Nothing but Season 5 spoilers in here, chappy. Consider yourself well-warned. Consider yourself part of the family.
THIS WHOLE ENTRY IS A SPOILER.
Now's your chance to save yourself.
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OK, I feel like I got through Season 4 pretty quick, right?? I said a would, and i did, because a Tate never goes back on her word.
Season 4 was the sauce on my spicy wings. It was the tits in a bra, the Selena HEB bag that sold out in four minutes, the diamond no one will ever give me. It will never happen again [SERIES SPOILER] It can be argued very nearly accurately that it does happen again in Season 6, but I'm goin' off right now. Leave me alone. [END SERIES SPOILER]
That said ... I do not like Season 5. Sure, it starts with an absolute bang of brilliant white light, but that's about it. This season has the coldest episodes, the dumbest episodes, the wrongest episodes ... the straightest episodes. You think you know how they're going to be, but trust me, you don't.
There are good episodes in here, but as a whole, you won't see anything close to the caliber of the first four seasons. This is, what I would call, the worst season of Xena. I hope to change my mind during this watch, but I'm not holding my breath. Any breath-holding will be done during all these stinky episodes.
That's not to say nothing happens in Season 5! Actually, somehow, A LOT of fucking shit happens. Such as:
1) Xena and Gabrielle come back from the dead and go to heaven
2) Xena, as a fallen angel, switches places with Callisto to save her soul
3) A second chakram emerges. It joins with the original to make an awesome, splitting chakram!
4) Xena gets pregnant (because Lucy Lawless was pregnant in reality)
5) Xena goes into a huge battle with Ming Tien again and kills him again using the way (because she’s pregnant)
6) Xena has a girl and names her Eve
7) Xena and Gabrielle die again, kinda. Ares stows them away until they can be resurrected
8) They do get resurrected about 25 years later
9) The worst Xena episode ever
10) Another pretty sweet musical episode
11) Eve turns into the dark version of herself, like Xena did. Xena and Gabrielle gotta turn her around and eventually do
12) Xena’s daughter is annoying
13) Xena and Gabrielle kill aaAaall the gods except for a couple
See, there IS GOOD STUFF! There's just also an excess of disappointing stuff. Regardless, I am so excited to jump in. I do hope to finish quicker than Season 4, even though Season 4 was pretty quick! In the words of someone somewhere (but maybe me for the first time), "Is that your jockstrap? Cuz I'm using it as a slingshot."
When I first saw Season 5 in 2009, I didn’t realize the show was going to get better in Season 6. I hadn’t read anything about the series; I just watched the whole thing. Season 5 really started looking bleak and I remember fretting to my friends about it. I was so depressed and upset. The deeper I went, the more poorly-written and tone-deaf each episode became, with almost zero subtext between Xena and Gabrielle. I think one of them even makes out with a man. No fun time between them, except at the beginning. Xena was looking like..well.. Hercules. (shudders) And that’s not what I’m here for, folks. (Especially now, with Kevin Sorbo being a total asshole-trump-supporter-bigot. No thanks.)
Looking for answers as to why Season 5 sucked so bad, I read that Hercules ended when Xena Season 4 ended, and the Hercules writers were, for some dumbass reason, transferred over to Xena to write Season 5. I think this is one of the worst and most unfortunate mistakes in television history. Why put new writers, who don’t know the characters, on a show currently in full stride? And why pick-up writers who just tanked another show?? That’s not how shit works, and so Xena was done a serious injustice.
I hope to understand more fully what happened in Season 5. It might be that I could narrow-down the episodes that poisoned it to specific writers and directors.
When I first saw Season 5 in 2009, I didn’t realize the show was going to get better in Season 6. I hadn’t read anything about the series; I just watched the whole thing. Season 5 really started looking bleak and I remember fretting to my friends about it. I was so depressed and upset. The deeper I went, the more poorly-written and tone-deaf each episode became, with almost zero subtext between Xena and Gabrielle. I think one of them even makes out with a man. No fun time between them, except at the beginning. Xena was looking like..well.. Hercules. (shudders) And that’s not what I’m here for, folks. (Especially now, with Kevin Sorbo being a total asshole-trump-supporter-bigot. No thanks.)
Looking for answers as to why Season 5 sucked so bad, I read that Hercules ended when Xena Season 4 ended, and the Hercules writers were, for some dumbass reason, transferred over to Xena to write Season 5. I think this is one of the worst and most unfortunate mistakes in television history. Why put new writers, who don’t know the characters, on a show currently in full stride? And why pick-up writers who just tanked another show?? That’s not how shit works, and so Xena was done a serious injustice.
I hope to understand more fully what happened in Season 5. It might be that I could narrow-down the episodes that poisoned it to specific writers and directors.
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