ALTERNATIVE TITLE:
“The Clue Episode”
This is the greatest hits of Xena guest-characters! And so cute when they bring out Gabrielle's cake at the end. Love the tits outta this.
SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.
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EXTRA QUOTES:
1) Joxer: "Yeah. You know, Autolycus is right. She's dead but she could 'a had a heart condition." Autolycus: "Yeah maybe it grew that knife." – Well this is brilliant.
2) Discord: "Thanks for the help, tall, dark, and mortal. I should have known Xena wouldn't have the guts to turn in her own mom." – Is she talking to Autolycus or Xena?
3) X: "Well, think about it. Ravenica's maps were all squished up on the bottom with her fruit whereas heavier less necessary items were on top." Cyrene, joking: "Maybe she liked her pears bruised." G: "She's your mother." – Until I read this line in the script, I thought she was speaking French and had no idea what the fuck she was saying. Pears bruised. And was that a sex joke? Is Cyrene making a joke about tits? Because I can’t handle it if she is.
4) Autolycus: "Well, much as this scares me to say this, I think she's right this time, Xena." X: "Oh, you do?" – The way Xena says this made me LOL.
5) Autolycus: "Locked as well from the inside." G: "And who discovered that? Someone with motive enough for murder? Someone who's trying to confuse us? Someone who's looking to beat this rap the best he can no matter what the cost." X: "I did it." – Hahahaaha!
6) G: “I put Joxerer's gravy recipe in her water bag." Minya: "Ew-w-w-w!" Joxer: "Mm-m-m-m-m." X: "That's inhuman!" G: "It was only enough to give her the trots for a couple of days, not enough to kill her.” – Hahaha the trots. Oh my god, this episode.
7) Ravenica: "I'm warning you, Jett, get in my way, this won't be the only thing I rip in two.. (starts to leave and sniffs) Lavender? You are getting soft." – This is so good.
8) Discord: "Well it's about time. OK, tall, dark, and deadly let's go." – She is talking to Autolycus? So wait…before?
9) Minya: "You think this storm is rough, huh? You should 'a seen the one that struck my village about four years ago." Lila: "Bad?" Minya: "With a capital beta.” – Hahahaa! (In "The Play’s the Thing," they also made a joke about the letter D, as in "delta.")
10) Discord: "Oh, puh-lease. Whaddya think, I'm some kind 'a moron?! Ugh!" – Then she gets bonked in head with chandelier. I laughed harder at this than reasonable.
11) Discordcord: “I don't do animals!" Minya: "That's not what I heard." – Sweet burn.
12) X: "Mom I'm really, really sorry that I suspected you." Cyrene: "I'm not 'cause it's true, I would kill to protect you, Xena. Any mother who loves her child would. Mm. I'm just glad I don't have to."
I think I know where Cyrene got her chandeliers.
I FEEL like I do nothing but bring up Clue in these reviews, and I'm sure I've posted a similar video, but here is the trailer for Clue (1985), the greatest movie ever made:
Ok, now, is this Discord or Elvira: Mistress of the Dark?
I listened to this song the day I watched this episode, and that's really the only excuse I have for posting it. I'm sorry and/or you're welcome. Don't @ me.
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