Xena: Season 5, Episode 04: "Animal Attraction"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE:

“The Western Episode”

Kind of love this episode, it's surprisingly good. I do have some comments. It was also very subtext-heavy, so I made extra space for that below.

Number of duels in this episode: 2
Times a woman was itchin’ to draw her weapon: 2

Again, Xena doesn’t do a lot of fighting in this, because she really was pregnant, but she does do some :D

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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SUBTEXT EXPANSION:

1) “It's impossible! I can not be pregnant. If you weren't such a quack, you would know that getting pregnant involves certain physical requirements that I haven't met in a long time, and I mean a very long time.” – She hasn't had sex with a man lately, despite being in her prime and legendary "appetite," because she’s with Gabrielle.

2) G: "No, I can handle my own apples." Joxer: "Gabrielle, let me help you. You might like it." G: "I don't think so." – "You might like it." = You might like being with men. "I don't think so." = I'm not into men.

3) Gabrielle telling Arman that Xena doesn’t like flowers: either this is just an intimate observation or she’s tried to give Xena flowers before. Before Gabrielle adds that Xena doesn’t enjoy smelling flowers, it can be read that she’s tried to give Xena flowers before, but Xena didn’t care about them, because Xena is more the flower-giver.

4) X: “Gabrielle’s gonna freak.” – If they were just friends, why would she freak.

5) When X announces she’s pregnant, she and everyone look at Gabrielle…because how can she be pregnant, when Xena and Gabrielle are monogamous, unless Xena just revealed she cheated on Gabrielle. And also, why does the camera focus on Gabrielle exclusively? It seems the only one who stands to be affected emotionally from the news is Gabrielle. So many "just friends" have told me they were pregnant and I've felt nothing but happiness for them, maybe some excitement. No one had to walk on eggshells or worry that I was going to "freak." This moment is so gay. 

6) Gabrielle’s reaction to Xena's pregnancy news was perfectly calculated ambiguousness leaning toward pissed. She’s obviously immediately confused and suspicious about Xena lying to her about cheating. Gabrielle doesn’t believe Xena, when Xena claims to not know how she got pregnant.

7) I love the simple line that they’ve "been through this a thousand times," which means they did talk about it extensively, as any couple would. And Gabrielle saying, “I just find that a little hard to believe.” A friend would have no reason to think that another friend would lie about getting pregnant. Now, say, a celibate boyfriend wondering how his girlfriend got pregnant would prompt that dialogue. Xena would also have no reason to lie to Gabrielle about getting pregnant, if they were just friends, and Gabrielle wouldn’t find anything hard to believe. She would believe whatever Xena told her.

8) Xena and Gabrielle now refer to themselves as a family. Two women and a baby means they're together in my book.

EXTRA QUOTES: 

1) Joxer: "I wasn't looking." Amarice: "Yeah, you were, at Gabrielle." Joxer: "Was not." Amarice: "Was too. You know what? If I ever go ga-ga like that over anyone you have my permission to kill me."

2) G: "Joxer gave me one of those looks again. Xena, when he said he loved me, he said that he didn't expect anything from me. Clearly, he does. I'm trying to be sensitive. Do you have any advice?" – This is so intense. We all know that feeling when someone loves the shit out of you, when they said it wouldn't be a problem.

3) X: "We're gonna have to treat that wound before we set him free." G: "Set him free?" X: "What's on your mind?" – Love the way Xena says this. She knows Gabrielle wants him.

4) G: "I really appreciate this." X: "Are you kidding? This way, I get a hot bath and to eat something I didn't kill myself. On the other hand, I'm so hungry I could eat a h.." G: "You wouldn't." – CUTE.

5) X: "Oh, this is Talia. We rode together years ago.” – Like how many years ago? What the hell is this?

6) X: "Why don't we get together over a meal? You know, I wanna feel I should have someee raspberry jelly and I don't know, some raw fish. What do you say?" – Hahahaaha this made me LOL.
 
7) Amarice: "Glad you're all right. I wouldn't wanna drown you my first time here." Arman: "I know what you mean. Makes for a very bad impression."

8) Joxer: "Women can't live with 'em can't chain em in the yard." – They give so many sexist jokes to Joxer. It speaks volumes that Xena and Gabrielle are so tolerant of this.

9) X: "I don't feel so good." Amarice: "After raspberry jam and raw fish? Big surprise." – I love how blunt Amarice always is.

10) X: "It's impossible! I can-not be pregnant. If you weren't such a quack, you would know that getting pregnant involves certain physical requirements that I haven't met in a long time and I mean a very long time. No one, zilch, zippo. I am a love-free zone. Therefore, it is utterly impossible that I be up the duff. So, what's your diagnosis, now?" Doc: "Mood swings!" – Hahahahaha I love that Xena uses “up the duff” and then the doc’s follow-up joke is fucking funny. Well done.

11) G: "No, I can handle my own apples." Joxer: "Gabrielle let me help you. You might like it." G: "I don't think so." Joxer: "Gimme!" G: "Stop it." Joxer: "I'm gonna help you!" G: "Joxer-" Joxer: "No." G: "Joxer, get your hands off my apples!" Joxer: "Perfect example" – This is kind of fucked up. Even after he destroys her apples, he blames it on her for not being attracted to him.

12) Arman: "I see your point. So, what do I do to make it up to her?" G: "Flowers you can't go wrong with flowers." Arman: "Flowers?" G: "Yes, women love flowers, except Xena. Yeah, she's the only woman that I know who doesn't stop to smell them." – Xena isn't a typical woman, is she. She has more of a boyish mindset?

13) Talia: "No, I stand up to Darcon or I don't, but either way, I am not gonna let you take him on for me, especially pregnant... Oh, come on. Who's kidding herself, now. The need for sleep? The cravings? The nausea? Hey not to mention, you know you're looking a little [makes a round tummy gesture] My mother was a midwife, Xena. Wake up and smell the diapers." X: [Gasps!] – Hahahaha! I love it when people insult Xena and she internalizes it, like that time when Joxer said she was filthy.

14) Bartender: "What'll it be?" X: "Milk" Bartender: "Milk??" X: "I said milk! What, am I over-age?" – Hahahaha

15) Amarice: "Xena, hey. I've been looking all over for you. I think I'm in trouble." X: "What, is it in the water?" Amarice: "Huh? I'm talking about Arman." X: "Well, what about him?" Amarice: "Well you see, that's the trouble. Every Amazon instinct I have says keep away, but my heart just says go for it. Have you ever had this problem before?" X: "Apparently. Listen, Amarice either you kiss him or you kill him, but, either way, it doesn't seem to make a difference." – Hahahaha, “apparently.” Love the way Amarice says, “have you ever had this problem before?”

16) X: "I've got something I wanna tell you. Just stay put. Believe me, you don't wanna be standing when you hear this. Not that it's bad. See, I would sense that and it's not, but there is this small question of how it happened, and once you get past that, it's really great. Don't give me that look like you knew. You didn't know. I didn't even know, and I'm the one who's expecting. Or, maybe you did know but don't let on to the others. I wanna tell them myself. Gabrielle's gonna freak." – Hahahahaa! The delivery of the last line is PERFECT.

17) X: "Something happened?" Arman: "I kissed her and, no matter what she says, she kissed me back. She just won't admit it." X: "And why do you think that is?" Arman: "I think it's 'cause she's scared it'll make her seem weak." X: "Hmm." Arman: "Like carin' for someone is somethin' bad. Can you believe that?" X: "Yeah, I used to, but now I know that any fool can risk his life. It takes a hero to risk his heart." – A good friend of mine and I kissed like this once and she couldn’t handle that she started it. She denied it and me, and nothing ever happened. Love is the most dangerous thing in the world. That last line of Xena's is perfection.

18) G to her new horse: "Come on. Come on, handsome." – This is so sweet, you guys.

19) X: "I'm pregnant! I'm pregnant!" – Ok, this is really fucking funny, and I think it’s because once they hear her, there's no noise whatsoever except for the creaking of spare leather in the stable.

20) Amarice: "Amarice, I don't know anyone who'd scare you. You never let 'em close enough to try." Amarice: "That's not true. There is someone who scares me.. You." Arman: "Very funny." Amarice: "I'm not kidding. I've never met anyone like you. I'm not used to feeling this way." Arman: "You think I am? This is all new to me, too." Amarice: "It doesn't scare you?" Arman: "Big time but that's what makes us so brave, to feel this scared and not run away. I'd say that takes a lotta courage, wouldn't you?" Amarice: "You calling me a coward?" Arman: "I hope not." – This joke at the end is so cute, and this dialogue is BANK. Loving the shit out of it.

21) G: "Hi. Woo! Whoa, boy. Whoa. Come on, Xena. Race ya to Greece?" X: "I don't know if you're ready for that." G: "Are you chicken?" X: "No, just being considerate. We race to Greece, and you won't be able to walk straight for a month." – I’m sorry, this is hilarious.

XENA & GABRIELLE'S ENTIRE DIALOGUE ABOUT PREGNANCY:

1) G: "You're pregnant? How can you be pregnant? Xena, I mean, when did you..? Who d..?" X: "I don't know." Joxer to Amarice: "And you asked her advice on your love life." G: "You don't know?" X: "Gabrielle, this is as strange to me as it is to you. I don't understand it, but it's true.” – Joxer’s joke insinuating that Xena gets around is hilarious.

2) G: "You don't have the slightest idea?" X: "No. Look, we've been through this a thousand times. I don't." G: "How can you not know? I.. I just find that hard to believe, you know?" X: "Tellin' me." G: "Ares! Maybe he did a god thing-" X: "NO." G: "OK, fine. When was the last time we saw Hercules? I forget, I can't-" – I love how pissed Xena gets about Ares and all of this conversation. I love the simple line that they’ve discussed it a thousand times and am annoyed we weren't privy to that convo.

3) X: "Well, congratulations. Looks like we're a two-horse family." G: "Yeah, family being the operative word." X: "Yeah, how about that, huh?" G: "You know what I think? I think it's the beginning of a beautiful relationship." X: "Yup, for all of us." – Gabrielle just said it, they're going to be a family.

What did Xena say when Gabrielle asked her, "How can you be pregnant?" She said the only thing there is to say in such a situation:

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