Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Xena: Season 4, Episode 7: "Locked Up and Tied Down"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE: 
"The Shawshank Redemption Episode"

OK, now, THIS STORY, I like. I love this shit. It's a jail theme, and I am on board with all of it. All of these themes lately. They're so fun.

I hate to do this, but I keep talking about fan art. I am not going to lie, I have a fan art slide show that I watch from time to time. I'll get around to posting it one day, but there is one particular fanart that I love at 17:40. It's interesting watching these episodes and seeing a scene that's an exact moment captured in a piece of art.

I have an Aeon Flux cel. I have two actually but the one I'm talking about, I couldn't figure out where it was from in the show. Then after I framed it and hung it, I was watching the whole series when BAM, the cel appeared for a split second, and I was so delighted. It was such a surprise.

Robert Tapert, Hilary Bader and Josh Becker wrote this episode. Hilary also wrote, by herself, three episodes in Season 3, including “Been There, Done That” which I fucking love (the Groundhog Day episode), and "Forget Me Not" and "The Quill Is Mightier," two episodes I also love. Actually, I marked three of her four episodes as favorites, including this one. Josh Becker usually directs. He’s actually directed quite a few episodes, but this is one of two that he’s had a hand in writing.

And as we all know, Lucy Lawless married Robert Tapert, the year this episode came out.


SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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EXTRA QUOTES:
1) Judge: “Xena, do you accept the condemnation of this court for your guilt in this matter?" X: "I do." Judge: "Then I sentence you to life imprisonment on Shark Island. And may the gods have mercy on your soul." — Praise to the writers for "Shark Island."

2) X: "I'm not looking for redemption any more. Gabrielle, we're always talking about your spiritual quest. You say that you need something to make you feel complete. Well, so do I." — I don't know about this. If I were Gabrielle, I'd be thinking, "I'm not enough?" Couldn't Xena realize that she's of better use to the innocent as a free woman?

3) Ersina: "I heard you let them take you without a fight. I think that being a good girl made you soft." X: "I wonder if you're not right." — Subtle but hilarious retort.

4) Thelassa: "You know, it would have been far better for you, and for mem if you had killed me. Yeah, that's right, Xena, it's me, your victim, Thalassa." — Some of this dialogue is a bit robotic.

5) Captain: "A healer has arrived along with the new prisoners, Commandant." Thelassa: "Well, send him in. [Gabrielle enters] A girl?” — I love this delivery.

6) Thelassa: "Why do I feel like it's still there?" Gabrielle as Healer: "Maybe you haven't accepted the loss." Thelassa: "What would you know about loss?" Gabrielle as Healer: "A few things." — Perdicus, Hope, Solan, her blood innocence, to name a few.

7) Thelassa: “Whatever beauty I had inside me was crushed the day evil entered my life, a tall, dark-haired evil. She took my beauty and she mutilated my soul…What's the matter?" — I love this, because Gabrielle’s realizing she’s talking about Xena and that Thelassa could have been her. Maybe Gabrielle is asking herself, “how am I different.”
 
8) G: "So, how about it?" X: "How about what?" G: "Forgiving yourself." X: "Gabrielle, that's not for me. But I won't let that monster that I used to be, the one that's sleeping so close to my heart, destroy all the good I can do now." G: "Not as long as I'm around." — This is very gay...and that line "the one that's sleeping so close to my heart" is so terrifying and beautiful.
POLITICAL CORNER:
1) All these episodes are relevant to what’s happening now. This episode in particular reminds me of the Mueller investigation. I guess it's jumping out at me more, that most Xena episodes are about government corruption and dictatorships. 

I feel, strongly, that Xena's rainy burial scene is an homage to this famous part from the Shawshank Redemption (1994). There are a few elements from Shawshank in "Locked Up." If you've never seen Shawshank Redemption, please skip this clip and watch it. You'll thank yourself.



Here's one of the tamer clips from Reform School Girls (1986), a movie which still terrifies me to this day.



What I was listening to, the day I watched this episode. Courtney Barnett "Out of the Woodwork:"




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Xena: Season 4, Episode 6: "A Tale of Two Muses"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE: 
"The Footloose Episode"

You know what, I don’t think I have ever seen this episode.

When I watched Xena in 2009, all of it was streaming on Netflix, and for some reason (known only to god) two episodes were unavailable. (Music rights?) One of them was "Lyre, Lyre, Hearts on Fire" and other was this one. I found "Lyre" as a horrible bootleg online, but no such luck for "Tale."

SO. There was an episode of Xena I never watched (besides the last two)! And I frickin love it.

Seriously, before this, I thought Tara was so irritating, that the producers confined her to only one episode. Shocked to see she came back.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

CLICK HERE for full page view.
CLICK HERE FOR bigger VIEW! 

EXTRA QUOTES: 
1) G: "My writing has allowed me to express my most inner feelings. I don't know how Id survive without it. I wish you had something like that, Xena." X: "Are you kidding? I got this. [pulls out chakram]" — So aside from this being fucking hilarious, Gabrielle is reading her own poetry, because "A Tale of Two Cities" is a classic literary work and Calliope is the god of poetry.

2) Look, I can't throw a chakram and I don't like staffs, but I can dance!” — Right after she says this, she busts the lamest, most awkward dance move I’ve ever seen. It took me a sec to realize it was supposed to be a dance move. And since when hasn't Tara liked staffs and chakrams? She sure did beat the shit out of Gabrielle that one episode.
3) G: "Is the plan underway?" X: "Ugh." G: "Ugh?…I gotta dance." — Hahhaha! Love the way Gabrielle says this.

4) Andros: "Xena?" X to Tara: "So, off you go again. It was all about the cute guy, wasn't it?" — Xena is referring to Tara’s taking off in the first episode in which Tara appeared, right?

5) X: "So, some of you think that dance is a way to express your inner feelings, it's an art. Well, Filipon has asked me to show you a _real_ art-- the art of war!" — Oh my god the way she says this is fucking hiklarious.

6) Telamon: "How did I do with your speech?" G: "It was fine. You did drop the line about everlasting judgment and posterity." Telamon: "Well, I thought it was a little over the top." G: "Oh, really?" X: "Let it go, Gabrielle."

POLITICAL CORNER:
1) Tara: "I even made money, street-dancing in Thebes. And it breaks my heart that Andros is stuck there, where people aren't even allowed to do that. I wanna change things so that he can." G: "Look, I know people like that. I came from a town just like it. The people aren't going to change, and you're going to get hurt. I think that you should stay with us." — This is a commentary on small conservative towns in the United States (and other places around the world). And look what just happened with Doug Jones in Alabama. The people can change.
2) This whole episode is tooootally what just happened in Alabama with Doug Jones and Roy Moore. I can't even believe it. It's happening now, between Democrats and Republicans. Democrats will take control of everything, because all we wanna do is fucking DANCE.

OK, now, is this Gabrielle or Riverdance? YOU DECIDE:



So this is Kenny Loggins' "Footloose" video. I'm not a big fan of the song, but I admit, I do get excited when I hear it. The video contains mucho clips from the movie:



And here is Kevin Bacon, illegally dancin' it out: 



A song I'm listening to right now with great 80's footage of people dancing in a club:




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Monday, December 18, 2017

Xena: Season 4, Episode 5: "A Good Day"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE: 
"A Totally Fucking Shitty Day"

I don't have much to say. This was a pretty straight-forward, great episode.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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EXTRA QUOTES:
1) X: "You must destroy your village." [People gasp] Temecula: "Destroy the village?" X: "Burn it. Raze it to the ground! Kill all the cattle and poison the meat. We must leave nothing for the Romans to use. This land must be worthless to them." — God damn, war fuckin sucks. I love that they included such harsh dialogue.

2) X: "You're right, it was the uniform. Don't get rid of it. It'll come in handy." — Love this delivery.

3) X to G: "I won't be here when everything breaks loose. Whatever Caesar appears to do, it's always part of a design. I'm afraid that Phlanagus won't see that. But you know Caesar. And you know how I think." G: "I can't give the command. I cannot lead these men to their deaths." X: "I'll tell Phlanagus." — This is the first time Xena has ever asked Gabrielle to do something like this. It’s like the first time she’s trusting her to lead. Also, I love how Xena doesn’t even blink when Gabrielle says she won’t do it. She just accepts it. That is awesome writing and direction/interpretation of the line.

4) Pompey: "Just a precaution. There were only two guards." X: "I know. Otherwise, I woulda had more helmets." — Hhahahhaaha! God dammit, I love how sure Xena is of herself.


5) Pompey: "You made a deal with Caesar?" Caesar: "Oh, no, she's much too smart for that, Pompey. In fact, she's much too smart for you." X: "And I don't care what anyone else says, Caesar, you're not so stupid, yourself." — Love that Caesar always knows how smart Xena is and tells her.

6) Temecula: "Caesar's pulling back. They're retreating." Nogolin: "Thank the gods!" G: "Wait, it can't be. It's a trap." Temecula: "What do you mean? We don't have to fight, now. Phlanagus is already bringing our men back." G: "No. No, this is the trap that Xena was talking about. We can't pull back." — I love this part. Gabrielle’s growth. #gabriellesgrowth
 

7) Pompey: "This is just a minor setback, Xena. You can't change my destiny." — Did something happen where Caesar talked about his destiny in real life? He mentions his destiny in every single episode he's in.
 

8) G: "I could have saved him. How do I get over that?" X: "I can't answer that question. Maybe `cause there's nothing I can say that can take away that feeling you have. You wanna know that what you did was for all the right reasons, but with that pain in your gut and the weight on your shoulders, the best you can come up with is that it was a good day of fighting." — I love when someone says the title of the episode or movie. Gabrielle also says it right after this. I would include it in this quote but I already included it in the review.
POMPEY HITTING ON XENA:
1) Pompey: "The people are still behind him, but, well, they will soon see Pompey the Magnus as their emperor. Hmm. I haven't decided whether to invite you to the coronation. You're a little.. hard to control." X: "I'm not here to try on party hats. You wanna talk or not?"

2) Pompey: "And they say all the good women are taken. Very well, let's talk."
POLITICAL CORNER:
1) I feel like everyone in the white house should watch this episode. It reminds me of how we might all soon be feeling one day.

2) Phlanagus: "I'm sorry about that. He was heading around the tent. I figured it was better he caught me than you." X: "I can take care of myself. Thank you, though." —Yeah, Phlanagus, BEAT IT.


Here's Temecula playing a young Indiana Jones in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989):


Here is Karl Urban as Skurge in Thor: Ragnarok (2017):


And finally, without further ado, here's music I was listening to the day I watched this episode. Nick Hakim - "Needy Bees":



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Saturday, December 9, 2017

Xena: Season 4, Episode 4: "In Sickness and in Hell"

Alternative Title: "The Grossest Thing Ever Seen on Film"

Man, even though nothing much happens, plot-wise, this review took me forEVER.
Number of times...
  • Xena mentions having a "tough week": 2
  • Joxer makes a joke about women: 3
  • Xena flicks a louse to its fiery death: 3
  • Xena talks about Argo being upset with her: 5
Just wanna mention scene 38:37 — There’s a piece of Xena fanart I look upon every now and again. It depicts Xena and Argo at the moment of 38:37, and it’s supposed to be pretty but I've always thought the rendering a bit "off" and juvenile, because the artist made Xena’s hair huge. Watching this episode, I realized the fanart is from this episode and that hair is actually accurate, because it's big from being filthy. Awesome. P.s. - I still think the fanart is juvenile, just not "off."

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

CLICK HERE for full page view.
CLICK HERE FOR bigger VIEW! 



EXTRA QUOTES:
1) G: "Something just hopped out of your bedroll. Hold still." X: "What is it, a bald spot?" — Hhaahahaha! Sounds ad-libbed.

2) G: "What about Argo?" X: "She saw me. She knows I'm here. Ah, she'll probably meet up with us later." — Just like my cat would meet me and my friends after a night at Petey's.
 
3) X: "I don't have lice! It's-it's dandruff! It's-it's-it's a minor scalp irritation, that's all." G: "Whatever. I'll catch the rabbit."

4) X: "Have you noticed anything about my hair?" Joxer: "Uh yeah. Looks.. lovely." X: "No. Gabrielle she had this crazy idea about bugs or something." Joxer: "Oh, your lice. Yeah, I can see them from here." X: "I don't have lice." — Hahahaha

5) "J: Xena? If it'll make ya feel better, I'll go look for Argo." X: "Oh, yeah. Yeah, that'd take a load off." — The way Xena says this- I cannot handle anything at all.

6) X: "Mmmmm. Give me the scroll." G: "Ugh!  Next time, find your own bush!” J: "Girls, please, there's bushes enough for everybody." — The way Gabrielle says this is SO GOOD. This episode is so fucking funny.

7) J: "Wait. Wait. Wait, wait. I'm Joxer the Mighty, remember? Oh Joxer the Mighty, he roams through the countryside?" Villager: "Oh, not that song, again! I can't get it out of my head! The meter is awful! Kill him!" — Hahahaha! Meter..

8) X: "Give Joxer a list of every able-bodied villager and secure the outhouse!" Inn-Keeper: "The outhouse? Is that important?" X: "It is to me!"

9) X: "We're doing all we can to avert an all-out war with the Scythians. But in the unlikely event that you will be called upon to act, you'll need to use [pulls out sword] one of these. I need a volunteer. I pick you" Villager: "Mmm?" X: "Yeah. Come on, come on, come on. Don't be shy; your mother wasn't. All right, hold that. Got it firm?" Villager: "Yeah." X: "All right, you got it? Oh yeah, you got it. Mmmmm." — This line, to me, is the standard of comedic excellence and I have been referencing it as such since I first saw this episode in 2009. And the joke about the mother not being shy…was that in the script or ad-libbed? It is GOD DAMNED BRILLIANT.

10) Inn-Keeper: "And you're welcome to use the town's natural mineral bath." X: "[Belches] Hmm, good" — This belch and her face sound and look real. Such a dude thing to do. 

11) X: "Ugh! Gabrielle? Gabrielle! Wake up. Stomach. I did it [does pinch motions]. Find out what you can." — She signals that she put the pinch on the guy with her fingers and she’s in serious pain, it’s fucking hilarious.

12) G: "Stheena, what iths it?" X: "It's Argo." — Is it just me or is that totally not Argo.
QUOTES RE: XENA FREAKING OUT ABOUT ARGO:
1) X: "That's strange. Argo seems to be deliberately avoiding me. Something's wrong." G: "Yeah, you're telling me. Xena, it's green, it's red, it's on the move."
2) X: "I've never left her alone for this long.. I know what it is. She saw me ride off on another horse." G: "Are you saying that she's jealous?" X: "She's hurt! She's gotta be hurt by that!" G: "Xena, maybe she's just visiting her old haunts. I mean, this is where you found her, right?" X: "Yeah. Yeah, I thought she was the most beautiful horse I'd ever seen. We we bonded immediately. It was like we were made for one another. We even knew what each other was-" G: "Ahhh. Mmmmm. Yeah. Ah, yeah, that's it." — Just realizing this is Argo's origin story. Xena found Argo running wild in a field?

3) J: "You know? Argo's a nice horse. I'm sure a lot of people would like to have her." X: "Are you out of your mind? Argo wouldn't go to anybody else. She'd die first." G: "Oh, Argo, Argo, Argo. Someone walked by with an apple, and she followed him home." — That's exactly what happened. Remember? The brilliance of Gabrielle's clairvoyance is lost at the end of this episode.

4) G: "You thinking about Argo? [Clears throat] X: "It's hard not to." G: "Xena, I know how close you too are. But I don't think she's holding a grudge against you." X: "You don't know how moody she can be. She doesn't open up to you." — Then Xena throws a louse into the fire, which screams then sizzles into ash. Fucking hilarious. 

5) X: "I just can't believe that Argo would let someone else ride her. Wh-what we had was such a beautiful thing. I ruined it!" — It goes without saying that the ongoing joke in this episode is that Argo cheated on Xena, but Xena kinda had it coming, just like Issa did from Lawrence.
POLITICAL CORNER/JOXER'S FAILED JOKES ABOUT WOMEN:
1) J: "OK. Then, uh, it's settled. We're a team. Joxer the Mighty and his mighty band of mighty men, uh, girls, uh, mighty. Joxer the mighty, and his fighting, mighty, women fighters, fighting." — This wasn't funny, but I think it's a joke. I think.

2) J: "So, those Scythians are pretty good horsemen, huh?" X: "The best. Their warriors will stop at nothing. They're tough and ruthless." J: "Oh! And their women are rough and toothless. Heh heh heh!" — That’s sexist, but probably how people talked back then. Ancient locker room talk?

3) G: "What did you put in my breakfast?" J: "Just radishes and water. Why?" G: "My stomach feels like Monday morning in Tartarus." J: "You know? I just think you're feeling a little puffy, irritable, and bloated, today." — Even though this is sexist, it’s fucking hilarious, as Gabrielle doubles over and pukes in the woods. 

Xena's lice sound like they're having the time of their lives, just like the Isz in The Maxx (1993) at 0:48 (you should watch this whole short series though, it's so good.)



Joxer summons Elmer Fudd when talking "wabbit" with Gabrielle. Point in case:


 
Xena shakes the lice out of her hair like Allison makes a winter wonderland out of her drawing in The Breakfast Club (1985) at 1:05. Also, so sorry about the stupid song.


 
The reward scene at the end of this ep mirrors the one in Three Amigos (1986). A nod.


 
Tried to find something fun and silly that I'm listening to right now to match the tone of this episode. I think it's gotta be Mega Ran's "Splash Woman."



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Friday, December 1, 2017

Xena: Season 4, Episode 3: "A Family Affair"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE: Mother! (or Alien Resurrection, Part 2)

This episode is so awesome and robust, my notes floweth over. Like WAY over. Forgive me my inability to contain their power.

Let us open with some stats: 
  • Number of times Xena walks out the door while Herdotus and Hecuba are talking to her: 2
  • Number of times they show a pinwheel, windmill or stone mill: 7
  • Hens/Chickens sightings: 2

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

CLICK HERE for full page view.
   CLICK HERE FOR bigger VIEW! 

EXTRA NOTES:
1) The destroyer's lair: how many times have we seen this same cave dressed in different rocks?

2) John Smith played the shepherd, Pluto's owner, who "bought it" at the beginning. He was also in “Ten Little Warlords,” “A Fistful of Dinars” as Marleus, and “Lost Mariner” as Bloomer.
3) Xena senses Hope (as Gabrielle) is behind her the way she always senses Ares, because Ares and Hope are both gods.

4) Xena running through the forest, away from the destroyer, and even when Destroyer knocks down the door while chasing Xena and Hope, feels like a nod to Predator.

5) Liz Friedman and Chris Manheim wrote this fun episode. The first Xena episode for Liz, but she has two more coming. Chris Manheim has written seeeveral episodes — a few that I love, too — including “Remember Nothing” and “A Solstice Carol.” She’s also written a couple of duds, but whatev. She has more eps coming!
6) In this single episode, it is exponentially apparent how much Gabrielle has matured since Season 3.
7) So what happened? How did Hope know Gabrielle was in the bedroom. Did Lila look too obvious coming out with the bandages or did she turn Gabrielle in? I’ll go with the former. Or maybe, just maybe, homegirl sensed she was there.

EXTRA QUOTES:
1) H/G: "I can't believe you're here." X: "The gods themselves couldn't keep me away."

2) H/G: "Xena, when you didn't answer my messages, I thought-" X: "Messages? Gabrielle, I never got them!" — Uh-oh, get outta there, girl. We’ve all heard that before!

3) X: "It's hard to describe, but I saw you. Not now, it was.. someplace in the future." H/G: "The future. Don't tell me you've become an oracle." X: "Not a very good one.” — Love this delivery.

4) H/G: "By the gods, that's the worst yet." X: "There have been others?" H/G: "Sheep, cows, a horse, never a man.. until now." — Love this writing.

5) H/G: "You never give up on anything, no matter the odds, the cost, the pain. I missed you, Xena."

6) Joxer: "Xena, you don't look so good. You know, um, whatever that thing is out there-" X: "That thing is Dahok's grandchild, the destroyer." Joxer: "Destroyer.. Uh, Xena, let me go get Gabrielle. Why don't you sit down for a while?" X: "That thing is the destroyer. And that means that the girl in the other room is not Gabrielle. It's Hope." — One of my all-time favorite moments and lines this season.

7) Joxer: "Xena, you're hurt worse than ya know. Of course that's Gabrielle." X: "You shut up and you listen to me. I wanted to believe it too, `cause she is good, but she's not Gabrielle." — YES, GOD!!!

8) Lila to H/G: "It's bound to be weaker next time Xena tries. She'll probably kill it, no problem.” — Hhahahahaha! I kinda love Lila, ya know??

9) H/G: "I could've sworn this bridge was sound." — Love this choice of words.

10) X: "Gabrielle? Gabri- is that you? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." — This is so intense. I wonder if anyone has ever stopped to talk about this. Why is Xena saying she’s sorry? I don’t think it's because she nearly killed her with the sword.

11) X: "I searched for you. I was afraid that-" G: "You thought I was dead." — I can't tell you how many times I've had this exact conversation.

12) G: "How could you? I didn't know that I was gonna survive. I'm not sure I have, really." — Love the shit out of this intense line. God, what the fuck is she talking about?

13) X: "I don't know how to tell you this-" G: "Hope's alive." — I love this, because when Gabrielle says this, her delivery conveys two things: “Oh no” and “thank god.”

14) G: "The thought of Hope with my family. I mean, if she were to hurt them-" X: "She won't. Now that she knows I'm on to her, she'll use your family as leverage. As long as she needs them, they're safe. You know that." G: "..I don't know that." — Thank you, Gabrielle. NONE of us were buying that shit.

15) H/G: "He's right. If you were a real friend, you wouldn't leave poor Joxer all alone out there, waiting for the monster." Lila: "You sent him out there alone?" Hecuba: "Poor young man. He's just too brave for his own good." Herodotus: "Or too stupid.. Well, it's true. He'd have to be a fool to take it on alone. Ask her." — Hahhahaaha!

16) G: "Just- don't say anything. Look, it's me. It's Gabrielle.. all right. Just- now, I want you to listen to me. I know that thing in there looks like me, but it's not. She wants to kill us all." — I love this so much. I LOVE THIS SHIT SO MUCH.

17) Hope: "It's turned into quite the family reunion. What is it now, four generations? Your parents, there's you, me, my pride, my joy. Your grandson, mother. The destroyer."

18) G: "Why aren't you dead?” Hope: "Well, it's certainly not for your lack of trying, is it? The truth is, I could say the same thing about you, if I cared, which I don't." — Interesting for a couple of reasons. First of all, it’s kind of funny. Second, Hope doesn’t know why Gabrielle’s not dead?

19) Hope: "No one but me. Dahok's flame, rising to save me. But then, I've always been Daddy's little girl, haven't I?" G: "Always." Hope: "Is that why you never loved me?" G: "I loved you, Hope. I just had to stop you." Hope: "For Xena?" G: "No, for us all." — I felt the bite of this. It's really sad.

20) G: "It's over, or is it? Xena? Do you ever? Do you get the feeling that sometimes nothing is really over? You know, it just keeps coming back around, but it's- it's wearing a different face.  It's- it's the same underneath. Do you know what I mean?" X: "Sure. I was trapped in a cycle of violence and hatred. And no matter how I tried to break free, something always pulled me back, until you." G: "Xena-" X: "No, it's true. You talk about trying to find your way, but to me, you are my way." G: "How can I be your way, when I'm lost, myself?" X: "I'm searching for answers, too. But how we look for them doesn't matter, as long as we look for them together, you and me." — It is my life’s goal to figure out what they’re talking about here. If it’s what I think they’re saying, then I have the same problem with chocolate.
LOVED:
1) How much blood is in this.
2) The Destroyer accidentally hurting Hope.
3) Hope not being a very loving mother. So deep. The mother/daughter shit in here is so nuanced. Gabrielle was a terrible mom, and now, probably because of that, so is Hope. Makes you wonder how Hope would've been if Gabrielle had chosen her instead of Xena. That's right, I said it.
4) Xena and Joxer drawing their swords while following Hope in the forest.
5) Joxer yelling in the face of that skeleton.
6) Hope beats herself up to frame Xena.
7) Lila is holding up that sheet and when she lowers it, Gabrielle appears like a magic trick.
8) Hope asking Gabrielle why she never loved her.
9) Hope’s face at all times. It’s just so pissed and hot.
10) Xena, in a rare display, is pinned helplessly against the wall by the destroyer.
11) The destroyer stabbed his own mother and they died together.
12) Xena telling Gabrielle she’s her way. What great writing.
SUBTEXT:
(Sorry, I just really want to elaborate on some of the subtext in this episode:)
1) The cold reception from Gabrielle’s parents to Xena feels very “so this is your lesbian girlfriend," all the way down to Hecuba insisting that Gabrielle introduce her to Joxer, whom her parents seem way more accepting of as a suitor. Hecuba says to Gabrielle about Joxer, "Oh, what a nice young man, so gallant." And it feels like the viewer is in on Xena's and Gabrielle's thoughts that "Joxer and Gabrielle" is never going to happen, because they know and we know it's "Xena and Gabrielle." God, just now writing this, I’m realizing how gay this episode is.
2) Xena says "So..how's she been?" and Herodotus says, "Without you, just fine." As though Xena stole Gabrielle away and put her in danger. He even fucking says, "You should know, seducing her away from home with your heroics? Filling her head with strange ideas. 'How's she been?' Changed forever because of you." This is awesome, because “seducing”?? Really?? And this is also a common conception that parents have toward their gay children’s significant others. They think their child was “turned.” That gay people are bad influences.
3) During Hope and Gabrielle's mother/daughter talk, Hope asks Gabrielle if she had to stop her for Xena. She knows there's only one person for Gabrielle and she's obviously and understandably jealous of her. Gabrielle loves Xena so much, she would kill her daughter.
4) Xena tells Gabrielle “You are my way.” It feels a lot like it’s now Xena who’s balls-deep into Gabrielle, whereas Seasons 1-3, it was the other way around. INTERESTING.
EXCELLENT SCENES DISSECTED:
1) 14:08 — I FUCKING LOVE THIS SCENE. I remember watching it for the first time and that was when I realized, "I am fucking IN this shit." The door is closed, we know Gabrielle and Xena just dashed out of it and closed it behind them. The destroyer kicks it down, and we see Xena and Gabrielle, mid-flight, booking it to the house. Before the camera (destroyer) gets to them, they close the front door.

2) 17:49 — This beautiful fucked up shot of Hope as Gabrielle. Death in a sunny window beside a victim who doesn't know Gabrielle's a wolf in sheep's clothing.

3) Ok, that scene where Gabrielle and Hope are both walking through the forest (but we don't know one of them is Gabrielle yet) is fucking awesome. I ask you, how many good scenes can one episode have? I actually think they never show Gabrielle walking in the forest. I gotta go back and look, but I think they keep showing Hope and then when Xena is about to strike, it's the first time we see Gabrielle.

4) 28:27 — When that tear falls down Xena’s face.

5) Xena saving Joxer at the cave entry. It’s just perfect. It’s so short, but it’s smart, beautifully lit and shot...
  • Dead bodies: ✓
  • Dope-ass stunt: ✓
  • Scary, funny sound effects: ✓
  • Sinister but focused look on Xena's face: ✓
  • Chakram richochet off a skull: ✓
A stunt woman jumps from far away behind Joxer, off camera, then Lucy Lawless lands in front of him, rises slowly, a fucking STELLAR look on her face. Next is the camera angle off the side of Xena's leg toward the dark cave, using the most subtle vertigo effect, with some truly scary growling emanating from it. In perfect time, there’s the konk to the tree and down drops her chakram, which she uses to free Joxer. Xena doesn’t look at any of this. She never takes her eyes off the cave. AND THEN comes the most amazing line of all time…“Come and get some.” 

Here, why don't you watch a little bit of this. About 30 seconds in, Arnold runs from the Predator, like Xena does from the destroyer. This isn't the first time I've referenced this movie in conjunction with Xena.



Due to the heaving amounts of blood in this and the past two episodes, and due to the fact that I was listening to this song in the time during this viewing, here is Blood Orange's "It Is What It Is." Sure it's a love song, but it's also a bit dark, like this episode.

 

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