Xena: Season 5, Episode 09: "Seeds of Faith"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE:
"The Episode Where Jesus Dies"

Pretty good episode. Weird one. Deep. I cried like two times, which I can’t believe.

What I absolutely love above anything else about this episode, is that they just did their own damn Jesus story. Clearly Eli is supposed to be Jesus, but there's no Herod, no Jewish anything, no trial. No crosses. In fact, it's Xena and Gabrielle who were crucified in Season 4 (God, that hurt.)

I gave this episode an 8, as evidenced below. I might change it, though. Still need to think about it.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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EXTRA QUOTES (There are numerous that stand alone, so not too many comments!):

1) X: "Gabrielle! What's the matter, he gonna hit you with his hankie?" G: "I thought that he had a weapon." X: "What's going on here?" Petracles: "Just a disagreement. Thanks for stopping it before it got out of hand." X: "It did get out of hand." – This was interesting, and they couldn’t even get into it deeply, because this is the episode where the entire history and principles of Christianity are summarized in 40 minutes.

2) Ares: "You, on the other hand, have been keeping yourself busy. I wish I'd known you were lookin' for a father." X: "I'm not." Ares: "Oh? Well, somebody clearly got the job." X: "Yeah, Gabrielle." Ares: "I would have paid to see that." G: "Hmm."

3) Ares: "Those men you saved are part of a growing movement a movement that incites people to disobey the gods." X: "So, you're worried that this could be the beginning of the twilight." Ares: "It's a myth." X: "You are." – Love the way she says this line. And the myth line is amazing, because this is all Greek mythology. Meta.

4) Ares: "I warn you, get in way this time you leave me no choice." X: "You threatening me? You're afraid." Ares: "The decisions you make don't just affect you anymore, 'Mom'. They affect your child. And I would hate to have to kill you both."

5) X: "Why are you doing that?" G: "Nine out of ten times the first strike means victory." X: "We're not at war, Gabrielle." G: "Don't patronize me." – This is just such a different Gabrielle. It’s amazing.

6) Eli: "You're with child." X: "Yup." Eli: "You look beautiful." – Truly believe this is what Jesus would’ve said.

7) X: "Eli, these people think that you're going to lead them in a war against the gods." Eli: "It's not a war of violence. It's a war of peace." X: "How does that work?" Eli: "The time of the Olympians is over, Xena. The gods have no choice but to give us what is rightfully ours." G: "Not without a fight they won't."

8) G: "I feel like I've disappointed you. You're walking through life preaching peace, and Xena and I have swords in our hands." Eli: "What, you feel like you've made the wrong choice?" G: "Yeah. I mean no. My heart says that you're right that everything you say makes sense. But then my head tells me that sometimes the only answer is to fight." – It’s SO DIFFERENT from the way she used to think. Her way changed when she protected Xena in Rome. This is profound, but there’s so much going on in this episode, there’s not much time to think about it.

9) G: "But you seem so sure of yourself like you have no doubt about your cause." Eli: "Everyone lives with doubt, Gabrielle. This is the path I've chosen. I just hope I have the strength to see it through. At least you've got Xena to buoy you in these times of doubt." G: "She's afraid I'm becoming numb to the violence. Look, I'm not, believe me." – This stuff Eli is saying is awesome. Who knows if Jesus really thought this, but Eli is basically saying, “Just pick something, stick to it, and do it well.”

10) X: "What are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be floating on a cloud someplace." Callisto: "Thanks to you. You saved me from an eternity in Hell and for that I owe you my soul." X: "You don't owe me anything." Callisto: "I've been purified by the waters of Heaven and yet, still all you see in me is a black heart."

11) X: "Am I getting too old for this?.. Nah."

12) Callisto: "The kingdom of Heaven is beautiful, Eli." Eli: "The kingdom of Earth is beautiful too, Angel. My place has always been among the people." Callisto: "And it always will be."

13) Callisto: "You said it yourself. ‘All fear is the fear of loss and only through that fear can we truly love.' You wouldn't have been chosen if you weren't afraid. Remember in everything you do we are always with you."

14) X: "Gabrielle, I need you to stay here. Make sure nothing happens to Eli before I get back."

15) Ares: "Now I'm gonna give you one last chance." G: "Eli-" Eli: "It's all right. No, Ares. I'm gonna give you one last chance.. No, Gabrielle! If you save my life with violence the future will pay the price." – The dialogue between Ares and Eli is so good.

16) Ares: "Since the beginning of time it's been warriors who have shaped the world!" Eli: "That's about to change."

17) Lady: "She let Ares kill him! She betrayed us all! She should be punished!"

18) X: "You defended him, didn't you? You defended him, didn't you?" G: "Don't you blame me." X: "You put up a fight, didn't you?" G: "Don't you dare blame me! Don't you dare blame me!" X: "You didn't put up a fight?" G: "Xena, you were gone! I did what he asked me to do!" X: "What about what I asked you to do?! The only reason that people like Eli exist is because people like us defend them when they won't defend themselves!" G: "So Ares is right?! The whole future is shaped by warriors!" – This…conversation is incredible. I didn’t see it coming, and I was seriously like, “Oh fuck, how are they going to get around this?”

19) Ares: “Imagine how it could be if you had the power to save him. Let me show you what it feels like. [Does a bodily outline on Gabrielle] That is how I feel every moment of every day. It is the power of the gods. And with it you can change the world. Isn't that what you've always wanted?" – I imagine it’s what good heroin feels like.

20) Callisto: "I'm afraid Ares will cause her the real harm." X: "That's why I'm going after him." Callisto: "I realize you may never believe this but I care about Gabrielle and about you." X: "Well if that's true you can take me to the dagger of Helios. They say that no person on Earth knows where it is which is why I'm betting you do." Callisto: "I don't know if I can do that." X: "Well, why not? Doesn't your God believe in free will?" – I love that Xena bows to no god.

21) G: "Is this your big accomplishment, Eli? If I hadn't listened to you I wouldn't be talking to your ashes. You probably think that I'm betraying you by standing with Ares, but I am just trying to use his knowledge for a greater good. I keep telling myself that. You believed in me, Eli but you always knew that we were on a separate path. Have faith in me now." – She changed her mind in the middle of this conversation, when she decides she’s going to kill him.

22) Callisto: "This isn't an ending. It's a beginning. Eli will continue the cycle of life as a soul that's reincarnated into a new body." X: "I liked him just fine in the old one! And what about Gabrielle? She's suffering because she's caught up in the middle of your game."

23) Callisto: "If you won't listen to me then listen to Eli. He sacrificed himself to make it easier for people to follow the way of peace." X: "Like sheep to the slaughter. It's easy to preach peace when you live in Heaven. Where I come from, you've gotta fight for what you believe in. Why don't you come along? It's not every day you get to witness the twilight of the gods. It should be a good show." – I FUCKING LOVE IT, when Xena gets maniacal and dark.

24) G: "Peace is worth fighting for!"

25) Ares: "Why the return to form? I thought you'd given up on Xena." G: "It would take more than you to do that."

26) Ares: "You'll always be a goodie-two-shoes." G: "Yeah, but with a really big sword."

27) X: "Make a move on me please." Ares: "A dagger? You're gonna have to do better than that." X: "The Dagger of Helios. So, no I don't." – My “Quotes” section on my one-pager is too fucking small to fit everything in, but god dammit if I didn’t want just this one.

28) X: "When you killed Eli, you made sure that his cause would never die. It's what he wanted, Ares. You played right into his hands. Now, you're hoping that I'll play into yours."

29) X: "I'm gonna do worse than kill you. I'm gonna spare your life."

30) Ares to G: "And you I could've given you the world." G: "You can't give me what you don't have."

31) G: “I'm sorry." X: "Gabrielle, I shouldn't have blamed you for Eli's death. I'm-" G: "Xena, I was blaming myself. I'm sorry." X: "No, I'm sorry." Eli: "Your enduring faith in one another is the greatest miracle of all." – This is SO good. It’s fulfilling.

32) Callisto: "Xena, my time has come to be reincarnated into the mortal world and the body that will bear my spirit has been ordained. I can think of no greater mother than you." X: "It was you all along? You gave me this child." Callisto: "In the past, I destroyed your life, Xena." X: "And I destroyed yours. Maybe it's time that we both gave back what we once took from each other." – There are some mystics who believe that people you’ve wronged will be your parents in the next life. Like I seriously read that in a physics book.

I think the bridge scene was a serious nod to Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984):

I listened to this song this day. I love it. I heard it on Wild, Wild Country (2018), a documentary about a cult who takes over a small town in Oregon in the 80's.

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Xena: Season 5, Episode 08: "Little Problems"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE:
“The Episode Where Lucy Lawless Obviously Had a Baby for Real”

I have decided after a LOT of digging that Sandor is the name of Tharon's captain and he is played by Stephen Finch and not Steven Finch as stated in IMDB. The Steven Finch pictured on IMDB as having played Sandor is a white guy and not in this episode. I may or may not correct this problem myself. We'll see how hard it is.

This is the only Xena episode for this writer and director, and looks like the only episode this season directed by a woman.

I always appreciate a stuntman falling down the stairs. Let's get started.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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EXTRA QUOTES: 

1) Tharon’s Captain: "Get it all, boys! It's not every day you penetrate Aphrodite's sanctum! Now, this is what I call a treasure chest! [Laughs]" – Thanks, god.

2) G: "Who's Tharon?" – First name Charlize, perhaps you’ve heard of her.

3) G: "I can't believe it. Aphrodite succoring the ill." Aphrodite: "I am not! These people give me things because they're grateful!" – This is actually a joke that I didn’t get, because I didn’t know what succoring meant or that it was even a different word than suckering.

4) Daphne: "I'm scared." X: "You're scared." – Haha, this is hilarious if you think about it.

5) Aphrodite: "Boy talk about failure to communicate." G: "Says the god who can't pull off a simple body switch?" – Dude, I loooove Aphrodite and Gabrielle together.

6) Aphrodite: “If we don't get Xena out of Daphne's body by sundown, she's trapped there forever. Plus which, I would miss the big rave at the Gemini Club. Word is, Castor and Pollux themselves are gonna show up. And I hear the band-" G: "What did you say?" Aphrodite: "The part about Xena being trapped forever?" G: "No, about Castor and Pollux.” – Hhshahahaha!

7) G: "If you goons think you're taking her anywhere, then you're dumber than you look." – This is awesome.

8) G to X's body: "I'll be back for you." – A kiss would’ve been nice here, you bastards.

9) Galantis: "They were your Mother's favorite. Well, come on now, we can't eat flowers." – You can in Stardew.

10) G: "It's hanging below his belt." Aphrodite: "Yeah, I noticed." G: "The oil, Aphrodite."

11) X: "It may not seem fair, but you're gonna have to grow up a little faster than you thought. It's just you and your dad, now. You're gonna have to learn to take care of each other." – This is Xena speaking from when she had no father.

12) Daphne: "What about your dad?" X: "What about him?" Daphne: "What's he like?" X: "He's dead." Daphne: "Do you miss him?" X: "I never really knew him. He wasn't a very good man from all the stories I've heard, but I guess I, um I guess I miss the idea of him." – This is awesome and the most interesting thing about this episode, but I thought Ares was maybe Xena’s dad. Maybe she’s sparing Daphne that story.

13) X: “What happened to her is a terrible, terrible thing, but even if she'd known she was going to die, she would have done it anyway because she loved you that much. Do you see?" Daphne: "How do you know?" X: "Hey I'm about to be a mother, too, and if you were my little girl, I would trade my life for yours in a heartbeat." – OK, again, why is Xena acting like this is her first baby. The appropriate sentence here should’ve been, “I’m a mother, I know these things.” Have these writers not watched the fucking show?

14) X as Daphne: "Then we'll have to split up. Aphrodite go get my body. Meet us at the castle as soon as you can." Aphrodite: "No problem." X as Daphne: "I've got a feeling this one's gonna be close."

15) G: "Hello! My little girl is selling junior Amazon cookies." – Hahahahaha WTF This is hilaaarious.

16) X: "Daphne, I'm going to let you take over now. You and your father have got a few things to talk about. Go on. You can do it." – Could this not have waited until they were, oh I don’t know, NOT right in the middle of a jailbreak? Stupid.

17) Daphne: "You're the best friend I ever had." X: "I hope I have a kid just like you." Daphne: "Will I ever see you again?" X: "Of course you will. Just look in the mirror." – They barely know each other, BUT a cute thing to say at the end.

Watching Gabrielle drag Xena’s body by herself was like watching Conan: The Barbarian (1982) and the Wheel of Pain, one of my most favorite movie scenes of all time:

Speaking of two people in one body, All of Me (1984) is the most famous instance of that I can think of:

The day I watched this episode, I listened to this song. It was dope.

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Xena: Season 5, Episode 07: "Back in the Bottle"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE:

"Genghis Khan ft. Lao Ma's Annoying Children"

Man, this episode just lasted forever, and again, that actress and the Ming T'ien actor are just awful. have little else to say.

This should really go in with subtext, but it's not officially in the episode. Here's a link to Tumblr (sorry). This photo is a kiss cut from the episode between Gabrielle and Lin Qi. I swear to god ... I wonder when this was cut, because I feel like I saw it included on Netflix in 2009. Maybe not. 

Side Note: Lin Qi reminds me a bit of the beautiful Patrick Swayze. You might remember Brandon Anthony Wong from The Matrix sequels. 

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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EXTRA QUOTES:

1) G: "OK, can I just go to town for food? Who has money?" – This is an awesome line, I don’t care. People say this still today.

2) Lin Qi: "OK, listen up! Move the sandbags below. Gabrielle will tell you where." G: "Thank you."

3) Soldier: "You are now one with the Green Dragon." – This is what I say to myself after a line of horse.

4) Pao Ssu: "And then in turn to an entire legion of warriors all of whom are prepared to die in the dragon's name. What are you prepared to die for, Xena?" X: "Your mother's legacy and your sister's cause!" – You tell ‘em, girl!! Just kidding, they couldn’t think of anything clever for Xena to say, there? Fuck this.

5) K'ao Hsin: "I heard about what happened. Are you all right?" X: "Considering I saw a ghost? Yeah." – Hahhahaha

6) Lin Qi: "You know, we heard Xena traveled with a companion, a storyteller of sorts." G: "I am. I mean, I used to tell stories, but it's been a while." – I love that people have heard of Gabrielle, and know she’s Xena’s companion.

7) Lin Qi: "When you're born with the, a gift of the bard, you die with it." G: "My life's more complicated now." Lin Qi: "I think you're selling yourself short." G: "You don't know me." – This is interesting.

8) Lin Qi: "I know that someone who's willing to die for a cause greater than herself has a merciful heart and that's where all great stories come from." – It appears Lin Qi got all the good lines in this episode.

9) G: "Xena, come on. You're gonna run through the woods and set off explosions?" X: "Thank you. I already have a mother." G: "And you're going to be a mother. It's not just your life that you're risking. We can handle it." X: "I know. Right." – A married couple might have this fight.

10) G: "Xena, even if you can control the power are you prepared to destroy a hundred thousand men?" X: "I don't have any choice." – This is so dumb, I’m sorry.

11) X: "Good luck, Lin Qi." Lin Qi: "With her by my side, how can we lose?" – Xena: "The fuck you just say about my girlfriend?"

12) X: "No, it's not that. The power that I had today wasn't born out of anger. I wasn't even thinking about those men. I was thinking about the people that they wanted to hurt. So, I guess what I said before isn't true anymore. I have seen love end a war." – She was thinking about how much she loved Gabrielle.

The guy stepping on the landmine and dying, and Xena walking out there (pregnant) into more of them to save Joxer, was very English Patient (1996). I'm sorry though; I can't find a clip of the scene I'm talking about. 

Listened to this cover of "Wicked Game" by Emika this day. The episode, however, is not worthy.

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Xena: Season 5, Episode 06: "Purity"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE:

“Lao Ma’s Annoying Twins”

I tried hard not to but I hated this episode. Pretty sure the bad actress played a huge part in that.

And it appears all of "Purity" is fucked-up on the disc. Again, watched it on Hulu. With commercials. Thanks, dicks.

This episode also sucks because Gabrielle is treated like Iolas’s character in Hercules. Secondary with no emotional connection.

Buckle your seat-belt for a good panning.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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EXTRA QUOTES: 

1) G: "I hope that message was important enough to die for." X: "Someone thought it was important enough to kill for. `The hawk and the dove must be made one with the wisdom.'" – God dammit, why must someone die over an encrypted message. Just say what the fuck you mean. SHIT.

2) Joxer's Voice: "Why can't we just get this at a bookstore?" X: "I left it in Ch'in in the safest place I knew the Zo monastery. Lao Ma's power is in its pages." G: "You had the power once didn't you?" X: "Yes, but I let it slip through my fingers like sand. This time, I'm going to keep it." – Narrator: She doesn’t.

3) X: "Here. The book somebody's taken it though, not more than an hour ago." – Come on… She gathers that information from dust?
4) X: "Gabrielle I want you to take this. Find out what's in the black powduh [sic]. Legend says a Chinese cook discovered it by accident." Pao Ssu: "That's just a silly tale." Joxer: "Hey never underestimate cooks."

5) Pao Ssu: "Why would she abandon her own two daughters, simply to become a surrogate mother to a stranger?" X: "Well, I'm sure if your mother sent you away, it was because she felt she needed to protect you." – Probs the only interesting convo in the whole episode and still not that great. Surely, Xena is thinking of Solan.

6) Joxer: “Look we're only gonna pay three three hwan understand? Three three? He don't speak Greek too good, do he?” – As borderline racist as this is –and of course it’s Joxer’s joke– this is fucking hilarious, because they’re speaking English.

7) Pao Ssu Ssu: "I was tricked by Xena." – This line is terrible. “She tricked me” or “She fucking tricked me” would’ve sufficed.

8) K'ao Hsin: "You replaced the book with a fake. That's why you let Pao Ssu Su escape." – As she sits there, settled with the book in her lap, several hours later next to Xena, whom she’s been with since Pao Ssu took off with the fake book hours ago.

9) X: "People who want the world end up their own worst enemy. I learned that myself." – I’m too stupid to know what this means.

10) G: "Ooh what is that?" Joxer: "Oh. Say it's, it's, um.." G: "Oh. Remind me to cut off my foot when we get out of here." – Hahhaaha. Gabrielle and Joxer: the only saving grace of this episode.

11) Pao Ssu: "Lao Ma's power's would have been wasted on you. And you, Xena, were right; I would have dropped the torch anyway." – Awful.

12) Pao Ssu: "'Small people hate loneliness but the master makes it her home, her source, her mother, for she knows it allows her to be one with the universe.'"

13) K'ao Hsin: "When Pao Ssu and I were infants, she saved our lives-" X: "-at great risk to her own to protect you from your brother-" K'ao Hsin: "-the Green Dragon." X: "She knew that he would see any siblings as rivals to his throne. She couldn't risk a battle with him until she knew you were safe.” – This makes no fucking sense and again is a huge explanation of something we don’t really need. We all know Lao Ma’s twins were added-on as an afterthought so this crap episode could exist.

In homage to twins played by the same actor, here's a couple videos of twins played by the same actor: Vicky and Marley from Another World played by Anne Heche, and the most famous twins played by one actor of all, Hallie and Annie from Parent Trap played by Lohan.

And here's a song I listened to this day, in honor of the lightening bolt battle at the end of this episode:

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Xena: Season 5, Episode 05: "Them Bones, Them Bones"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE: 

"The Evil Dead 2 Episode"

Really enjoyed this episode a lot. It's just gross and messed up and sexy. I loved the shit out of it. 

However, let it be known, that on the box set disc, the last chapter of this episode is completely fucked up and unplayable. Like it’s a digital problem with the conversion or something. I had to watch the rest on Hulu, and the version on Hulu seemed somewhat narrow and wonky.

Number of times someone drinks blood in this episode: 4

A note about that beautiful dagger scene, when Gabrielle is about to cross over: As she preps for the other side, Xena tells Gabrielle not to let go of the dagger. In response, Gabrielle tells Xena not to let go of her. This is so deep. What could it even mean, other than, "Stay with me forever, don’t leave me." Thanks, god.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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EXTRA LOVED:

1) Horse-riding
2) Internal body images
3) Fire, bird, water pane freezes
4) G reacting in her real body and spirit body as Alti fucks with her fake body
5) X gets mad at Yakut
6) X seems to wake up out of nowhere and realizes Yakut is under
7) X’s tricky plan
8) The bones snapping together
9) X beating Alti with her own bones
10) Alti screaming as her bones blow away to dust
11) Obvious, but the dove at the end

12) Small but notable part: Chi'ah. This was that actresses only stint on Xena

EXTRA QUOTES:

1) G: "You're happy, Xena." X: "Oh, yeah?" G: "Yeah. You know how I know?" X: "No." G: "'Cause it's the only time you make fun of yourself." X: "Well, maybe I'm happy 'cause I know I don't have to go through this alone."

2) Amarice: "Let me guess. She saw it in some kind of vision." Yakut: "In fact, I did." – Love Yakut’s reply

3) Yakut: "Xena is preparing to do battle with Alti in her realm, but I'm afraid in her condition she won't win." G: "Then I guess I have to convince her to let me go."

4) X: "I have seen Alti rip the hearts out of people that I love. I'm not going to take that chance with you." – I wonder who she's talking about?

5) G: "Alti doesn't want to hurt your baby. She wants it to be born." Amarice: "What does that mean?" X: "Alti wants to steal my baby's soul. She wants to replace it with her own." – Don’t we all.

6) Yakut: "I sense that your heart is not yet fully committed to motherhood." X: "Part of me wants this child so bad, that I'm counting the days till I have it. Another part of me wonders if bringing a child into this world is the right thing to do. It's not even born yet, and already it's suffering." – This is seriously how I feel about having a baby in this world right now.

7) Yakut: "Do you remember the story of the world tree?" X: "Of course. Shaman elders believe that, at the golden navel of the Earth, there is a tree that has more branches than even the gods can count. And on these branches, perch the souls of unborn children." Yakut: "The part I didn't tell you is that when a mother finally accepts what she is about to become, the child will send her a message in the form of a dove." X: "And what does it say?" Yakut: "'Thank you.'" – Is this a pro-life statement? What the fuck is this.

8) Alti: "I've always wanted to be inside of you, Xena." – Jesus CHRIST.

9) Alti: "It's such a pleasure to see you again, Xena or should I call you 'Mommy?'" X: "There aren't many guarantees in life, Alti, but I promise you this. If you harm my child I will hound you. I will hound you throughout all time, in between worlds. I will be your eternal damnation." Alti: "Well, at least we'll be together again." – God, this is good. I miss Alti all the time.

10) Alti: "I have a way that we can both win, Xena. I'll give you the soul of your child. But you must bring me back to the physical world." X: "I can't do that." Alti: "Not by yourself. But if you convince the Amazons to put their minds to it then anything is possible." – Claire Stansfield is so good here.

11) Chi’ah: "As the Amazon protector of the sacred amber, I can only release it to a fellow Amazon, and one of you is not an Amazon. I can see the truth, Amarice, and you dare to come here hiding behind an identity you have not earned." G: "Is it true?" – Really love the simplicity of this line. The way Renee O'Connor says it is gold.

12) G: "Amarice, look, for many years, I walked in Xena's shadow. I wanted to be her. She taught me something. It's warmer standing in the sun." Amarice: "Yeah. Well, you better get going. She's waiting for you." G: "She's waiting for us." – This metaphor is great.

13) X: "This is gonna hurt. You have something that belongs to me." – Love the shit out of this.

14) Amarice: "Xena must think I'm a jerk." G: "I didn't tell her what Chi'ah said." Amarice: "Why not?" G: "Because, I don't think it's true anymore. I have this Amazon necklace, and it's from my tribe. There's a stone on here for all my sisters. I just added another one for you." Amarice: "Thank you." G: "Better hurry. Xena and I are ready." Amarice: "Actually, Gabrielle, um I'm gonna stay here, learn a few things." – I love this departure for Amarice. And Gabrielle is so sweet here.

15) Yakut: "I don't know what to say." X: "What would you say to any friend who was leaving for a time?" Yakut: "You're not like any other friend." – Right? God damn, Xena's awesome.

16) Yakut: "Be careful. It doesn't take a vision to know the child of Xena is gonna be someone to behold. You'll be a target again, and so will your baby." – [SERIES SPOILER:] ..... I love how they make such a fuss over Xena's baby aaaaall season long (seriously the buildup is huge), and the delivery and development of this character (Eve) is so fucking underwhelming. Out of everything on Xena, besides several moments where they could've expounded and banked on Xena and Gabrielle's relationship, she was the biggest missed opportunity. ..... [SERIES SPOILER END]

The thing popping out of the stomach in Spaceballs (1987) is originally a joke on the alien bursting through this same actor's chest in the movie Alien (1979), but Spaceballs is more the guts than chest, so... You're getting Spaceballs, bitch.

Oh, all right, here's the Alien scene as well. It's so good.

In a hilarious twist, the title of this episode is (what I can only assume to be) a reference to "Dem Bones" by the Delta Rhythm Boys, a brilliant, old as fuck song to which we all know the words.

This song doesn't quite capture the horror of this episode, but I did listen to it this day, and ... it was indeed a "Slow Burn" for Alti in the end. Just sayin'.

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