Wanda's Episode Critique Template

Alright. Here it is... I'm pretty proud of this. I mean, just look at it. Talk about utilizing the space, eh? EH?!

CLICK HERE FOR LARGER VIEW

Links for Xena Movie Review Templates in: COLOR/Black & White

First of all, let me say that I would love for you to watch the series along with me. Just click on one of the links above, print one review template for each episode, fill it out, three-hole punch it, and archive them all in a binder. (This template is three-hole punch friendly, meaning: you can punch three holes in it with a three-hole punch and it won't F up the text.) I also plan to make a pdf/fill-out version of this, in case you want to save a tree. I, myself, intend to have both a physical and digital copy, because that's how I roll, girlfriend.  

I might still adjust these one last time before I watch the series. As soon as I do that, full-size, high-quality copies will be available for download. For the time being, I'm just going to go over a few things here. You know, discuss why I included certain fields and what not. We'll start from the top left to right, going down. 

The "Favorite" Box

Located on the upper-left side of the page just below the heading. Check or color-in this box to indicate whether or not this episode is a favorite of yours. You can come back later and instantly identify which episodes were gems. If you're not sure if an episode is a favorite or not, ask yourself this question, "Would I like to watch it again?" If you feel, in any way, that the answer is 'yes,' then for god's sake, check the goddamn box.

The "Sucked-OK-Awesome" Star Scale

Pretty self-explanatory and fun. Just color in the number of stars you'd like to give the episode. Part of the beauty of being a Xena fan is accepting (whole-heartedly) that some episodes really blow. You'll be happy to identify them as such and thank the creative staff for being so ballsy and trying anyway. It's because they took risks that we got such a wonderful show on the whole. But they can't all be good episodes, so don't be afraid to color-in a single "Sucked" star. It helps to have watched the series all the way through when using this scale. We all know which episode would earn a "10" and which one(s) the "1." If I can be of some help, only one or two episodes should earn the actual 10-star and 1-star spots. Most everything else falls in between. God, I can't wait to watch this series again. 

Season/Episode/Title

Fill it in. Do it. How else will you or anyone else know which episode you're reviewing? Also, I love Xena episode titles. I wish I knew the story behind each one and who thought of them.

The "Before Viewing" Field

The "Before Viewing" area is just for fun. You can either say what you remember of the episode from the title (even if it's wrong); predict what you think the episode is about; just plain say you have no idea; or just say that you're hungry and elaborate.

Writer/Director

There was a time in the past when I didn't give a tinker's fart who wrote and directed whatever it was that I was watching. Now, I'm a little wiser, and I realize that the writer and director are the ones who make the magic. The actors would suck without them, especially without the director. After all, it's her overall vision that we're enjoying, so it's important to know who's responsible. I'm real excited about these fields, because I didn't take note of them last time (along with everything else), and I'm curious to see who consistently turns out good work.

Synopsis

This is my least favorite part of the template but one of the most important. It's tedious to remember the exact names of places and people involved in all of these plots. This isn't like Beverly Hills 90210 where the characters and city are all the same for each episode. If you've ever watched Xena or Hercules, you know that a myriad of characters come in and out of the series in practically every episode. Some actors are even used for more than one character, as you'll see. (You can note that in the "Notes" section, coming up later.) But detail the synopsis as much as you can. It will help you remember what happened in each episode. (Remember, there are 134 in total. 134...)

"Comedy or Drama?"

Pretty self-explanatory. We all know there are some straight-up comedies in Xena. The funny thing is, when I was a teenager, I didn't like the funny ones at all. Now, I think those are my favorite. Sometimes, an episode is serious with some funny parts in there; this is when it's appropriate to check "mish-mash." If you cried, tell the world; check one of the boxes to the right of this category. I recall crying a few times throughout all of the seasons. Will be interesting to know just how many times Xena hurt my feelings.

The 2 T's Field

Of course I speak of "Theme" and "Topic." Now, these are important, probably. Topic is what's happening literally in the episode. A Theme is more underlying and not always obvious... Actually, you know, just do the best you can here. I don't think I know what I'm talking about.

Characters

List the characters in the episode here. This will help you find episodes later on. You can think to yourself, "Now, what's that one episode with Autolycus and Gabrielle?" But think no more! Just use your trusty review template to find the answer.

Wardrobe

These last three fields came as an afterthought when I was finalizing the template. I want to keep track of everyone's costumes; I feel like they fluctuate more than I remember. Plus, this is kind of like the fashion section of the template, and who doesn't like fashion?

The "Loved" Field

Elaborate here about the things in the episode that you really liked, such as a costume, the scenery (oh my god, New Zealand), the music (holy shit, Joseph LoDuca), a particular character or actor, or the way Gabrielle sometimes tilts her head when she looks at Xena.

The "Hated" Field

Point out shit that irritated you, whether it be a bad wig (they're in there), a bad actor (they're in there), or a poor plot device. I plan to note stuff that I wish the director or writer had or hadn't done.

The "Maintext" Field

List everything here that was sexual or "touchy" that doesn't require interpretation. For instance, when Hercules and Xena kiss romantically, jot it down here. One day, you might want to know when and where someone kissed somebody. When Gabrielle hugs Xena or Xena straight-up flirts with Gabrielle, you put that here, too.

The "Subtext" Field

Here's the FreeDictionary's definition of "subtext:"  1. The implicit meaning or theme of a literary text. 2. The underlying personality of a dramatic character as implied or indicated by a script or text and interpreted by an actor in performance. In the world of Xena fans, you'll hear the word "subtext" in every other sentence. The subtext in Xena refers to Gabrielle and Xena's relationship, or the stuff that happens off-camera between them. Sometimes "stuff" between them happens on-camera; in that case, put it in "Maintext." If there's any other feeling you get from stuff that happens on-camera that you think has a deeper, unspoken meaning, you should list that here, too.

The "Death" and "Crying" Fields

These were the some of the last fields I added, sort of as a postscript. I realized on the train yesterday that if someone cries, like Xena or Gabrielle (it happens), I wanna know. If someone dies, whether it be a whole village of people or Xena (...), then I want to know. This will be a fun field. It'll be a surprise to watch an episode where these two fields are left blank.

The "Quotes" Field

Do it! Write down your favorite quotes! They are all. over. the place in this series. Amazing quotes, funny quotes, profound quotes, reworded famous quotes. Xena has it all.

The "Notes" Field

This covers everything for which there is no field. Speak freely here about anything you want. My one fear about the template is that this field isn't big enough.

Location/Date/Time

When and where did this episode viewing go down, girlfriend?

Appearance

While you sat there and watched this particular episode, were you in your work clothes or your underwear?

Who Watched It With You?

I don't know why I included this field, as I probably will never use it. The show means so much to me, that watching an episode becomes a very private experience. I will watch every single episode alone, because I can't handle any distractions during such an intense time. If someone says, "Xena? Can I watch it with you?" I will either tell them "no" or put on an episode that I've already seen. I do think it's interesting when people watch Xena together, though, so please share with us with whom you shared the episode. If there's enough space, tell us how your friend liked it!

What Did You Eat?

Did you eat a whole thing of Double Stuf Oreos during "Hooves and Harlots?" Tell us about it.

Who Called You?

If someone calls me during Xena, I doubt I'll answer the phone, but what if it's important? I might answer it. I want to know who you and I talked to during Xena and what was said. Mainly, I want to know if you said, "Hey... watching Xena; what are you doing?" Because, I mean, how funny. Whoever you are talking to will have a real response to that (like probably laughter), and they'll love that you told them. How long was your conversation, and what was the conversation about? You'll come back to this later and laugh about it, no matter how mundane.

That's it! Lemme know of ways the template can be improved. I want it to be all-encompassing and tight, girl.

While we're at it, here's the Xena Episode/Season Summary sheet:

 

Click HERE for COLOR. Click HERE for Black & White

This template is a bit more self-explanatory. It allows you an all-in-one glance at which episodes are your favorite. Makes it a little easier (and tidier) to see the big picture. Cool, right?! I'm a freakin' genius. Fill one of these out for each season. The three precursor episodes in Hercules will have their own sheet: Season Zero. (I love that I'm calling it Season Zero. It's not lesser-than; it's just before there was a season one, that's all.)

Don't forget to like the Xena 2011 Movie Campaign on Facebook!  

 Xena Movie Review Templates: COLOR or Black & White

 Thanks for reading!

Seasons Change, People Change: Xena Seasons in Rank

Before I start my schpeel about the six fabulous seasons of Xena, I forgot to mention that I purchased Hercules: The Legendary Journeys - The Xena Trilogy over the weekend (Saturday to be exact). 

I didn't know there was such a thing, until I did some old-fashioned investigating. I originally planned to watch the three introductory episodes of Xena on Hercules online or something, 'til I realized they sell them all in one tidy little DVD. Yes, Xena is that popular. On the flip side, I've never heard of any Xena episodes featuring Hercules being sold separately from the Xena series. Just sayin'. You can take the Xena out of Hercules, but you can't take the Hercules out of Xena. Why don't you think about that for a while.

ANYway. Although I ordered the Xena Anthology a week ago, I have a feeling the trilogy will arrive sooner than they. If that's the case, I will totally watch the shit out of it whether the box set is here or not. If the box set arrives before the trilogy, however, I will not be watching Xena - no! Not until those first three Herc episodes arrive. It just wouldn't be right.

Now, let's get seasonal.

One of my favorite things to hear from fellow Xena fans is their favorite season and why it's their favorite. I can't get enough of this topic. I don't know if I could truly name my favorite season right now. Perhaps after the second viewing, I can refer to my notes and find out once and for all which season is my absolute favorite. Right now, though, I feel the order is something like this:

1) Season 6

2) Season 4

3) Season 3

4) Season 2

5) Season 1

6) Season 5

It'll be interesting to see if the arrangement changes after the 2012 viewing (Just saying "2012 viewing" makes me wanna climax.) 

What's your favorite season and why? I love it when people say season 5. Someone needs to love season 5. And perhaps an explanation of why it's a favorite will make me "see" all of its goodness. Wouldn't that be something if I came out of this second viewing with season 5 as my favorite? (It'll never happen.) 

I remember loving episodes from 5 but really hating some, too. A lot of them, actually. Season 5 really upset me, as a matter of fact, and put me in a bad mood for days (weeks!), but this was before I realized that season 6 was so incredible. So now, knowing what I know about this series, will my knowledge of the future change the past? Will my upcoming informed viewing with my "new," learned eyes change the seasons?

I'd love to go into detail about what I remember from each season, but I feel that's putting the cart before the horse, so to speak. There will be plenty of time for that when I fill out the "Xena Season Summary Template" following the close of each season. The sheet of which I speak is almost as cool as the "Xena Episode Critique Template." You'll see both of these tomorrow, I think. If anyone is reading this, I would love some straight-up feedback about the template. I'm open for suggestions about how to improve it to better suit your needs. And my own. Until then, Lalalalalalalalala!!

Watching Xena in 2009 - The Beginning

First, an update about the 2012 XenaCon currently going down/ending as we speak: according to this picture taken by a Facebook Xena Movie Campaign team member, 2012 no longer marks the last year for Xena Conventions. No sir; they're definitely having one in 2013 and guess who'll be there, girl. This bitch. Now, back to the discussion at hand. 

Because I'm about to watch and review all six seasons of Xena: Warrior Princess, the greatest TV show on Earth, I'll disclose a few things about my initial viewing of the entire series two years ago in 2009. Topics covered include how long it took me, notes that I took (few as they were), and what I thought about each season.

After I moved to a new city in 1996 and stopped watching Xena, I remember:
1) reading about a musical episode ("The Bitter Suite") that was about to air. I was (and still am) majorly into musicals and operas, so I was thrilled about it at the time but was just too busy with my budding adult life to watch it.
2) randomly seeing pictures of Gabrielle with short hair but not knowing why she cut it and even hating that she cut it.
3) hearing about the cancellation of the show when I was in my early 20s and lamenting that it was ending but also being impressed that it lasted six seasons. (In retrospect, I'm pissed that it only lasted six seasons.)

All of this was prior to 2009, when I finally sat down and watched the whole series properly from beginning to end. I can't remember what possessed me to do it, other than I never stopped loving the show and all of the eps were streaming on Netflix.

**Before 2009, I had never seen a single episode of seasons 3, 4, 5, or 6.** 

It pains me to say that I didn't document my progress with the full Xena viewing in 2009, because I simply wasn't aware of how the series as a whole would affect me.

I mean, don't get me wrong. I had always loved Xena, even though I'd only seen various episodes of the first two seasons before 2009. I just had no idea it would get as serious and deep as it did. When I realized, during the viewing in 2009, that I wanted/needed to take notes, I was already almost finished and just thought, "fuck it."

Watching every single episode of Xena is no easy feat. Many are unaware of what an undertaking it is. Each episode of Xena is roughly 44 minutes long and there are about 22 episodes in each season (thank god!) In 2009, it took me three months to watch the series (minus the last two episodes, which I couldn't bring myself to watch and had been told not to watch by some serious Xena fans. I was afraid [and still am] that watching the final episodes would snuff my love for the show.)

In 2009, I worked a full-time job, so that meant that I could comfortably watch about 1 or 2 episodes per work night. Every morning when I woke up, I played the previous night's Xena episode as I got ready for work, which always put me in a good mood. I fit in eps every time I got a chance and then started reading the reviews from AUSXIP after each episode about halfway through the series, which would take up about 30 minutes, post-viewing.

When I told my friends what I was doing (they love me for loving Xena, as they should), they couldn't believe I would even think of dwindling away so much time on a TV show like Xena. Now, they tell me all the time that they'll sit down to watch all of Mad Men, Roseanne, Law & Order: SVU, etc; knit; play video games; watch sports; play sports; go out; get wasted; do drugs; attend plays; dance; read books; cook food; eat food; pan handle, or what-have-you. I consider some of these activities to be art-forms, some to be observations of art, and some to be a complete waste of time - whatever!

The point is, I think watching Xena is a serious exercise in art appreciation and an art form, because of what it does to me and what it makes me want to do. If you let it, this show will open your mind and change you for the better. My best friend, Luscious L, once said, "Watching TV can be good for you, if you think about what you're watching." In that spirit, watching Xena is extremely beneficial. It's all about people dreaming big and making it happen.

Because seasons 3, 4 and 6 took me by such surprise in their strength in 2009, I can't exactly remember the impacts of seasons 1 and 2. I recall liking them. They are, after all, what made me fall in love with Xena in the first place. I definitely remember thinking that season 5 sucked, but that could just be because season 5 lost it. "It" being Xena and Gabrielle's connection. I wonder if, when I watch the series again knowing that "it" returns (with a vengeance) in season 6, I'll actually like/enjoy season 5 and maybe liken it to the innocence of seasons 1 and 2. It will be the biggest surprise in the world for me, if that happens after the 2012 viewing. More on the seasons tomorrow.

Reviewing Xena: The Greatest Enterprise in History

Now, I am not a wealthy woman by any stretch. I'm not even what one would call "financially stable." I live alone in New York City, one of the most expensive places in the world; rent for my studio apartment is $1,085 a month; my gas has been shut off since November, because I can't afford to pay the bill; I scrape a meager living as a receptionist in Manhattan; I have no health insurance (ha!); I barely make enough to make ends meet. In short, I really have no business being here, yet I find it's the perfect setting to watch back-to-back episodes of Xena. 

What I'm saying is I am going to sit here, in the middle of Brooklyn, on my couch, in the midst of the hustle and bustle of the Big Apple, to watch 134 episodes of Xena: Warrior Princess (137 if you count the introductory episodes in Hercules: The Legendary Journeys.) Though I'm sure I'm not the first to do this, I might just be the only person who's ever done it.

In case you aren't paying attention, that's 4 days, 9 hours and 12 minutes... of Xena: Warrior Princess.

The way in which I will tackle this task is very structured. I have a tentative schedule set up that I'll share with you in the coming days. It took me about three months to finish the series in 2009, which I'll talk about tomorrow. I'm giving myself the same amount of time this go-round, though I predict there will be more rewinding involved. 

I've created an episode review template, about which I'm really excited. I'll upload that for everyone to download and use. Right now, I'm warring over whether to type my notes within the template or print out the sheet, fill it in by hand, and scan each one into my computer. What would you do? Hmm... 

If I hand-write them, they'll be more fun to look at, but it could also be messy; be unorganized; take me longer to make corrections; be harder to edit, surely; and all post-research will have to be done manually. HOWEVER, if I type everything directly into the template in, say, Adobe Illustrator or Acrobat, then I could make each file searchable in a pdf document (using optical character recognition [OCR]) and I could print physical copies.. I think I just answered my own question. Blogger: it's your therapist and your guide. 

My Time at the 2010 Xena Convention

I was going to use today's post to talk about Xena stuff, such as how much I love Xena and how excited I am to talk about Xena, but it occurred to me that tomorrow is supposedly the last annual Xena convention (which I will be missing). So. I'm going to use this time instead to reflect upon my one and only experience with a Xena convention.

In November of 2009, at the age of 32, I began watching Xena in its entirety for the first time. When I learned about the upcoming 2010 Xena Convention through my friend Jolisa's aunt Judy, coupled with what I'd seen of Xena (I think I was up to season 5 at the time), I had to go. I was near to finishing all the episodes, when I attended the convention in January of 2010 in Burbank, California.

My best friend Luscious L, whom I mentioned in a previous post, lives in California with her husband, Curtis. I try to visit them about once a year. Since Luscious L and Curtis don't live far from Burbank, I made them an offer they couldn't refuse: I'd buy our tickets to the convention, if they drove. It didn't take long to get an answer; they were totally down.

On a side note, I am not making up these "J" names. I seriously have a million friends whose first names start with "J." Look at your own friends and tell me if you find the same.

Alright - Xena. California. Road trip.

Here's my computer print-out convention ticket. It's nothing to write home about, but I saved it nonetheless.

Now, I'm not one to "go" to conventions. K? I'm not a big scifi fan or anything like that. I mean, I am, but not enough to attend a convention as such. The 2010 Xena Convention represents the first and only time I've ever gone to a convention for love of a TV show. I've never been to a comic con or anything of that nature. The closest thing I can think of is, this one time, when I was about 13, I went to a cat convention with my mother - my idea. Other than that, I've been to tons of concerts, straight plays, and musicals, but a Xena con is not the same thing, now is it?

I had a total blast at XenaCon 2010. (Can I call it that? XenaCon? XenaCon.) I mean, I tried to remain calm, but the moment I walked through the door, I felt a kinship with everyone there and was so fucking excited, I almost peed in my pants. I picked a really good day to go, too. Not only did I get to see Lucy Lawless and Renee O'Connor speak and do a short play, I met and took a picture with Hudson Leick. I could post the picture, but that would ruin my sense of anonymity. Should I post it? It's, like, the most awesome picture in the world.

I happened to run into Jolisa's aunt Judy. She's a huge Xena fan and has never missed a XenaCon. As soon as I saw her, she offered to let me pose with her and Hudson as part of her pre-purchased photo shoot. I immediately dumped Luscious L and Curtis (they totally understood) to stand in line with Judy. "Hold my poster," was the only instruction I gave them, followed by, "Whatever you do, don't let anything happen to my poster." Then I left and stood in line with Judy and her veteran XenaCon friends.

Before the portrait took place, the girls and I rapped for about an hour nonstop about Xena, getting drunk at the con at night, Katherine Fugate, and the last two episodes of the series. I was totally in my element. It was like making out for the first time; it felt that right.

Finally, Judy and I took our celebrity picture with Hudson Leick, who is a total sweetheart and even more beautiful in person, as if that were possible. Everyone is even more beautiful at a XenaCon than you can imagine.

After the shoot, I reunited with Luscious L and Curtis. They said, "How was it?" I said, "Where's my poster?" They both went wide-eyed, because, of course, they lost it! They actually forgot my poster outside on the terrace while one of them smoked a cigarette. Luckily, I flew out there like a pterodactyl and found it sitting quietly in a chair, just as they'd left it. ...Let's talk about the poster. 

Vintage Xena poster!

Is this poster not fucking awesome? I'm so lucky to have found it. There was this guy selling them in the merchandise area of the convention. He only had a few. The weight of the paper is pretty thick and you can tell from the wear and tear on the edges and old tape marks on the back that the poster once hung somewhere. I cherish its oldness. One day, when I have a hundred-room home, I'll have a Xena room, probably next to my Arnold Schwartzenegger room, and this poster will hang therein. Here be a list of a few things I particularly love about this poster:

1) First of all, if you'll look in the upper, right corner, Xena is introduced as a spin-off of Hercules. We all know that after Xena got going, it stood on its own and needed no help from anybody.

2) Xena is wearing her old armor from the introductory Hercules episodes.

3) There's not yet any mention of Gabrielle and Renee O'Connor, who was very much a figurehead for Xena at the end of the series.

4) "Every Man's Fantasy" - Ha! I love that shit! This poster is amazing. It's so "fresh."

5) That's all I got, but I didn't want to end on #4.

As you can see, these tell-tale signs indicate that this promotional poster was printed at the very beginning of the series, probably before episode #1 even aired.

If you're interested, one can usually find this poster for sale online somewhere, such as Ebay, and they're not too expensive, which is shocking. I would've given triple what I paid for it. A different variant of this poster exists, but I can't find it online right now... What I also like about this poster is seeing Lucy Lawless' and Robert Tapert's names so close together when they weren't yet romantically involved. God, I love everything about this show.

While I was bought the poster, Curtis purchased a hard-to-find Return of the Living Dead soundtrack from one of the vendors. During our long, dangerous drive back down to south California, following the convention, we listened to the possibly-bootlegged soundtrack repeatedly. The above Living Dead video was the perfect theme song for the convention and our journey as a whole. I'd say we listened to it about 50 times on the highway in the pouring rain.

Below, I've posted some of my... inferior... pictures of Hudson Leick, Lucy Lawless, and Renee O'Conner speaking at the con. The quality is disgraceful. It's just that I was technologically unprepared, and I was so excited and worked up that I didn't think to move around for better shots. These were taken February 5th, 2010. Spartacus was about to come out. (I was told by Judy that Lucy Lawless oftentimes doesn't make the cons because of work, so, in retrospect, I'm surprised she was able to come.) 

Hudson Leick

Hudson Leick spoke with absolute contempt and disregard for the crowd, which everyone ate up, myself included. She talked for a little while and... I'm just going to say it; she's not too different from her character, Callisto, on Xena. She's so much fun and just really doesn't give a fuck. She looks just as she did on the show, if not better. Smoking hot body, long blonde hair. Then she did her famous Callisto scream, which sort of embarrassed me. I loved it, and I know Luscious L and Curtis had no idea what the hell was going on. Made me wish I'd been alone, almost.

During the convention, we sort of befriended these two adorable, young girls sitting to our left. They couldn't have been more than 13 years old and were ecstatic to be there. I was more shocked by the amount of men and young kids there than anything. I mean, I was with a man myself, so I guess it shouldn't have been too shocking. There were old and young alike. Other than that, the crowd was exactly what you might've expected; peppered with many a butch lesbian.

Lucy Lawless

There was this fun thing that everyone was invited to do, where one could line up and ask Lucy Lawless questions. All of the questions and the people asking them were awesome. I loved that the convention organizers organized it, and I loooved hearing Lucy speak. I'm hypnotized by her sweet Kiwi accent, as I'm sure everyone is. It blows my mind that she disguises it so well on Xena. Plus, she always pulls out all of these precious sayings, like, "Ooo, that's a fresh one," regarding a fan's question that she'd never heard before.

The question in question was actually my favorite question, asked by a young man, "When you dream, do you ever dream of yourself as Xena?" It was such a good question and you could tell she enjoyed being asked that. She couldn't remember if she had or not. Then the poor dude had to go and embarrass himself by asking if he could hug her. She declined. I don't blame her, but I digress.

Back to her talking: if you don't already know this, Lucy Lawless is veeery smart and well-spoken. Like seriously. Very intelligent. So, sitting there while she controlled the crowd with her mesmerizing prose was quite an honor, and I wasn't the only one who felt that way. More on this later.

Renee O'Connor & Lucy Lawless

When ROC joined Lucy onstage, they did this short, two-person play. Lucy Lawless said that a lot of people had requested over the years that they do one, so she went to a playbook store and picked out a play herself.

Watching them was hilarious. You could tell they had a blast performing it. The play itself was slightly perverted and fucked up. One could say it was a "dark comedy." Wish I could remember the title. Everyone loved it to pieces, and I nearly came in my seat. They were just wonderful, stand-up people, smart, and articulate.

ROC wore the sexiest pair of black leather pants I've ever seen, which you can kind of see in the above picture. You should really Google "2010 Renee O'Connor Xena Convention" for a better look. Her body doesn't quit, because she's Gabrielle, the Battling Bard of Potidaea. Neither of their bodies quit, but Lucy Lawless wasn't wearing black leather pants.

In summary, to give you an idea of the impact a XenaCon can have: Luscious L and Curtis have never watched Xena, could care less about the show and its participants. They only went because I bought their tickets and invited them and they'll try anything once. During the drive home, I was sitting next to Luscious L, who was sort of quiet after we left. Early into the drive, every few minutes or so, she would turn to me and say, "I can't believe we saw Lucy Lawless. That's a really big deal." She seemed to say it to herself as if in wonder. I smiled at her every time, because it was an admission. Though I was elated to see Lucy Lawless, I never came to Luscious L's revelation, because I already knew it was a big deal, going in.

The point is, the convention and seeing Lucy speak affected Luscious L more than it did me, which I didn't think was possible.

As a Bonus:

10 Reasons Why You Should Attend XenaCon 2012
10) 10 of the World's Strangest Conventions: http://www.oddee.com/item_97122.aspx
9) You get to travel to California.
8) You will laugh very hard.
7) You can party at night with nothing but Xena fans. Think about it.
6) You will make new friends. Keepers.
5) Pictures, autographs, merchandise, and other fun shit.
4) The writers of your favorite episodes speak.
3) Hudson Leick and aaaall of your favorite supporting actors will be there.
2) Lucy Lawless and Renee O'Connor will be there.
1) It's the very last one. Ever. In Burbank, California. Do it for the good of mankind, but most importantly, do it for yourself, girl.

Back Under The Wagon

I know a bit of time has passed since my last post, but I have a good excuse (not that anyone's even reading this right now.)

In the span of.. what? 3 months?.. I've managed to have a birthday, endure Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's with little fanfare, receive several eviction notices, start a new job and attend a funeral. I don't tread this world lightly.

Let's talk about my near-eviction, which has been a real pain in the clam. First of all, you see this?:

Old Lady Cart

It can kiss my ass. Everything can kiss my ass. What you see here, folks, is what we like to refer to as an "old lady cart." Commonly sighted in all five boroughs of New York City, the old lady cart traces its origins all the way back to ancient Mesopotamia, at which time they became "handy" when elderly women purchased more items at the market than their load-bearing shoulders could handle. This silly pushcart has been the center of my life struggle since October when my friend Jasmine moved to California. She left it to me, and I despise it. 

I know many who own and use one, which is fine, but I find them more of a hindrance than a help. Because yeah, your stuff's in the cart all right, but you still have to schlep that fucker up and down the stairs and deal with it in the subway. I'd rather just carry bags on my shoulders. But mainly, I hate it for these three reasons:

1) It serves as a constant reminder that my closest friend in New York now lives on the other side of the country. 

2) It always brings to mind how close I was to being homeless. Eviction was so near that I had to keep the handcart around in case I needed it to move a small section of my belongings into a friend's home at a moment's notice. 

3) There's nowhere to put it, so I trip over it often, usually in the middle of the night on the way to the can. 

The point is, I'm throwing that dinky thing away today, because I am no longer in danger of being kicked out of my apartment. What's amazing about NYC, and I guarantee you this, is that someone will snap this piece of shit up from the trash quicker than (drum roll) a New York minute.

On a separate but related note, if you have any questions about evading eviction in NYC, please let me know. I'm now an expert in that arena.

So. My rent is finally current and I'm ready to watch some Xena. God, I am so. frickin'. excited. The DVDs arrive in a week or so. Up 'til that point, I'm going to try to post daily some pre-Xena topics before I view episode #1. The day the box set comes, I will take the next logical step and make a photographic documentary of the unveiling. I know the packaging will be amazing.

Well, It's Happened.

I just bought the complete series of Xena: Warrior Princess online and, I must say, the day truly is mine. It really is. After much ballyhoo at the end of October and absolutely no posts throughout the past two to three months, I'm finally ready to begin the viewing process. As soon as the set arrives, it's so on. 

Though I have much to say on the subject, I'm going to hit the hay now. You won't believe all the shit I'm going to tell you later, girl.