Xena: Season 5, Episode 01: "Fallen Angel"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE:

“The Best Episode of Season 5”

Oh my god, dude, that episode was so fucking good. God, that was amazing. Xena just went all in for Gabrielle. She cut her wing off. That was just awesome. Season 5 jumped right into the chaos. This episode might just be a niner. Just marvelous, I was so engrossed. Furthermore, is this Callisto's last episode?

You see, what I can’t believe, is that people watching this show in real time had to wait months for this episode, following the devastation of “The Ides of March.”

Number of wings Xena cuts off in this episode: 2

A few things surprised me:

• The scenes of Xena and Gabrielle dead on crosses were so fucking morbid. It was very believable, I was a bit captivated by the severity of it. I mean, they were D-E-A-D.
• I cried real good in this several times. I just can’t believe how hard they went. 
• Xena and Gabrielle came back from the dead, just like Jesus did following his crucifixion. 
• Xena giving her soul for Callisto.
• [SPOILER] They managed to squeeze-in an immaculate conception. [END SPOILER]

Things that were just amazing:

• Gabrielle dealing with Good Callisto was just awesome, holy shit. Every word they said to each other– I couldn't tear my eyes away if I'd tried. I hung onto it like Doc to that clock at the end of Back to the Future.
• Of all the things I remember about watching Xena over the course of my life, the moment where Xena swaps with Callisto is crystal clear. I have said before that Xena giving her light to Callisto is unexpectedly the most profound moment in Xena. Xena's reaction to it, from the word “no” to the single tear drop, to her hand flexing on her sword because it hurt (or felt good?), the music, the fade to white, after what Callisto just snarled to her– It is so fucking beautiful. And what exactly is Xena doing? She’s giving-up her soul for Callisto, the one who killed her, and forsaking eternity with Gabrielle. I did not see it coming, the whole interaction and act. Additionally, they both looked like they were having orgasms and I wonder if that was the direction they were given.
• Gabrielle is the female version of Gabriel who was an archangel. Fuck, Gabrielle was hot as an archangel. Xena was too, but they barely showed her in that capacity. 

Quibbles:

• I wish the graphics were better.
• And I wish the god damn wings retracted when the archangels were grounded but what can you do, year 2000? 
• Wish they’d shown everyone being more devastated about Gabrielle and Xena. You know, like more crying. What the fuck. 
• [SPOILER] Callisto made Xena pregnant, which kinda sucks, but it was also really cool, because Lucy Lawless was having a baby and they didn’t make her have sex with a stupid dude. And Callisto got her pregnant. It’s her and Callisto’s baby!! [SPOILER WITHIN SPOILER] And as an adult, the actress who plays the kid truly does look like Xena and Callisto. [SPOILERS END]

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

EXTRA LOVED:

1) That it’s snowing. It’s so beautiful.
2) X reaching for G when they’re falling.
3) Michael bringing Xena back.
4) Amarice killing those two guards.
5) Amarice cutting a piece of X’s hair for herself.
6) Callisto’s cloven feet.
7) Gabrielle emerging from the baptism water.
8) The archangel/demon fight.
9) Gabrielle killing demons.
10) Xena killing archangels.
11) Xena and Gabrielle trying to move after coming back to life.

EXTRA NOTES:

1) Until Callisto flew in, I was almost disappointed in where this episode was going. The guardian angels looked so boring. HEAVEN looked boring.

2) Dude, they dropped Gabrielle’s voice a couple octaves for her demon bit, and it kinda scared the shit outta me.

3) Lucy Lawless making all these fucked up faces as a demon is really something. It alone could carry this episode.

4) Where did Michael’s wings go during the fight? Was that a mistake?

5) Every time I’m done watching this episode, I forget exactly how good it is.

6) 15:12 – There's clearly an overdub here. Wonder what Michael really said.

EXTRA QUOTES:

1) Joxer: "Um, I'm gonna I'm gonna take their bodies back to Greece, because I know Xena wanted to be buried next to her brother, and Gabrielle next to her, so." – I don’t know about you, but I like to be buried next to “just friends” all the time. Subtext City.

2) X: "She has to be rescued." Michael: "That's the responsibility of the archangels." X: "No, it's my responsibility." Michael: "Yours? You're not even an angel. You're to be reborn in a new body." X: "Well, that's gonna have to wait. Right now, I'm going after my friend." Michael: "That's impossible." X: "No, it's not.” – This is what I fucking love about Xena. For her, and this show, anything is possible. The writing in this episode is dope as fuck.

3) Michael: "Are you insane?" X: "It depends who you talk to."

4) X: "Gabrielle and I have already been through hell together. I didn't come all this way to lose her now. So, either you set me up with a pair of wings, or I take another dive. Michael, Gabrielle's soul and mine were destined to be together. I can't let her walk through Hell alone. Please."

5) Callisto: “Aren't you the lucky girl? You get to spend eternity with me.” – Somehow, again, Callisto is really funny in this.

6) Amarice: "Xena they say the dead can hear the thoughts of the living, so hear this. I'm picking up where you left off. I may never be as good a warrior as you, and I know I'll never be as wise, but I promise, with all my heart and soul to honor the memory of the Warrior Princess." Joxer: "She would have liked that."

7) Amarice: "You got them killed. You infected Gabrielle with your peace and love talk. You made her helpless! She never would have gotten captured if she hadn't lost her warrior spirit." Eli: "I'm sorry you feel that way." Amarice: "It's not a feeling. It's a fact. You slowed them down just enough to kill them. You might as well have driven-in the nails yourself." – Not to be a bitch, but I kind of agree with her.

8) Archangel: "You might be tempted to save Gabrielle from her pain." X: "And that's a bad thing?" Michael: "Xena, listen there's only one way to do that. You would have to take on her guilt, and free her from her suffering by giving her your light "

9) G: "Callisto when Xena burned your family did you see them on fire? Did you did you smell their flesh sizzling? You know what I think? You wanted them to die so you'd have a reason to be a bitch." – This is so mean. Wow. Dang, girl.

10) G: "Where's Xena?" Michael: "Xena gave herself up to save one of the damned." G: "What are you talking about? Who did she save?" – Love the way Gabrielle says this.

11) G: "Are you telling me that Xena is in Hell and she's in paradise?!" Callisto: "Gabrielle? I know you." G: "Oh, you know me. You murdered my husband and many innocent people."

12) G: “You call this justice?" Michael: "Xena called it justice. She chose to suffer in Callisto's place. When you look at her now what you see is what she would have become if Xena had not killed her family."

13) Joxer: "She looks like she's sleeping. It's like at any minute she's gonna wake up and complain about how no one ever lets you sleep in."

14) G: "I know Xena. More importantly, she knows me. Look, I guarantee you, when the fighting starts, she'll come after me. She'll insist that I'm either with her or against her.”

15) Michael: "You understand there's no saving Xena. The only way to stop her is to cut her up and let her spend the rest of eternity in pieces." G: "If that's what it takes."

16) Callisto: "I don't blame you. I did a terrible thing. I killed someone you loved. I must have been very evil. I don't understand it myself. Why would Xena do something like that for me?" G: "Maybe it was a guilty conscience about your family." Callisto: "My family? My family. You know Michael told me I would never know love like the love of Heaven, but he's wrong. My family gave me that kind of love all the time. My memory of so much of my life is confused and fuzzy but that part, I remember every detail. And Michael says, when I'm ready, I go to see 'em again." G: "Callisto, I am not buying it! Callisto, stop it! I know you are in there. You are evil to the core, and you always will be. Don't touch me." Callisto: "...I'm so sorry." G: "…I am, too." – This is fucking amazing. And the part about the family is so heavy. Jesus.

17) X: "Gabrielle? We shouldn't be fighting." G: "You're right, Xena." X: "I wanna spend eternity with you. Won't you join me?" G: "Lay down your sword, Xena. If Callisto can be redeemed, why not you?" X: "Callisto's a trick. They deceive you, Gabrielle. Callisto can't change. You know that. Our master is greatly pleased when a soul joins him of its own free will. Come with me, now. Whaddya say?" G: "I can't." X: "Why not? Gabrielle, the love that we have, it's stronger than Heaven or Hell. It transcends good or evil. It's an end in itself! Our souls are destined to be together. Gabrielle, you can't let me walk through Hell alone." G: "I'm sorry." – I wish I could quote the whole script; the writing is top notch.

18) G: "Xena, don't!" – This is awesome to me for some reason. Gabrielle telling Xena not to drop them both to Hell.

19) Michael: "Gabrielle!" G: "Michael!" X: "'Michael! Oh, no! We're going to Heeeeeeeell!'" – Hahahahaha

A fitting song to this beautiful episode and one I listened to heavily this day. Lykke Li covering Drake's “Hold on, We’re Going Home”

I want to put the song "Back to Life" here, but that would kill the moment. Bye bye.

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