Xena: Season 6, Episode 06: "The Abyss"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE:

"Fine Young Cannibals"

This episode is fucked up and terrifying. And it almost looks like genocide, but I mean, if you’re a cannibal who openly hunts and eats people, it’s probably OK if those hunted people kill you back. Besides, you don’t come after Gabrielle, stick a huge pipe in her mouth, and live. K?

In this vein, I recommend the movie Raw (2016).

We are obviously hitting a stride where these episodes are Gabrielle-focused. I either forgot about this trend my first viewing in 2009 or just didn't notice, but it's true; the last three episodes were about Gabrielle. It's like watching an arrow hit a target. 

Additional Notes and Loves

• The awesome chakram throws are back.
• Virgil is here but no Eve. Interesting.
• Hosep getting abducted was horrifying.
• Xena diving-in after Gabrielle and knocking that cannibal into a tree at the same time.
• 15:13 Bite mark on Gabrielle’s hand.
• 20:21 Bite mark on Gabrielle’s neck.
• 20:48 Bite mark on Xena’s hand.
• 20:57 Gabrielle's bitten hand holding Xena’s bitten hand. You trying to kill me?
• A flash of lightning at night illuminates Xena, who's hiding behind a tree.
• Virgil trying to sacrifice himself for Gabrielle.
• The chakram-throw toward the camera is [chef's kiss].
• Rubio agreeing to leave with the horses was funny, I guess.

Check-out these definitions of the word "abyss" and tell me it wasn't a sharp title for this episode:

abyss [uh-bis]
noun
1. a deep, immeasurable space, gulf, or cavity; vast chasm.
2. anything profound, unfathomable, or infinite: the abyss of time.
3. intellectual or moral depths: an abyss of moral depravity, an abyss of despair.

(in ancient cosmogony)
1. the primal chaos before Creation.
2. the infernal regions; hell.
3. a subterranean ocean.

Gabrielle's mental downward spiral was an abyss, the waterfall was an abyss, the cave, the difference between the two peoples. GREAT title for this episode. Gives me chills.

And in the middle of all of this, Xena quietly glimpses what's happening in the deepest part of Gabrielle: Gabrielle will always feel guilty for killing her own daughter.

Number of times a character is yelling someone’s name, bloody murder: 8 

There’s something about screaming someone’s name, when that person is probably dead, that scares the shit out of me. It makes the situation real. The searcher is so desperate, they have to yell that loud. I'm sure it's happened in a ton of horror movies, but two examples that spring to mind are The Blair Witch Project (1999) and Triangle (2009).

Reading this shit about Herodotus saying there was an ancient fucking nation of cannibals in Europe really freaked me out. It’s definitely what this episode is based off of. Read this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Androphagi. The "drinking out of skulls" thing is real.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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EXTRA QUOTES:

1) X: "Nice shot. Just don't know what kind of wine goes with bark." G: "So we'll have fish. That's what people do when they're on a river." X: "Fish is all right with me. You're the one who said she wanted venison." G: "I'm having a bad day." X: "Nah, he's havin' a good one. It's all in how you look at it." – I appreciate how sweet and optimistic Xena's being here. Her attitude speaks volumes. If you’ve ever been around someone who’s deeply depressed or have been that depressed person and someone who loves you speaks to you like this, you know how tender it is.

2) G: "There's blood on this. There's blood everywhere. Thieves?" X: "No, they escaped in their canoe. They were running for their lives." – I relish dialogue like this.

3) G: "Virgil! Virgil!" X: "If they made it this far, they'd most likely keep to the river-" G: "That's if they made it, Xena." X: "Gabrielle-" G: "Virgil! I don't know what's wrong with me." X: "You're still condemning yourself for killing that boy in the desert." G: "I condemn myself for his father's sake." X: "Korah's father forgave you. So would anyone with enough wisdom and experience to-" G: "-to know what? These things happen?" X: "Unfortunately, they do." G: "My reflexes are those of a warrior. I'm afraid my judgment's not. I think that's a bad combination. Virgil! Virgil!" – I covet the yelling of Virgil's name, and only included this quote for that feature.

4) G: "Those things bit us, like they wanted to eat us." X: "They were cannibals, Gabrielle." – Spot-on delivery by Gabrielle.

5) X: "Your wound's getting worse." G: "We're in a tough spot, huh?" X: "We've been in worse scrapes. We're gonna get you out of here. Count on it." – This dialogue is simple, and I wonder why I’ve never heard them talk like this before. It makes me think they may not make it.

6) Virgil: "Look, I don't know what it is you want from me, but whatever it is, you can have it. Look, see, I'm meeting this great warrior named Xena. I'm sure you've heard the name. And if I don't show up, she's gonna come looking for me. She's gonna come looking. She's gonna come looking for me. No! No! No! No! No! Noooo!" – This scene is so scary, I’ve blanked-out watching it a couple times. Virgil dropping Xena’s name is remarkable. He knows he’s in trouble when they don’t even understand the concept of what he’s trying to tell them. They could’ve killed him right there.

7) G: "Hope?" X: "Did you say something?" G: "My baby. My baby. Is that you?" X: "Yeah, it's me." G: "I love you. I would never hurt you. You know that, don't you?" X: "I know." G: "You're my child... We have to go. We have to go, she'll hurt you. She'll take you away from me." X: "You have to rest. You don't have to go anywhere." G: "You don't understand." X: "I do understand. I understand everything." – All hail this beautiful script. It's intense when Gabrielle says, “She’ll take you away from me,” because she’s clearly talking about Xena. Also, I cry every time I hear Xena say, “I understand everything.” So much is implied about what she understands.

8) G: "Xena, I have a a last wish." X: "I don't want to hear it." G: "No, I'm serious. You don't want to know?" X: "What is it, then?" G: "I don't want to be buried with the Amazons." X: "All right. Well, in fifty years, when the time comes." G: "Xena, I wanna lie with you, with your family, in Amphipolis." X: "What about your family?" G: "I love them, but I'm a part of you. I want it to be like that forever. I love you." X: "OK." G: "This is all my fault." X: "This is not your fault. This is not your fault. It's mine for setting you on a path you were never meant to walk." G: "Any path is OK, Xena, as long as it's with you." X: "I'm setting you on a path to somewhere warm and dry." – This makes me cry, too, god dammit. Just, “Any path is OK as long as it’s with you,” alone is upsetting.

9) Rubio: "You just gained more time. Women always retain more." – Fuck off.

10) Virgil: "Maybe you should rest, Gabrielle, because if given half the chance, I promise you, I'm gonna get us out of here." G: "Be ready when Xena comes." Virgil: "I will." – Gabrielle’s kinda like, “yeah, look, Xena’s comin', so don’t worry about it.” She knows he can’t save her; there’s only one person who can.

11) G: "It looks like the cannibals weren't the only ones cooking something up." – This is so Scooby-Doo. Hahaha

12) X: "This sword's looking a little worse for wear. How you feeling?" G: "I feel better." X: "I mean upstairs." G: "Xena, I did what I had to do. I will learn to live with my mistakes no matter how terrible they may be, but that's the way." – What "way," I wonder? The way of the warrior? What?

I listened to this song this day. The title is most appropriate: "Protect Me Everywhere," which was the topic at the top of the ep. That Gabrielle shouldn't punish herself for accidentally killing Korah, but realize she loves Xena so much she would do anything to protect her. Actually, here:

G: "Xena, if I had listened to my heart do you think that boy would still be alive?" X: "You did listen to your heart. You thought he was going to kill me. Your heart said to protect me."

Xena: Season 6, Episode 05: "Legacy"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE:

"Like Sandstorms through the Hourglass"

This episode feels different, doesn't it. I'm taking deep pleasure in the new dimensions growing in these characters as the show progresses. 

If I said to someone or someone said to me, “You’re the one who made me change my view on life to not want to die,” I would be "with" that person. There's no friend that's caused me to think to myself, "I live for this person," but I have felt that in spades from people I'm in love with. With that in mind, I'm going to go ahead and put my patent-leather-heeled foot down and point-out that Xena and Gabrielle are together.

Missed subtext: Dalius says to Xena about Gabrielle, her slave, “I think someone should be punished," and Xena...with no tongue in cheek and a whoosh heard around the world, says, "Oh, someone will be.” Meaning, she's going to punish the Romans. I mean for gods sake, he started the joke FOR her. What more does she want? All she had to do was allude with a wink or something that she was going to spank Gabrielle. FUCK. The joke writes itself.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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EXTRA QUOTES:

1) X: "Don't say I never give you anything: sun, sand-" G: "-Surf." [Gabrielle splashes Xena] X: "That was unnecessary, a little uncalled for. All right, I'm pruning. I'm outta here." – I love so much that Gabrielle is giggling at this gentle teasing from Xena.

2) G: "Strange beauty to the desert." X: "You do look for the good in everything, don'tcha?" G: "Why does it sound like an insult when you say it?" X: "Well, maybe not everything." G: "Yeah, well sand up my wazoo gets me a little edgy." X: "Mmm, hate it when that happens.” – This’s hot.

3) Kahina: “In the desert we learn young to mind our own business; otherwise, you don't become old." X: "Growing old is overrated. I never pass up a good fight." -– Hell yeah.

4) Kahina: "You should pick your fights more wisely, then." G: "We don't pick them, they pick us. Come on, Xena." – This is the first I can remember Gabrielle calling a shot like this.

5) Kahina: "Who are you to take that name? Xena, the legendary warrior princess is long dead." X: "No, she's not." G: "This is Xena." Kahina: "Impossible." G: "No, it's just hard to explain." Kahina: "Oh, and I suppose you're Gabrielle, the battling bard of Poteidaia." G: "I've never heard it used like that, but yeah, I'm Gabrielle." – Particularly partial to Xena’s execution of this dialogue, and love this simple exchange.

6) G: "So this is the desert hospitality that I've heard so much about." – Is that a nod to Texas southern hospitality I hear, or is this an expression used across the world?

7) Kahina: "Xena, we've grown up on the stories of your victories. There's nothing you can't do, no place we wouldn't follow you." G: "Stories." Kahina: "Oh, of course, your scrolls. We were brought up listening to them. Well, surely you knew, Gabrielle." G: "I had no idea they'd come this far. I'm pleased."

8) Kahina: “Of course, our tradition is one of hospitality. My cousins will be honored to take you both to bed." G to X: "What was that you said about not refusing anything?" – Hahahaha

9) G: "Do you think those guys bought that 'Amazon chastity' bit I made up?" X: "Oh, I think they were hanging on every word of ‘Gabrielle, the battling bard.’" G: "Hmm, I think it has character." X: "Yeah." G: "I wish I had a dinar for every time I heard 'Xena, the legendary warrior princess.'" X: "Bet you do." G: "I think you're loving it."

10) X: "These people need help. If anyone knows Romans, we do." G: "I'll say... Xena? Do you ever have those moments in battle where you have to decide whether to disable someone or to kill them?" X: "What?" G: "Don't you ever think about it?" X: "You just have to trust your instincts, that's all." G: "Well, what if your instincts are wrong?" X: "If you're gonna stop and debate that, you're gonna get hurt." – Man, this is so good. Gabrielle’s demeanor is different from what we’re used to, and the way Xena says all this is perfect. Love Xena saying, "You're going to get hurt," and continuing to stare at Gabrielle for a long time without Gabrielle being able to see her.

11) Tazere: "Show me this myth you claim to have found wandering in the desert." X: "Watch who you're calling a myth." – Heh heh

12) Korah: "Could you teach me to use those weapons?" G: "If you want me to." Korah: "May I wash your feet?" G: "I don't think you wanna do that." Korah: "No, it is a custom. Please." G: "No, really, you-" Korah: "-may I?" G: "OK, if you must." – Smooth.

13) Korah: "Your descriptions of the battles you've been in show growth and understanding from the earliest of the scrolls to the latest. Were you aware of that?" G: "No." – God, what a pass by Korah.

14) X: "Gabrielle [Xena sees Korah washing Gabrielle’s footsie. Gabrielle gets up and goes to her.] Let's go check-out the town and find out what the Romans are up to." [All at once] Kahina: "Its too-!" Tazere: "It's too-" Korah: "No!" X: "Hold it! Gabrielle and I can handle this. Everyone else stay here." – Xena is fucking pissed.

15) X: "What's with the desert boy?" G: "He wants me to teach him how to use the sais." X: "He's picked a great teacher." G: "It's kind of strange being thought of as a warrior more than a bard. Guess I've come a long way." X: "Is that a good thing?" G: "Yeah, it is." – Is “sais” not a mistake? Sai is the plural form of sai. Surely they knew this but maybe did it to be less distracting to the viewer.

16) G: "For once, Xena, I'd like to be the Roman noble and you be the slave." – FUNNY (and hot).

17) X/Phasmia: "What if they were to unite? They'd be dangerous, wouldn't they?" Roman Captain: "There is no chance of that. They spout old stories of Xena, Caesar's Thracian whore, and wait for a legendary warrior to rise out of the sand and lead them." – That's literally what they do in the ambush. Fabulous. 

 
18) Tazere: "Only the cursed Romans would -Romans. Xena, did you see them?" X: "No, there was a storm." – The intensity of Xena's words and this moment is palpable.

19) G: "How'd it go?" X: "Not good." G: "I should have gone with you. I'll talk to him, Xena." X: "No, it's more complicated than you think." G: "Xena, it's not complicated. It is simple. I killed Korah." X: "Out here, the penalty for that is death." G: "I accept that." X: "Well, I don't." G: "Xena." X: "What purpose would it serve? It can't bring Korah back now, can it." G: "Xena, that man out there deserves to know the truth." X: "He thinks he does. He thinks the Romans did it." G: "Did you tell them that?" X: "It was an accident. Let him believe the Romans did it. They have to fight them anyway." G: "I can't lie about this." – I treasure this intimate, tender exchange, reminiscent of the gravity of "One Against an Army." My favorite part is Gabrielle sighing, "Xena," after Xena says she won't accept Gabrielle's death sentence. You can barely hear her say it, and yet it engulfs all the ways she feels about Xena.

20) G: “He isn't the killer. I am." – The tension at this point = A+

21) X: "She doesn't deserve to die, Kahina." Kahina: "Neither did Korah. The law is a just one, Xena. This changes everything. You lied to us." X: "That's right, I lied, and even if you were to kill Gabrielle, the Romans would keep coming." Kahina: "Then they will. We can't follow you now. Tomorrow at dawn, she dies."

22) G: "Xena, you once prayed never to see the light go out in me. I just don't think there's much of that left in here. This is best for everyone." – It’s the time of trump, girl. I hear you.

23) G: "Last night, I thought letting them kill me was the best thing for everyone." X: "Gabrielle, you may never forgive yourself for what happened to Korah, but you'll be a stronger person for it." G: "I don't know." X: "I felt that way once. I felt there was nothing left to live for. I was tired of hurting, and I just wanted it to end." G: "What changed it for you?" X: "You did." G: "I guess we've come full circle, huh?" X: "Come on." – This is fucking deep, and I can’t believe this is actual dialogue. Xena wanted to die and, here, so does Gabrielle. It’s a suicide episode.

24) Kahina: "You expect us to trust you now? Why should we?" X: "You have no choice." G: "We could have ridden in the opposite direction." – I wonder if this is the best Gabrielle-scripted episode I’ve ever seen.

25) Kahina: "We don't have enough people, even with the surprise." G: "You have Xena. What more do you want?" Kahina: "Funny how the Romans showed up just in time to save your friend, almost like it was planned." X: "You got the fight you wanted. Stop complaining." Kahina to G: "Left a few details out of those stories, didn't you?" – Hahaha omg this suuuucks. I mean, what can Gabrielle say to that? This isn’t Xena and Gabrielle's best side. Or is it?

26) X: "Tell Caesar Xena sends her regards." Roman Captain: "Xena??" – This line is a bit buried, but how scathing. "I'm definitely gonna kill you right now, you're going to hell, and I was Xena all along!"

27) G: "You saved me today, Xena, against the greater good. Why? Isn't that what we've been fighting for?" X: "Gabrielle, in everyone's life, there's something that goes beyond the greater good.” – How can Gabrielle say this, and why isn’t anyone making the argument that to keep Gabrielle alive would mean saving so many more people? The greater good is to keep Gabrielle alive.

28) X: "Gabrielle, in everyone's life, there's something that goes beyond the greater good. That's what you are in my life. I wasn't about to let you die out there if there was something I could do about it." G: "What if it was my choice?" X: "Especially if it was your choice." – This is so deep. I confess I’ve had friends save me like this. It’s painful to think about, and a dark siuation, because it barely works. 

I'm sorry this isn't more clear-cut, but here's the scene from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984) where Willie almost insults the villagers by refusing their food offering.

Again, apologies for the non-clear-cutted-ness, but here's the scene where Willie, Indi and Short Round are presented with unfamiliar food, including bugs.

Am I going to post the song "Sandstorm" right now? T'would be a crime punishable by death if I didn't. 

I  listened to this song this day, and given how sad this episode is, I think it fits quite nicely.

Xena: Season 6, Episode 04: "Who's Gurkhan?"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE:

"Private Dancer"

All right, bringing it back to Gabrielle! You know, one of my favorite scenes ever is Gabrielle crawling atop Gurkhan to kill him. Seriously, I think about it all the time, ever since the first time I watched it. Up to this point, we’ve never seen anything so serious as Xena playing dirty and sexing-up a royal in front of Gabrielle, then debilitating him so Gabrielle can slaughter him. I treasure everything about it, it’s so fucked up.

Number of times someone actually says, "Who's Gurkhan?": 0

This episode is another Michael Hurst joint. I admit shock at how good his episodes are. 

A FEW FODDER-Y NOTES: 

• I know this is out of place, but I’m really enjoying Xena’s back-armor these days. I’ve never really paid attention to it 'til recently.
• When Eve explains to Gabrielle that they drugged her because they love her, it occurred to me that Eve is now technically older than Gabrielle.
• I can't believe Sarah kicked Xena in the face.
• Virgil describes his product awesomely.
• Interesting: it’s implied that a conversation took place between the concubines and Gabrielle about Xena being her friend.
• I didn’t suspect the first wife was Sarah. I kinda started to at first, for a split second, but was quickly like "nah" and never thought about it again.

EXTRA LOVED:

• The poignant beginning.
• Xena turns around in place at Lila's mention of having a daughter.
• I can't state enough how much I loved everything that happened in Lila's house, the mood, the lighting, how quiet everyone was. It was exquisite.
• How fucked up Eve is.
• Gabrielle resting after puking.
• Xena hanging upside down.
• Xena watching her vision of Gabrielle exit into the wall.
• Xena smoking the hookah.
• The concubine orchestra getting down to Xena’s dance.
• Gabrielle smashing Gurkhan’s face into the bed.
• The way Gabrielle looks at Xena at the end.

Also, real quick, I’m kind of not watching the opening credits, because they’re showing shit that hasn’t happened yet. I get that they want to show what Gabrielle has become and the original credits are outdated in that regard, but they should’ve just stuck to clips from Seasons 4 and 5.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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EXPANDING UPON THE SUBTEXT:

1) Xena seems "moved" by Gabrielle's dance. The look on Xena's face can be described as carnal. Could be that she’s just worried about Gabrielle, but I don’t think that’s it. I think she’s stunned and has never seen this side of Gabrielle before.

2) Gabrielle appears as a mirage while Xena's bludgeoned in the dungeon. During a moment when Xena lies worn-out and disoriented on the floor, Gabrielle strokes Xena's face and smiles down at her. You always hear about this happening when people are close to death. They see the ones closest to their hearts. This reminded me very much of similar scenes in Braveheart (1995) and Gladiator (2000), which both came out before this episode. But unlike William Wallace and Maximus Decimus Meridius, Xena did not give-in to death. She somehow calculated the right words to say to Gurkhan while enjoying the sight before her.

3) As Xena hangs upside down, close to death, Gabrielle materializes again. Gurkhan interrogates Xena about why she's there, and as Xena struggles to tell the correct lies, Gabrielle dances seductively in front of her. This shocked the shit out of me when I first saw it in 2009, because the answer to glean is that Xena is there for Gabrielle. Gabrielle reminds Xena of the fake reason when she says, "Sarah," but the fact remains that, at that dark moment, Xena is soothed and comforted by a vision of Gabrielle trying to turn her on.

4) When a shaky-legged Xena is brought back to the concubine lounge, Gabrielle holds her and looks at her like she now has disturbing, serious proof that Xena would give her life for her, just as Gabrielle did for Xena in the past. Maybe she also even realizes how Xena felt that time she gave-up her life to save Xena from Hope. Not to be an asshole or anything, but…I love my best friend so much, but I don’t know if I’d give my life for her like that.

EXTRA QUOTES:

1) G: "You have a daughter? Xena, I have a niece. Where is she?...Lila, where are Mother and Father?" – Love this part of the conversation, especially when Gabrielle asks, "Where is she?" This simple question has so much weight. Gabrielle actually asks "where is she" with prominence twice in this episode. I love here how she asks, takes a moment, then switches course by asking about their parents.

2) G: “Why were you in Mogador?" Eve: "I was selling slave girls." [Eve walks off.] G to X: "Calm way your daughter talks about her past." X: "She knows what I know: there's nothing you can do to change the past." – I love the way Xena talks about herself and Eve here, like they’re two fucked-up peas in a pod. It’s so deep and I totally understand her.

3) Eve: "She doesn't have what it takes to kill in cold blood. Do you think I inherited that talent from you, Mother?" X: "You certainly had a gift." Eve: "Yeah I did. So, what are you going to do?" X: "Cure her seasickness." – God damn, this conversation is twisted, but of course this is what they talk about. They're like two lions hanging out together. And the way Xena tells Eve she's going to cure Gabrielle's seasickness is so tender. We know what she means when she says it. She's going to restrain Gabrielle and do her dirty work for her, even though Gabrielle will hate her for it. I love it so much.

4) X: "Make it look good." Virgil: "All right, all right." Auctioneer: "What do you want?" Virgil: "Forward, wench!" X: "Not that good." – Hahahaha!

5) Milda: "In my village the choices were marry a sober poor man or a drunk poor man. It was a toss-up, really, the sober men would be less likely to beat you but the drunk men would be less likely to keep you pregnant all the time." – Jesus Christ

6) Auctioneer: "And now for our premier selection, a woman of such fire and beauty that a man.. well, I mean, you'd have to be crazy not to wanna take her home. From Thrace, the blue-eyed goddess, magnificent to the eyes as she undoubtedly will be to the touch.” – This is how Xena is described by someone who has no idea who she is.

7) X: “Very clever” – On board with the way Xena says this, and nice turn in the story.

8) G: "I gotta hand it to Xena. That brew she gave me made me sleep like a baby…Where is she?” – And here's the second time Gabrielle consequentially asks, "Where is she?"

9) G: "You sold Xena to Gurkhan, didn't you?" Eve: "We did it because we love you." Virgil: "Well, I didn't. I mean, well, I mean, I do love you. What I'm trying to say is that I didn't know about the potion until you were already out." – I love that Xena knew Gabrielle would be pissed about being drugged and did it anyway, because she loves her. I heart the shit out of this.

10) Yo: "Gurkhan will punish us if we break the rules." Milda: "Will he spank us?" Yo: "You'll be beaten, manacled, thrown in a dark dungeon, and left to die." Milda: "OK, th-that's all I need to know. Thanks." – This made me LOL.

11) Virgil: “In my stables, I have rare beauties from every part of the world, just waiting to be plucked. Take this one: an Amazon warrior queen from Greece, strong, savage, independent, and untouched by the hands of man. The untold pleasures that await the one who can tame a creature like this stagger the imagination.” – And this is the way you describe Gabrielle if you don't know who she is. Interesting line, "untouched by the hands of man," might put it in subtext.

12) Gurkhan: "Are you here simply because you were taken as a slave?" X/Sophia: "I want to be here." Gurkhan: "Really? And why is that?" [Vision-Gabrielle: "Sarah."] X/Sophia: "I want to give myself to the great Gurkhan." Gurkhan: "Are you sure? No other agenda?" X/Sophia: "Yes, one." Gurkan: "I'm listening." X/Sophia: "I want to be number-one wife." – G appears as a vision throughout this entire conversation. I almost love this as much as the S&M dance in the previous episode. Gabrielle dances seductively, and Xena forces out: “I want to be here.” Gurkhan asks, “Why is that.” When Gabrielle says to Xena, “Sarah,” we all know that’s not really why Xena'’s there. There are two hard-line dialogues happening in Xena’s world: one between Xena and Gurkhan, and one between Xena and Gabrielle. Gurkhan asks Xena why she’s there – all of it is for Gabrielle. Everything she does is for Gabrielle.

13) Lana: "How is she?" X: "Peachy." – This line is my least favorite of this episode. We're to believe Xena was beaten to within an inch of her life. How bad could it have been if Xena is making a joke. "Never better," might have been acceptable, but "Peachy?"

14) X: "Gabrielle, you can do it. You can kill Gurkhan." – God, I relish the way Xena says this, adore the slice of shadow across her face, the water casting a thousand shadows on the wall.

15) Sarah: "Wives of Gurkhan, on your faces." – HELL YEAH.

16) G: "Sarah, I'm Gabrielle. This is Xena." Sarah: "Gabrielle and Xena? Well, that's not possible." G: "Your mother, Lila, my sister, she told us everything that happened. We've come to take you home." – I very much enjoy any encounter where people are forced to deal with the fact that Xena and Gabrielle aren’t dead like they thought.

17) X: "We should go." Sarah: "Oh, that's impossible. Gurkhan's security has made this palace invincible." X: "There's a loophole in the system." – Appreciate this line.

18) G: "Your mother will be so happy to see you." Sarah: "How could she ever love me again, after what I've become?" Eve: "You don't know mothers very well, do you?" Sarah: "You don't understand. I've done terrible things. How can I ever be forgiven? G: "Are *you* ever in the right company." – Backhanded compliment alert! Wee-yoo-wee-yoo-wee-yoo!

This is Gabrielle in the dungeon with Xena.

Totes listened to this song this day, and it perfectly captures this episode in tone. Thank you.

Xena: Season 6, Episode 03: "Heart of Darkness"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE:

"The BDSM Episode"

God DAMN this season is weird. Never mind the fact Xena’s kissed two dudes in three episodes, and Gabrielle one, but this is some dominatrix shit. It’s fucking AWEsome. Is there anything Xena won’t do?

I worship this episode, because it’s one of the rare times (the only?) that Xena simply plays her role in fate without realizing it. Yes, it appears her reasons for suckering Lucifer into taking-over are nefarious, but she acted that way because evil was poisoning her heart. Lucifer was always going to be the one to govern hell. Xena just helped him get there. 

Battling myself fiercely over giving this an 8 instead of a 7. Also, loving Gabrielle's new skirt so far.

Here’s a hot take: G/x. Fight me.

Couple things that annoy of late: Where the fuck are the amazing chakram throws? And I gotta tell ya, I don’t fucking like seeing Eve so docile. 

Furthermore, the very last lines between Gabrielle and Xena, which were “Just led me back to you," and the way they’re delivered are very confusing for me. What was that supposed to mean? That Xena wasn’t thinking of Gabrielle? That she was thinking of her so hard, but she was hurt? That they’re both slutty and fuck it? I’m lost.

Quick brush-up on the seven deadly sins: they're Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, and Pride.

EXPANDING ON THE SUBTEXT:

1. Lucifer to Xena: “You're a mortal female with a lying tongue, savage tendencies, and a blonde girlfriend. I'm a celibate archangel in the service of the Lord.” – HE ACTUALLY SAID "GIRLFRIEND." I can't believe they did that. Xena lies, is a savage, and has a blonde girlfriend. The first two things are bad things: lying and being a savage. Who cares if she has a friend who's a girl? That would be a good thing, right? Unless he means that Gabrielle is a sinful, blonde dalliance.
2. When Xena gets up to dance at the orgy, she signals for Gabrielle to dance with her. Gabrielle ditches Virgil mid-makeout to dance with Xena. They're literally going for it, and Gabrielle just turns her head and gets up without so much as a backward glance. I totally did this on a date with a woman I loved once. I was chatting it up with these hunky guys, while my interest went to the bathroom. When she returned, I immediately stopped talking to them and focused on her as if they were never there at all. We left soon after that and slept together for the first time. 
3. Gabrielle dances with Xena, and the dance is jaw-droppingly hot and Dom/subby. What’s particularly interesting about the dance is that Xena, for the first time I can recall, is very quiet, thoughtful and subdued, sexually. She’s not being showy, and it’s Gabrielle in front of her. We don't see her being aggressive and flamboyantly seductive like she just was with Lucifer in the bedroom, or like she's been with Ares or any other dude in the series. At the end of the dance, I would’ve been pissed that they let Virgil play and take Gabrielle away, but Xena is trying to trick Lucifer after all, and Lucifer’s watching the whole thing. What’s supposed to be implied to Lucifer by Xena is, “If Gabrielle gets Virgil, what guy do I get?”
4. During the dance, Virgil walks over to Xena and Gabrielle and sluttily tries to kiss Xena. Gabrielle stops him and pulls him away with her so they can make-out some more. This tells me two things: That Gabrielle was keeping Virgil occupied so he wouldn't try to kiss her woman again, and that Virgil was so affected by Hell that he tried to kiss Xena, when he actually has feelings for Gabrielle. This kind of explains Gabrielle making out with Virgil as well. 
5. Gabrielle never kisses Virgil on the mouth. You show me where she did, I dare you. This reminds me of prostitutes, who have sex with their clients for money, but disallow kissing, as it is too personal and intimate. Think about it.
6. Gabrielle tries to *kill* Archangel Michael, because he’s about to drag Xena to hell. KILL...an ARCHANGEL..
7. Gabrielle hits Xena in the head with Xena's own balled-up leather dress to break-up Xena and Lucifer's hot kiss. I mean, come on. I was so delighted when I saw this. Gabrielle fucking *hit* Xena, because Xena was kissing someone else. Why else would she do this, if not because she was upset? Dude, if my friend were about to get some tail, I would make myself scarce.
8. We see Xena get jealous of Virgil, when for a moment she lets her mask slip and confronts Gabrielle about their make-out session. This is so interesting, and I'm trying to remember another time when Xena was jealous of someone over Gabrielle. I'm sure it's happened, but I just can't remember. Or has it?
9. Gabrielle gets mad at Xena for kissing Lucifer, and Xena at Gabrielle for making out with Virgil. There's a lover's spat between our two heroines. See, Gabrielle hits Xena while she's kissing Lucifer. Xena gets pissed, like, “Well you were making out with Virgil, what was up with that?” And Gabrielle’s like, "So?" like “So, what does that tell you that you’re mad? Say something else.” They sort of argue about it, like they did in "Antony and Cleopatra," and it seems to me that their sexual acts were almost a means to make each other jealous. After the heated exchange cools, they both give back into their dark hearts, and Xena tells Gabrielle that their sexual behavior is evil. What exactly is evil about it? Other than maybe they're cheating on each other and going against their hearts.
10. When Xena says, "Wait. If anyone deserves this historic opportunity it's Gabrielle," Lucifer is confused. Xena explains to him, "She's been my partner for years. She's shared things with me you can never understand." Then she sends him to Hell. This needs no comment.
11. At the end, when Xena is talking to Eve about the power of love, she gets distracted and trails-off when Gabrielle approaches with Virgil. Gabrielle smiles at the look on Xena's face and possibly at her stunned state. It's almost like Xena is ashamed of her promiscuous acts against Gabrielle and in front of Gabrielle, and that she’s just discovered something about Gabrielle? Seriously, look at Xena. Her mouth is agape at Gabrielle for a while here. Even Gabrielle now seems shy in front of Xena. She can barely meet her eyes. What the fuck is happening.
12. Virgil tells Xena that she stopped him from making the mistake of a lifetime, then he looks knowingly and shyly at Gabrielle, and Gabrielle vice versa. Xena’s eyes go back and forth between the two of them kind of skeptically or seriously, curiously?, trying to figure out what she's witnessing, then she says, “Right.” sort of regretfully and darts looks at each of them again. I don’t know why the camera showed this, but it’s fascinating.
13. When Gabrielle says, "Thought I’d lost you for a minute there," she can’t even look at Xena. Xena, I think, becomes accusatory, “Oh yeah, which minute was that?” as if to say, “You were too busy fucking with Virgil to notice what I was doing.” She could also have been joking, but it didn't come off as funny to me. Then Gabrielle was like, “Hey, you and Lucifer!” like “You were doing it, too. Now you know how it feels!”
14. Finally, Xena tells Gabrielle that whenever she felt like she was losing control, she thought of Gabrielle, and it brought her back to her. I mean I,  too, think of the woman I love when I’m getting wet ‘n’ wild.

I can't remember the last time I pulled so many quotes from one episode. I tried to fine-tooth-comb it, I really did, but this is what happens when a script is excellent.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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EXTRA LOVED: 

1) The way the archangels are standing at the beginning
2) Virgil’s look to Eve when saying, no woman is innocent
3) Xena taking-off her leather dress
4) Xena flinching when Lucifer hits Eve
5) That Xena turned Lucifer into Satan and sent him to Hell

EXTRA QUOTES (HOLY F. THERE ARE SO MANY, I SHOULD'VE JUST PASTED THE WHOLE TRANSCRIPT): 

1) Michael: "Xena will never go down to Hell voluntarily." Raphael: "When she opened up that portal and killed Mephistopheles, she became him. You know the rules. She belongs on that throne." Michael: "The last time Xena was in Hell she almost captured Heaven." Rap: "Well, we've gotta do something. We can't just leave her on Earth with pure evil streaming out of that portal." – This is awesome. I love that the reason the archangels don't want Xena in Hell is because they're afraid she'll destroy Heaven.

2) Eve: "A great evil is coming, Gabrielle. I can feel it." G: "Maybe that's because you're standing near the portal to Hell." – Hhahaaaha

3) G: "Xena, we've got a problem." X: "Let me guess, it's huge and potentially devastating." Aliyah: "An angel." Lucifer: "Well, I'm more than an angel I'm an archangel destined to become a household name, especially after I send Xena to Hell." X: "So it is huge and potentially devastating. Goody." – Just one of many amazing lines.

4) Lucifer: "You're obviously not aware that this pride you accuse me of is a mortal sin." X: "One of the seven deadlies, in fact. So I can understand you wanting to keep it quiet, being an angel and all." Lucifer: "You twist my words." X: "No, I straighten them out. And you should thank me, because they're the last ones you're ever gonna speak." – This might be my favorite episode for Xena one-liners. Her delivery is so subtle, funny and quick. I really appreciate it.

5) X: "Because I am a generous soul, I'm going to make sure that Gabrielle records your household name for all of posterity." Lucifer: "Lucifer, my name's Lucifer." X: "Has a nice ring, kinda like a death knell." – Hahahaha I looooove the way she says the death knell line.

6) X: "Come on, Lucy, I won't bite. You don't mind if I call you Lucy, do you?" – This is of course LL’s own name. So cute. And like this is so obnoxious. I love dark Xena.

7) Eve: "You may not be descending to Mephistopheles' throne voluntarily, but obviously it's coming up to claim it's new queen." X: "You mean its rightful ruler." G: "That would be you." X: "Not if I can find someone else to take my place...him." G: "You're gonna turn an archangel into the king of Hell?" 

8) X: "Evie, listen, fruit rots from the inside out. It's not called corruption if you just peel away the layers to expose the rotten core. That is, unless you want Mommy to go to Hell." – I don't know what to say, this is so funny.
 
9) Lucifer: "Nice place you got here." X: "Well, that's the last time I let an evil demon do the redecorating." – Hammy and delicious.

10) X: "Stay on Earth and I'll show you. You can't imagine what it's like, Lucifer, to sample flesh in every form." Lucifer: "Despite what you may think, Xena, it's not the flesh that's appealing it's the spirit. Because-" Lucifer and X: "-that's where the power comes from." X: "I know." – I don’t get this. Thank you.

11) Eve: "The portal is a magnet. It's drawing people here. It's feeding their dark side. It's creating a Hell on Earth, Gabrielle." – I enjoyed Eve in this episode, especially when she goes to church to get those swords. 
 
12) G: "There's a difference between getting life experience and beating an innocent man." Virgil: "No man is innocent, or woman." – Love the way Virgil looks at Eve here.

13) X: "Well lesson one, lose the dagger especially when I know you don't really wanna send little Xena to Hell." – Hahahaha god I love Xena's demeanor and voice in this episode.

14) G: "You should listen to your mother, Eve. She knows what she's doing." Eve: "I wouldn't be so sure, Gabrielle, not anymore." X: "Eve, sweetheart if you can't stand the heat then maybe you should get the hell out of my kitchen!" Eve: "Or stay and put out the fire. [Gabrielle hits Eve in the head with a Jesus fish] Ugh!" G: "No one likes a party-pooper.” – I know I already quoted this on the one-pager, but I will never get over how funny this is.

15) Lucifer: "Your friends seem to be enjoying themselves." X: "Almost as much as you seem to enjoy watching them." – Oh my god..Remind me to tell you about the time I went to a sex party.

16) X: "Michael, since you, better than anyone, know I have the power to kill angels, I am very impressed you'd come to do your own dirty work." Michael: "You dare talk of dirty work, when you besmirch so many souls with your nefarious filth." X: "'Besmirch.' Is that even a real word?" – Hahahaha! That’s exactly what I thought for a split second when he said it, but for the record, I was pretty sure it was a real word…

17) X: "Lucifer, come on, you're smarter than that." Michael: "This isn't a matter of intelligence, Xena. It's about devotion." X: "To whom? Your God?" – I really, really, really love the way LL says “Your god?” The look on her face, her tone, the inflection, everything. I must’ve rewound it 15 times. Aces. Really love LL’s performance in this.

18) X: "I was their hero once, too. Look how they've repaid me. Lucifer, Lucifer. [Fight, the archangels leave.] I told you we'd make one hell of a team! [Lucifer and Xena kiss. Gabrielle hits Xena in the head with her own leather dress.] Yes?" – This "yes." 
 
19) X: "I was kind of in the middle of something, Gabrielle." G: "You were supposed to throw him in the portal." X: "Yeah? Well, he wasn't ready." G: "Xena, no one is ready to go to Hell. That's the point." X: "Really? Well, you and Virgil were lookin' ready to burn not long ago." G: "Yeah? So?" X: "Evil, the dark side. It's intoxicating, isn't it?" G: "Oh, yeah, it's intoxicating." X: "Lucifer and I need time to work out the terms of our new partnership." G: "Partnership?" X: "With no one on the throne of Hell, that portal is gonna burst wide open and the kingdoms of Earth and Hell are going to merge and-" Lucifer: "-she'll need more than a mere mortal to help her rule it." – Is he talking about being better than Gabrielle? Is he throwing it in her face? I can’t figure this out. I think he is, omg.

20) Eve: "You need my help, Mother. I'm the only one that sees what's happening." X: "You may have the gift of sight, Eve, but you should trust I have a vision." Eve: "As I feared, it's led you astray." X: "So what? You gonna illuminate the way back home?" Eve: "Hopefully before the light within is extinguished." X: "Where did I go wrong? You've gotten in Mommy's way for the last time." – Hahaha I have a vision.

21) Eve: "What are you doing here?" Virgil: "Just having an old chat with Eli about why he chose my father's murderer as his messenger." Eve: "Really? What'd he say?" Virgil: "He said, 'Prayer won't help you now.'" Eve: "That's why I came for those." [She indicates the two swords on the alter.] – This line is so fucking awesome. I love it so much.
 
22) G: "I'm sorry, Eve. I can't let you do that." Eve: "Gabrielle, please." G: "No, listen, I can't let you discard all your beliefs because of a crisis." Eve: "My beliefs will die with me if I do not send my mother through that portal." G: "No." Eve: "Look, the only thing left of my mother is our memory of her. If you care anything about that, you will help me send her through that portal." G: "I'll help you." Eve: [Sigh of relief] G: "I've got heeeerr!" - hahahaha

23) X: "Nice run, Eve. Made your mom proud." Virgil: "She came for the swords." X: "My little pacifist. How enterprising. And hypocritical." – Hhahahaha! I love the way X says "and hypocritical." Shit.

24) X: "Wait. If anyone deserves this historic opportunity, it's Gabrielle." Lucifer: "Gab-Gabrielle?" X: "She's been my partner for years. She's shared things with me you can never understand." Lucifer: "What about our partnership?!" X: "You can't expect me to trust someone so ripe for corruption? Someone so quick to switch sides and someone, who without even realizing it, has committed every deadly sin but one." Lucifer: "You tricked me!" X: "You tried to kill me. What did you expect?" – This is great. Didn’t see the seven deadly sin thing coming.

25) Lucifer: "What have you done to me?!" X: "Only what I suspect Michael wanted all along, to put you in touch with your inner demon. Your kingdom awaits!" Lucifer: "Come, Xena you belong to me." X: "The hell I do." – YES BITCH
 
26) Eve: "I never should have doubted you." X: "After all you've seen and been through, I can't blame you for thinking the dark side had won. I just hope that one day you'll believe as strongly as I do in the power of love to save lives." G: "Xena, you did more than save lives. You, um-" Virgil: "-saved me from makin' the mistake of a lifetime." X: "Right." – Xena seems to realize here that Gabrielle and Virgil could've easily fucked each other, and that would've been catastrophic. That's not all she's realizing. She understands that Virgil doesn't really mean that it would've been a mistake at all to sleep with Gabrielle, because he loves her. Maybe he thought Gabrielle never would've forgiven herself, if she'd gone through with it. Something is up, here.

27) G: "Thought I'd lost you for a minute, there." X: "Yeah, which minute was that?" G: "You and Lucifer were looking, um a little, uh.." X: "Gabrielle, every time I felt myself start to lose control,  just thought of you, led me back home." G: "Really?" X: "Sure." G: "Don't go getting all emotional on me, Xena." – “Sure?” Getting tired of Xena treating Gabrielle like sloppy seconds at the end of these episodes. The “Amphipolis Under Siege” episode comes to mind.

Yes, you heard correctly. There's a character in this episode named Aliyah. Here's a shoutout to the real Aaliyah, who passed away too soon in a plane crash 10 months after this episode aired. God rest her soul.

I listened to this song this day. Probably the greatest song known to man, and that's why I randomly keep it in my playlist at all times. Deal with it.

Xena: Season 6, Episode 02: "The Haunting of Amphipolis"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE:

“The Poltergeist/Exorcist Episode”

THOA feels like a classic Xena episode, like those from Season 1 or 2. It was a horrific sendoff for Cyrene. You can’t say Xena writers are soft. And can we talk about Xena showing Gabrielle how to do the pinch on her and what hardcore subtext that is? Of course it was my favorite part.

Is it just me or are others as annoyed as I am that Eve is suddenly the messiah. I mean, I like the twist on the christian tale of Eve, but come on, man. Eve killed so many people in cold blood. She’s not like Gabrielle. She’s like Xena.

Some extra LOVEDs:

• How happy our trio looks as the angels watch them ride into Amphipolis.
• It isn't pronounced, but Gabrielle is bleeding in the shower from stigmata.
• Xena hogtying a naked Gabrielle.
• Cyrene killed her husband.
• Xena bleeding in real life and in hell.
• Gabrielle undoing the pinch and holding Xena.
• Xena watching herself and how intense it is. I love the mutual acknowledgement between them, as if to say, "You *know*." 

This ep is clearly a nod to horror movies, but particularly to Poltergeist (1982) and The Exorcist (1973). In October, I watched a horror movie every single day of the month, and Poltergeist was one of them. I frickin love that movie, and it still holds up, it's so beautiful. I was too wussy to watch The Exorcist, but it is on the menu for next October.

There are several movies referenced here, even The Matrix, but I am not "on top of it" enough to know them all. Here are a few I noticed:

• 8:31 Gabrielle eating bugged fruit is directly from Poltergeist (1982).
• 9:35 This, too, is Poltergeisterian and actually happened sequentially the way it did in Poltergeist: Gabrielle eats bug-riddled food, runs to the bathroom, throws water on her face, then peels the flesh off her hands to the bone. In Poltergeist, of course, the victim famously peeled his face off.

• The hands pulling Gabrielle into the ground is typical horror movie fare, most popularly noted in Carrie (1976).
• Gabrielle struggling in the water with skeletons is like Poltergeist again.

• Eve’s Eli shit is obviously from The Exorcist (1973).
• Gabrielle possessed, looking gross, talking weird, saying vile things, and spinning her head is also clearly The Exorcist, as is Eve shouting god commandments to get that devil out!
  

• Xena talking to Eve about the choice being hers and the moments before they walk outside to spill Eve’s blood are very, “Now let’s go get your daughter,” from Poltergeist.

• The blood dripping up from the ground...is that Hellraiser?? It's something...

• Xena's bleeding and dying in real life leaking over to her health in the spiritual realm with Mephistopheles is, I think, a hat-tip to The Matrix (1999). Especially knowing that Mephistopheles is played by Anthony Ray Parker who played Dozer in The Matrix. (And yes, The Matrix came out in 1999 before this episode, which aired in October 2000).

I recently watched The Matrix and reflected upon Dozer, as I often do when watching it. He barely spoke, but I was so invested in his character. One of the rare times I was mad that a character I barely knew died in a movie.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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EXTRA QUOTES: 

1) Eve: "Grandmother?" X: "Did you see her, Eve? Eve!" Eve: "I felt her. I could feel her spirit. She's dead, Mother." G: "Eve you've never seen Cyrene, before. How do you know it's her?" Eve: "I could feel her. I could feel her spirit. I know it was her!" X: "I believe you, Eve. I saw her, too." – I like Xena admitting she saw a ghost. And that Gabrielle is a little doubtful, until Xena says she saw her, too. I just love that this is a ghost episode.

2) X: "If my mother's not at peace, I'm going to find out why." G: Xena, where are you going?" X: "The mausoleum." G: "Do you want us to come with you?" X: "Thanks, but I feel I need to do this alone." – "Thanks, but you just stay here and roast inside this house I just said was haunted."

3) Eve: "In the name of Eli!!” – FUCK OFF NOW PLEASE.

4) Beggar: "Please! I didn't mean to spy. I come in here when there's a storm." X: "What happened to my mother?" – Love how Xena says this, love that she gets right to the point no matter whom she's addressing.

5) Beggar: "Over the years she she went mad." X: "Why are her bones charred black?" – One day I hope someone asks the same about me.

6) Beggar: "Cyrene was a good person. She was always kind to me, even near the end. Those evil spirits, they were never in her. They were in the house, and they're in there still." – I *like* this dialogue and this actor. These words touched my heart and chilled my bones.

7) Mephistopheles: "You will live all the horrors of Hell, until the blood of the messenger is spilled!" – I said, after losing Words with Friends.

8) Eve: "In the name of Eli and all the powers of Heaven, I command this evil presence to be cast out!" – Every time Eve said this was with much difficulty. It was like driving through a succession of traffic lights that keep turning red.

9) X: "Gabrielle, Mephistopheles has my mother. I've gotta find a way to release her soul, but cleansed or not, I want you out of here." G: "Where do you want me to go?" – Love this line and the way Gabrielle says it.

10) X: "I'm gonna put the pinch on myself." G: "No." X: "Yes." G: "No!" X: "I should be dead just long enough to meet Mephistopheles there. Then I need you to release the pinch and bring me back." G: "Xena, I can't. I don't know how." X: "Yes, you can. I'll show you." [Xena and Gabrielle kneel down. Xena sheaths her sword and touches her neck.] X: "Here." [Xena takes Gabrielle's fingers and presses them to her neck.] G: "Right there?" X: "No, that will stop my heart. There." G: "I can't believe you're showing me this now." X: "We don't have any choice." G: "Xena, if I can't do this, that means that you're down there forever." X: "You can do it. I believe in you. Bring me back, Gabrielle." G: "OK." – I find it incredibly sexy that Xena said she was going to put the pinch on herself, but she actually presses her hand down on Gabrielle’s fingers so that technically Gabrielle puts the pinch on her. This is very sexual, the whole conversation is. a) "I don't know how," is a common thing lesbians have said in bed with each other at least once in their lives. b) And, like, covering your lover’s hand with your own when they’re getting you off? Always sexy. c) "Death" is a metaphorical word in bed, but it is literally what Gabrielle made happen to Xena. I also love when Gabrielle says, "I can’t believe you’re showing me this now." Really wish they’d saved this conversation for a better episode, but I loved it nonetheless.

11) Mephistopheles: "I thought you were the godkiller, Xena. How were the mighty Olympians so easily taken?!" X: "I'm just a little distracted by your good looks." – Here's another wondrous warrior princess nicking the godkiller from Themyscira.

12) Eve: "I'm not you. I'm not Livia!" Livia: "Really. Then why do you get a tingle when I do this?" – Nice choice of words. Seriously, I like that.

13) G: "Xena you cannot spill your daughter's blood." X: "It's better than the beating she was taking in there." G: "You will bring Hell onto Earth. After all the evil we've seen, you want to unleash that onto the world?" X: "My mother's soul is trapped, my daughter is half dead, and the portal to Hell opened up in my backyard. I am going to face Mephistopheles, Gabrielle. It is the only way." – Where is this from? It's a reference to a movie, that Google says is The Gate (1987), a film of horror I've never seen. Xena kinda stumbles over this line, too.

14) G: "You cannot kill every demon from Hell!" X: "I only need to kill one.” – Such a great Xena line; she's forever the gamer.

I can't believe I coincidentally listened to this song the day I watched this ep, but I did. It's a cover of The Horrors by We Have Band, called "Still Life:"