Xena: Season 5, Episode 20: "Livia"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE:

“25 Years Later”

This episode is awesome.

Expanding on things I loved:

• That it’s 25 years later. It essentially kills-off the current cast, except Xena and Gabrielle.
• That Ares inadverstently selected Xena’s daughter as his chosen. This is so cool.
• Gabrielle is sad that Joxer is old. This is a bit too real for me and hard to watch.
• It's endearing that Joxer continued into his elderly state with stories still of his “heroics.”
• Xena doesn’t contemplate Octavius’s denial of Ares, she just says what she has to, he grapples with it, denies it, while she continues on about her plan.
• Livia getting to see how awesome of a fighter Xena is. This is so neat.
• Xena resolving herself to fight her own daughter.

Kind of annoyed that Joxer’s son is thrown into the mix and he’s hot. Same with Livia. It’s like they’re trying to make the way for all these hot people, like shows sometimes do (looking at you, SVU). It’s just distracting, HOWEVER, I like this actor.

I recall being so bummed this episode, that all these new characters were introduced, as though the show thought that people were getting tired of Xena and Gabrielle, that the public wanted young, traditionally hot people. I don’t, dawg. I want grown-ass women. 

There are so many things you can do with a relationship. So many interesting things to do with two characters. No fresh blood was needed. I feel like Xena only expanded upon a small fraction of what could’ve been done, then brought in Virgil and Eve. I thought Virgil and Eve would be the focus of the show from then on, and I just didn’t care. In my head, this clicked with why they canceled Xena at Season 6.

When I watched Season 5 in 2009, I had no idea that Season 6 was going to be as amazing as it was.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

 

EXTRA QUOTES:

1) X: "Meg, it's Meg." G: "No, Xena you were identical." Meg: "Here, gimme that. I'll get ya a fresh one." G: "If I were you, I would lay off the starches." – Hahahaha!

2) Meg: "You know what? Shorty, you kinda look like her. Only Gabrielle wasn't so butch." – YES, GOD.

3) Joxer: "You know, I looked for you for years. I only quit after after old Argo died." X: "Argo... there'll never be another like her." – This is excellent.

4) J: "Xena, meet Argo II." G: "Is that really Argo's daughter?" J: "Yeah. Only thing is, I never let anyone ride her." G: "Xena?" X: "Let's see what you can do. [Xena rides her.] Joxer, she's beautiful." – Love the way Xena says the last line. So good.

5) G: "Xena, she's alive. There's a chance that you can still be in her life." – I tell myself this about all of my ex-girlfriends. It’s good advice.

6) X: "Thanks, anyway. Wish me luck." Virgil: "Fortune favors the brave." G: "I'll say. You have a way with words." – OK, yes, it was the real Virgil who said (or repeated) "Fortune favors the brave,” so they are trying to make Joxer’s son a historic figure.

7) Ares: [He and Livia are sparring] "You are worse than a wasp!" Liv: "Death has no sting for gods, remember?" Ares: "Give up?" Liv: "I'll give you somethin'." [They kiss] – Ew.

8) X: "If you were mortal I'd cut out your heart." Ares: "Xena." [He leans in to kiss her] X: "Kiss this." [She harms him] Ares: "Oo." – Love this fucking confrontation.

9) L: "Charming. Move and I'll kill you." Ares: "Take it easy, Livia. It's not how it looks." L: "Then how is it?" Ares: "For 25 years, I thought Xena was dead. And now she shows up, not one day older. I had to kiss her make sure she was real not an impostor." L: "You're telling me that you had to kiss her to I.D. her?" – This is so juicy and fucked up. I love it so much.

10) Octavius: "I see the years haven't robbed you of your stealth." X: "No, just my child. But don't worry I'm not gonna kill ya not today. I believe that you truly do care for my daughter. I'm going to save her. Are you in or out?" Oct: "Save her from what? Marrying me? Xena, I love her and what's more, Livia loves me." X: "Fool. She doesn't love you. She loves the god of war." – I love all of this. That Xena just dismisses Octavius the moment she sees him this episode. She has no feeling for him.

11) X: "Ares is going to be at the Bacchanalia tonight. So am I." – Me, too, girl. Love that they just dropped this hardcore party into the mix.

12) Ares: "Hit me." [He thinks she’s going to refill his cup, not looking at who it is.] X: "Don't tempt me." – Hahahahahaah YAAAAAY

13) Ares: "I was kinda hopin' you'd be back. I gotta know what happened. I thought you were dead." X: "It's a nasty rumor." Ares: "No no, see, I mourned you. For years, I mourned you." X: "Yes, you looked positively grief-stricken when I saw you today at the arena." Ares: "What? That rough-and-tumble with Livia? You're not jealous." X: "Of a Roman wannabe? Hardly." Ares: "Well, you're right she's not you. Because if I thought, for one moment that you being here meant we had a second chance " X: "Yes?" Ares: " I'd drop her like a nasty habit." Oct: "You and Ares? I'd sooner see the empire destroyed than leave it to you." – Noice!

14) X: "Ares." Ares: "Still pickin' up on me after all these years.” – Love this detail.

15) Ares: "I figured out, whatever you did to cheat death, I must've slowed up by putting you and Gabrielle on ice, but not Eve. And so for 25 years, she kept growing into Livia, champion of Rome." X: "Keep out of my way." – Love the way she says this.

16) Ares: "The moment it hit me, I knew. I don't know why I didn't see it before, but I didn't, I swear." X: "And that's supposed to make it OK?" Ares: "No, it's supposed to make you see that it wasn't personal." X: "It doesn't get more personal than when you corrupt my daughter the way you did me." Ares: "See? That is just my point. It's not the same. Nobody's the same as you, Xena, not for me." – Uuugggh, this exchange is BLISS!!

17) G: "What are you doing?" Virgil: "Um that? It's nothing." G: "Are you writing?" Virgil: "Yes. Um, I write or at least I try, but I'm nowhere near as good as you." G: "You're a bard." – I love that Virgil the great poet bowed down to Gabrielle’s writing.

18) L: "Livia, commander of the legions of Rome is here as your champion. Announce the match... Would you deny the people their sport? Announce the match!" Octavius: "The first match will be fought by Livia, defender of Rome." [Crowd cheers] Octavius: "Against the champion of the followers of Eli, Xena." – Why the fuck did they have to name Xena the champion of Eli. This is so stupid, I hate it.

19) X: "I will never give up on you Eve. Never!" L: "I'm Livia!" – [SPOILER] She totally gives up on her. [END SPOILER] PS, the way Livia says this is awful.

20) X: "I'm not going to kill you, Eve. You're my daughter whether you know it or not. I love you." Livia: "Then let me die." – I…love this.

This is Ulrich Schnauss's "Like a Ghost in Your Own Life," because I bet Xena sure felt like one in hers when she woke up 25 years later, perfectly preserved.