over a year. I am very excited for you, and if you ever want to talk about why this song is perfect for this episode and maybe the entire show, hit me up.