Xena: Season 5, Episode 21: "Eve"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE:

“The Death of Joxer”

Ooooh my god, this shit is so good. It's fascinating, because Xena always did try to convey to Gabrielle and Joxer, that she would've killed them if she'd met them when she was bad. They never quite took her seriously, and Livia's like an exact replica of dark Xena. 

Number of times Xena has saved Livia's life so far: 3

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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EXTRA QUOTES:

1) Joxer: "Sure, with a mother like you, how bad can she be?" – I’m surprised it took this long to see this line. It's never been more fitting.

2) Livia: "Followers of Eli don't forget to turn the other cheek." – This is eviiiill. Eeeeeheehee!!

3) Senetus: “There's no proof these people were even part of Eli's cult." Livia: "And I should care?! Why?” – She said this line wrong.

4) Villager: "You can't destroy our spirit! We've seen worse than you. We've lived through Callisto's raids." Livia: "Callisto she did some good work, but I'm not Callisto.” – My question here is, why would this guy say this. Livia was already gonna kill him; maybe try begging for your life.

5) X: "My daughter did this." – These words are correct.

6) G: "I can't believe Eve could do this." X: [reads] "'Rome needs no mother.'" – Kind of love this. Livia calling herself Rome, like Julius Caesar did. And Xena's reading it.

7) Woman: "You're Xena?" X: "That's right." [lady spits on X] – This was so realistic, this lady spitting at Xena.

8) Ares: "She's something, isn't she? Looks like Livia's nearly racked up the body count you had at her age." X: "She's my daughter, you sick bastard." Ares: "Why do you think it was so easy to turn her? Look this is all blood under the bridge. You give me a child the other gods will never find out that Eve is still alive." X: "I'd rather go to hell." – Love dialogue.

9) X: "These tracks are fresh. I can't believe that it's my daughter we're tracking, that it's Eve who's doing these terrible things." G: "Xena, this isn't the Eve that you would've raised. Ares did this." X: "Ares might have opened the door, but Eve had to walk through." G: "How do you know that?" X: "You said it yourself Eve finally took a good look inside herself, and she found me there." G: "That's not what I meant." X: "I know her rage it's in Eve's blood, Gabrielle. I made her who she was. I was her." G: "Then there's hope because you changed." – This is gold, too.

10) X: "All right, boys, that's enough arts and crafts for today." – Heh

11) Ares: [Xena and Livia fighting] "Oh, yeah." – This is awesome. Ares’ two favorite women, mother and daughter, fighting each other to the death.

12) X: "Listen to your heart." Livia: "My heart is a traitor." X: "Eve." – Gorgeous. Livia is admitting that this situation is painful when she listens.

13) G: "Xena you were getting through to Eve today. All you need is another chance." X: "Chances run out, Gabrielle for all of us." G: "If that's true if Eve can't be changed could you kill your own daughter?" X: "If I had to yes, I could." – I love Xena saying this last line. Missed opp: Xena asking Gabrielle about how it felt for her to kill Hope, twice.

14) Joxer: "Virgil about today-" Vir: "Forget about today, Dad. You were just tired." Jox: "Listen let me finish. I always wanted to be a great warrior. It didn't work out. I tried to join every army from here to Egypt, but nobody ever wanted me and, ah well that's all." Virgil: "So, you never battled the dryads?" Joxer: "That was Xena." Virgil: "What about the harpies?" Joxer: "Xena, too." Virgil: "Sent Callisto to hell?" Joxer: "Xena." Virgil: "Got Callisto out of hell." Joxer: "Xena." Virgil: "Wow. Sounds like you and Xena had some real adventures together, Dad." Joxer: "We sure did, Son. We sure did." – This is so sweet of Virgil.

15) Livia: "Leave us. Auntie Gabrielle welcome." G: "I've come here-" Liv: "No, please, let me. You thought if you could just talk to me heart to heart? You could convince me that Xena wants only to help me and if I could find it within myself, to give her a chance Mommy would make it all better." G: "The gods wanted you dead. Xena risked her life to save you. Does that mean anything to you?" Livia: "It means, she's as stupid as she is sentimental." G: "Your mother loves you." Livia: "Then why is she trying to destroy me?" G: "Xena wants to protect you. She will not fight you." Livia: "Maybe she hasn't been properly motivated." – So much to unpack here. 1) Xena means so much to Gabrielle that Gabrielle is risking her life to save Livia. 2) Livia knows Xena loves Gabrielle to death. 3) It's also typical mother/daughter fare, in that daughters think their mothers want to ruin their lives.

16) Joxer [Counting soldiers]: "17, 18, 19, 20 to one. Good odds." – Joxer’s 2nd to last funny joke.

17) Livia: "Today we wipe out the remnants of Eli's cult and I take my revenge on their champion, Xena." G: "It's not too late to stop this, Eve." Livia: "Don't call me Eve. Tie her up." – Y'all trying to turn me on?

18) Livia: "Do you think that Xena will still want that mother/daughter reunion after she finds your bloodless corpse, Auntie Gabrielle?" Joxer: "No! -Problem! Heh, heh. Spill that infidel's blood! Personally, I never like to kill infidels before noon. Though, in your cases, I'll make an excep- ooh! Hey, that is sharp." [Xena rides in, attacking] Livia: "Oh, good, Mom's here." Joxer: "About time." – Joxer’s last joke, and it is funny.

19) G: "What were you doing?" Joxer: "I didn't want didn't want to disappoint you." G: "You could never disappoint me." Joxer: "What? What's the matter with you guys? I'm gonna be fine. Come on. I'm a little cold, but it doesn't hurt anymore." – Joxer’s last words ☹ This is a subtle, dignified death.

20) X: "Virgil, you should be with Meg. This isn't your fight." Virgil: "Look you have my respect, because you had his but don't tell me this isn't my fight not now." – I don’t know what to do with this.

21) Ares: "That Virgil is one angry guy. I can't say I blame him." X: "Get lost." Ares: "But he shouldn't hate Livia, should he? You're the one he should hate. You could have prevented all of this, but no. Joxer is dead because the thought of me made you sick. OK, but if I sicken your soul, stopping Livia will kill it." – God, Ares is going hard here. Love the way Xena says “get lost.” She’s DONE.

22) G: "None. Xena, I went to Livia. I tried to tell her that we love her. She didn't care." X: "You called her Livia." G: "That's who she is. Eve is dead. She's not your daughter anymore, Xena she's Rome's." – OUCH, fuck.

23) Livia: "Glad you could make it, Xena. I hope you're not going to ruin my day with more of your excruciating mother/daughter platitudes." X: "No, I'm done talking. Livia." – Awesome.

24) X: "This ends here, Livia." Livia: "You finally get it. Eve is dead." X: "That's right. I'm here to avenge her." Livia: "Time to put you out of my misery." X: "Give it your best shot." – Awesome, again.

25) Livia: "Attack!" – Heh.

26) Livia: "Come on, Mother, do it. Ares was right, you're weak." X: "Eli, save my daughter. I couldn't. I love you." – I love this. I love that Xena couldn’t kill her and that she was going to let Livia kill her, because she loves her that much. This reminds me of the time that Xena let Gabrielle bite her as a bacchae. [When I have time, I'll name all the other times that Xena let Gabrielle hurt her/kill her.]

27) X: "Livia." Livia: "Oh, what have I done?" X: "Livia." [Virgil charges Livia with a sword] X: "Noo!" Virgil: "I had her! Why'd you stop me?! Why?!" – Fuck, I LOVE this part. I think this actress gets a lot wrong, but I love the way she says this pivotal line.

This song is so bloody and dark, just like Livia.