Xena: Season 6, Episode 17: "Last of the Centaurs"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE: 

"If You Like Horses and People, You'll Love This!" 

Howdy from Texas! Weeeeee!! 

Few things: Borias' son should've died for what he did, like Hitler. 2) Partial blame for the genocide can theoretically be blamed on Nicha and Xenan. They should've just been brave about it and told her dad what was up.

 

The "Let me take over your body, Gabrielle" part is like in Ghost (1990), and I love that part, because really what that is, is Whoopi getting it on with Demi. Think about it..  

Before we go on, I just saw and looooved this cute video by Zoë Bell featuring Lucy Lawless. It's a bunch of actors and stuntwomen beating each other up via video chat. I've watched it at least 4,000 times. 

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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EXTRA QUOTES:

1) Belach: "I'll hunt down every last one of those animals if that's what it takes to get my daughter back." Ephiny: "You're the animal!" G: "Take it easy." X: "What?" Belach: "Take it easy?! You think you could take it easy if your child was stolen?!" X: "No, no, no. Look, pay no attention to her. Your father was Borias." – What am I, chopped liva?! 

 

2) "Xenan: "How do you know my name?" X: "You were named after me. I'm Xena. I delivered you at birth." Xenan: "You're not old enough to be Xena." G: "It's a long story, but it's true. I was there, too." – This feels real phoned-in. 

 

3) Xenan: "Why do you say my mother's name?" G: "Your mother's spirit is here." Xenan: "Can you say anything that doesn't insult my intelligence?" Ephiny: "Gabrielle? Do you know the Amazon lullaby?" G: "Yeah." – I mean, who among us doesn't know the Amazon lullaby? 

 

4) X: "We'll escort you there and find a safe place for you all. Then we can negotiate peace with Lord Belach. He may think differently, knowing his daughter's pregnant. Come on." – [Cringe]

5) "I shamed his mother and stole his father, Gabrielle. I can't let him lose his daughter as well." – Story of my life.

6) Xenan: "They're gone. Every last one - all dead! Belach will pay for this!" – This is sad. 

7) X: "I know that he defended the Centaurs when they were betrayed." Belach: "Yes, by that faithless bitch that took my father from me when I was a child." – I love when people talk about old X in front of her not knowing who she is. 

 

8) Belach: "He was an ignorant savage. Sweep the land until you find that Centaur! When you do kill him!" X: "Tip for ya, kid. Never step between two people and their passion." – This was great.

 

9) Belach: "No, I don't think so. What's the matter? Do I look too much like my father? You had a son with Borias, didn't you, Xena? Would it be too much like slitting his throat?" X: "No. I just wanted you to know who Borias really was. Stay awhile amongst the dead. Tell them how far you've come what a fine lord you are. Yah! Yah!" – This was good. 

 

10) X: "How close is she?" G: "Very." X: "OK, Nicha we're gonna take good care of you, I promise." Nicha: "'K." X: "Gabrielle, I'm gonna make an incision. Make this as clean as you can." – Oh, ok. 

11) Xenan: "Nicha, we have to go." Nicha: "My father and Xena, they could kill each other because of us!" Xenan: "There's nothing we can do about it! We have to survive!" Nicha: "For what? What future can we give our son?" – That's the kind of talk I want to hear from my wife always.

12) Nicha: "We have given him a name: Borias." – So, Xenan's son's name is Borias. Sweet. There is something to be said about Ephiny naming Xenan after Xena and Xenan naming his son after Borias, but my brain can’t wrap around the mathematics of it. 

 

13) Ephiny: "I can be in your body for just a few moments. Just clear your mind." – That's what she said. 

 

14) G: "Xena, I'm glad you didn't kill Belach." X: "Oh, now you're glad." – The best part in the whole episode.

I have actually been listening to this song for quite some time, but I just happened to listen to it this day, and you know what? Its time has come. 

Xena: Season 2, Episode 01: "Orphan of War"

Man, season 2 starts off with a bang! And confuses me with that whole wrong-sword-hitting-the-ground thing. Clever series..

So, I started off the new season with sushi and I gotta tell ya, while writing this review, I ate leftover sushi from earlier today when I ordered sushi again. That's how much of an impact last night's sushi session had on me. God, I love sushi. I can’t even believe I’m saying that. When I first moved from Texas to NYC six years ago, I abhorred all sea food.

So, this is a very nice episode with which to kick off. It's deep, it is. Xena has a son. I remember being a teenager and hating that they added this to her background, because I didn't think it was necessary, but knowing what I know of the coming seasons, I love that Solan exists.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it. 

CLICK HERE for full page view.

CLICK HERE FOR bigger VIEW!

Kip Winger, second from left.

 Hell, here's Winger in action with "Headed for a Heartbreak."

EXTRAS:

1) X: “Do you know what it’s like to be a mother.. without her child?” - Tell 'im, Xena.

2) D: “Leave the valley.” X: “Not without my son.” – Not without my daughter!

 This movie is almost word-for-word the script for "Orphan of War."

3) X: “I didn’t come here for him. I came to stop Dagnine.” G: “But you are here, now. You’re gonna tell him, right?” – Love the way Gabrielle says this, the way she handles Xena. Is there anyone else in the world who can get away with talking to her like that?

4) X: “Are you telling me this for my good or yours?” – Love the way she says this.

5) X: “Gabrielle, a lot of people think that giving birth ends when the baby takes its first free breath. It’s not true. My son has grown inside of me every day, stronger and stronger. I can try to deny it, but I can never ignore it. How can I claim something that I walked away from so long ago?” – WOAH. G: “I don’t know what it’s like to have a son. But I do know what it’s like to have a mother. And he should know that.” – This conversation really went there.

6) G: “What are you going to do?” X: “I’m going to get my son.” – BOOM.

7) S: “Ahh, wait! My arm hurts so bad.” – Nothing against Solan, but he said this line all wrong.

8) X: “What good is a sword without an arm to hold it?” – James Earl Jones says something similar about the riddle of steel in Conan the Barb.

9) X: "You were very brave back there. You didn’t freeze.” S: “Uh, I was too scared to freeze.” – Almost in redemption, I do love the way Solan says this line. I believed him.

10) X: “Yes, against me. That was important to him, even though- even though he and I were very good friends for a very long time.” – Nice delivery.

11) D: “Everything, all the strength and discipline of Ixion’s creation’s right here. With this, I’ll sweep the world like a rampaging wind. I’ll kill Xena. I’ll kill Hercules. I’ll take Athens! I’ve got so much to do. I’ll have to make a list.” - Ha!!

12) X: “Your mother would be very proud of you.” S: "You think so?” X: “I know so.” S: “I think she would have liked you, Xena. I think you two would’ve gotten along.” – Me clutching my chest.

13) G: “I’m going to resplint his arm. He won’t admit that it hurts. I guess he’s a lot like his mom.” – I know I already highlighted this in the review, but I just love this line. She’s talking about more than just physical hurts; it’s such a tender thing to say.

14) G: “You know, this is the only Xena I’ve ever known. I find it hard to understand the hatred that she gets sometimes, when we travel from people who just don’t know her the way I know her. I guess they’re afraid of the old Xena.”

15) G: “Xena, now, before you say anything, I- Well when you jumped at me earlier, I- I deserved it. I’m not saying that I agree with you. But- well I pride myself on being your friend. And- I should’ve realized that you were hurting and-” X: “It’s OK.” G: “I’m here for you.” X: “Always.”

How to do a kip up, just like Xena:

Who is this Borias character?

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Xena: Season 1, Episode 10: "Hooves and Harlots"

This was definitely a favorite, evbody... The best advice I can give about knowing a favorite episode for what it is: It’s like falling in love. When you're in love, you don't sit there asking yourself, "Am I in love?" You just know. Same with favorite episodes. If you have to ask yourself if it is or isn't a fave, it's probably not.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it. 

CLICK HERE for full page view. 

EXTRAS:

1) It’s obvious from Gabrielle’s outfit that they switched the previous episode and this episode in terms of order. Gabrielle wears Terreis’ skirt and necklace in “Death in Chains” (episode 9). Yet, at the beginning of “Hooves and Harlots” (episode 10), she’s wearing her old, original clothes.

2) Cool scene of Epinon and some other chick dressing Gabrielle in Terreis’ clothes.

3) X: “Something about me you find interesting?” Ephiny: “Yes.” X: “Wanna tell me?” Ephiny: “No.” X: “Then stop staring at me, before I take your eyes out.” – What’s Ephiny’s deal?

4) X: “You’re going to get your people killed. I fought the Centaurs; I know what they can do.” Melosa: “The famous battle of Corinth - yes, we’ve heard of it. And we’ve heard of you, Xena. To some of us, you’re a hero. A true Amazon at the head of the mightiest army the world has known.” – Just another example of Xena’s vast past. EVERYone knows who she is.

5) Ephiny: “Come, now.” G: “I’m sorry, you must have me mistaken for a pet.” E: “Would you come with me?” – Hahaah!

6) Tyldus: “You killed a half of my Centaur army. My friends.” – love the way he says this.

7) X: “Don’t be stupid, Ephiny.” – And then, of course, Ephiny is stupid and shoots the arrow anyway. Love this story detail.

8) Ephiny: “That’s right. This is filled with raw hay stalks. Centaurs don’t eat hay.” X: “Actually, I was referring to the hoof prints. Centaurs carry their weight on their front hooves.” Ephiny: “That’s just as good.” – THAT… is FUNNY.

9) X: “What’s this?” G: “I’m an Amazon Princess?” X: “Great.” – Ha!

10) Melosa: “Gabrielle, do you wanna fight me to the death?” G: “Not really.” Ephiny: “You made the challenge, Gabrielle. You have to follow through. Choose your weapon. …Or choose your champion.” G: “Choose my champion? I pick Xena.” – This was awesome.

11) Melosa: “If you lose, you all die. You too, Ephiny.” – Damn girl!

12) X: “Don’t fight me to the death, Melosa. I need your help.” – Liked this line.

13) X: “No, it’s not yours; I took it from Krykus. He gave you yours, didn’t he?” – Love how she says this.

14) X: “Making war is simple; making peace is never easy. If it was, everyone would do it.” – Oh, Xena! What don’t you know?

15) Ephiny: “Now, I see why you ride the horse.” G: “Now, what’s that supposed to mean?” – Seriously, call me stupid, but I didn’t get it either.

16) G: “And, you can kill nasty little critters if you wanna lie down. Yeah.” - This made me laugh sooo hard. 

17) Loved the peaceful talks between enemies.

18) Loved Ephiny’s carelessly violent tour through the warlord’s camp. She kicks that guards ass into Krykus’ tent, then shrugs her shoulders at Xena.

19) So funny when Xena pushes Gabrielle out of the way before the chobo fight.

20) I was pumping my fist when the Centaurs and Amazons joined forces.

21) Gabrielle’s pretty good with her staff!

22) Loved the silent moment between Gabrielle and Ephiny when Gabrielle is informed she’s an Amazon princess.

23) So sweet that Gabrielle threw herself on top of Terreis.

24) Xena knows everything about the Amazons but isn’t one of them.

25) Ephiny (must’ve) told Queen Melosa that Gabrielle was given the right of caste, and Melosa has no qualms with this fact. Melosa trusts Ephiny completely.

26) The customary sound effect that goes with Xena putting any kind of pinch on anyone is spot-on.

27) Loved when Melosa smiles at Xena then Xena flips up onto that highrise.

28) I think I found a mistake. When Xena drops down out of that tree just before she winds up to kill Celano, she already has her sword in her hand, yet she never drew it. Then she puts it behind her and pretends to draw it from her scabbard, but it’s a side-shot so we see the trick. If she’d been shot from the front, which some of the scene is, it would have appeared that she pulled the sword from her scabbard. Even though the jig is up, this scene is AWEsome. I love how she easily kills him then looks annoyed.

29) Ephiny gives Gabrielle her staff that her mother gave her with the cumbersome bird head on it. [SERIES SPOILER] We see soon that this bird head mysteriously disappears from the staff (thank god). [END SPOILER] And what a nice moment between Ephiny and Gabrielle.

Now, is this Cher? Or Queen Melosa? 

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