ALTERNATIVE TITLE:
"The Jewel of the Nile Episode"
Despite not having Xena or Gabrielle in this episode (there was Lucy Lawless as Meg), this episode was pretty funny and entertaining. A straightforward comedy that's also a bit poignant. And yet again, it's another episode about corruption and stealing from the state/poor.
SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.
1) Soldier: "Careful. This porker's priceless." – Hhahhaahah, fuck
2) Meg: "What are ya/! Stupid or somethin'?! That thing was worth a fortune!" – My family and I have been saying, "What are you? Stupid?" for years. We think it's hilarious. My mother actually just brought it up while I was in Texas without me telling her about this episode.
3) Meg: "Come on! Come on! Make yourselves at home. Ya want some grog? Plenty of grog. Three grogs!" – This is hilarious. Three grogs? Fucking A.
4) Meg: "You'd be surprised what a young, nubile guard will scream out when he's about-" Joxer: "-to meet his maker." – Hahaahhaha! Also, I love that it's accepted that Meg is a sex worker.
5) M/"X": "Be not afraid. I'll not harm you.” – I laughed so hard.
6) Joxer: "Look, Auto! Get this through that thick, thieving skull of yours: Meg has had a hard life, and she needs our help. Now I'm asking you as a friend, lay off of her." Autolycus: "You really like her, don't you? Don't you worry, little buddy. You're dealing with a man of honor." – Intrigued that Autolycus both likes Meg and cares about Joxer.
7) Kryptos: "Impossible. Our secret police would've told us by now." Meg as Xena: "Oh, secret police?" Ormestin: "Yes?" Meg as Xena: "Well, everybody knows about them.”
8) Meg as Xena: "Does this window face west?" Kry: "Yes. Why?" Meg as Xena: "Well, if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you."
9) Joxer: "Hey, you used me. And you used Autolycus! And you used him! Tell me that's not what happened!" Meg: "Nah, that pretty much sums it up." – Classic.
10) Meg: "I got a shamrock, and I know how to use it." Auto: "First of all, it's a chakram. And that thing is made outta wood. Now, give it to me!" [Meg KO's Autolycus with the shamrock.] – I know I should see this shit coming, but it's still just frickin hilarous.
11) Meg: "They just don't understand, Punkin. Well, they can't possible know how it is. See, what I had, now, it wasn't so good. My father, he died when I was really young, and my mom, she tried hard, but why, it just didn't work out. Well, I was left alone to do what I wanted, and I made all my own decisions, and I guess I wasn't too good at that, neither. Things is gonna be different for you. You see those? They're stars. When I was a little girl, I used to think that all those little lights came from houses in the sky, and each one of those houses had a happy family around a cozy fire. And the lights came from all the open windows. And I used to think that at every window, there was a little girl, just like me lookin' out at the other lights. And I wondered what it would be like to be one of them. Well, one day we're gonna be one of those little lights. That's a promise." – Fuuuck, dude.
12) Cleades to Meg: "I wouldn't be here today if someone hadn't risked everything for me. I had to see love, and you showed it to me.” – This line was said wrong. He said it too sexy.
13) Ormestin: "Xena. Two Xena's." X: "That's right. Makes you wanna cry like a baby, doesn't it?" – How is this so brilliant? Xena has the best one-liners, I'm noticing. It's, like, part of her skill set.
14) X: "You do. You've got a warm, caring heart with a lotta love to give." Meg: "For the right price." – I know this was a serious moment, but high-five on that.
15) Meg: "There's a million little lights in the sky, and a million cozy homes, and I ain't never gonna be part of one of `em." X: "Meg, one day it's going to happen for you, and you'll have a family of your own-- not a borrowed one, a family of your own." Meg: "I can't have children." X: "You did a wonderful thing here, Meg. You helped a lot of people because you were able to love one child. And I can't believe that with all the little lights in the sky, that there isn't one waiting for someone like you." – Oh, Meg… Me, too, girl. I am shocked by how deep this is. And also, shit, Xena kind of abandons ship after Meg tells her she can’t have children. Not the most reassuring closing lines I've ever heard. "I'm sure there's a star up there for you! There's so many, there's gotta be one."
I feel this epsiode most closely parallels the sequel to Romancing the Stone known only as Jewel of the Nile (1985). I hate to reveal, but as in Romancing the Stone, the two heroes of the movie are searching for a stone, the precious Jewel of the Nile, which turns out to be a man.
This episode also contains serious references to Three Men and a Baby (1987), the three "men" here being Joxer, Autolycus and Meg.
This is the older version of Lo Pan from Big Trouble Little China. Tell me this wasn't Xena's inspiration for Autolycus's prison-mate.
What I was listening to during at the time of this viewing.
Don't forget to like the Xena Movie Campaign on Facebook!
Click HERE for an updated calendar/watching schedule.
Xena Movie Review Templates: COLOR or Black & White
Thanks for reading!
No comments:
Post a Comment