Xena: Season 4, Episode 12: "If the Shoe Fits..."

ALTERNATIVE TITLE:

“The Cinderella Episode”

All right! Good stuff here, funny god damn episode. It's not a favorite or the best thing I've ever seen ... I gave it a five and am wondering if I should change it to a six.

There’s a piece of fan art that I’ve always thought was from an episode in Season 6. It’s from this with Gabrielle as the Princess during Joxer's telling of Cinderella.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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EXTRA QUOTES:

1) X: "Uh. Oh, I hate that. It's late. Gabrielle? Gabrielle? Oh, the one morning I ask you to wake me up for a change.” – God, in how many eps does Xena say "I hate that?"

2) X: “Just when I get Zantar right where I want him I go and oversleep. Well, thank you very much!” – Hahahaha

3) G: "I woke up. I took a bath. I know I put my shirt on that tree. It's just gone. It doesn't make any sense ... unless an animal took it. You know? A-a-a fashionable beaver or, or ... oh, you didn't." X: "Gabrielle. I was in a hurry. We ran out of rope." – This whole thing is funny.

4) X: "The good news is you found something else to wear." G: "It's a sack!" X: "How come you let Joxer sleep in so late?" G: "I was topless." – Funnyyyyyyy

5) Aphrodite: "Now look what you've done! Ooh, you monster! I told you never to play with the bottle marked passion! It's totally explosive stuff!" – Hhhahahaaha

6) X: "Listen, I was in your shoes too, once. I had a stepfather and I never got to know him. Now, I think that was a terrible mistake. Gabrielle, are you all right?" G: "Fine. What's this about a stepfather? You never told me that." X: "Yes, I did. Didn't I?" G: "No." X: "Well, it's not important.” – Holy shit, WHAT. Also, this is really gay.

7) X/Evil Stepmother: "Pelia, come here, sweetie." – Lucy Lawless, I think, calls people "sweetie" in real life. Remember in BSG when she did it? Fucking hilarious.

8) X/Stepmother: "There's a crease in Pelia's dress. Aren't you forgetting something?" G/Tyrella: "I swept the floor, washed the dishes, cleaned the attic, weeded the garden. I dug you a new well. I've been terribly busy." – I just love the way Gabrielle says this.

9) Alesia: "Tyrella takes the (toe nail) clippings " Joxer: "Mm-hm?" Alesia: "and stabs her evil stepmother over and over and over and over again." G: "N-no no. Tyrella deals with her problems in-in a more positive way." – This is so fucked up and funny.

10) A/Stepmother: "Whoo! Time for a breather. But if ya can't take the heat, boys stay outta my kitchen. Hmm, Pelia where are you, my vixen?" X/Pelia: "I'm here, Mother. I'm as dry as a lizard. Where's the hagster to bring us some beverages?" – So much to unpack here, but mainly Aphrodite calling Xena a vixen.

11) X: "Stop right there!" Joxer: "Oww." Tyrella: "Hmm?" A/Stepmother: "Hmm?" Zantar: "Aah, it was just gettin' good!" X: "Don't say another word. Aphrodite I thought you were out of this." – This is the moment I realize how funny Zantar is. Great writing.

12) J/Tyr: "Thanks, Stepbrother dear." Zantar/Stepfather: "Don't be an idiot, idiot. You can't wear that. You've got no way to get there no social skills to speak of. In short you're not going." – "Idiot, idiot." Brilliant.

13) G/Princess: "You dance divinely." Joxer/Tyr: “I know.”

14) X: "Why did you run away?!" Alesia: "Have you ever heard Joxer tell a story?" X: "Well, that's a good point." – Any chance to dog on Joxer!

15) X: "Tyrella had a stepfamily all right, but no one pushed her around. One day, Tyrella was busy sharpening her sword, when ..." – Hahahahahaa

16) X: "Just leave them in there a while, a few days ought to do it." – Xena smartly leaving Alesia and her stepmother in a locked room together.

17) G: "Aphrodite?! I know you can hear me! Woop! Sorry! Whoop! Clumsy me!" Aphrodite: "OK! Chill the `tude, Miss Thing, I'm here." – Ha! All it takes is destroying a statue of Aphrodite to get her to appear.

18) Zantar: "Now we have a little insurance in case Xena gets in our way." X: "Nice plan if I cared." Joxer: "She cares. She's just kidding. Ha-ha! Ha! You're not laughing." – How many times has Xena feigned disinterest in Joxer to protect him? Also, I love the "if I cared" line.

XENA AND GABRIELLE'S GAY DIALOGUE:

1) X/Evil Stepmother: "Can't you do anything right?" G/Tyrella: "There is nothing wrong with the dress. Your anger is misplaced. It's a convenient way to avoid your deeper emotions the same way that your mistreatment of me and my belongings is your way to avoid intimacy. You both need to get in touch with your inner child." – This is so deep. I love that it's just thrown into this B-level episode. I can't even fully dive into what this means.

2) X: "Still mad at me? Tell ya what: I'll cook, you go on with your story."

3) G: "After all we've been through, that's what you think of me? The fairy godssister of dishes? Xena that's my only use to you? You have no idea how useful I am. I'm out of here that's it. I need space." X: "Gabrielle." – Ugghahh!!

I wish I could find the scene from Rambo (1982) when Sylvester Stallone fashions a poncho out of a burlap sack like Gabrielle does in this episode, but alas no one cherishes anything on the internet.

Who does this sound like? Where did Cher from Clueless (1995) get this from?

Pretty much Aphrodite's entire vocabulary is taken from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989) and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990):

The steady hand of Alesia's delivery reminds me of this little girl in The Man with Two Brains (1983):

A sorta goofy-ish song I listened to on the same day I watched this:

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