Xena: Season 3, Episode 10: "The Quill Is Mightier..."

"The Quill Is Mightier..."

Man, three comedies in a row! Frankly, we needed them, didn't we? Question. What does it take to make up for Xena's absence in an episode?

1. Ares
2. Aphrodite
3. Joxer
4. Minya
5. Magic
6. Money and beer falling from the sky
7. Three naked Gabrielles  

Whatever, it totally worked. I frickin' love this episode! As soon as it started, I kicked myself for not remembering what it was about. It's practically spelled out. Also, fyi, this director-writer duo also did "Been There, Done That."

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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EXTRAS:

1) Boy 1: “Xena rocks!” Boy 2: "Aphrodite blows!” – You’d think this would be dated, but it’s not.

2) One of the graffiti read: "XENA'S da BOMB” – This needs no comment.

3) Ares: "Gabrielle, her friend. See, I only made the warrior; she made the legend.” – That's awesome.

4) Ares: "Pretty soon, when people think of 'love,' they're gonna think Xena, not Aphrodite.” – Too late.

5) J: “What do we do now?” G: "What do we do? What won't we do?” – Love the way she says this. It's so funny.

6) J: “I wouldn't give this up just for anybody. Still, for the, uh, Sisters of Gaea.” – Gross.

7) Barbarian: "We fight with the heart of a lion.” Aphrodite: "And you run with the feet of a chicken." – Why she chooses to be pick on this guy, I do not know, but I'm glad.

8) G: "You know? There's always one drunk who spoils it for everyone.” – She would know. She gets wasted eeevery single night.

9) Aphrodite: "Whoa. Wipeout.” – WHO decided to make her so "California?" I love it so much!

10) Aphrodite: “Sweetpea, just give me back my powers, then I'll unzap the scroll.” – Awwww, she called her Sweetpea. That is so cute.

11) G: “'Suddenly, there was the arrival of the woman-‘" Ares: “‘Leather,’ mention the leather.” – I love this. I can't explain why. Ares is just as weak as a human being.

12) Minya: "So! Who's the stud, the dork and the bottled blonde?” – Everything Minya says is perfect. Also, people toootally dyed their hair in ancient times.

13) G: "This is Ares, Aphrodite, and Joxer.” Minya: "Wha, Ares, god of war!..And Aphrodite! You're the goddess of love! And Joxer—sorry, I’ve never heard of you.” – Ha!

14) Aphrodite's advice to get the one he loves: “Poetry. And if that doesn't work, presents.” J: “Yeah?" Aph: “Yeah. Lots and lots of presents.” – I disagree wholeheartedly with these tactics.

15) Old dude to Aphrodite: "Call me when you've had a bath, toots.” – I fucking love it when people call other people "toots."

16) Ares: “You know, what she did when I had her on trial for her life, it was amazing.” Gabrielle: "Well, how about what she pulled off with the Furies?” Ares: "Oh, it was brilliant. Yeah. And she does it all with that, that steely gaze, you know?” – Gabrielle and Ares bonding over Xena.

17) Gabrielle: “Joxer!" Joxer: "Shhh! I'm trying to disarm him.” G: "I don't know how, but you're going to screw it up. Now, just back away.” – This is god damn funny. You know, I think Gabrielle is more impatient with Joxer than Xena.

18) Xena: "I'll take care of him, but you have to write down everything that I do–no embellishing, no poetic license. Just exactly what you see, all right?” – This is actually very sound advice for writers. Kind of shocked. This show is so deep.

19) Gabrielle: "I, um, I'm not really good at writing action.” Ares: "What? You follow Xena around, you-you follow Xena around all day, you write stories about her. How do you do this without writing action?” Gabrielle: "You see, I use metaphors.” – Very logical god damn funny question from Ares.

20) Joxer: "That octopus came out of nowhere. Huh! She must have thrown that just for the halibut.” – Hahaha!

21) Joxer: "Xena fought with the warrior leader.” Gabrielle: "'Fought with the-'" Joxer: "Yeah. Hey, what do you mean, 'Awoke with a jerk.'?" – God damn it.

22) Joxer: "Minya, where are the barbarians?” Minya: "They stopped fighting and ran back to Barbaria." – I almost missed this. How funny.

For the record, I have never used someone's back as a flat surface to write on. Though this is a shitty, shaky capture of the desk-back scene I referred to in my review, you can still clearly see it at 2:18 here in Girls Just Want to Have Fun (1985).

I literally listened to no song this day...Oh wait...While I was frying bacon, I turned on the radio and a few songs played. I guess the one I liked the most was this one. I love this song, actually. This may be the second time I've posted it. If not, then I'm sorry I made you wait: 

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