ALTERNATIVE TITLE:
"XenaCon on Broadus Wayus, 2018 BC"
Not much to say here, other than this is a comedy and it's fucking funny, but mostly Xena-less.
SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.
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EXTRA QUOTES (THAT ARE JUST ALL JOKES):
1) G: "I appreciate that. But, Xena it was one of my favorite scrolls a new one charting our history through the prism of time it was " G and X: " a more intimate " X: " examination of our relationship and on and on. You've been talking about it ever since we left Paraeus." – "A more intimate examination of our relationship." Intimate. This is so gay.
2) X: "Well, when I say, 'Don't mention it,' I mean you can mention it. It's just a figure of speech. You don't have to take it literally. It wouldn't kill ya to maybe look back or something." – Hahahaha
3) Sophecles when he sees Gabrielle: "Oh! Huh?" (offers arm to Gabrielle) G: "Not in your lifetime. Thank you." – Hahahaha, god dammit, Gabrielle gets funnier and funnier as the series continues.
4) Joxer: "Hi. Gabrielle, wow! Uh, your hair. Did that hurt? Uh, what's that you're wearing?" G: "Sari." Joxer: "Don't apologize. It looks good." – Saw this joke coming but it’s good. The tattoo reference, hahahaha.
5) G: "My scroll. This is it. Thank you. Thank you. Where did you find it?" Zehra: "I was sitting in the little girls' house, and there it was, right beside me." – Gabrielle left her scroll in the bathroom, probably while reading it on the toilet.
6) G: "Oook, now, um try it like Xena would." "X": "Ayiyiyiyi! Ayiyi! You were right, Gabrielle. How could have I been so blind?" G: "She'll do. Besides, Xena requires more of an athlete. Great!" – I love that Gabrielle thinks of Xena as an athlete.
7) Milo: "My little bowl of vipers let me get this right. You sold Kaelus the Conqueror 75% interest in the play, right?" – I'm stealing that sentiment.
8) G: "Minya come on, it's your big scene." Minya: "Yeah, ow, my big scene where I talk my issues out more. It seems like all we do is talk. You know, maybe the play might be even better if we just clobbered some skulls." – I love the shit out of this.
9) Joxer: "Yeah. Um Gabrielle, the play is great. Um maybe if we just had a different title." G: "Like what? 'Springtime for Warlords'?" Joxer: "Oh, well, or uh 'Blood, Guts, and Babes.'" Minya: "'Wild Men in Rubber.'" "Humongus": "Or 'Big Boys in Boxers!'" – Which one is your fave?
10) G: "Thank you. And I want to apologize for losing control. I promise, it won't happen again. OK? Well, let's start where we left off scene 84. OK, first positions. Let's go. Paulina, when you're ready." – "Scene 84?" "First positios?" hahahahaha!
11) G: "Artists aren't supposed to care what the public wants. We're not doing this for money." Man: "Well, I am." Women's Voices: "So am I!" "Me, too!" – No kiddin!
12) “No good playwright would have her art reduced for the sake a few dinars.” – Tell that to George Lucas.
13) G to Paulina: "'Kill 'em all! Kill 'em all!' You see? It's from the back of the throat. It's much more guttural. I mean, we have to believe the anger, the hatred for life OK? Now, make that audience shiver." – Hahahaha!! Oh my god, I nearly lost my breath, here.
14) G: "What am I doing? All this sex, blood, violence? Have I gone crazy?" Joxer: "Gabrielle! We just sold out the first night!" G: "Crazy like a fox! I want more blood! Let's make it gushing!" – LOLed so hard at this.
15) Milo: "If the play's a success, we're-" Zehra: "-Don't say the 'Delta' word." – This is...this episode is so fucking funny.
16) Joxer: "Wow. Gabrielle, Criticus from Varietus is in the audience right now. Don't worry. He's gonna love it. Your vision's great." – Critic from Variety magazine. Hahahaha
17) Cleon: "If I can't get the secrets of defeating Xena at least I'll get her little friend. Huh?" (Xena appears) G: "Xena." Cleon to Xena: "Oh, go away. You're not even a good actress." X: "Now, that was a little uncalled for." – I know I should’ve seen this coming, but I didn’t and it’s hilarious.
18) G: (Zehra and Milo get up to sneak out) "Somebody stop them! (the audience looks at Gabrielle with confusion) Interactive theater! Everybody join in!" – Hahahaa!
19) Critic #1: "The play's not bad. I just don't buy that Xena." Critic #2: "There's the opening of 'Buffus, the Bacchae Slayer' across the street." – This is funny and a reference to Buffy which I’ve never seen.
Here are a few shots of Meg Ryan with her short hair. Remind you of anyone?
I just saw I, Tonya the night before reviewing this episode. So in honor of that, it's HAT CHACLATE!!
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