ALTERNATIVE TITLE:
“Lao Ma’s Annoying Twins”
I tried hard not to but I hated this episode. Pretty sure the bad actress played a huge part in that.
And it appears all of "Purity" is fucked-up on the disc. Again, watched it on Hulu. With commercials. Thanks, dicks.
This episode also sucks because Gabrielle is treated like Iolas’s character in Hercules. Secondary with no emotional connection.
Buckle your seat-belt for a good panning.
Buckle your seat-belt for a good panning.
SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.
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EXTRA QUOTES:
In homage to twins played by the same actor, here's a couple videos of twins played by the same actor: Vicky and Marley from Another World played by Anne Heche, and the most famous twins played by one actor of all, Hallie and Annie from Parent Trap played by Lohan.
Don't forget to like the Xena Movie Campaign on Facebook!1) G: "I hope that message was important enough to die for." X: "Someone thought it was important enough to kill for. `The hawk and the dove must be made one with the wisdom.'" – God dammit, why must someone die over an encrypted message. Just say what the fuck you mean. SHIT.
2) Joxer's Voice: "Why can't we just get this at a bookstore?" X: "I left it in Ch'in in the safest place I knew the Zo monastery. Lao Ma's power is in its pages." G: "You had the power once didn't you?" X: "Yes, but I let it slip through my fingers like sand. This time, I'm going to keep it." – Narrator: She doesn’t.
3) X: "Here. The book somebody's taken it though, not more than an hour ago." – Come on… She gathers that information from dust?
4) X: "Gabrielle I want you to take this. Find out what's in the black powduh [sic]. Legend says a Chinese cook discovered it by accident." Pao Ssu: "That's just a silly tale." Joxer: "Hey never underestimate cooks."
5) Pao Ssu: "Why would she abandon her own two daughters, simply to become a surrogate mother to a stranger?" X: "Well, I'm sure if your mother sent you away, it was because she felt she needed to protect you." – Probs the only interesting convo in the whole episode and still not that great. Surely, Xena is thinking of Solan.
6) Joxer: “Look we're only gonna pay three three hwan understand? Three three? He don't speak Greek too good, do he?” – As borderline racist as this is –and of course it’s Joxer’s joke– this is fucking hilarious, because they’re speaking English.
7) Pao Ssu Ssu: "I was tricked by Xena." – This line is terrible. “She tricked me” or “She fucking tricked me” would’ve sufficed.
8) K'ao Hsin: "You replaced the book with a fake. That's why you let Pao Ssu Su escape." – As she sits there, settled with the book in her lap, several hours later next to Xena, whom she’s been with since Pao Ssu took off with the fake book hours ago.
9) X: "People who want the world end up their own worst enemy. I learned that myself." – I’m too stupid to know what this means.
10) G: "Ooh what is that?" Joxer: "Oh. Say it's, it's, um.." G: "Oh. Remind me to cut off my foot when we get out of here." – Hahhaaha. Gabrielle and Joxer: the only saving grace of this episode.
11) Pao Ssu: "Lao Ma's power's would have been wasted on you. And you, Xena, were right; I would have dropped the torch anyway." – Awful.
12) Pao Ssu: "'Small people hate loneliness but the master makes it her home, her source, her mother, for she knows it allows her to be one with the universe.'"
13) K'ao Hsin: "When Pao Ssu and I were infants, she saved our lives-" X: "-at great risk to her own to protect you from your brother-" K'ao Hsin: "-the Green Dragon." X: "She knew that he would see any siblings as rivals to his throne. She couldn't risk a battle with him until she knew you were safe.” – This makes no fucking sense and again is a huge explanation of something we don’t really need. We all know Lao Ma’s twins were added-on as an afterthought so this crap episode could exist.
In homage to twins played by the same actor, here's a couple videos of twins played by the same actor: Vicky and Marley from Another World played by Anne Heche, and the most famous twins played by one actor of all, Hallie and Annie from Parent Trap played by Lohan.
And here's a song I listened to this day, in honor of the lightening bolt battle at the end of this episode:
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