Xena: Season 2, Episode 17: "The Execution"

All right, people, settle down. Yes, I did stay with my friend over the weekend and yes I hated every minute of it. Every minute. "Never again," and that's all I'll say on the matter. Moving right along!

"The Execution:" Not a bad episode. I liked watching it, actually. It's "OK."

It reminds me of one of my all time favorite movies, Errol Morris' The Thin Blue Line. The reenactment style is the same, same dramatic lighting, and the storyline is basically the same: Someone is killed, someone is wrongly accused, someone is tried within a flawed justice system, different accounts are given, eventually justice prevails. If you’ve never seen TTBL, watch it; you will love it.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it. 

CLICK HERE for full page view.

  CLICK HERE FOR bigger VIEW! 

EXTRAS:

1) X: “Don’t make this more difficult than it already is. I don’t want to bring him back, but I have to!” G: “He is an innocent man.” X: “You don’t know that!” – Good stuff. Really good stuff.

2) G: "I won’t let you do this.” M: “Gabrielle.” G: “She’s not taking you anywhere.” – This is so bold. I love that she has the balls to talk to Xena this way.

3) M: “I didn’t want you to know I started drinking again. I thought I could handle just one. Then it was another and another.” – They should show this in high schools or AA meetings.

4) G: “Friends don’t lie. You were right; he wasn’t being honest. I’m sorry for not believing you.” X: “That’s not an issue. You and I have plenty of time to talk about it, but Meleager’s not that lucky.” – I love this. What I’d give to see this future conversation take place.

6) X: "Now I know you’re innocent. You didn’t kill that man. I did.” – Man, Xena's killed EVERYBODY.

7) X: “Remember me? I saved you from that assassin.” - Love the way she says this.

8) G: “It doesn’t matter how valuable they are, as long as it’s priceless to you.” - Good times, Gabrielle. Good times.

9) M: "Look, Gabrielle, when the time comes, don’t look outside.” G: “I have to. I want you to look at me. I want the last face that you to see in this world to be a friend.” – Intense and deep. I love it all over myself.

Now, in this episode, a judge–Judge Arbus–is the bad guy. Because of his slanted ways, innocent people died. Let’s talk about another Arbus, of whom I’m a huge fan. This is Diane Arbus, my favorite photographer (holding her daughter):

Here is some of her work for which she is known:

 

This one's probably my favorite.

I love her, because even though she took pictures of seemingly ordinary things, her work scares the living shit out of me.

The song/video of the day is "Birthday Cake" by Rihanna (I'm just going to pretend that Chris Brown is not featured.) I watched my friend Pauline absolutely jam to this song in the car while riding with her in New Jersey, and I fell in love with it. It's so good:

Don't forget to like the Xena Movie Campaign on Facebook!

Click HERE for an updated calendar/watching schedule.

 Xena Movie Review Templates: COLOR or Black & White

 Thanks for reading!

Xena: Season 2, Episode 16: "For Him the Bell Tolls"

"For Him the Bell Tolls" 

 The only people saving it from floppage are Gabrielle and Aphrodite

(and to a certain extent, Cupid).

You don't understand. It's not that this episode was shitty; it's just that it suuucked and was completely irrelevant. 

Here's the deal: It wasn't badly done or poorly acted and the script was fine. HOWEVER... Nothing hooked me. [SERIES SPOILER] If I remember correctly, there's a whole lotta this going on in season 5, too, so it's not that it's Joxer-based. [END SPOILER] I love Joxer! I'm on team Joxer, all right? It's not him. There was just no depth to the story. No oomph. No chutzpah.

The show is about Xena. It's even titled, Xena: Warrior Princess. They can get away with a show solely about Gabrielle, because we know Gabrielle. She's been in every single episode thus far and is a compelling character, but we barely know Joxer... In fact, there's little complexity to him as a character, right now. He gets deeper later, but that's for me to tell and for you to hear. So the point is, this episode was a whole lot of fluff, with no sugar or cream. It was like cotton candy made of actual cotton.

As you probably, maybe, might know, "For Him the Bell Tolls" is a direct lift from a passage in one of John Donne's poems or meditations (or whatever). The famous lines read as such:

... any mans death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankinde; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee..

Pretty awesome, isn't it? It's chilling. However "For Him the Bell Tolls" has absolutely nothing to do with the passage or the John Donne-inspired novel, Ernest Hemingway's "For Whom the Bell Tolls." I do like the linkage of the famous title to the relevance of this Xena ep, though.

Let's talk about the goddess of love. I looove Aphrodite. She’s one of the funniest, intriguing characters on the show (right up there with Ares) and this episode hosts her first appearance! I was so excited! [SERIES SPOILER] My most favorite thing that she ever says comes up later, in season 3 or 4, I think. Hmm… Maybe it’s even in season 6... Whatever, I'll point it out when it happens. [END SPOILER]

Might I conclude by saying that the rewatch of this was extra painful... It was like watching an episode of Batman that's about neither Batman nor Robin, but, say, Alfred the butler. It’s fine, BUT… you see where I'm goin'?

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it. 

CLICK HERE for full page view.

  CLICK HERE FOR bigger VIEW! 

EXTRAS:

1) J: “My sword is always ready to pleasure you, my lady.” – When “cool” Joxer says this, it’s just not funny.

2) A: “Love isn’t just about happy endings. There’s also jealous love, and unrequited love, and tragic love. And when you strip away all the tinsel, it’s really just about hormones, isn’t it?” – Who can argue with the G. of L.?

3) G: “I think I’m gonna be sick.” – You and me both, sister.

4) G: “This is ridiculous. Don’t touch her, Joxer. Cut it out!” I: “Come here.” G: “Guys, stop it! I’ve had enough of- oh! It’s gonna be a long night. Oh, this is so sick!” – This was probably the highlight of the episode for me. Yeah, I know.

5) J: “Joxer the Mighty roams through the countryside, he never needs a place to hide. With Gaby as his sidekick, fighting with her little stick. Righting wrongs and singing songs. Being mightly all day long. He's Joxer, he's Joxer the Mighty. Oh, he's Joxer the Mighty, he's really tidy. Everybody likes him 'cause he has a funny grin. Joxer! He's Joxer the Mighty!” – Word on the street is Sam Raimi wrote this himself.

6) A: “Mmm. You’re that goody-two-shoes that hangs around my boy, Joxer.” – Seriously love the way she says, “my boy, Joxer.” That’s fucking hilarious. Aphrodite - inventing street lingo since ancient times.

7) G: “So you’re going to let an innocent man die?” A: “Oh, come on! No one’s really innocent. Well, maybe you.” – I love that even Aphrodite backs this up.

8) G: “Love is soft and gentle. It’s not violent and cruel.” A: “You don’t know much about love, do you?” – I know the way Aphrodite intends this to be taken, but there’s another way this can go that is utterly fascinating.

9) G: “Remember, that love is about trust and giving. It’s not about anger and jealousy.” A: “She really doesn’t get it, does she?” C: “Maybe she gets it better than any of us.” – God, I love Gabrielle. Now that I think about it, though, it is about anger and jealousy. It’s about aaall of those things. Just sayin’. 

Aphrodite learned to talk by watching Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure repeatedly on her VCR:

I'd like to start doing this thing where I paste the song that I'm listening to the day of the post into the blog. Usually, I'll have a certain song in my head for whatever reason. Today it was "Goddess Eyes II" by Julia Holter, a new artist I came across. Her music is a mix of basic instruments and stiff notes, like this episode. In her case, however, it works:

Don't forget to like the Xena Movie Campaign on Facebook!

Click HERE for an updated calendar/watching schedule.

 Xena Movie Review Templates: COLOR or Black & White

 Thanks for reading!

May 2012 Calendar Update

All right; let's talk about the schedule a little bit. It took quite the beating in April. Lots of new stuff happened... New jobs, new apartment lease, taxes, new responsibilities.

May, too, brings events about which I'm not happy, frankly. I'll be staying the weekend with a coworker of mine, and that's fine, though I wish I could get out of it. The truth is, I don't know her very well, but I do know that she's very insistent, and I don't think she understands (or cares) that my life is private, busy, and solitary.

Optional Reading: When I try to tell others that I don't have time for fun stuff or that I like to be alone, many view that as a bad thing or something that I'm unhappy with and would like to see changed. The truth is, I don't like to go out much, especially if I don't know the person. I would rather be alone 95% of the time. I love being alone! 

Ironically, I find it hard to be alone due to the insistence of friends. If it wasn't for work and true friends who guilt-trip me into spending time with them, I would never go out at all.

In short, what I'm saying is, I don't want to spend the weekend with my coworker, but it seems to mean a lot to her, and she did help get me my new job, so I'm doing it. I'll spend the weekend with her and will be glad as I do, I'm sure, but I doubt I get in any Xena time.

When my friend's wedding approaches later in the month, I'll obviously miss out on Xena those three days. I fucking love weddings, and it's a good friend, so I'm happy for the distraction. Also, during that time, my friend Max from Texas will be staying with me. He's independent, likes to work the bar scene, then crash with other friends in the city, so I can probably sneak in an episode or two while he's out. However, while he's here with me in the apartment, we have our own shows and movies that we watch together, such as Gone with the Wind.

Miss Scarlett

It will be rough, but I'll attempt to watch more episodes in May than I did in April, get through season 2, and start season 3 at least. I can't make any promises. Not in this town. June should be much slower and therefore "roomier." Unless I start secretarial school... We'll see. Lalalalalalalala!!

Don't forget to like the Xena Movie Campaign on Facebook!

Click HERE for an updated calendar/watching schedule.

 Xena Movie Review Templates: COLOR or Black & White

 Thanks for reading!

Xena: Season 2, Episode 15: "A Day in the Life"

"A Day in the Life:" The girls wake up to a fight, Gabrielle tweaks over a frying pan and Xena invents the kite. Totally brilliant.

Sorry, Ben. You're a little late!

This episode jumps right in with Greek headlines prefacing each segment of the episode, the English translation falling below it. (For instance, the first scene and segment is titled “Waking Up.”) From the first second, we know we’re in for something a little different (as we’re shot into the realization that, of course, Xena and Gabrielle actually would have spoken Greek) and our interest is peaked.

Lots of subtext going on, which adds to this ep’s infamous status of “cult favorite.” For example, when Gabrielle sends Hower to collect firewood after Xena goes fishing, Xena sits down next to Gabrielle and... they look awfully snug together on that log. Several conversations take place in which it's explained to Hower that Xena's "not having it." In fact, so we're clear, here they all are:

1) H: “Let me ask you something, Gabrielle. Does Xena ever think about settling down and getting married?” G: “No; she likes what I do- I think she likes what she’s doing. No, I don’t think settling down is for Xena.” H: “Hmm... maybe she just hasn’t met the right guy.”G: “You know, anything’s possible, Hower.”

2) G: “Minia, Xena would never take anybody’s boyfriend. She has more integrity in that way than anyone I’ve ever met.”

3) X: “Hower, Minia’s a good woman. She loves you. You’re lucky to have her. And you got a snowball’s chance in Tartarus with me. You got that?”

Xena don't want no scrub. Then, to top it off, Minia goes ahead and spells it out for us. She says this to Xena about the whip that Gabrielle just traded for a frying pan: “No! It belongs to me! You don’t get that concept very well, do you? The whip is mine. The frying pan’s yours. Hower is mine!... She’s yours.” Of course, we all know the "she" that Minia refers to is Gabrielle of Potidaea.

Let's not even mention the “I let you get this close” scene. It was intense and I looked around my apartment self-consciously to make sure no one was watching me. It felt as though I was intruding on a private moment and needed to find an exit, quick. Good shit. No wonder this ep is the bomb.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the entire series by posting "series spoiler" before said item number. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it. 

CLICK HERE for full page view.

CLICK HERE FOR bigger VIEW! 

EXTRAS: 

1) The whole thing with Gabrielle bonking Xena in the nose with her staff is adorable. And then she gives Xena a sweet lil kiss on the head, which Xena resents, because she's stoic.

2) X: “Well, you were there. Why didn’t you ask him?” G: “Oh, like you would want me to butt in on one of your pinch interrogations?” X: “Why not? You ask good questions.” G: “Really? Thank you.” - I love this shit. 

3) G: “Were you killed by a certain Warrior Princess?” X: “Yes.” G: “Well, that narrows it down. A little." - NICE.

4) G: "Another one’s fallen for you.” X: “Again?” G: “Yeah.” X: “Why does this always happen?” G: “It’s the blue eyes, the leather. Some guys just love leather.” X: “I think a wardrobe change is in order.” G: “You could wear chain mail.” X: “Yeah, but I think that’d just attract a kinkier group.” G: “You’re probably right.” - Another comment like this is made later and they're just hilarious. I believe that this is how Xena and Gabrielle would really talk behind the scenes.

5) G: “Well, what was I supposed to use, huh? You threw our only good cutting knife at a warlord last week. I bet it’s still sticking out of his thigh.” - This shit is so funny!

6) M: “All right! I finally get to meet the, the Warrior Princess herself! I’ve heard about all your adventures. How you unchained death, and, and liberated Prometheus, and nailed that Callisto witch.” – OK. I thought I heard “bitch” here. Still not convinced it's "witch," but either way is good.

7) Does she sleep in the-” G: “Well-” X: “Hey!” – Because… you know, rumor has it that Xena sleeps in the nude and Gabrielle is about to explain!

8) M: “Hello, Hower! Xena’s here! Isn’t she incredible?! So strong, so confident, so brave, so-” H: “Beautiful.” M: “Well, she’s all right, if you like that type.” - I kind of love Minia for her unabashed admiration for Xena (at first).

9) X: “Hey! Hower, say goodbye to Minia.” - I love that Xena says this. She's so good. She really cares!

10) G: “Look; we have to cook our food. I am still waiting for the fish I had for lunch to stop trying to swim upstream!” - This line is very subtle, but it's there. See it?

11) M: “Xena’s old buddy, Goliath, wanted to get revenge on Gareth for killing his family, but then, Xena and Goliath ended up on opposite sides during the Israelite-Philistine feud, and then Goliath got wasted.” - The way she says this is masterful and amazing.

12) G: “Hey, don’t get defensive. I just don’t share your vision here.” X: “There were plenty of other times when you didn’t share my vision.” G: “Yes, and you were right those other times. But, eventually you’re going to be wrong. Call it the law of averages. I just as soon it not be when the biggest giant to ever walk the Earth is headed our way!” - The law of averages? Gabrielle's brilliant.

13) X: “How did it go with Hower?” G: “Not well. Maybe you could kick him around a little bit.” X: “Yeah. No, he might like it.” G: “That’s true. Hmm.” - Their candor here is spot-on. And FUNNY.

Don't forget to like the Xena 2011 Movie Campaign on Facebook!

Click HERE for an updated calendar/watching schedule.

 Xena Movie Review Templates: COLOR or Black & White

 Thanks for reading!