Xena: Season 3, Episode 01: "The Furies"

 "THE FURIES"

God dammit, I love this god damned, mother fucking episode. Very good starter ep, as all Xena season-openers are. It beholds some of the best lines and funniest shit I’ve ever seen on Xena. 

When I first saw "The Furies," I was about 18 or 19 and thought the battle in the beginning was the most ridiculous thing I’d ever seen on TV. Then I watched it again (I would usually record every episode on VHS and rewatch it all week long), and I laughed and laughed. This ep is one I’ve seen a hundred times. So much happens, so let’s jump right in.

It's impossible to sum everything up on the review page, so here follows a few elaborations. 

Lucy Lawless’s utter commitment to comedy during the fight scene. 

I have nothing specific to point out here, but it's so amazing and multifaceted that it requires its own section.

Xena calls Gabrielle "Mavis."

I will never get over this. Why “Mavis,” you know? That is so god damned funny. It's a hilarious name, no doubt, and if your name just happens to be Mavis and you’re watching this show, then what? You’re probably going to laugh really hard, because there’s just no rhyme or reason to it. WHO picked it?

Xena threatens a village butt-naked. 

I love this scene, because either due to the angle at which it’s shot or just the concept in general, you get to see a different side to how powerful Xena is, physically. I’m not sure if we're talkin' body double or what (I think not), but Xena is really god damned tall! She towers over everything and her stance is so strong, like she’s immovable. We see her in stark relief as this beautiful, hulking super hero, who's lost her mind. I can see a crazy person walking into a village nude like this. I believe it. 

And I love, love, love Gabrielle’s poignant rationalization with her. She makes Xena realize the situation, then we see Xena's confusion and helplessness with her own madness. Compelling and heavy stuff.

Ares as Xena's father? 

The most amazing thing to come out of this episode: Ares might be Xena’s father. I mean, they fight, and she beats him, which vouches for the idea that she’s half god, so… that sure would explain a lot. The theory is never proven wrong. Going forward, for those who continue the series, this possibility stays in the back of the viewer's mind for Xena.

Great performances.

Seriously. Solid work by everyone.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it. 

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EXTRAS: 

1) X: (referring to the chakram, which she spins like a basketball) “This thing is great. And to think I’ve been using it all these years as a weapon.”

2) G: “Why don’t you put the pinch on him?” - I love this. "The pinch." So casual!

3) X: "I've cut off the flow of blood to your brain and other pertinent body parts. So, tell me, how old were you when you lost your virginity?” G: “Xena." X: "Shut up, Mavis, this is important.” Villain: “Fourteen." X: "Come on.” Villain: "OK, OK, nineteen, nineteen."- Hahahahaahah! This is so effing funny.

4) G: "Where are you going?” X: "To get something to eat. I'm starved.” - I love the way Xena says this. Like royalty.

5) G: "There are many crimes which the Furies punish with madness.” X: "Why are you telling me this? I'm not crazy.” - This is so fucking funny. I love Xena!

6) X: “I have an interesting choice, now. I can kill you, or I can spend the rest of my life shuttling between babbling idiocy and vivid clarity. Did you know that sanity is just a veil that the gods throw over our eyes to stop us from seeing the truth?” Cyrene: "What is the truth, Xena?” X: “That life is a joke! It's a barroom joke at that! And you know what the punchline is? The punchline is, that no matter what we do, we still end up as food for the worms.” - I love this whole speech, the writing and Lucy’s presentation.

7) X: "Mother, I am a lunatic with lethal combat skills.” - Iiiiii fucking love this line. It could be my favorite line of the entire show.

8) X: "Ah, but I'm quite batty, Ares, and I have limited choices. Madness is a rotten way to go through life.” - This is so sad.

9) A: "Well, I heard what you said to your mother. And you were right of course, what you said about life.” X: "I was ranting.” A: "Like a prophet. Xena, you were never so close to the truth.” X: "If you're trying to convince me that life's worth living, this is not a good strategy.” - Who the hell wrote this episode?? It’s so god damn good.

10) A: “No, life isn't worth living. It's to be taken, and beaten, and wrestled, and formed in your image. That's where the meaning lies, in what you can twist life into. For those who just endure life, yeah, it is a very nasty joke. But for those who form it with their will, the joke is on those who get in the way.” X: "I must be crazy. You're beginning to make sense.” - This totally makes sense and how fascinating that Ares is the one to say it. Every audience member jumps right on board with her at this point.

11) C: "Xena, you're all right.” X: "I'm anything but all right, Mother.” - This line is unexpectedly hilarious. The chemistry is there.

12) X: “Tell me, Mother. When you and Daddy were rolling around like a pair of crazed weasels, was it good?” - Uuuh, that’s really graphic.

13) Head Fury: (referring to Cyrene) “She’s the murderess? (Ares nods) And the avenging party? (he indicates Xena)” - Fucking funny.

14) X: (Xena raises the knife to sacrifice Cyrene and stops.) “Why am I doing this?” A: "She killed your father. You have to avenge his death or the Furies will torment you for eternity. Yadda, yadda, yadda - go!” X: "All right.” - Xena’s face when she says this is pure comedic gold. God, this episode is so good!

15) X: “But the best bit- the best bit of all, and this is a proud daughter talking, is when I kill Mom, thereby dooming myself forever to insanity and complete dependence on you.” - "Proud daughter" - Ha!

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