ALTERNATIVE TITLE:
"Xena and Gabrielle Fake-Die, Starring Ares as Mr. Freeze"
OH MY GOD, THIS IS SUCH A GOOD EPISODE. HOLY SHIT. This is an 8 for sure, maybe a 9. God damn.
Expanding on M' Notes:
- I'm serious, how is Athena this fucking good.
- 17:18 You can see right up Xena’s battle skirt. Welkies.
- This episode is the one instance where crying is critical to the storyline. Thank god I'm brilliant enough to have included the crying field on my review sheet.
- I love the sequence of shots where Joxer watches, on and off-screen, Ares beaming Gabrielle and Xena away, one at a time. It's great, Joxer just sees him disappear and reappear off-camera.
I remember when I first watched this episode, being so shocked and alarmed upon suddenly hearing that this was the last time Joxer saw Xena and Gabrielle. Shocked that the series took such a dramatic turn. I didn’t know what the fuck they were doing with the show. It was scary, like riding the Texas Freefall at Splashtown.
SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.
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EXTRA LOVED:
1) Athena’s rolling her eyes at Ares
2) Ares
3) Ares appearing on Athena’s throne
4) Gabrielle writing the episode
5) Xena's face as she picks up Celesta's candle at Hephaestus's house
6) Ares being scared of Athena
7) Celesta's look to Xena as Celesta vanishes: you're my enemy now, bitch!
8) Ares tagging along for the wagon ride
9) Celesta confronts Gabrielle and Xena like a mom. I imagine this made it harder for them to keep up the ruse
10) Athena's soldier knocked Joxer's ass out
11) Gabrielle writing the episode in the wagon
12) Gabrielle dropping her scroll during the chase, the scroll Joxer is reading
13) Xena fell off the cliff to the beach with Gabrielle in her arms
14) Ares is so hurt X’s dead
15) Xena yelling "no" at Athena
16) Celesta's candle grows back when she picks it up again
EXTRA QUOTES:
1) X: "I hope you don't mind. We were in the neighborhood." Lachesis: "The fates always welcome you here, Xena. We're pleasantly surprised." X: "Finding your kid topping the list of Olympus' most wanted makes you do some pretty surprising things. This is one of them." – Why the fuck is this so funny.
2) Clotho: "You wish us to speak for your child. Your child, Xena-" Atropos: "-will bring forth the twilight and usher in a new beginning." X: "Yes, I heard. I was hoping you could humor me with a date." – God, this is so good.
3) Clotho: "The twilight will occur in time." X: "That's not very specific." Lachesis: "The time depends on you, Xena." X: "What do you mean? It's me that determines when the twilight begins? How?" Atropos: "You must die, Xena." – Right out of the gate, this dialogue is lovable.
4) G: "You're saying that, the sooner Xena dies, the faster Eve brings about the fall of the gods? No. Xena, let's go. Hey what are you doing? You're not listening to them? Xena, you have said we always determine our own fate. It's not written for us. You've always believed that." X: "I still believe that, Gabrielle. So do they. It's the only way. I have to die, Gabrielle." – Love the way X says “so do they.”
5) G: "Xena! Toss Eve here!" X: "No, Gabrielle!" Athena: "What's wrong, Xena? No longer trust even Gabrielle to protect your child?" – I mean, they would just shoot at Gabrielle. That was a dumb idea, even dumber to say it out loud.
6) X: "All right. Come here." G: "Ow! Ow. What is that?" X: "It's poison (G gives pause) only if you drink it. A little dab'll stop the spread of infection." G: "Where did you get that?" X: "Mom's medicine cabinet.” – Oh thank you, god, for throwing us a frickin bone.
7) Athena: "Xena never dies. And why is that?"
8) Hephaestus: "How does it feel, Xena? How does it feel to finally be in the presence of death herself?" X: "What took you so long?" – I love this woman.
9) Celesta: "Your confrontation with Hephaestus, that's exactly what you wanted, how you lured me to you." X: "Believe me, lady, if there was a better way for us to hook up, I'd have done it." – Hahahaha, lady.
10) Celesta: "Xena, you should know that my brother and Athena, and all Olympus will stop at nothing to find me." X: "Then they'd better hurry up 'cause if I'm not mistaken, Celesta, when this candle burns out you die." – Looooove the way X says this.
11) Celesta: "Xena, this isn't like you. Or you, Gabrielle. At one time, you both fought to free me." X: "You're right. Somehow, motherhood has made me harder." – Yes, I imagine it makes everyone harder.
12) Celesta: "By holding me here you're condemning to eternal suffering those who would otherwise find their peace." X: "Lady, since we last met, I've decided you cause a lot more suffering than you end." – This is the second time Xena calls Celesta “lady.” I’m excited to be present.
13) Celesta: "Death is nothing to fear, Xena, for I only visit those whose rightful time-" X: "Rightful time?! Who decides when it's the rightful time? You are at the beck and call of every warlord and murderer. Solan, my only son, his rightful time came when someone else decided it should, and you came running no questions asked.” – This dialogue is so good, seriously. “You came runnin, no questions asked?” Fuck oooooffff, that’s great.
14) X: "-and Lyceus." Celesta: "Your brother." G: "Xena-" X: "-Lyceus. Lyceus, he wasn't just a brother, he was my best friend. You know, growing up, he was everything to me. He accepted me for who and what I was. And if you hadn't taken him, he would have grown up to be something-" G: "-Xena, don't do this." X: "What?" G: "She's immortal. She'll never understand the pain of losing someone." X: "Yes, she will. Yes, she will, 'cause you have a brother, too." – THANK YOU, JESUS.
15) Athena: "So looks like Xena couldn't leave death in your hands, either." – Athena has the best quips.
16) Athena: "Hades, Gabrielle is no use to us dead. You can't kill the child until Celesta's free and given our time constraint, diplomacy is the best way of accomplishing that. But then again (Athena grabs Joxer by the throat) where is she?" – I was not prepared for this joke by Athena.
17) Ares: "Come on give us a head start. I don't think that's too much to ask, do you, Sis?" Ath: "I think it is.” – Athena is awesome. That is all.
18) Joxer's son: "But Eve was in-" Joxer: "-Eve was in the wagon." – Love the way Joxer says this. It’s suspenseful and almost scary. Must run in Raimi's family.
19) Ares: "You're with her now. I handled you all wrong. I know that. She knew what you needed unconditional and unselfish love and I couldn't give that to you. But I appreciated you in ways she never could your rage your violence your beauty. When you sacrificed yourself for others, you were hers but when you kicked ass you were mine. I love you, Xena." – This is all gay. Maybe should be in subtext. What did Ares think she needed that she didn’t want from him? All I see here is Ares admitting Gabrielle's better than he is.
I listened to this song this day. It's called "Open Up the Sky," and that's exactly what Xena did, isn't it.
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