Xena: Season 6, Episode 20: "Soul Possession"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE: 

“My Best Friend’s Wedding to Ares” 

God this is gay. They’re just going full ball. I treasure it.  

This episode is fascinating. I went through so many emotions watching it. Like the last episode, I didn’t wanna laugh but couldn’t help myself. Xena kicking butt in those loafers sent me. It really did. That shot from Ares' POV of getting kicked in the face by Annie's loafers? They knew what they were doing, and it's funny, funny shit.  

 

Seeing the crucifixion clip from "Adventures in the Sin Trade II," I kinda lost my shit a little bit, realizing again how strong the "The Ides of March" storyline was. Like that vision is how Xena finds out Gabrielle's still alive, and that makes her happy? The fact they’re getting crucified later? Xena is so low and desperate then, that she's happy to see she and Gabrielle will die together later, because at least it means Gabrielle's alive. And the one detail that adds perfect depth to that vision is Gabrielle’s short hair. I love it so. Such a beautiful scene. 

Another clips episode? I don’t believe it. Though not many clips for a clips ep:

• "Sacrifice" x 2 
• “A Family Affair” 
• "Adventures in the Sin Trade II" 

This episode shocked me, because they really did leave an opening for this story in Season 4, when Xena finds Gabrielle and Gabrielle tells her that she doesn’t remember how she survived the fall into the lava pit. Surprisingly the plot isn't a reach, and it doesn't disturb the other episodes around it.  

My one plottish complaint is that Gabrielle would never have made a deal with Ares to save Hope. When she pulled Hope into the pit with her, she was done. She wanted Hope dead. She even later killed Hope unceremoniously in “A Family Affair.” I'm not buying this taco. If you're gonna throw it out, I'll eat it, but no money will exchange hands.

Finally, I’ll never get over how genius it is that the Xena episodes are Gabrielle’s scrolls.  

# of times someone speaks pig latin: 1 

# of times Annie’s lip quivers: 2 

# of times we see Hope and Gabrielle fall into the lava pit: 2 

# of times I latched onto a red herring, unbeknownst: 2 

# of times Xena sommersalt dives: 2 

# of times butts are mentioned: 5... 

# of times steely buns specifically are mentioned: 2 

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

EXTRA QUOTES:

1) X: “Wish me luck.” Joxer: “Good luck” – Poignant. Xena’s never asked Joxer for well wishes. It’s touching, because they reason they're together is because Gabrielle is gone and they both love her. 

2) Dr. Delaney: “A most revolutionary discovery has recently been made. I hold in my hand a newly uncovered scroll of the life of Xena Warrior Princess.” Xena Fan #1: “New scrolls means new episodes!” Xena Fan #2: “Yeah! Season 7!” Xena Fan #1: “Yeah! Season 7!” Xena Fan #2: “Yeah! Season 7!” Xena Fan #1: “Rob Tapert give us what we want! Deliver a new season, a 7th season of Xena!” – So, they were totally aware there was still a large demand. I would ask "why, god??" did they cancel this show, but I myself wasn't watching during this time. Guilt.

3) Barb Binder: “Barb Binder from Whoosh. As webmaster of the official Xena fansite I happen to know Xena would never subscribe to the subjugating regime of marriage.” – Hahahaha! What a hard wink.

4) X: “I had a vision.” Joxer: “Oh. You had a vision. She had a vision! You know, Xena, denial ain’t just a river in Europe.” X: “The Nile’s in Africa.”Joxer: “It’s that long?” – Xena correcting Joxer here is my life blood. And I thought this was a joke from The Jewel of the Nile (1985), but it may have been Al Franken as Stuart Smalley on SNL who made it popular. 

5) X: “All right, if you wanna sit here and drink yourself into oblivion, be my guest. But I’m going out to find our friend, you big drunk.”Joxer: “Hey, I’m not drunk. If I were drunk could I do that? [Balances beer stein on top of his helmet.]”X: “Evidently.” – Hahaha, the way Xena says this. HILARIOUS. 

6) Annie: “From my research, I have ascertained that it was indeed Joxer, who initiated the heroic search for Gabrielle and it was indeed he it was he who pulled Xena out of the drunken stupor.” Dr. Delaney: “No, that’s inaccurate, Miss Day. From my research on all the Xena scrolls, I can assure you that Joxer, never once flexed a heroic muscle.” – Damn, I didn't see this severe burn coming from the doctor.

7) Xena Fan #1: “Hey. Hey, how did you get over the horror of finding out you were that bumbling idiot, Joxer?” – Hahaha! I love how hard this show goes on just shitting all over Annie, probably because it's LL.  

8) Annie: “Hey, Joxer was no fool. The guy they got to play him was a goofball, that’s all. He was the producer’s brother, for crying out loud!” – Hahaha! And Whoa... 

9) Joxer: “‘As the innocent Gabrielle, plummeted to her fiery doom, Joxer the ultimate warrior watched in horror, his muscles bulging one after ano-’ [Xena rips the scroll out of his hands.]”X: “‘-and the light played on his steely, sun-kissed buttocks’?” – LOL 

10) X: “Joxer, Gabrielle is alive and you’re gonna help me find her whether you like it or not. Now, stay here. I’m gonna hit the ladies’.” Joxer: “Hey, why don’t you hit some kids, too?!” – Hahaahah! Hit the ladies'. Also pretty good follow-up joke from Joxer...I just noticed that Joxer is a play on Joker. Omg. OMG. 

11) X: “I despise you. You’ve been tormenting me for years." Ares: “That? That was just foreplay.” – This script is an A+.

12) Ares: “Xena, I’m on the level, here. I can’t get you outta my head or my heart.” X: “Let me help you with that. [Xena kicks him in the face.]” – There's nothing I enjoy more than the banter between these two. 

13) Ares: “You know, the harder you fight, the more enflamed my passion becomes. What do I have to do to show you I’m serious?” X: “Die.” – Hahaha 

14) Ares: “I know: a wedding gift. Say - Gabrielle.” X: “So, she is alive.” Ares: “Well, I won’t know 'til I start looking, and I’m not gonna start looking 'til I have a good reason. Come on, Xena. Becoming Mrs. God of War is a small price to pay to find her. You might even enjoy it. In fact, I know you will.” – I missed this, "Mrs. God of War." Holy shit, that's funny. Wish they'd let that joke breathe a little. Ares is suggesting his last name is God of War. That's so good. Also very deep that he claims she'll enjoy being the Goddess of War. She doesn't deny it even a little bit. LOVE this. He's always appealing to her dark side that will always be.

15) X: “You give me one reason to trust you.” Ares: “Well, that is true. I do have a reputation as something of a trickster." – Hahaha, trickster.

16) Xena Fan #2: “Yeah. Xena and Gabby don’t meet up until ‘A Family Affair.’ What kind of Brooklyn Bridge are you tryin’ to sell us today?” – I’ve said it once, I'll say it again: I don’t get this joke. 

17) G’s Voice: “Xena." X: “Gabrielle. Where are you, Gabrielle?” G’s Voice: “I’m in your heart, where you must keep me.” X: “Hmm.” G’s Voice/Joxer: "-And don’t bother looking for me, because I can’t be found. I’m gone. Um, just like in that one scroll that I wrote that time when I fought that guy with the big stick and - Just a minute, Xena - and if Joxer wants a drink- [Xena takes his megaphone and smashes it on his head.]” X: “Idiot.” – I love the shit out of this, because ROC totally read these lines the way Joxer would say them, if he really were trying to imitate Gabrielle. Very funny. I just picture everyone on set working this out.

18) X: “Ares? Ares, I have your [Ares appears] answer.” Ares: “You certainly took your sweet time.” X: “I was weighing-up the pros and cons. It wasn’t a very balanced list. The truth is, I just don’t think we’d look right together on top of a wedding cake.” Ares: “Just as long as you look right on top of me.” X: “Don’t get ahead of yourself.” Ares: “Xena, come on. What’s it gonna be?” X: “Ares, I would do anything to get my friend back. So, yes I’ll marry you.” – Two great jokes, and one moving proclamation. 

19) X: “I don’t want your assets, Ares, but I do have one small demand for our wedding day.”Ares: “Name it.” X: “I want the ceremony to take place at the lava pit.” – Weird, I want my ceremony to also take place at the lava pit.

20) Ares: “Where Gabrielle died? Kind of morbid, don’t you think?” X: “No, I think it’s fitting. I should be as close as possible to the one person in the world I meant to spend the rest of my life with, as I give myself over to the one person in the world I would never choose.” Ares: “I know what this is: pre-wedding jitters. All brides get ’em. OK, you can have your fairytale wedding, Xena. Well, I gotta go break it to the folks. Can you imagine? Zeus and Hera are gonna be your in-laws.” X: “Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse.” – I love that they just threw this in-laws joke in there. They covered all the wedding cliches. And they land.

21) Joxer: “Ares, show yourself! Ares, I, Joxer the Mighty, command you to show yourself!... Hey, jelly butt, get down here! Aah! [Ares appears and knocks Joxer over.]" Ares: "[Laughs] So tell me why I shouldn’t kill you.” Joxer: “Did I say ‘jelly butt’? I meant, uhh ‘buns of steel!’ – Ha 

22) Joxer: "It’s a good thing you showed up, too.” Ares: “Showed up? For what?” Jox: “Well this is your last night as a single god, right?” Ares: “What?” Joxer: “Your bachelor party, ya big lug. [Laughs] Tada! Miss Athens! Ahh, 36-24-36. She loves Greek mythology, kids, and hopes one day all men can be brothers. Next we have Miss Mesopotamia. Ahh, an oasis in the desert. Wouldn’t you like to take a little dip in that? Hmm? And finally, you’ll fall for Miss Gaul. Ahh, too much for the Roman Empire to handle, but not too much for the god of war.” Ares: “This is it?” Joxer: “Well, on short notice, you know how it is.” 

23) Meg: “Well, what happened to your other good friend Gabrielle?” Joxer: “Oh, her? Haven’t you heard? She’s dead.” Meg: “I’ll drink to that.” – Hahaha

24) Harry: “Annie.” Mattie: “We thought you might be here.” Annie: “Harry...and Harry’s hoe.” – I laughed very hard, here. Very hard.

25) Joxer: “If you’re gonna go through with this, you must really believe Gabrielle’s alive, huh?” X: “I do yes.” Joxer: “OK, then, so do I. Won’t need this anymore [Throws flask; it shatters.] I’m sorry I was such a downer.” – Love the way he says this.

26) Joxer: “Um, look, I know this is a marriage made in Hades, but I figure we don’t have to abandon every tradition, so here. Something old. It’s a lock of Gabrielle’s hair. It’s weird, I know. I got it when she got her hair cut last time and I want you to have it.” X: “I don’t know what to say.”Joxer: “And, um something new. I picked it this morning. First bloom of the season. Something borrowed. Something borrowed, I know, my lucky rabbit’s foot. I’m sure it will bring you more luck than the rabbit I chopped it off from.” X: “I guess we need something blue now, huh?”Joxer: “That’s easy. That’s me.” X: “Everything’s going to be fine, Joxer I promise.” – I'm not going to lie, that was moving. I, immovable, was moved.

27) Ares: “You are absolutely breathtaking.” X: “Yeah? Then how come you’re still breathing?” – Hahahaha, didn’t see this coming. Love the way she says it, too. Best joke in the episode.

28) Ares: “I let Gabrielle live, but you must be my wife in your next life. And I guess, seeing as how it was one of those in-front-of-the-Fates kind of deals, that would be forever? Eternity.” X: “And you would let Gabrielle and me live out this life in peace.” Ares: "OK, sounds like a deal. Because you know she’d do it for you.” – See, this is a quibble I have with the plot. Gabrielle already gave up her soul and life for Xena, when she pulled Hope into the pit. Why would she suddenly sell her soul to Ares to save Hope's soul, when she just purposefully tried to kill Hope? Shorry, shweethat, no cigar! 

29) Ares: “Thumbprint right here on the bottom line. Thank you. That didn’t hurt, did it? And there it is: my free-access pass to your soul. And as long as I have this you’re pretty much mine.” – Same words and contract I use when I loan my friends a book.

30) X: “Wait! The other half of the deal. I don’t see Gabrielle.” Ares: “Oh, I let her go but you gotta find her. I can’t do everything for you.” X: “Oh, I’ll find her.” – Yaayy!!

31) Ares: “First, second? What does it matter? It’s mine now.” Roxanne Fields: “Did you schedule any celebrity appearances?” Dr. Delaney: “Well, we contacted Bruce Campbell, but he was too much money.” – GOOD ONE.

32) Mattie: “Hold on, man.” Ares: “Oh! Sidekick and the comic relief. This ought to be good.” – Ha! I love Mattie’s hippie gambit. 

33) Ares: “Hey there. May I? [Dr. Delaney shakily hands Ares the license.] Thank you...Leave quickly.” Dr. Delaney: “[Runs away.] Ahhh! Help! Help me!” – Love the way Ares says this. He’s having the time of his life. 

34) Ares: “Xena! Just in time. I have been waiting an eternity for this. I guess this makes me your heh! Oo! Good god! Soul man. Once I renew my signature.” – OMG, is this a James Brown reference? Ares is quoting James Brown?? 

35) Ares: “Xena’s soul in that body for an eternity? This I did not bargain for. I want Xena’s soul in Xena’s body. All right! Everybody gets their proper souls back. [Ares switches Xena into Annie's body, and Joxer into Harry's body.] Let’s try that again. Now that I can live with forever. Hey, Sugar.” – I love that the show decided to do this. In "Déjà Vu All over Again," it was a cocktease and a bit cowardly BUT appreciated, when they gave Xena Joxer's body. I love that they went balls-out here.  

36) Xena as Annie [examining the marriage license]: “‘Sun-kissed butt-'” [She throws the scroll away, realizing it’s Joxer’s scroll not the license.] – Loooool 

37) Xena Fan #1: “Hey! What’s wrong with the special effects?” Xena Fan #2: “Yeah, they’re really cheesy.” – Loooooooooool 

38) Annie/X: “Ares made it. Ares destroyed it. Guess this means you ain’t got no soul. Ow!” Ares: “You might have won the battle, Xena, but I’ll win the war. Until next time.” – Another classic song reference! Man, Xena gives as good as she gets. 

39) “I liked you better blond, but I can go with this.” – This is so gay, thank you.

EXTRA LOVED:

• The fake people walking down the hill in the first shot
• Xena fans, always 
• Everyone’s Xena fan-wear and jewelry
• X dragging J, drunk, through the forest 
• X leaning back against the tree 
• X kicking Ares in the face in answer to his proposal 
• ROC obviously voicing J’s Gabrielle ghost voice 
• X calling J an idiot 
• A appearing, before X can even say “your answer” 
• A vanishing before Joxer
• A catching X before she falls into the lava
• X scowling at A 
• X crawling out of the water 
• X cleaning her ears w/J's scarf 
• A’s conference entrance 
• Harry doing the X war cry 
• Mattie doing G’s staff moves with the microphone stand  
• Annie/X standing up from that tangle of chairs 
• The POV of loafers hitting A in the face 
• X’s flips over A’s fireballs 
• X’s trick to get A to destroy the license 

EXTRA NOTES:

• Wouldn’t that vase be way more fucked up than it was for 2,000 years old? 
• The fans talking about a season 7 is another meta moment that fucks so hard with my head, but I loved it so much that they were well-aware of how in-demand the show was on its way out the door. I wonder if they were forbidden to continue the series. I seriously wonder what happened and will find out after these reviews are over.
• Yet another clips ep 
• 132 episodes in, I still love the X opening sequence
• Ares sounds a bit sick in the beginning, like his voice is raspy 
• Nice touch putting Mattie in those rollercoaster-like seatbelts for Harry’s (X’s) race-car-like driving  
• Man, Xena’s looking fine af in this episode. She does in all of them 
• Meg’s gig harkens hard to Anna Nicole Smith 
• The way X hurls herself into the pit is the same forward flip she used to dive into the sea at the beginning 
• Did X know A would rescue her? 
• Some might be mad that X kisses A in the pen-ultimate episode, but not me. I love that she has an on again off again passion for hate and war. So deep 

I was in the zone and jammed out pretty good to Lady Gaga's newest album this day, with a little Orbital to top it off. I feel all of these songs are relative to this episode, with the Orbital song being especially...prevalent.