Xena: Season 2, Episode 08: "Ten Little Warlords"

Though a pinch-hitter, this ep was very, very good. LL's absence does not diminish the integrity of the story or cast in any way, particularly because HL plays Xena so well that we forget it's her. Excellent.

"Ten Little Warlords" is obviously a play on the title, "Ten Little Indians;" it's a book, a movie, a song, a clothing line, a children's rhyme... and perhaps now it's also politically incorrect?

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it. 

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EXTRAS:

1) A: Oh, uh, I would’ve switched you back into your old body, but, I, uh, lost my sword. Too bad. Not that you don’t wear Callisto magnificently.” - Ares has a lot of really funny lines in this episode. Who knew he was so funny? He's hilarious!

2) G: “Who do you have to punch to get a drink around here?!” - Gabrielle is also really funny in this episode, but we already knew she was funny.

3) A: “And pray, why, is it called a hangover?” XICB: “’Cause, pretty soon you’re gonna hang your head over that rail and- [Ares horks]”

4) A: "Now, Callisto- she’s all animal. You know, she starts like a cold fish, but you press the right buttons, hold on, it’s quite a ride. Mind you, my experience with her is rather unique. She was in your body at the time.” XICB: “When I get my body back, I gotta remember to take a long bath.” - I laughed right here.

5) A: “This time, I take the feet.” - This made me laugh, because I was expecting him to say something serious and ordinary. 

6) G: “You seem to be controlling yourself pretty well.” XICB: “I’ve lived with anger longer. Like it or not, it’s part of me.” G: “Get your hands off me.” - I love the dynamics of this dialogue. Love the tension. I would've loved to have seen it with LL, not that HL wasn't awesome as Xena.

7) G: “Xena, you know, I don’t know if I’m gonna get used to this. It’s so weird having your best friend in the body of your worst enemy. Could you dye your hair?” - Ha!! That's fuckin' funny!

8) XICB: “You can’t stop everyone. Come on.” – She sounded just like Xena here.

9) A: “Not usually so contentious, is she? Damn it, I like it!" - This is a sweet little bit here. Ares actually likes Gabrielle, because she's being violent. She finally speaks his language. 

10) G: “I am boiling mad, right now, at you! I’ve got this overwhelming desire to just knock you upside your irritating blonde- !” - The tables are turned?

11) XICB: “I want you to wait here, tomorrow. I’m going with Ares.” G: “You’re what?” XICB: “That’s my decision. End of discussion.” - Even now, Gabrielle's jealousy over Ares is apparent. The God of War and Xena share a relationship of which Gabrielle can never be a part. She brings this up twice in the episode; this being once. 

12) J: “Don’t touch my armor, please. This is hand-pounded.” - This is really funny.

13) V: “Don’t expect him to say anything. Last time he met Xena, her chakram severed his voice box.” XICB: “He had a dirty mouth.”

14) J: “Gabrielle, you sure Xena wants you following her to the island?” G: “Of course she does. Now, just shut up and go over there. Way over there.” - Gabrielle can't stay away from Xena.

15) J: “Whereas, people like you - innocent and sweet - don’t have that kind of bloodlust. Whereas, I am the picture of self-control. Come back here, you little winged thing. I’m gonna rip your wings off and mash your little body to pie- Shh, shh. Ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha.” – This used to make me laugh sooo hard when I was a teen. It still does.

16) J: “Look, let’s not try to kill each other until after I slay the monster, OK?” G: “All right, but I can’t wait much longer.” J: “Neither can I.” - As a girl, I didn't get this joke, but now I do, and it's brilliant.  

17) G: “Xena, if Ares doesn’t keep his word, and he doesn’t switch you back, I’ll be there for you, no matter whose body you’re in.” - This is the truth of the whole series.

Gabrielle says, "He's baaack," after Ares revamps himself as the God of War. It's a direct reference to the late Heather O'Rourke's line in Poltergeist II. Lamely enough, the only clip of which I speak that I could embed is actually a silly commercial for the NBA. Nevertheless, you can see Carol Anne in action, albeit briefly. (You can check out the actual trailer here.)

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