Xena: Season 4, Episode 16: "The Way"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE:

“Hallalalala Krishna!!” 

Gat damn! This is the episode where Xena gets her arms chopped off. So fucked. [POSSIBLE SERIES SPOILER:] ...It happens again right? [END SPOILER]

[ANOTHER SEASON SPOILER:] I keep forgetting that these episodes about abstinence from violence are annoying for a reason. They make "The Ides of March" that much more amazing. [END SPOILER]

This episode’s a bit of a slog, isn’t it. Kind of like being in church.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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EXTRA QUOTES:

1) Eli: "It's life that we must revere it wherever we find it to bring peace to this world. I have to teach mankind a reverence for life." – I don’t understand a word of this.

2) Eli: "Then I'd get up again if I could. But under no circumstances would I fight back. If I did I would simply be perpetuating the cycle of violence that has ravaged the Earth for centuries. That cycle has to be broken, Gabrielle. And the truth is that that can only be done through nonviolence." G: "So, that's the truth." – I don’t fully agree with this, but I guess this is why Jesus was special.

3) G: "Hanuman no offense. You see, Xena and I aren't used to waiting around for the gods to bail us out." – This equals true. I love that they don't give a shit.

4) X: "Well, your friend Krishna didn't show." Hanuman: "We need to get his attention." X: "And how do we do that?" Hanuman: "With these gods sometimes you've got to try something unusual." X: "Like what?!" Hanuman: "I pray to him all the time. What Krishna needs is for someone to call upon him who doesn't respect gods doesn't trust them doesn't like them someone who thinks she doesn't need them." X: "You want me to pray." – God, this is funny.

5) Eli: "Be patient. We'll be all right." G: "I don't think that's very realistic. This is an evil man!" Eli: "He's not a man at all, Gabrielle. He's the incarnation of evil itself." G: "Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Eli: "He and I may be here in mortal bodies, but our war is a spiritual one. I'm sure that if I can stay faithful to my way, I can defeat him. His is the way of evil. Mine is the way of " G: " love! I know that. I know that." – Hahaha! This whole exchange is fuckin hilarious.

6) Krishna: "How do you expect to defeat Indrajit?" X: "I can't without your help." Krishna: "But I can't help you unless you let me." X: "I'm not one for cryptic talk. Get to the point." – Hahahaha

7) X: "I'm close? I don't think so. I don't have the patience of Gabrielle, the love of Eli, or the serenity of my mentor, Lao Ma. I'm just an angry, ass-kicking-" Krishna: "-warrior." X: "Yes, a warrior." – Proper.

8) Krishna: "Xena you have seen what you're destined to be. In your next life, you will walk the way of the saint. However you will never achieve that life if you don't follow the way you're on now." X: "The way of the warrior?" Krishna: "Yes you must not be hesitant to fight in a just cause. It is better to die following your own way, than to live following someone else's.” – This is telling me to continue eating candy and shopping Amazon until I die.

9) Kri: "Then go. Rise up like fire and burn all that oppose you. And if you're following the path of the way call my name and the strength to defeat Indrujid will be given to you. Are you ready?" X: "I'm ready." Han: "I'm ready, too." – Hahahaha Hanuman here is fucking hilarious.

10) X: "And I've always known that it was wrong for you. I'm sorry I took you so far from your truth." G: "Don't be sorry. Xena do you think I could have understood the power of selfless love if it weren't for our friendship?" X: "Still, I think maybe you should travel with Eli for a while." G: "No. You and I stay together." X: "Gabrielle, we're headed in opposite directions in life." G: "All rivers run to the sea. We'll end up in the same place; I'm sure of it." – The casualness of this discussion of maybe splitting up is lame.

Is this Hanuman or Planet of the Apes (1968)?

Dude, SWEET.

Indrajit and Xena's showdown reminds me of this horrifying little battle between Perseus and Medusa in Clash of the Titans (1981):

This song's called "Shed Some Blood" and that's exactly what Xena did.

 

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