Xena: Season 5 Box Set Detail

Outer and inner box

Outer and inner box backs

Look how hot Ares is when you open this box set. I'm gay and even I was like, "Hello."

Interior and discs

Back completely unfolded

Xena: Season 4, Outtakes

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Xena: Season 4 Summary

I said the shit couldn’t go down any further than it did in Season 3, but apparently it has. We are balls-deep in Xena greatness right now. I can handle it. The question is, can you.

Let’s be adults about this and discuss what just happened to us:

1. Xena gets involved with a budding Amazon tribe
2. We meet Alti
3. Xena’s bloody past with the Amazons is revealed
4. Alti shows Xena the crucifixion vision
5. Gabrielle comes back from an ashen death
6. So does Hope
7. Hope has a baby, an awesome monster
8. Hope gets killed again, along with her newborn child
9. Xena’s first line dance (hopefully not the last)
10. Najara sweeps into our lives
11. We meet Eli (Jesus)
12. Gabrielle gets her new haircut
13. India
14. The girls experiences their future lives
15. We meet Amarice
16. The stupid way of non-violence
17. Gabrielle violently kills a shitload of men
18. Caesar dies
19. Xena and Gabrielle are crucified, die and go to heaven

Season 4 wasn’t playing around, y’all. My ass cheeks are red, my knees are bruised, my mascara is running and there's blood coming out of my ears. If the entire series were a sword, Season 4 is the business end.

I’m seeing now that our team died this season, as previously indicated.

Series Death-count So Far ...  

Xena: 3

Gabrielle: 3

QUALITY: The picture quality is noticeably better. You can tell the crew and cinematographers are really stepping-up their game as the series progresses.

RANK: Man, I loved all the seasons, but this was not a hard choice. I can’t even believe Xena: Warrior Princess messed me up this badly. Favorites numbered 14, beating Season 3’s 13, Season 2’s 12 and Season 1’s 7.

Favorite Seasons Rank:

1) Season 4
2) Season 3
3) Season 2
4) Season 1
5)
6) 

Going into the technicality of the rankings: Season 3 had nine episodes with an 8-star ranking. NINE. Season 4 only has four of those, but Season 4 has zero bad episodes. Every episode in Season 4 is strong, whereas Seasons 2 and 3 each house one or two poor episodes. In addition to the persistent good episodes, Season 4 shifted gears in tone, as evidenced by how much I cried. It went harder than 3 and I thought 3 was pretty damn hard.

Even now, I am still questioning myself like, “Am I sure ‘Devi’ isn’t a favorite? Would my lowest Season 3 favorite hold up to ‘Devi?’” These are things one must ask herself if she dare review a TV show. It’s a big responsibility. And if "Devi" is just as good or better than my lowest-regarded Season 3 fave, well then somethin’s gotta give, little girl. 

SUBTEXT: Damn, Daniel, was there subtext in Season 4. Ho-hooooly shit. A few highlights:

1. Xena journeys all the way into the afterlife to find Gabrielle
2. We see Xena might've engaged in yet a second pre-Gabrielle lesbian relationship with Alti's apprentice Anokin
3. The whole season, Xena is openly all about her love and devotion to Gabrielle
4. Najara is completely obsessed with Gabrielle, gayly, and perhaps the feeling is mutual
5. Xena admits her weakness is Gabrielle
6. Xena and Gabrielle continue to argue like a couple
7. Lots of Gabrielle and Xena massages
8. Lots of Gabrielle and Xena bathing together
9. Lots of vagina jokes 
10. Lots of villains using Xena or Gabrielle as bait for the other
11. Gabrielle forsakes Jesus and her entire being, when she kills a bunch of dudes to protect Xena
12. Before their deaths, Xena tells Gabrielle that she was the best thing in her life, and Gabrielle tells Xena she loves her
13. Modern day Xena and Gabrielle kiss each other

NO DUDES get kisses from our gals this season, and I maintain that Xena and Gabrielle are "together" this season, even more so than the last. There wasn't a single episode to test them. Women were fighting over Gabrielle for Christ's sake, and JUST. LOOK. at "The Ides of March."

As much as I dog Season 5, I am really looking forward to it, because I love all of Xena. There's no frickin way I'd consider not watching a whole season. Mostly, I hope I’m wrong about Season 5, that I remember it wrong, or that I let one bad episode blind me to the rest.

Furthermore, when watching Season 4, Episode 2: "Adventures in the Sin Trade, Pt. 2," I made a note to myself to point out that this is Lucy Lawless's best-acted season. I feel that was a hot take and I might have to change my mind after Season 6. I would say it's Renee O'Connor's too, but hers might be Season 5, since she has to get creative with the poor direction of her character.

Behold! Another fabulous Season Summary:

Xena: Season 4, Episode 22: "Déjà Vu All over Again"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE: 

“The Clip Show about Past Lives, where Xena (Ted Raimi) Kisses Gabrielle”

OK, #1) I can’t believe they put a clip episode right after "The Ides of March" and #2) I can’t believe they put the most definitive piece of subtext to date in a clip episode. Xena and Gabrielle essentially kiss each other in this episode. With tongue. They do. They just do.

A list of all the episodes featured, in order of appearance:

"Callisto"

"Sacrifice II"

"Intimate Stranger"

"In Sickness and in Hell"

"In Sickness and in Hell" again

"A Family Affair"

"The Quest"

"Return of Callisto"

"The Reckoning"

"One Against an Army" 

The Episodes in that Beautiful Montage of Xena and Gabrielle:

"Sins of the Past"

"Altared States"

"Destiny"

"The Price"

"Between the Lines"

"The Prodigal"

"A Good Day"

"The Lost Mariner"

"Is There a Doctor in the House?"

"A Day in the Life"

"One Against an Army" again

"Vanishing Act"

"Sins of the Past"

"A Tale of Two Muses"

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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EXTRA QUOTES:

1) Harry: "It says here that the vigilante struck with 'acrobatic athleticism.' Annie, you need a rubdown after a game of croquet." Annie: "Uh, but when my body is taken over by my previous life spirit, Xena, Warrior Princess, I clearly become a very dangerous woman." – Hahahaa, the way she says that last part.

2) Annie: "And you said that dressing the part was silly."

3) Annie: "Doctor, I was there. I saw Hope and Gabrielle fall into the pit. I experienced the whole thing. It broke my heart. I am Xena."

4) Annie: "Oh, Harry." Harry: "What's going on?" Annie: "I went back there. I was Joxer. Oh, please, not Joxer. That ass." Harry: "Mm-hmm.. Doctor? Look at her! She looks devastated!" Annie: "He's the comic relief."

5) Mattie: "Clearly, she didn't expect to find out she's this Joxer person." Harry: "Would you knock off that crap?! You can get her to believe she's anybody you want!" Annie: "They should never have introduced his character in the first place." – Hahaha

6) Mattie: “Uh it was like technicolor, you know? I mean, I felt like I was really there." Marco: "Ah, you're probably watching too many episodes." Mattie: "No, I don't watch that show, bunch of chop-socky crap. Besides, this was so repulsive. It couldn't have been an episode." – Aaahhhahahaha

7) Marco: "Ahh you never know with that show." Mattie: "No, the sights the sound." Marco: "They're sneaky, they'll try anything." Mattie: "That smell." Marco: "One week, they're melodrama the next week, they're the Three Stooges." Mattie: "Marco I'm telling you. For a moment there, I believed it." Marco: "And they're way too serialized."

8) Mattie: "Look, if it's about the money, you can take it. I'm through with this scam!" Marco: "I plan to!" Annie: "It's a scam. I knew I couldn't be Joxer."

9) Mattie: This is a karmic catastrophe. I'm gonna come back as a worm, or a cockroach. No, a TV evangelist."

10) Ares: You can't still be holding a grudge after all these years." Harry: "It's not a grudge. It's the difference between right and wrong good and evil you just never learned that lesson." Ares: "Are we gonna fight again?" Harry: "Bring it on."

11) Annie: "I'll leave you two to get reacquainted. And another thing I went back when Callisto had you two tied up and you know what? Joxer saved your butts. I saw it from his point of view, and you would never have gotten that chakram if he hadn't come in when he did. He had the heart of a lion, and a really, really big one, too." Harry: "You're right, Annie." Annie: "And he was a very underrated fighter.

12) Annie: "Oh, um, Harry, I've been aware for some time that you've been going into my underwear drawer at night and, um it's nice to know it was in a good cause." – What does this mean? Xena’s a pervert? Help me.

I just found and listened to this song the day I watched this episode:

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