Xena: Season 3, Episode 22: "Sacrifice II"

Quick, weird note: I have been doing this thing where I have a slideshow of Xena fan art, some 950 images that I watch for about two hours. I love it. Some images are replicas of actual parts in the show, and some are made up! Anyway, there is a particular favorite of mine that I now know is exactly the pose Xena is in when Callisto knocks her down at the beginning of this episode. In the illustration, you can see the opening of Xena's empty scabbard as you can in the shot. Onward!

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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EXTRA NOTES:

1) Hope as Gabrielle walks into the village where Xena is kicking ass and looks at her with jealousy. I love this. Antoher layer to an already heavy episode. Interesting. Makes you wonder if Hope could’ve loved Xena.

2) Subtext too obvious to be subtext: Gabrielle gives her life for Xena’s. Don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t do that for just a friend, probably.

3) Also, Gabrielle looks longingly into Xena’s eyes as she dies. (that was someone else’s idea, but it’s true.)

4) Callisto places her hand on Xena’s face and slithers down off her knife.

5) I love that Hope is staring-down Gabrielle as Callisto and Xena fight. It’s an interesting scene, because Gabrielle is looking at Hope with several things showing on her face:

• Don’t kill me.
• Jesus Christ, you look just like me.
• How the fuck am I supposed to kill you with you lookin' like me? And probably..
• I love you.

6) Xena arguing with Seraphin, knowing she’s totally under a trance as a follower, is like arguing with a Trump supporter. Like why is she even wasting her breath?

7) I’m just gonna put this together and blow your mind, ok? So, you know how Xena can sense when Ares is around and it’s possible that Ares is actually her dad? I wonder if this is why Gabrielle sensed that Hope was around. Hope is a god.

8) So like just a tiny continuity quibble: Hope has placenta or whatever all over her face one moment, then a few seconds later, her face is clean.

9) The way Hope is staring at Xena at 24:14 in "Sacrifice II" (and earlier at Gabrielle, actually) is very Kill Bill. I felt like I was waiting for the Ironside “EEE-eee-EEE-eee” music to come on. I love these shots. You know Quentin Taratino loves Xena, right? And surely Hope was looking at Xena as though Xena was getting the love that she herself should have had. So good...

 EXTRA QUOTES:

1) X: “You saw her face, didn’t you?” G: “Mm.” X: “It’s strange. The one I love most in all the world and the one I hate.. look exactly the same.” – Unexpectedly touching moment. Also “love”.. And such a fucked up thing for Gabrielle to hear.

2) Callisto: “All right, enough games! Where is it?” Hope: “I wouldn’t want you using it on yourself, Callisto. Yet.” Callisto: “I want it, NOW!” – Callisto sounding like Veruca Salt. I almost put that song in this review. I still might. 

3) Callisto: "So, how about it? I scratch your back, you stab mine.” X: “What’s the matter? Existence getting to be a bit of a burden?” Callisto: “Yes, honestly. I yearn for oblivion, annihilation. Peace, if you will.” – Such good, classic Xena and Callisto banter, and this is yet another interesting, deep nugget in this episode. They’re talking about suicide. Or doctor-assisted death. Callisto’s making a good case for it.

4) G: “Seraphin!” X: “Let her go! She’ll only slow us down. She’s doomed anyway if we can’t stop Hope. [To Callisto] May you live forever.” – My problem with this episode, is that there are so many good lines in it.

5) Hope as Gabrielle: “We’ve known each other for.. how long, now?” Joxer: “I don’t know, a couple years? Look, if we can get a small band together-” – Hahahha

6) Joxer: “Wait a minute, you-you-you-you wanna know how I feel about our relationship?” Hope as Gabrielle: “I wanna know how you feel about me.” Joxer: “Well, I, uh.. it’s a really big question. Um, I-I, uh, I feel, um, well, I feel, uh-” Hope as Gabrielle: “Would you call it love?” – Man, this is kinda heavy and intense.

7) Hope [Aside]: “Strange. There wasn’t enough love in her to let me live, yet people love her." Hope to Joxer: "What would you make of my feelings toward Xena?” Joxer: “Xena? Well, you know, you love her more than anybody in the whole world.” Hope as Gabrielle: “More than anyone.”

8) X: “Now, scram, ya fool! Moron. Get out of there!” – The fact that Xena calls Joxer a moron when she doesn’t really need to is hilarious to me.

9) X: “Ares, I know you’re here, ‘cause my skin is crawling. Show yourself.” Ares: “You’re the only mortal I know who can do that.” – Love this shit.

10) Hope: “I’m not going to hurt you. It’s growing, inside me, Gabrielle. The child. The way that I grew inside of you.” – What every mother wants to hear.

11) Callisto: “Try not to die before doing me first, or I’ll make Gabrielle wish you had. How’s that for incentive?” – Have the stakes ever been higher?

CALLISTO'S FUNNY LINES:

1) Callisto: “Aw, the mother and child reunion. I’m all misty-eyed.” – Hahhaaha! This is fucking hilarious.

2) Callisto: “I don’t know why you wanna look like her. She’s an annoying little-” Hope: “Do it.” Callisto: “So be it. [She does it.] Hm, well, it is a good disguise, and it’ll attract less attention than walking around naked, I suppose.” – Oh my god, Callisto is so gd funny.

3) Hope: “You could be a soldier in Dahak’s army. Instead, you choose oblivion.” Callisto: “Yeah, well, call me short-sighted, but that’s our deal.”

4) Callisto: “No, actually, the sight of her and Ares rolling around like weasels made me sick.” G: “Hope and Ares?” Callisto: “Oh yes, Gabrielle. It seems your daughter is in heat.” – It’s like everything she says is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. 

5) Callisto: "Well, why not let me help you? And then it would be so simple to just turn it on me.” X: “Because I like the idea of you living with your suffering.” Callisto: “Oh, please! Who said anything about suffering. Really, it’s more of a boredom thing, an emptiness, really.” – Oh my god, I can’t handle this. It’s so fucking funny. Whoever wrote this..

POLITICAL CORNER:

1) Ares: “Never gives up. Time was, it was a quality I admired about her.” G: “How’s life as a slave to your new master Dahak?” – A conversation between Elizabeth Warren and Mitch McConnell.

2) G: “Seraphin, you’re talking about the slaughter of innocent people.” X: “Save your breath. Dahak’s hold on his followers is stronger than ever.” – ….

As I mentioned before, Quentin Tarantino loves Xena, and sometimes I think I see elements of its influence in his movies, such as Kill Bill, when several characters intently stare at other characters. It happens when Kiddo's enemies stared down at her on the floor in her wedding gown, and it happens every time she sees one of them after that.  

The round thing falling from the ceiling and protecting them from Hope’s knife-throwing is straight out of Temple of Doom and you all know it. (1:50):

A gem I've been listening to, which seems a fitting end for the final ep of season 3: 

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Xena: Season 3, Episode 21: "Sacrifice"

God, this season is so good. I know I've been gone a while; leave me alone.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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EXTRAS:

1) Callisto: “Hmm, not happy to see me, are you? Neither am I, really, but I’ve got a plan to solve both of our problems.” X: “Why don’t you let me in on it?”

2) G: “It’s OK to be angry.” Xena: “No, it’s not. Anger clouds the mind. It prevents focus.” — Really. I’ve always heard it sharpens focus.

3) Callisto: “Oh, you figured it out, did you? Well, no can do. She’s not quite up to snuff at the moment. She’s cocooned, helpless. She needs her Auntie Callisto. And you would just run her through.” — Hhahahaha

4) Callisto: “Oh, clever, clever girl. You want me to use my powers in here, so all these stupid rocks come tumbling down on me.” X: “You’re a god. It won’t kill ya.” — Callisto and Xena are almost fighting like sisters now.

5) Callisto: “You should’ve kept running. I couldn’t use my powers in there, but out here, well, can you say, ‘Nighty-night?’ [Rocks fall onto Callisto] No!” X: “Nighty-night.” — Brilliant.

POLITICAL CORNER:

6) Ares: “Hope is building an army of the ignorant. Incredible--are mortals so stupid as to believe Dahok will actually bring them peace? They all deserve what they get. I really don’t know why you continue to protect them.” — OH MY GOD. They’re talking about trump supporters. Hope is trump, and Ares is all republican congress members. Dahak is Putin. 

7) G: “But, this isn’t your place. These aren’t your friends, Seraphin. What happened to the girl that I knew, who had a mind of her own? I just can’t believe that you’d blindly follow Dahak and his followers.” — Holy shit.

8) X: “That’s the funny thing about people. Just when you think you’ve got them figured out, they show a completely different side to their character.” — Trump supporters. You didn't know you knew so many.

9) G: “Xena, about this rebirth of Hope. What if it changes her?” X: “It won’t change her, except to make her more powerful and more evil.” G: “I just can’t help thinking that she was a child when she did all those things.” — This is trump supporters' reasoning before and after the election.

 Callisto? Or Harley Quinn..

  

Alien Eggs? Or Hope in cocoon form..

The Hope Resurrection Dancers remind me of the Fly Girls from In Living Colour. You may not know this, but Jennifer Lopez was a Fly Girl for a couple of seasons, and Rosie Perez was thrice Emmy-nominated for her choreography work on seasons 1-4 of the show. I could watch this all day:

When Callisto climbs through the storm hole, it reminds me of this scene from the 1987 film Masters of the Universe (He-man): 

 

Here's a song I dug in December 2016. It's appropriate, because it's called "Priestess": 

 

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Xena: Season 3, Episode 11: "Maternal Instincts"

"Maternal Instincts"

Oooooooooh SHIT. GOD. K, first of all:

1) There's a reason we needed those three comedies back to back. It wasn't just because of the heavy subject matter at the start of the season. It was also because of this episode.
2) I'm not going to say that Xena's singing made me cry. I will say though that I got teary-eyed while she was singing.
3) I watched "The Bitter Suite" right after this, because, well, it's Valentine's Day and I just couldn't help myself.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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Xena: Season 3, Episode 05: "Gabrielle's Hope"

"Gabrielle's Hope"

What a beautiful fuckin’ episode. GEEZus, it's so good... Hmm, it’s really good, and I can definitely say this is the second time in my life I've ever seen it, so it was like the first time.

This episode marks one point of many where the series takes a turn onto a new level of serious that can't be found in the 1st and 2nd seasons. Also, it’s tentatively the first time Xena and Gabrielle oppose each other. Suddenly... there’s a rift.

Let's start with the end. I love the final scenes of this episode. Holy shit, I was so into it. The writing is perfect.

G: "Xena, this is madness."
X: "Get away from that rock, Gabrielle."
G: "I can't believe you're doing this."
X: "Move."
G: "No."
X: “Now!"

This is the best scene in all history. I love Xena’s remorseful expression, for it's true: if Hope had been behind that rock, Xena would have killed her, and that's why she looked so sad telling Gabrielle to move. Hope's murder would have ended their relationship, Xena knew, but she would do it to save Gabrielle, herself, and all of mankind. She was going to kill a baby, her best friend’s baby. It was also Gabrielle’s test for Xena, to see if Xena would actually commit such a crime. This is some twisted, intense, fucked up shit right here. I love it so.

I have a minor squabble with the actual pregnancy. Aside from the improbability of a baby growing that fast without producing stretch marks, Gabrielle’s instant bond with the baby (which came about 10 minutes after she found out there even was a baby, mind you) has always bewildered me. That is all.

In addition to being dope, this episode features two events for the second time. 

1) A hardcore reference to The Sword in the Stone, where again, Xena easily pulls the sword out of the stone, admires it and puts it back. Name the ep where it happens the first time, because I can't remember which one it is. 

2) We see a baby floating down the river! This also happens in Season 1, Episode 4, coincidentally titled "Cradle of Hope." 

In summary, Xena tries to kill Gabrielle’s baby and Gabrielle lies to Xena. Shit, man. And they’re both right! It’s gloooorious.

Kinda lovin' R.J. Stewart right now. Good writer.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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Xena: Season 3, Episode 04: "The Deliverer"

"The Deliverer"

This ep is hard to swallow in more ways than one, from a production standpoint and from a substance standpoint. But regardless of my squabbles with it, boring and meek it is not.

First I'll say, halfway through this, I thought I’d gotten my episode prediction wrong! There is SO. MUCH. GOING. ON.

1. Xena faces Caesar.
2. Xena reconciles with Boadicea.
3. Ares tells the truth for once about the new god, but Xena doesn't believe him.
4. Caesar captures Gabrielle and puts her on a cross.
5. Aaall the shit this episode says about religion. It’s so gutsy. I remember at first watch, I didn’t see it coming.
6. Xena loses herself to her lust for battle.
7. Gabrielle KILLS someone.
8. We meet Dahak.

I'm sure I missed something, as the gamut runs wide. EACH OF THESE could be an episode all its own. For instance, I thought Boadicea was in a different chapter entirely; not only is she in a Caesar episode, she’s in the "Gabrielle Kills" episode. Jesus. There were so many gd plot points, it made for the most difficult synopsis I've ever written.

Subtext notes: A lot of fans say that this episode kicks off a stream of jealousy-filled events by our heroines over each other. I definitely see it in "The Deliverer." I feel like I've seen them jealous in past episodes as well, but when I dwell on it, these moments could be construed as jealousy over someone else. This ep might host the first unquestionable moment of jealousy, where the audience is like, "Holy shit. Why'd she say that like that?" I'm referring to the part where Gabrielle and Khrafstar are talking on the boat. Here's what happens:

• Below deck, Khrafstar tells Gabrielle about his "one god," while Xena checks everything above. 
• Xena comes downstairs. Gabrielle sees her and immediately knows Xena won't like them talking. She explains before Xena even fucking says anything, "Um, I was just teaching Khrafstar how to avoid seasickness. He was telling me about his god, ha-ha. It’s, it’s very interesting.” It seems even to Gabrielle that she's babbling, knowing it's all for not. Her tone and rhythm suggests that she knows her explanation is only making Xena madder.
• Xena rudely says, “I’m sure it is,” and walks away from them. 
• Gabrielle immediately goes to Xena and approaches her like she's in trouble (why would she be?) She gingerly asks, "Hey, what’s up?" 
• Xena snaps at her, “Does anything have to be up?” Just like a jealous lover. Why not just explain her Boadicea situation right then? She loses her cool, as love will often cause one to do.

Whether she's jealous of Khrafstar or the "one god," she's jealous of Gabrielle's attention to someone or something other than herself. There's no other interpretation I can make. We all recognize what the tone of Xena's "Does anything have to be up?"-reply implies. We've all heard it before in some form or another.

"The Deliverer" feels like a two-part episode, but I didn’t see "Part 2" or "To Be Continued" or anything like that… in the apartment above me, I can her the garbled recording of MLK's “I Have a Dream” speech. Anyway, I didn't see any of that, so I didn't watch the next ep immediately afterward.

Now, I’m to the episodes that I watched for the first time in 2009. This excites the shit out of me.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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EXTRAS:

1) The talk between Gabrielle and Xena about the grain of sand summates their personalities perfectly. Gabrielle is searching for something more always, travels the spiritual path, and loves science; while Xena is more animalistic. She just wants to eat, survive, and if that stick is hard enough, it can hurt someone. 

2) Xena: “Let these men go.” Legionary: “Any particular reason why we should?” Xena: “Yeah, a whole list of em.” [She starts to beat their asses] X: “Reason one. Reason two. Reason three. I don’t often get to reason four, but when I do, it gets real messy!”

3) Ares: “Hmm, still miffed about the insanity thing, huh? Oh, get over it. Even the Furies have forgotten about it by now. There’s no real damage done.” X: “You wanted me to kill my mother.” – Ha!

4) Khrafstar: “My god has taught me that direct confrontation is not always the right path.” G: “Yeah, well Xena taught me that if you let someone take advantage of you, they will.” – I love the way she says this. Awesome.

5) Gabrielle: “Well, he said something about dividing-” Xena: “Dividing a woman’s sensibilites from her emotion? Yeah. Yeah, I know his philosophy.” – She sounds a little bitter, no?

6) Ares: “Whatever you might think about us, Xena, you know us. You might love us, you might hate us, but we are not evil. This god is.” – This is so good. It never occurred to me that the Greek Gods weren't evil, but I guess it's true. I love to think about what ancients (especially Xena) might have thought about the gods. Were there Atheists?

7) Xena: “What have you done to her, you bastard?!” – YEAH!! This is so good. Probably the best part in the whole episode.

8) Khrafstar: “Dahok will bring the cleansing fire of war to the world, a war begun over innocence.” Xena: “This is not the one god of the Israelites.” – Interesting that she thought this.  

9) Khrafstar: “Thank you for Gabrielle.” Xena: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Khrafstar: “Look inside yourself. You brought her here. And why did you come?  To defeat Caesar. Your hatred brought you here. Dahok appreciates rage.” – Dude, that suuucks.

10) Xena: “You half-witted toady to a third-rate god! Come and get me!” – I had to look this up to see what she said. Are we sure about this? “Toady?” What the hell is a toady? Well, I looked it up in my trusty Merriam-Webster. Here’s the definition: toady noun \ˈtō-dē\: a person who praises and helps powerful people in order to get their approval, a sycophant.

11) Xena: “All I’ve seen is a lame attempt at a religion and some fancy fireworks.” – This is awesome. I love the way she says this and keeps her cool while her best friends hangs over a fire behind her.

12) Gabrielle: “Xena?” Xena: “I’m here, Gabrielle.” Gabrielle: “It hurts inside.” Xena: “What?” Gabrielle: “Everything’s changed. Everything.” Xena: “Hey, it’s gonna be OK. Promise.” – [SERIES SPOILER] She ain’t just whistlin’ Dixie. [END SPOILER]

Boadicea may have set a trend, as this episode aired before any of these famous face tattoos:

Heart and face bruiser, Mike Tyson.

One of my all-time faves: Gucci Mane's ice cream cone 'n' lightning bolts.

I'm not a big Kat Von D fan, but I wanted to include a woman. I can't confirm the ep came before the tat... but I bet it did.

One of the most notable face tattoos belongs to Rick Genest, known as Zombie Boy. Here's the model starring in a commercial for Dermablend Professional Leg and Body Cover. This is awesome. 

If you remember anything from the movie Misery (1990), it's this. I imagine this is how Gabrielle felt about having her legs broken on the cross. Be warned, it is horrifying.

Elvira? Or Discord?

I prefer Wolverine's claws to the Deliverer's dinky ones. This is one of my fave scenes from X2:

Finally, what you've all been waiting for, a song I listened to on the day of my review:

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