ALTERNATIVE TITLE:
“Xena Has the Baby”
This is my second watch of this episode, and after crying (again probably) about it, I can say I now like this episode more now than I did when I first watched it. It's so good, but I would’ve given eight stars, if Hercules hadn’t been in it.
The writers did a good job. However, they made it a lot about feelings between Ares and Xena, Xena and Solan, Hercules and his parents, Ares and Zeus, and even Zeus and Hera. There was a smidgeon of connection between Gabrielle and Xena at the beginning, but man those writers fucking missed the mark. So much potential. Cowards.
See this is what I was talking about regarding the shallowness of Season 5. These writers and director came from Hercules, whose run had just ended; and they did NOT capture the essence of Xena: Warrior Princess, which is essentially Gabrielle and Xena’s effect on her. These guys avoided that dance completely. This is why Season 5 feels so disconnected, and why Season 6 is balls to the wall.
I do need to investigate further, but it could’ve been this episode alone – good as it was – that chapped my hide on Season 5. Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman had actually just written the last episode of Hercules, which aired a couple months before this one. Seems like someone in the chain of command “gifted” these dudes this VERY. IMPORTANT. EPISODE. as a consolation prize. Well, I’m sorry, but Hercules is not on the same scale as Xena, it just isn’t. They should’ve left this ep to the big guns who know Xena. Pisses me off.
[SERIES SPOILER:] I love that the whole time we’re
supposed to believe that Xena’s baby is going to kill the gods, then we realize the twilight is actually a byproduct of Xena protecting her child. [SPOILER END]
SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.
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EXTRA QUOTES:
1) X: "Oh, Gabrielle. Come here, give me your hand. No, no, here." G: [Gasps] X: [Laughs] G: "That was a drop kick." X: "I know." G: "Just like Mom." – This is so cute.
2) Hercules: “Proxidicae, Zeus' secret guard. You kill one, the rest get stronger." X: "Tremendous." - Hahahaha
3) Ares: "To what do I owe this dubious pleasure?" Zeus: "Is it so odd, for a father to want to spend time with his son?" Ares: "OK, so now I'm your son? Please, don't insult my intelligence. You obviously want something." – This is fascinating.
4) Ares: "Oh. Oh, you are a real piece of work. You know that? You want me to keep Hercules busy so you don't have to kill him. Meantime, you intend to murder a woman I'm rather fond of." Zeus: "So fond of her as to bring about your own death? That's exactly what will happen if this child is born."
5) Zeus: "You're asking for my permission to kill my own son?!" Ares: "What is it about him you have never seen in me?!" Zeus: "Aw, it's not just you. He has managed to do something that we god have tried and failed to accomplish. He's earned humanity's love in every gesture, except fear." Ares: "And Xena has earned mine. So I guess we both have something to lose. Well, Dad, what's it gonna be?" – Kind of a remarkable thing for both of them to say.
6) Solan: "You just wanna take me to the Elysian fields 'cause you don't need me anymore." X: "What are you talking about?" Solan: "You have a new baby, now." X: "Oo-oh, listen, Solon. There's not a day that's gone by that I haven't thought about you.” – I love the way she reacts and says all this. It’s really beautiful.
7) Hera: “No one with mortal blood can find these bones. You need me to lead you there." Hercules: "And why would you wanna do that?" Hera: "I love Zeus. Hopefully, the remains of Cronos, will be enough to scare him away from Xena." – This is amazing.
8) Hercules: "I still don't get it. Why would you side with humanity?" Hera: "From the moment Zeus and I created mortals, I've spent my time hating them, for the infidelities he shared with them. But once I forgave him, I realized that humanity is the only creation, I am truly proud of." – Excellent.
9) Ares: [Zeus slaps unconscious Ares] "Yeah, yeah, baby. Yeah, go… [wakes up] What?!" – Aaaahahahahahaha! And happens to be so woman positive.
10) Zeus: "If she's helping Hercules, she could lead him t-... no, no, she wouldn't dare." Ares: "She's a woman! Whatever you're thinking, you're probably right." – God, I love Ares.
11) X: "I'm not going to become your little warrior queen, Ares. Besides, you expect me to believe you'd protect a child the fates say will destroy you?" Ares: "They say it'll destroy all the gods. Now, if I'm gonna be mortal, I, could live out my life, with you." X: "What are you talking about?!" Ares: "I have feelings for you, OK? I care about you, damn it." X: "Oh, no, no." Ares: "I see your face everywhere." X: "Stop it! You stop it! You're so desperate, you're trying to convince me that you love me. Well, go on. Say it. Say it. Say you love me...The time for you and me has been and gone." Ares: "It was worth a shot anyway. I thought in your present condition you might be a little more gullible." X: "I am pregnant, not brain-damaged. [she leaves]" Ares: "I love you, Xena." – I fucking loooooove this. It could be the best thing so far on Xena. So much sympathy for Xena.
12) Hercules: "What's the catch?" Hera: "The catch?" Hercules: "Oh, you know, there's always a catch. You know, in this case, I, I grab the rib and a giant boulder comes rolling after me." – This is an Indiana Jones reference, not for the first time.
13) Hera: “Go, make sure that Xena's safe." Hercules: "He'll kill you if he has to." Hera: "I can handle him." – Well, he sure did kill the shit out of her. What's sort of beautiful is that it appeared to be painless.
14) X: "Ahh! Get it off me! Take it off." G: [Removes her coat] "It's OK." X: "I'm cold." G: "You're cold?" X: "No!" G: "OK." X: "Take these off." G: "OK, OK." Zeus: "This is not about you and me. It's about survival." G: "Um, hey, do you remember..do you remember when Ephiny had her baby? Remember how you helped her?" X: "Please, be quiet." G: "OK." X: "Just be quiet." G: "Just breathe." – I can’t believe they’re inserting humor HERE, but I appreciate it nonetheless.
15) X: “We're gonna be together now, Eve, you and me, and your brother, forever and ever. You hear that, Solan? Forever. Forever." – Kind of resent this, because Gabrielle gets up and walks away before Xena says this, but I’m not a mother and know nothing of motherhood, so whatever.
Here's a quickie of A Different Story (1978) starring Meg foster, who kind of looks like Lucy Lawlass in this footage actually.
And here's the scene in Aliens (1986) where all the colonists are cocooned, like Solan.
One more scene of Meg Foster looking amazing in Masters of the Universe (1987). Pay no mind to what this video-poster titled the clip, MOTU is a work of art!
Listened to this beautiful song this day. Blood Orange - "Hands Up."
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