Xena: Season 2, Episode 19: "Ulysses"

"Ulysses" 

One word sums it up: awkward.

I remember liking this episode in 2009. This is the first time I've watched it, though, since watching seasons 3-6 for the first time. Now, it kind of hurts to watch certain parts of "Ulysses." For instance, at the beginning when Gabrielle is standing in the shot in the background between Ulysses and Xena (which is done on purpose), you just feel her panic and fight-or-flight mode kick in.

[SERIES SPOILER] This might be the last episode where, I think, the makers of the show try pair Xena and Gabrielle up with other people. If I remember right (and I think I do), this is the last time Xena has a written love interest other than Gabrielle. I know that’s a tall order, considering there are four more seasons to go (and I’m not really including season 5, which, as far as I’m concerned, doesn’t really count. What I'm trying to say is, if my calcs are corr, not until season 5 does Xena take on another lover, sort of… God, season 5 is such a train wreck; I almost can’t wait to rewatch it knowing what I know.) [END SPOILER]

Despite the ultimate focus of "Ulysses," this episode is loaded with subtext. And what a platform!

I touched on these briefly in the review template, but all of the subtext incidents beg for far more coverage, which I will now provide. As an ancient mythological journalist, this is exactly the kind of shit I live for.

1) So, Xena and Ulysses start talking after teaming up during their first battle together. Gabrielle is framed between them in the background. If this were just a normal story about Xena and U-dawg falling in love, there would be no reason to show Gabrielle's reaction to this at all. Putting her between them is an obvious nod to jealousy.

2) While Ulysses and Xena talk at night as Gabrielle sleeps, they address the idea that Ulysses will find love again someday. Gabrielle, coincidentally, interrupts the tender moment, claiming thirst as her excuse. You know, some would say there are no coincidences.

3) What the hell was that appraising, surprised look that Xena gave Gabrielle when she spots her dancing "erotically?" And Gabrielle seems pleased with the reaction. Then Xena says: "Hey boys. I want in on the fun, too." - I'm a little unclear about whose fun she wants in on.

4) Gabrielle sports an unpleasant, shocked expression when she and Ulysses admire Xena and Ulysses says, "What a woman."

5) Ulysses says, “We'd be going up against a god. Your friend-” Gabrielle cuts in, “-goes where Xena goes.” Not only do Gabrielle and Xena finish each others sentences, they are inseparable.

6) Ulysses tells Xena he's found his soulmate, but Xena does not say it back. Xena and Ulysses kiss. After Ulysses walks away from Xena, the camera pans to a once-sleeping Gabrielle, who's now awake and looks sad. Why include this, if not to say, "OUCH."

7) Gabrielle confronts Xena about her feelings for Ulysses, saying, "I need to know." Besides being understanding and grown-up about it, this is not the sort of thing or way a friend asks another friend about a new love.

Gabrielle then says, “Promise me one thing. You’ll follow your heart and don't worry about me.” Xena says so sweetly, “You're part of my heart.” Gabrielle says, “Xena, do you remember what you told me when Perdicus asked me to marry him? You said that seeing me happy would make you happy. I feel the same way.” I told my ex this once before-the exact same thing-when another person walked into the picture of our relationship. Xena proceeds to say, “Gabrielle, you’ve been so good for me, I don’t think I would ever have let myself feel the way I feel now about Ulysses if it wasn’t for you teaching me how to love.” Let's just wait a minute... I know what Xena means to say with this and Gabrielle takes it the way Xena obviously means it, but I believe this statement is way more revealing than it seems. Think about it for a sec.

8) Xena tries to discourage Ulysses from liking her, supposedly because she wants to give him and Penelope a clear shot at their marriage. She says, “Let me lay it on the line for you, Ulysses. You’re not my type.” Why say this? Why not just say, “The feeling's not mutual?”

9) Might I also note, that Xena says these horrible things to Ulysses to give him a chance to figure out for himself if he truly loves her. Ulysses, in the end, sees her hurtful words for what they are and approaches Xena again, saying he realizes what she was doing and still wants to be with her. She then thinks of Penelope and completely thwarts the advance once and for all.

Look, if you love someone and they tell you they love you back, you don’t just throw that away.

I love Xena. She is so deep, cares for people, is pulled to people, but she is a nomad and must keep moving. Regardless of everything, she has the balls to acknowledge her feelings as they arise.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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EXTRAS:

1) X: “I’m gonna have to push this all the way through. It’s gonna hurt.” U: “As if it hasn’t been hurting up to now? (she pushes it through) That’ll wake you up in the morning!” - This is fucking funny.

2) U: “I’d like to see that chakram in action. I’ve never seen one before.” X: “Yeah, I guess it’s unique to me.” - I love this line of Xena's. The chakram is totally unique to her, which is awesome.

3) G: “Sirens? Their song is said to call all men who hear it to their death on the rocks of the island.” X: “All men. I’m not a man.” U: “Yeah, I’ve noticed.” – I know there’s something notable about this quote; I just can’t figure out what.  

4) I’m so happy you’re back to reclaim your kingdom, be reunited with your wife.” U: “My wife? But, Meticles, Penelope is dead.” – Wah-wah waaah.

5) X: “Well, isn’t that just a typical man? I give you a few smiles and a kiss, and you’re convinced that I’m in love with you. You’re kidding yourself. I was embarrassed with all that mush you were spewing the other night. The only reason I didn’t shoot you down right then is because I didn’t think you could handle it. So let me lay it on the line for you, Ulysses. You’re not my type.” – Jesus Christ; that’s harsh. Wouldn’t the truth have sufficed just as well?  

6) X: “What about Penelope?” U: “I don’t love her, anymore.” X: “Does she love you? She does.” U: “I don’t know if she loves me; I don’t know.” X: “Ulysses, your kingdom needs you. Your wife needs you. You’re home at last. Whatever you feel toward me will pass.” – I find it interesting and awesome that Xena won’t let Ulysses hurt another woman.

"Satellites" by Guster - Here's a song that has nothing to do with anything, only that I just heard it for the first time a few minutes ago and kind of like it: 

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Xena: Season 2, Episode 18: "Blind Faith"

Hi. I'm not even going to explain why I haven't posted for over a month. Let's just jump right in, shall we? 

"Blind Faith" - I feel like such a dick for not knowing what this episode was about. I mean, it’s practically spelled out in the title. They might as well have called it, “In This Episode, Xena Is Blind.”

I watched this during the day, which is a first. I think it was because I was overly excited about my bunk weekend sleep-over experience in New Jersey.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it. 

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EXTRAS: 

1) X: “Any market in Athens’ll have it.” P: “Well, if I were you, I’d be headed for Athens.” – Love how he says this.

2) V: “You are not reaching out for a glass of beer in a tavern. You are extending your hand for a kiss.” – I love that he insults Gabrielle at every turn.

3) P: “You see, friends make you vulnerable. That’s why I don’t have any.” X: “Oh, is that why?” - So simple, so effective.

4) P: “Are you crazy! I killed Krakus of Pyla.” X: “No, you didn’t.” P: “What makes you so sure?” X: “Because, I did.” – Nine times out of 10, this is Xena’s retort to someone who claims to have killed someone powerful.

5) V: “Egyptian senna? I have that growing in my garden. Well, you can’t make a good face cream without it.” - Vidalis is so "on" in this episode.

6) G: “OK, you ready? Now, this might sting a little bit.” – How the fuck would she know? “Look, I’ll try to be careful, all right?” – What she means is, "I’ll try not to smear your mascara."

Watching Gabrielle struggle inside that casket, as it's being pulled into a blazing inferno, reminds me of this scene from Kill Bill:

Ulrich Schnauss - "Nothing Happens in June." I've listened to this song several times daily, every day for a month:

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Xena: Season 2, Episode 17: "The Execution"

All right, people, settle down. Yes, I did stay with my friend over the weekend and yes I hated every minute of it. Every minute. "Never again," and that's all I'll say on the matter. Moving right along!

"The Execution:" Not a bad episode. I liked watching it, actually. It's "OK."

It reminds me of one of my all time favorite movies, Errol Morris' The Thin Blue Line. The reenactment style is the same, same dramatic lighting, and the storyline is basically the same: Someone is killed, someone is wrongly accused, someone is tried within a flawed justice system, different accounts are given, eventually justice prevails. If you’ve never seen TTBL, watch it; you will love it.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it. 

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EXTRAS:

1) X: “Don’t make this more difficult than it already is. I don’t want to bring him back, but I have to!” G: “He is an innocent man.” X: “You don’t know that!” – Good stuff. Really good stuff.

2) G: "I won’t let you do this.” M: “Gabrielle.” G: “She’s not taking you anywhere.” – This is so bold. I love that she has the balls to talk to Xena this way.

3) M: “I didn’t want you to know I started drinking again. I thought I could handle just one. Then it was another and another.” – They should show this in high schools or AA meetings.

4) G: “Friends don’t lie. You were right; he wasn’t being honest. I’m sorry for not believing you.” X: “That’s not an issue. You and I have plenty of time to talk about it, but Meleager’s not that lucky.” – I love this. What I’d give to see this future conversation take place.

6) X: "Now I know you’re innocent. You didn’t kill that man. I did.” – Man, Xena's killed EVERYBODY.

7) X: “Remember me? I saved you from that assassin.” - Love the way she says this.

8) G: “It doesn’t matter how valuable they are, as long as it’s priceless to you.” - Good times, Gabrielle. Good times.

9) M: "Look, Gabrielle, when the time comes, don’t look outside.” G: “I have to. I want you to look at me. I want the last face that you to see in this world to be a friend.” – Intense and deep. I love it all over myself.

Now, in this episode, a judge–Judge Arbus–is the bad guy. Because of his slanted ways, innocent people died. Let’s talk about another Arbus, of whom I’m a huge fan. This is Diane Arbus, my favorite photographer (holding her daughter):

Here is some of her work for which she is known:

 

This one's probably my favorite.

I love her, because even though she took pictures of seemingly ordinary things, her work scares the living shit out of me.

The song/video of the day is "Birthday Cake" by Rihanna (I'm just going to pretend that Chris Brown is not featured.) I watched my friend Pauline absolutely jam to this song in the car while riding with her in New Jersey, and I fell in love with it. It's so good:

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Xena: Season 2, Episode 16: "For Him the Bell Tolls"

"For Him the Bell Tolls" 

 The only people saving it from floppage are Gabrielle and Aphrodite

(and to a certain extent, Cupid).

You don't understand. It's not that this episode was shitty; it's just that it suuucked and was completely irrelevant. 

Here's the deal: It wasn't badly done or poorly acted and the script was fine. HOWEVER... Nothing hooked me. [SERIES SPOILER] If I remember correctly, there's a whole lotta this going on in season 5, too, so it's not that it's Joxer-based. [END SPOILER] I love Joxer! I'm on team Joxer, all right? It's not him. There was just no depth to the story. No oomph. No chutzpah.

The show is about Xena. It's even titled, Xena: Warrior Princess. They can get away with a show solely about Gabrielle, because we know Gabrielle. She's been in every single episode thus far and is a compelling character, but we barely know Joxer... In fact, there's little complexity to him as a character, right now. He gets deeper later, but that's for me to tell and for you to hear. So the point is, this episode was a whole lot of fluff, with no sugar or cream. It was like cotton candy made of actual cotton.

As you probably, maybe, might know, "For Him the Bell Tolls" is a direct lift from a passage in one of John Donne's poems or meditations (or whatever). The famous lines read as such:

... any mans death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankinde; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee..

Pretty awesome, isn't it? It's chilling. However "For Him the Bell Tolls" has absolutely nothing to do with the passage or the John Donne-inspired novel, Ernest Hemingway's "For Whom the Bell Tolls." I do like the linkage of the famous title to the relevance of this Xena ep, though.

Let's talk about the goddess of love. I looove Aphrodite. She’s one of the funniest, intriguing characters on the show (right up there with Ares) and this episode hosts her first appearance! I was so excited! [SERIES SPOILER] My most favorite thing that she ever says comes up later, in season 3 or 4, I think. Hmm… Maybe it’s even in season 6... Whatever, I'll point it out when it happens. [END SPOILER]

Might I conclude by saying that the rewatch of this was extra painful... It was like watching an episode of Batman that's about neither Batman nor Robin, but, say, Alfred the butler. It’s fine, BUT… you see where I'm goin'?

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it. 

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EXTRAS:

1) J: “My sword is always ready to pleasure you, my lady.” – When “cool” Joxer says this, it’s just not funny.

2) A: “Love isn’t just about happy endings. There’s also jealous love, and unrequited love, and tragic love. And when you strip away all the tinsel, it’s really just about hormones, isn’t it?” – Who can argue with the G. of L.?

3) G: “I think I’m gonna be sick.” – You and me both, sister.

4) G: “This is ridiculous. Don’t touch her, Joxer. Cut it out!” I: “Come here.” G: “Guys, stop it! I’ve had enough of- oh! It’s gonna be a long night. Oh, this is so sick!” – This was probably the highlight of the episode for me. Yeah, I know.

5) J: “Joxer the Mighty roams through the countryside, he never needs a place to hide. With Gaby as his sidekick, fighting with her little stick. Righting wrongs and singing songs. Being mightly all day long. He's Joxer, he's Joxer the Mighty. Oh, he's Joxer the Mighty, he's really tidy. Everybody likes him 'cause he has a funny grin. Joxer! He's Joxer the Mighty!” – Word on the street is Sam Raimi wrote this himself.

6) A: “Mmm. You’re that goody-two-shoes that hangs around my boy, Joxer.” – Seriously love the way she says, “my boy, Joxer.” That’s fucking hilarious. Aphrodite - inventing street lingo since ancient times.

7) G: “So you’re going to let an innocent man die?” A: “Oh, come on! No one’s really innocent. Well, maybe you.” – I love that even Aphrodite backs this up.

8) G: “Love is soft and gentle. It’s not violent and cruel.” A: “You don’t know much about love, do you?” – I know the way Aphrodite intends this to be taken, but there’s another way this can go that is utterly fascinating.

9) G: “Remember, that love is about trust and giving. It’s not about anger and jealousy.” A: “She really doesn’t get it, does she?” C: “Maybe she gets it better than any of us.” – God, I love Gabrielle. Now that I think about it, though, it is about anger and jealousy. It’s about aaall of those things. Just sayin’. 

Aphrodite learned to talk by watching Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure repeatedly on her VCR:

I'd like to start doing this thing where I paste the song that I'm listening to the day of the post into the blog. Usually, I'll have a certain song in my head for whatever reason. Today it was "Goddess Eyes II" by Julia Holter, a new artist I came across. Her music is a mix of basic instruments and stiff notes, like this episode. In her case, however, it works:

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