ALTERNATIVE TITLE:
"Ares Enters the Witness Protection Program"
[It's been a minute.]
This is real gay. Xena and Gabrielle are an out couple right now, and, in this episode, outside characters acknowledge it. Also, I could barely take a moment to write a note between laughs, there were so many jokes. For insties, Ares making that “she’s got it, that works” face after Gabrielle dishevels her hair and tears her shirt open is so fucking funny.
This is real gay. Xena and Gabrielle are an out couple right now, and, in this episode, outside characters acknowledge it. Also, I could barely take a moment to write a note between laughs, there were so many jokes. For insties, Ares making that “she’s got it, that works” face after Gabrielle dishevels her hair and tears her shirt open is so fucking funny.
Here are some NOTES Overflow:
- A note about the pinch: I have always loved Xena’s follow-through on undoing the pinch. She sort of turns her fingers on the last jab. Pretty sweet.
- Lucy Lawless knows how to milk a cow. Thank you.
- Xena and Gabrielle’s entire hillbilly wardrobe appears to be Victoria’s Secret.
- Somehow Noel Coutts (Gasgar) never did anything else after Xena. I thought he was great.
- Norman Forsey who played the dog-searching salesman Dempar has been in quite a few Xena episodes. You might remember him from the “Warrior… Princess… Tramp” episodes as King Lias and Casca from “Been There, Done That.” This is his last Xena episode.
- Number of characters with two different colored eyes: 2
- They keep making fun of Ares’ age, which is hilarious
- Xena actually throws her chakram at the dog
SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.
CLICK HERE for full page view.
EXTRA QUOTES:
1) G: "Xena, I'm beginning to lose my appetite." X: "Well, let's give it a try. Sometimes, these places have great food.” – I love the shit out of this and can’t explain myself.
2) Siki: "Who are you?" X: "Who are you?" – Love this retort and Xena’s comfortable smile here. I cherish her confidence.
3) Siki: "They call me battling Siki." X: "Nobody ever called you that. You just made that up. But if you don't wanna be known as dead Siki, you'll be movin' on." – Hahahaa!
4) Ares: "What brings you here? Animal magnetism?" X: "I'm here to save your butt.” – Love it when she curses.
5) X: "How are you at shovelin' st?" – Haahahaha!! Seriously laughed so fucking hard at this. And I think it was the bleep that made me laugh, not that fact that she so clearly actually used the word “shit.”
6) X: "Gabrielle and I will stay with you just until you get the swing of things." Ares: "Yeah, a plantation some slaves half a dozen flute–playing girls." X: "Just what I was thinkin'." – This is a fucked up joke. I salute the writer.
7) G: “And woo.” – Gabrielle stopping the horse. I love these very real things people have to do to make horses stop and go.
8) X: “Well this is it." Ares: "What? The outhouse?" G: "It's beautiful." Ares: "Hello!" X: "Ooo!" Ares: "We're looking at a hovel!"
9) X: "My grandma used to sit in this chair. She'd rock and she'd tell us stories of the Olympian gods." Ares: "Bet you never thought you'd grow up to kill most of them, didya?" – Hahahaha!
10) G: "Xena it's charming." – Literal language a NYC real estate broker uses to describe a closet–sized apartment.
11) X: "Come on, then. We'll do somethin' else." Ares: "Aw! I was doing a thing!" – Hahahahah. Ares captures frat/whiny boys so well. It’s so funny.
12) X: "All right, Ares, I want you to get up here on the mantelpiece and nail those boards to the ceiling." Ares: "After you." X: "Ares, come on." Ares: "All right. [Whines] What did you want me to do with the rags?" – His attitude here is perfect, hhahaahaha
13) X: “What are you looking for?" Ares: "OK, I hid the rags. I thought you were gonna get me to mop the floor or some other demeaning job I'd rather die than do, but now, they're gone."
14) G: "Ares when you gave up your immortality to save me and Eve that was that was quite a sacrifice. Thank you." Ares: "If Eve had died and Xena lost her power to kill gods, then Athena would have killed Xena, so I was saving Eve to save Xena. You were an afterthought." – I appreciate Ares’ honesty.
15) X: "Wait a minute, drag marks. Look." G: "The ghost stole her breastplate." Ares: "It couldn't carry her breastplate. Had to drag it. An ample breastplate, to be sure, but.." – Hahahhaaha! (huff, huff-) ahahahahaha! This might be the funniest episode they wrote for Kevin Smith, and that is stiff competition.
16) Greba: “Isn't war just terrible?" Ares: "A crime against humanity." – Heh heh.
17) X: [Humming her own theme song] Ares: "This dog is incredibly needy." G: "Why don't you pet it? Then maybe it won't be so needy." – Is this a low–radar sex joke?
18) A: "Uh, careful I'm beginning to like that." – Ares always says the exact opposite thing I think he’s going to say.
19) X: "OK, the official story: Ares passed by here a couple of days ago." G: "Suck it in." X: "And when he left he was headed for the Hurata Pass." – Hahaha. Oh my god, I knew it. Xena is a corseted dom. But seriously, this is a reference to Gone with the Wind (1939), isn’t it.
20) G: "OK, go out there." Ares: "No, no, no, no, I'm gonna need a moment. (He does his acting face)" – This is hilarious.
21) Demetrius: “His name is Ares. He probably doesn't go by that now. Now, I've never seen him, but uh, they say his looks are dark, and women like the look of him." G in disguise as Josa: "Well, there are a lot of men who come around here whose looks I like." – Hahahahaa That’s just so blatant, it’s funny.
22) Demetrius: "Put that pinch on him. I've never seen it." X: "Well, it's not exactly a spectator sport." Demetrius: "Yeah, but I hear that it makes the nose gush blood [smiles]." – Hahahah!
23) X: "Ooh, you you are going to be dead in 30 seconds. You and your little dog, too, if you don't tell me have you seen Ares, the god of war?" – Obvious, very funny reference to The Wizard of Oz (1939).
24) G: "Ares, you shouldn't have come out with such an attitude." Ares: "My woman-" G: "Yeah?" Ares: "-was about to take-on an entire army." G: "Oh." Ares: "I think even a farmer would just have a little bit of attitude about that, don't you?" G: "I was playing with my character. I just used the first thing that popped-into my head." Ares: "I think that says a lot about you." – Hahahaha!!
25) Ares: "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, do not be throwing things at my dog!" X: "What do you mean?! He bit me! It.. did you say your dog?" Ares: "He is the only one that stood up for me just now. I think I'll call you 'Horace.' Come, Horace, let's go kill some chickens." – This is really sweet.
26) G: "I see you use the pull and squeeze method. I prefer the double squeeze." X: "Double squeeze takes too long." G: "No, you get more milk that way. It's easier on the cow." – OH. MY. GOD…
27) Dempar: "No, it's– no, it's really him! Jake! Jake, come back! Here you go! Jake, come back to Daddy!" Ares: "Run, Horace, run." – Hahaha! Also is this a reference to Forrest Gump (1994)?
28) Gasgar: "Whoa, whoa, can we take this outside? [Fighting continues] OK, I'll leave.” – This is so gd funny to me.
29) X: "I've learned something since coming back here. You can't look for peace in the world around you. You've gotta find it in your own heart. I was happier when I was a kid here, because I was loved, and I felt like I belonged. I was lucky then, and I'm lucky now." G: "Me, too." – Gay.
The score to this episode is very of this song:
In terms of what I listened to the day I watched this episode, the following were all included. I was seriously listening to a lot of Kacey Musgraves, because obviously I would do something like that, so here is an absolute-must-include Musgraves selection for a Xena episode about Ares:
Add to that, this beautiful song:
And finally in honor of the non-threesome that took place in Xena's grandma's house:
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDelete