Xena: Season 4 Summary

I said the shit couldn’t go down any further than it did in Season 3, but apparently it has. We are balls-deep in Xena greatness right now. I can handle it. The question is, can you.

Let’s be adults about this and discuss what just happened to us:

1. Xena gets involved with a budding Amazon tribe
2. We meet Alti
3. Xena’s bloody past with the Amazons is revealed
4. Alti shows Xena the crucifixion vision
5. Gabrielle comes back from an ashen death
6. So does Hope
7. Hope has a baby, an awesome monster
8. Hope gets killed again, along with her newborn child
9. Xena’s first line dance (hopefully not the last)
10. Najara sweeps into our lives
11. We meet Eli (Jesus)
12. Gabrielle gets her new haircut
13. India
14. The girls experiences their future lives
15. We meet Amarice
16. The stupid way of non-violence
17. Gabrielle violently kills a shitload of men
18. Caesar dies
19. Xena and Gabrielle are crucified, die and go to heaven

Season 4 wasn’t playing around, y’all. My ass cheeks are red, my knees are bruised, my mascara is running and there's blood coming out of my ears. If the entire series were a sword, Season 4 is the business end.

I’m seeing now that our team died this season, as previously indicated.

Series Death-count So Far ...  

Xena: 3

Gabrielle: 3

QUALITY: The picture quality is noticeably better. You can tell the crew and cinematographers are really stepping-up their game as the series progresses.

RANK: Man, I loved all the seasons, but this was not a hard choice. I can’t even believe Xena: Warrior Princess messed me up this badly. Favorites numbered 14, beating Season 3’s 13, Season 2’s 12 and Season 1’s 7.

Favorite Seasons Rank:

1) Season 4
2) Season 3
3) Season 2
4) Season 1
5)
6) 

Going into the technicality of the rankings: Season 3 had nine episodes with an 8-star ranking. NINE. Season 4 only has four of those, but Season 4 has zero bad episodes. Every episode in Season 4 is strong, whereas Seasons 2 and 3 each house one or two poor episodes. In addition to the persistent good episodes, Season 4 shifted gears in tone, as evidenced by how much I cried. It went harder than 3 and I thought 3 was pretty damn hard.

Even now, I am still questioning myself like, “Am I sure ‘Devi’ isn’t a favorite? Would my lowest Season 3 favorite hold up to ‘Devi?’” These are things one must ask herself if she dare review a TV show. It’s a big responsibility. And if "Devi" is just as good or better than my lowest-regarded Season 3 fave, well then somethin’s gotta give, little girl. 

SUBTEXT: Damn, Daniel, was there subtext in Season 4. Ho-hooooly shit. A few highlights:

1. Xena journeys all the way into the afterlife to find Gabrielle
2. We see Xena might've engaged in yet a second pre-Gabrielle lesbian relationship with Alti's apprentice Anokin
3. The whole season, Xena is openly all about her love and devotion to Gabrielle
4. Najara is completely obsessed with Gabrielle, gayly, and perhaps the feeling is mutual
5. Xena admits her weakness is Gabrielle
6. Xena and Gabrielle continue to argue like a couple
7. Lots of Gabrielle and Xena massages
8. Lots of Gabrielle and Xena bathing together
9. Lots of vagina jokes 
10. Lots of villains using Xena or Gabrielle as bait for the other
11. Gabrielle forsakes Jesus and her entire being, when she kills a bunch of dudes to protect Xena
12. Before their deaths, Xena tells Gabrielle that she was the best thing in her life, and Gabrielle tells Xena she loves her
13. Modern day Xena and Gabrielle kiss each other

NO DUDES get kisses from our gals this season, and I maintain that Xena and Gabrielle are "together" this season, even more so than the last. There wasn't a single episode to test them. Women were fighting over Gabrielle for Christ's sake, and JUST. LOOK. at "The Ides of March."

As much as I dog Season 5, I am really looking forward to it, because I love all of Xena. There's no frickin way I'd consider not watching a whole season. Mostly, I hope I’m wrong about Season 5, that I remember it wrong, or that I let one bad episode blind me to the rest.

Furthermore, when watching Season 4, Episode 2: "Adventures in the Sin Trade, Pt. 2," I made a note to myself to point out that this is Lucy Lawless's best-acted season. I feel that was a hot take and I might have to change my mind after Season 6. I would say it's Renee O'Connor's too, but hers might be Season 5, since she has to get creative with the poor direction of her character.

Behold! Another fabulous Season Summary: