"Warrior...Priestess...Tramp"
Two look-alike episodes back-to-back?? Thank you, Jesus!!
SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.
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EXTRAS:
1) G: "Hestia? The virgin goddess? What does she have to do with the price of grapes in Carthage?” L: "She is my salvation. I do as she ordains.” G: "Since when?” – So true. Xena doesn’t give a shit about any of the gods.
2) X: "What about that outfit?” L: "I found this vile garment in my chamber. No offense.” X: "None taken.” L: "I took it as a sign from the goddess: dress like a wawwior to confront a wawwior. I had no idea I'd be mistaken for you.” – Am I reading this right? NO ONE has Xena’s outfit. It’s custom made from what I understand, yet here’s Leah who just happened to find it and the chakram and the sword–all of it.
3) L: "Well, of course. It's not my place to question the wisdom of the goddess. We must all place our faith in Hestia. Do I sense a nonbeliever among us?” X: "I just think that you'd do better if you put more faith in yourself.” – It always surprises me how directly the show confronts religion. This is what someone would say to a Christian or Muslim or Buddhist or whathaveyou. No offense to religious people.
4) L: "Well, looks like someone's caught a speeding chariot straight for Tartarus. What about you, Gabrielle? Hmm? Surely, you place more faith in the all-knowing, ever-powerful gods than you do in yourself.” X: “Yeah." G: "Actually, I'm with Xena on this one.” – No doubt this is her answer after Dahak.
5) Leah: "Heathens to the left of me; infidels to the right. Huh. Tremendous. Next thing, you'll be telling me you're not virgins. Huh!” Xena to Gabrielle: "Can I have a word with you?” – Ha! This reminds me of that one scene in Ghostbusters when Venkman pulls Ray aside while they confront the ghost in the library.
6) L: "And how can I pass your wisdom on to these women of questionable virtue, who so obviously disregard the purity of their own bodies.” G: "I was married at the time.” L: "Yes, well, we all have our little excuses, don't we?” G: [to Xena] "Were you?" – Ha! Gabrielle wondering why Xena isn't getting raked over the coals like she is.
7) G: "That's Meg.” X: "Well, it sure ain't no virgin.” – For the record, Xena technically just said, "it sure is a virgin."
8) Meg as Leah: "Come on, seven! Priestess needs new sandals.” – Hahahaa
9) Man: "I couldn't help overhearing. If you're looking for Meg, she owns a tavern down the road. Catch you there later?” G: "Don't count on it." – One of many barbs at Gabrielle's whoriness. Also Meg OWNS a tavern!
10) Meg: "You got some nerve, Priestess. Abandoning your flock just when they needed ya. And a woman of the cloth. Probably out sewing your wild oats. Ya make me sick. Go on, get outta here!" – Woman of the cloth. I love this shit.
11) L: “You simply have to follow the Hestian rules. Rule 1: know thyself. Rule 2: whatever-“ G: "Believe me. If I have to go the rest of my life without companionship, knowing myself won't be a problem.” – Gabrielle just made a joke about masturbation, in case you weren’t paying attention.
12) Meg: “He asked me to fill in for her at the ceremony tonight. You know, hand out the wine, make up a few blessings. And I thought, what the hey, I'm in the mood for a good deed." – Ha! God, I love Meg. Everything she says is so fucking funny.
13) X: “Don't make trouble.” Meg: "How could I make trouble? I'm a virgin!...Great bed." – Masterfully executed.
14) J: “The woman I love is working here. I've gotta stop her. On the other hand, I am just a small business transaction away from pressing my lips against her. What am I saying?” – I swear, I thought he was talking about Meg at first.
15) Virgin: "It all started in the garden. I was happily tilling the soil, when my eyes fell upon something magnificent: the summer squash.” – Ha! This whole story.
16) Virgin: "I can't even enjoy salad without feeling guilty.” – The writers just take it to the max.
17) Harlot: "Who's been a naughty blacksmith?” Dude: "I have.” – Hahahaa, god I love this show.
18) Harlot: "OK, girls, now thank you. Be busy, make me proud, have a good time. And we've got the basement all ready for you. Are you coming?” G: “Yeah, I'll be right there.” – This is so god damn funny.
19) J: “I tell you, it's so easy, Priestess, any idiot could do it.” X/L: "Come on, idiot.” – She called him an idiot like this in a previous episode.
20) L/M/L: "And now we'll pause for a bwief musical interlude.” – Hahahaa!
21) Balius: "Worshipers of Hestia!..” – All nine of you.
Remember when Xena did this to the jailkeeper's keys?
When Xena says to Gabrielle, "Can I have a word with you?" and they go off to chat, I'm reminded of this scene from Ghostbusters (1984):
Here's "Onward Christian Soldiers," sung by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
And here's one of my all-time favorite songs that I listened to the day I watched this episode, "Turn On" by Fischerspooner:
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