Xena: Season 6, Episode 19: "Many Happy Returns"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE: 

“Many Hammy Lavernes” 

Um, this episode is fucking hilarious. And very gay. I wonder if it’s the last comedy.  

The only thing I remember about this episode is Xena surprising Gabrielle with the Sappho poem, placing it in her lap, and then very sweetly holding her own hands in anticipation and maybe vulnerability.  

Aphroditeeee 💕💕💕 

 

Genia looks like The Witch, Anya Taylor-Joy. I had to keep reminding myself that ATJ has more wide-set eyes than Genia and this episode probably aired when ATJ was born.  

 

If this episode were a bit more flying-focused, I would alternatively call it "The Superman Episode." Many parallels, from Xena saving the girl falling to her death [the Superman II (1980) Niagara Falls scene] to Xena taking Gabrielle flying as lovebirds like Superman did Lois Lane [Superman (1978)].

Finally, however you wanna take this, I would like to note: "When Fates Collide" and "Many Happy Returns" are both three-word-titles with the same number of letters. It took me years to wake up to this fact, but...better late than never, I suppose. 

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it. 

EXTRA QUOTES:

1) G: "How big is it?" X: "It's huge!" – Deny all you want, this is a dick joke. 

2) G: "Not the pranks." X: "It's tradition." – Xena indignantly arguing her case. 

3) G: "Xena, tradition or not, no practical jokes this year, all right?! Not at all. Please? Please?" X: "Oh, you're gonna have to do better than that." G: "Please? Please?" X: "All right no practical jokes." – OMG 

4) X: "What is that?" G: "Xena, give me that. [Places spyglass against right eye] Here. Huh. [Removes spyglass revealing black circle around eye] I don't see anything." X: "Huh. My mistake." – Ha. Haha. Hahaha. 

5) Zarat: "You're interrupting a religious ceremony!" X: "Forgive me, Father." – Another badass line from Xena. 

6) Genia: "I don't believe it!" X: "Think nothin' of it." Genia: "You ruined my sacrifice!" – I say this every time someone tells me it's time to go home. 

7) G: "Haha there's nothing divine about Xena. If she were a god, then I couldn't do this!" X: "Ow!" G: "Or that." – I love how suddenly serious Gabrielle is about pinching Xena’s butt then decides to try to punch her. 

8) G: “Or this- Ow!" X: "All right. You made your point." G: "Oh-kee!" – Hahaha the way Gabrielle says "OK" as she’s getting her hand smashed. 

9) G: "Well, why don't we introduce her to the gods that we know?" G: "Then she wouldn't wanna throw herself over a cliff for them." X: "Now, that is not a bad idea. Come on, Genia, quit goofin' around. I got someone we want you to meet." – Hahaha! Genia's passed out on the ground from trying to kill herself. This is hilarious.

10) Frakus: "Not this time, Pop. A woman swooped in dark, beautiful, dressed in leather. She jumped off the cliff and saved the girl." – Admiration of Xena will always be acknowledged in this dojo. 

11) G: "Last one in is a Centaur dropping!" X: "Shee-ya!" G: "Ohh! It's cold! Hey!" X: "Get off! I can't believe you did that!" G: "Come on in!" Genia: "No." G: "The water's great!" Genia: "No, thank you. It's OK. I'll just stay here and look at the bushes!" – By laughing, Xena seems to identify this for what it is, an accidental joke about beavers.

12) [Genia eats...fish and licks her fingers, as Xena stares in disbelief] Genia: "I have never experienced such pleasure." X: "And so quickly, too." – This is so fucking funny. What is happening. 

13) Genia: “Oh, my! I've eaten one of the almighty's creatures! As penance, I'm going to sleep on the cold, hard ground." G: "You know, a better penance would be to clean the frying pan." – I thought about this when Gabrielle said it, really thought about it, and she’s not wrong. 

14) X: "You know, if the gods didn't want us to eat fish, then how come they made it taste so good? Hmm?" – Again, I thought about what she said, not wrong. 

15) X: “You know, you should get some rest, Gabrielle. It's a big day tomorrow." – This is both sweet and funny. 

16) X: "Gabrielle!" G: "Yes, Xena." – The melodramatic way Gabrielle says this here, haha. We know what's comin’. 

17) G: "I, uhh, I thought- I mean Xena, you can catch arrows. I thought for sure you could catch a a bucket of fish guts." X: "Happy birthday, Gabrielle." – Game on.

18) Aphrodite [Giggles]: "Well, if it isn't my favorite girl group." – Hahaha 

19) X: "Aphrodite? Meet Genia, a virgin." Aphrodite: "[Gasps]" Genia: "I don't believe it." Aphrodite: "I don't either! I thought you guys were extinct!" – Loool 

20) X: "Listen we're going to Thebes for Gabrielle's birthday. Care to join us?" Aphrodite: "Thebes? You got Sappho tickets?? What row?" G: "Xena, Sappho tickets! I love her poetry." X: "Surprise." – This whole thing. It’s sweet and funny af. Funny in several ways 1) They’re treating Sappho like a modern day concert 2) Aph asking what row, which..I can’t 3) Xena’s surprise got blown so fast, haha 

21) Genia: "Like you're really a goddess." Aphrodite: "Watch this. I like that bag [magic: bag appears on Aph's shoulder] I have that bag.” – This is so well edited and gd funny! 

22) Aphrodite: “Xena, can I just pop us to Thebes?" X: "Nope! I want Genia to spend time with an honest-to-goodness immortal. That's you. Come on, Gabrielle, the sooner we get going, the sooner you'll get your present." G: "Uh-huh. She's planning my doom. I know it. I can feel it." – The way G goes from sarcasm to straight talk with Aph. 

23) G: "Xena could have taken her bag with her. Why would she want me to hold the helmet of Hermes, huh?" Aphrodite: "Oh, it's not. This is the helmet of Hermes." Genia: "Xena switched bags with us back at the marketplace." G: "Did she say why?" Aphrodite: "Nope. Just told us to hold it." – Love this whole convo. 

24) G: "Hi, Xena. I'm still sitting here, just watching your bag." X: "Yeah, thanks." – Hahaha, so casually she says this, and X doesn't have any tricks planned, so she doesn’t care. 

25) Ferragus: "So you remember me. Must have made quite an impression." X: "It's on your belt buckle." – OK, I don't get this. Seriously, what’s the joke? 

26) Ferragus: "I want. that. bag." X: "It's not for sale." Ferragus: "Who said anything about paying for it?" X: "Oh, you'll pay." – No one in the history of the world will ever deliver their lines with the silkiness of Xena. 

27) G: "Xena, we have to go after Ferragus. He has the helmet." X: "No, Aphrodite's got it. We switched bags in the marketplace." G: "I switched them back." X [spits out drink]: "What?" – Hahahaa! 

28) X: "But we'll fix that later. Right now we've got some baggage to claim. Come on." – Lol! Is this an airport joke?? 

29) Genia: "So how can I worship the goddess of love if I've never even experienced it?" Aphrodite: “You’re right, that does make you kind of a poser." – Looooll! God, I fucking LOVE Aphrodite.

30) Aphrodite: “All right, pick a guy, any guy." Genia: "Mmm. I'll take him." Aphrodite: "Good girl/bad boy - Oh, I love a classic!" – She just never stops. 

31) Frakus: "Father! I want you to meet the most wonderful girl in the world!.." Genia: "Genia." Frakus: "Genia!" – Didn't see this coming, where Frakus didn't even know Genia's name before asking her to marry him. 

32) Frakus: "We're engaged." X&G: "Aphrodite." Aphrodite: "Down in front. I can't see anything!" X: "What's the matter with you?" G: "You put a love spell on Genia." Aphrodite: "That I did. And even as we speak, our sweet little virgin is falling madly in love with the cutest little son of a - [Sees Genia in the lair with Frakus and Ferragus. Gasps]"

33) X/Anthrax: "Well, you must be Frankus! My boy, good to know ya. I'm Anthrax, and this is my wife, Spittoonia." – Hahaha Spittoonia. 

34) G/Belle: "Belle!" Ferragus: "Huh?" G/Belle: "Of Belle's Bridal Barn. 'Cause I put the 'ding' in 'weddin.'" – Hahaha her little shimmie to emphasize ‘ding.’ 

35) G/Belle: "Now, I see before my eyes: harem pants." – This is so funny. I guess I’m just going to post every single joke on here. 

36) Genia: "What am I doing here?" Aphrodite: "Remember? I put a spell on you to make you fall in love with his son?" Genia: "Ohh, that's right. I wanted to fully experience my goddess' power." X/Anthrax: "Just like you wanted to kill yourself for a bloodthirsty god. Genia, you can't give up your life for every deity that comes along." Aphrodite: "It's true, Sweet Pea. We're not all we're cracked up to be." – The lesson. Also missed Aph’s joke, dissing herself. 

37) Ferragus: "I don't know. It's a bit girlie." G/Belle: "Oh, no, honey. Not with those shoulders." – OMFG lol. I love that Gabrielle oftentimes is the one who has to adlib and keep the enemy distracted. The way she says this is hilarious. 

38) X/Anthrax: “Yeah? You got any scars?” – Xena says this so butchly, I can’t. 

39) Ferragus: "Here, this scar? Guy took out my spleen!" X/Anthrax: "Well, who needs a spleen?" Ferragus: "There, guy got me with a short sword." X/Anthrax: "Lucky it wasn't a long one." Ferragus: "You want scars. Well, I'll give you scars. Got this scar given to me by Xena the warrior princess herself!" X/Anthrax: "Let me take a look at that. [Aside] I don't remember. [End aside] Have to come to the light. Oh, yeah. Why, that Xena really is somethin'. She nearly split ya open like a coconut." – I love...so much...that Xena, even under deep cover, can't contain herself from pointing out how weak men are. 

40) Ferragus: "Well, I'll give you scars. Got this scar given to me by Xena the warrior princess herself!" X/Anthrax: "Let me take a look at that. [Aside] I don't remember. – Hahaahaha!! Like why does she need to tell Aphrodite and Gabrielle that she doesn’t remember giving him the scar. She is threatened by absolutely no one in that room. 

41) X: "Aphrodite, the zealots are looking for her there!" Aphrodite: "Huh?" G: "Robe, altar, human sacrifice?" Aphrodite: "That was a true story?" – Lol, "that was a true story." 

42) Ferragus: "What's the matter, Xena? Losing your touch?" X: "Touch this!" – Another dope Xena line.

43) X: "Gabrielle!" Zarat: "Up here. You may have stopped this sacrifice, Xena, but that's all! I will find other followers. Perhaps my next tribe will offer their sacrifices to me. [Jumps with regular helmet] No, nooo!" – Sick! 

45) X: "I'm really sorry, Gabrielle. I didn't realize Sappho was only here for one performance." G: "It's the thought that counts, Xena. Although I would like to hear her read her poetry one day. You know, how did you fall for my fish-guts gag?" X: "I don't know." G: "You knew that I would go crazy waiting for you to get even. Xena, didn't see it coming. [Spills drink all over herself]" X: "Nor that. Now, we're even." G: "[Laughs]" X: "Here, give me that. I want you to close your eyes." G: "No." X [Laughing]: "Trust me, please." G [Laughing]: "No." – I love the ease of this banter and teasing. So cute, well done, and a breath of fresh air. Also, did Xena let Gabrielle trick her with the fish guts, or did Gabrielle really trick her? Either way, I love that Xena sometimes lets Gabrielle have these small victories, like the time Gabrielle hit her in the face with her staff. 

46) X: "Close your eyes." G: "What is this?" X: "Open it. I had Sappho jot something down for you." G: "A poem? Sappho wrote a poem for me. I don't believe it. Xena, you had this planned all along, didn't you?

There's a moment when I look at you 

And no speech is left in me. 

My tongue breaks. 

Then fire races under my skin and I tremble. 

And grow pale for I am dying of such love 

Or so it seems to me. 

It's beautiful. This is the best birthday present I have ever had." X: "Aww. Of course, it ain't over yet. Happy birthday, Gabrielle!" – This is so fucking touching.

EXTRA LOVED:

• G trying to guess her present 
• X setting-up her telescope joke 
• X’s sadistic focus on the landing of her practical jokes 
• X’s chakram action 
• X beating people with the bagged helmet 
• G ducking that guy 
• X flying just as hard as she can 
• X saving the damsel  
• X flying 
• G getting back at X by pinching her nose and butt 
• X stopping G’s punch 
• Ferragus frisbeeing that platter 
• X&G bathing under the waterfall 
• X’s “And so quickly too” 
• G getting Ge to take the blanket 
• Sweet look on G’s face when X reminds her her birthday is tomorrow 
• X laughing about the slithering thing in G’s bedroll 
• G suddenly afraid of X after the fish guts 
• Aph appearing with two men, shocking Ge 
• The look on X&G’s faces when Aph points out that someone smells like fish 
• G constantly on her toes waiting for X’s next prank that never comes 
• Aph’s bag and rose tricks 
• X enjoying Aph not being believed to be a goddess by Ge 
• Aph just takes Ge under her wing right away 
• X eating that fruit after G turns her down thinking it’s a trick 
• Aph poofing herself, Ge, and her new handbag out of the pub 
• G lunging for the bag 
• G losing the bag and awkwardly yelling about it 
• X spitting out her drink after G tells her she switched the bags back 
• Aph and G’s coconut(?) drinks 
• Frakus is so cute 
• Aph hitting Fra and Ge with love spells and the sounds effects of this 
• X, G, & Aph’s undercover plan 
• Aph releasing Ge from the spell 
• Ge recognizing X as Anthrax 
• Aph poofing Ge and the helmet into harm’s way 
• X kicking butt in the zealot temple that’s apparently under contstruction 
• All the fighting X does on the ladder 
• X taking Ferg’s helmet 
• X chakramming-off Ge’s chains 
• X giving Frankus the old “I know how it feels buddy” pat on the shoulder when Ge tells him they can still be friends 
• God, this whole last scene. Thank you, lawd.  So sweet.  
• X’s nervous through the whole poem scene 
• 42:30 This look between X&G  
• X&G flying like Superman and Lois  

EXTRA NOTES:

• How weird and strained-looking were Xena’s fingers crossed behind her back 
• I didn’t catch-on to the telescope gag, until Gabrielle said, “Give me that.” 
• The fish guts thing is frickin disgusting, ugh 
• Alexandra Tidings is such a joy as Aphrodite, I know I repeat myself 
• I love what the show does with Aphrodite, that the goddess of love would love a virgin and be so excited to hang out with her. It’s adorable and funny. 
• There’s a huge span of time on Gabrielle’s birthday where Gabrielle thinks Xena is going to trick her any minute, but Xena actually never tricks her again until the very end. The prank that Xena finally played on her is a gag Gabrielle predicted earlier in the show, and I still didn’t see it coming. 
• Feels like they made up for the lack of fight scenes in "WFC" in this episode. There are a few.
• My laughter in this episode was begrudged. I would see something and think, “That’s stupid,” then laugh really hard. I couldn't help myself, it was funny! 
• In my DVD, there were a couple of places where the sound dropped low. I thought it was just me, but it’s hardboiled into the disc. 
• I delight in watching Aphrodite’s relief at releasing Genia from the love spell, once she has her out of sight.
• Xena and Aphrodite are all business once they get Genia out of her spell, even though Xena looks like a man. 
• I’m so confused about when they were supposed to see Sappho. There was no pre-dialogue about a second show. 
• Xena is so nervous during the poem scene, it’s so sweet!! 
• Sappho’s poem moved Gabrielle so much, she almost cries reading it. The mood is lost, though, when Gabrielle swats Xena and says, "it's beautiful." That can be taken two ways: 1) Sappho's poem is such a tender moment, and Gabrielle knows Xena isn’t good with her feelings, so she purposefully lightens the mood to spare Xena. Or 2) my preferred take: As Gabrielle reads the poem, it appears Sappho wrote it as if Xena is exposing her heart to Gabrielle, which embarrasses Xena. Xena's defense mechanism is to mask her feelings with humor, so she makes funny faces and acts goofy as Gabrielle reads. Gabrielle taps Xena with the scroll and insists, "it's beautiful," to get Xena to knock it off and own her feelings. Basically, Sappho called Xena out in front of her girlfriend.

I listened to this song this day. It's so bad-ass, isn't it. I really don't know why I don't listen to it every single day of my life. I realize it doesn't fit with this episode, and I don't care.