Xena: Season 2, Episode 21: "Lost Mariner"

"Lost Mariner"

This episode is just right of middle for me. I love it. I could watch it over and over again, but I couldn't tell you exactly why...Perhaps it's because Steven L. Sears is a genius and he writes simply and as though Xena and Gabrielle are in love. There are a few more episodes about which I feel similarly. I'll point them out as we go along. As a matter of fact, I believe I've already pointed out a few using different wording.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it. 

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EXTRAS: 

1) C: “Do you know the story of how Athena became goddess of Athens?” G: “Yeah. Poseidon and Athena both wanted Athens. So a contest was held. The first citizen was chosen to arbitrate.” C: “He wasn’t the first citizen. A minor point, but go ahead.” – I love the way he says this. Then Gabrielle’s short reaction to the way he says it. From his tone, she marvels over the fact that he truly knows what happened.

2) Pirate: “That was just insanity! She just jumped onto that cursed ship!” – This pirate lacky is kind of hilarious. I can’t take him seriously. His wig is terrible.

3) C: “I love stupid pirates.” – Me too. Mmmm.

4) C: “It isn’t that someone loves me! It’s my love for others! The love you had for Gabrielle, Xena! When you risked your life for her! The love Hidsim had for me when he died! You’re right! It really is just that simple! Thank you! Thank you!” – Love that he’s telling Xena these tender things as they’re literally being thrown about, swirled into a sinkhole, and about to die on the ship.

For no reason–no reason at all–a Milli Vanilli song I recently fell in love with all over again:

What's happening currently: this Radiohead cover makes me want to come in my pants. You must listen to the whole thing (or, if you're impatient and want the shiz, skip to 2:28).

 

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Xena: Season 2, Episode 20: "The Price"

"The Price"

So this is an episode about asshole Xena. I love asshole Xena or what some people refer to as "dark Xena." This episode's fuckin' awesome.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it. 

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CLICK HERE FOR bigger VIEW! 

EXTRAS:

1) X: “We don’t have any friends, right now. Get used to it. We’re not gonna let these bastards defeat the elite of the Athenian army, are we?!” – YES.

2) X: “Yeah, get a water bag for yourself, Gabrielle, but no food and water for the seriously wounded, only for the men who can fight.” G: “But these men will die without water.” X: “It won’t matter if we can’t defend the compound.” G: “You expect me to decide who lives and-” X: “I want men outside, Gabrielle. You figure it out. And let Menticles know when they die. We need them out on the wall.” G: “I can’t. I can’t.” – This is good stuff, here.

3) X: “Make your rounds, and meet me back at the command hut.” – "Command hut" is an oxymoron.

4) G: “I can’t believe this, Xena. You’re scaring me.” – The most awesome thing Gabrielle says to Xena.

5) G: “What happened to the Xena that I know?” X: “That Xena can’t help us now. If losing her is the price for saving us all, I’ll pay it. It’s just a part of me I didn’t think I’d need anymore. Get back to work.” – So good. Xena suggests that losing good Xena is "the price" referred to in the title. It's not, though, is it. Gabrielle's life becomes the price.

6) G: “Put it over there. Start feeding these men. And, uh, grab some rags and start boiling some water.” – I would’ve loved it if she’d just kept on in this tone, like, “tell that guy over there that he needs to go to sleep. Uh, put some pancakes on and have them ready in an hour.”

The Horde is also a villainous group of assholes from the animated series She-Ra. Now, anyone who knows me knows how much I hate fart and/or poop jokes. I truly hate them, but this particular fart joke is so well-done (in terms of editing and overdubbing), that I'm going to let it stand as my Evil Horde reference from the beloved 80s cartoon:

At one point, Gabrielle tells Xena, "I think we all came from the water." She's not the only one who thinks so. Why, Bjork sings a song about this very topic (Remember, all things lead back to Bjork.)

I know this post occurred long after the watching, but here is a song I know for a fact I listened to a lot around June 24th. "I Think About It" by College:

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