Xena: Season 6, Episode 15: "To Helicon and Back"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE: 

"The 'Storming the Beaches at Normandy' Episode" 

I have always loved this episode. The thing that sticks with me most is, Xena telling Gabrielle it's over and watching Gabrielle sort of come out of this spell into the realization of what she's done and what is left. It's neat, because clearly it's hard for Xena to see her like that, and it takes Xena alone to get Gabrielle to "let go of the soldier." Usually, it's the other way around. Took six seasons. 

I also like the tone of this ep, because it's dark, like a war movie. Just awful at every turn, even when they win at the end. No one wins at war, unless you're an asshole. 

Starts with Varia and Gabrielle locking arms and saying, "To a strong amazon nation." Ends with the same, but eeeverything is different. And like, seriously, Varia can probably never be queen again. It's beyond upsetting, but what makes this episode the saddest is the Amazons getting wiped out. It's not just a country losing a few people, it's the entire nation getting killed. 

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

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EXTRA QUOTES:

1) Varia: "To a strong Amazon nation." G: "To a strong Amazon nation." Varia: "How's the eye?" G: "How's the hand?" Varia: "Fine. Why?" G: "I thought maybe you sprained it on my face." – This is funny and I laughed and everything, but I kinda don't get it. 

 

2) X: [Picks up weapon] "It's from Helicon." – And so it begins. God, the title of this episode is so f good. 

 

3) Cyane: "We need a commander who's familiar with the terrain of Greece." G: "It should be Xena." Gwen-Tier: "No, the Amazon nation can only go to war under an Amazon queen." X: "That means you, Gabrielle." – Gabrielle, rollin' the hard six.

 

4) G: "The fortress is on an outcrop. The mountain pass is the best route to attack from." X: "Therefore, it's the best-defended." G: "Exactly. We attack by water." X: "Good call." G: "Good teacher." – I love this bit of foreplay right in front of the gals of the Amazon nation. 

 

5) Cyane: "Lend me some coins?" Gwen-Tier: "What for? We don't even use the same money." Cyane: "I know, but knowing my luck, if I owe you money, I'll survive." Gwen-Tier: "Haha!" Cyane: "No, I'm serious." – Oldest trick in the book. 

 

6) G: "Are you OK?" Tyro: "Mm-hmm. Yeah. Some warrior, huh? I'm worse than Joxer facing the Dryads." G: "Everybody's afraid. Some people are just better at hiding it. You'll do fine." – Awww, tip of hat to Joxer. 

 

7) X: "Hello." Bellerophon: "Xena. I was surprised to see you at the Amazon camp." X: "Likewise." Bellerophon: "Oh, I'm sorry. Bellerophon." X: "It's not nice to meet you, Bellerophon." – Love the way Xena says “Hello” here. It's like a hot knife through butter. 

 

8) Tyro: "This is gonna be our graveyard!" G: "We are not dying here!" – Narrator: Almost all of them died there. 

 

9) Bane: "Why didn't you do something?! Why didn't you stop them?! They've got catapults! We are going to die. We are all going to die!" X: "You listen to me. Yes, they've got catapults, and yes, we are going to die, if you don't pull yourself together! You hear me? All of you, keep calm!" – Screaming "Keep calm!" always has the desired outcome. 

10) X: "Let me handle this. Bellerophon promised to spare you all if Varia killed Gabrielle. Well, that's it, isn't it? Your tribe for my suffering? He wouldn't have made good on his promise, Varia." – This sucks after the episode where Varia and Xena bond so hard. With Varia disgraced, all of it's gone. How do you bounce back from that? 

11) X: "That's the thing about vengeance, you're never really satisfied. You did the right thing about Varia. She doesn't deserve to be condemned." G: "She was desperate to save her tribe. I know that." X: "It made her do something she never thought she'd do, just like you're going to have to rally your troops to fight again, maybe die, Gabrielle." G: "If that's what I have to do.. Why are you looking at me like that?" X: "Just doesn't seem like the Gabrielle I know." G: "It's not me, Xena, but it is the queen of the Amazons. That's who I am, whether I like it or not.” – Just a solid piece of dialogue. 

 

12) Tyro: "A shark! I saw a shark!" Cyane: "Something brushed my leg! Something big!" X: "Keep still, everyone! They're drawn to movement." G: [Grabs dying Amazon] "Travel safely, Sister." [Pushes dying Amazon toward shark] "Was that honorable? I don't think so." X: "Would you have given yourself for her? You sent her spirit in peace, Gabrielle. Forward. Come on." – Gabrielle nodded, yes, but she didn't give herself. Man, she wasn't the one just eaten by a f shark.

 

13) G: "Our sisters have died but death is not an end to their spirits. Death, it's a pathway to an afterlife. And when it is my time to join them, I want to know that I can grasp them by the hands, I can look them all in the eyes and tell them that their blood was not shed without purpose, that we finished the job that they began. More of us may die today, but the Amazon nation, it will live on. Forever. That is the duty that we carry and the everlasting honor that we will hold." – I appreciate this delivery, but I would've done a less emotional one. 

14) Bellerophon: "Xena, when will you learn? I've already beaten you twice." X: "It's once, but who's counting?" – She never rusts.

 

15) Bellerophon: "Oh, you forget, Xena. You can't kill me, because I'm a half-god!" X: "You forget you're half mortal, too." – Again.

 

16) X: "You won." G: "I don't think I did. With each battle I lose more of myself." X: "War's tough on the soul, Gabrielle." 

 

17) G: "To a strong Amazon nation." – This is great, because Gabrielle and Varia say this to each other at the very beginning. It's the opening and closing words. Xena even says it at one point. We start with the nation in full throttle, then end with barely anything left. Just a devastating closing line.

EXTRA EPISODE NOTES:

I remember watching this and being struck immediately by the end, that there is nary an Amazon nation any longer. I didn't see that coming.

Directed by Michael Hurst!

Gabrielle feeding a half-dead Amazon to a shark is one of the most fucked up things I've seen on this show. Maybe THE most. Then turning around and saying, "Was that honorable? I don't think so." If I were Xena, I would've shat my pants.

EXTRA LOVED:

The way this episode feels 

X stopping Tyro from chasing her friend Bane

Cyane and how strong she is while seeming meek 

Something I also did the day I watched this ep. Er-er: 

 

Here is Gabrielle running for her life from those bombs.

 

 

I listened to "Someone New" this day, and shall post it here, because Gabrielle evolved into someone new this episode. She rolled the hard six.

Xena: Season 6, Episode 14: "Path of Vengeance"

ALTERNATIVE TITLE: 

“The One Where You Hope Eve and Varia Get Together

But They Don't They Don’t Even Come Close." 

Wow, I...do not remember this episode AT ALL.. Great! 

 

What was the whole-ass point of Gabrielle getting her butt kicked? Woulda been nice if she'd, you know, not.  

Also, when I'm talking about phoning it in: As Xena, Gabrielle, and Eve were saying goodbye, they knew they would never see Eve again probably, and not one of them was crying or getting emotional. Eve did the best job here. It looked like LL even made a joke with, "Stay out of trouble," and they turned it into a sentimental thing.

SPOILERS: My reviews are full of them! I'll try to note when I'm about to spoil the series by posting [SERIES SPOILER] before said item and [END SPOILER] after. Please don't read the review, unless you've seen the episode under discussion or don't care if I spoil it.

CLICK HERE for full page view.

EXTRA QUOTES:

1) Cyane: "Varia, queen of the Amazon nation, has ordered that no one is allowed to pass." X: "Well, we're coming through." G: "Xena, I know you wanna save Eve, but these are our friends so let's keep it that way, all right?" – Love Gabrielle's intervention here. 

 

2) G: "This is Xena. I'm Gabrielle." Cyane: "It is a privilege to meet a fellow queen of such reputation. The elders of my tribe tell many stories of your deeds, but I can't go against Varia's orders. She's our leader, now." – Any talk of Xena and Gabrielle as legends.

 

3) Livia: "Check inside! I don't want anyone hiding. No! Watch the faces. We've got to get the money back at auction." – Gd that’s brutal. 

 

4) Livia: "I'm running out of territories to capture. We'll wage so much war we'll have nothing but peace." – Thinking about this makes my brain hurt. 

 

5) Ares: "You haven't been there.” Livia: "Amazon lands? There's nothing to be gained there."  – Why didn't Ares turn Xena onto beating the Amazons back in the day. Or did he? Guys, it's been so many f years, I've forgotten. I need to rewatch the whole series when I finish this. This whole review will my magnum opus, I guess. 

 

6) G: "Xena, I had no choice." X: "Ahhh." G: "I had to vote with them. If they had kicked me off the council, they would have found Eve guilty anyway. It's the only thing I could do to save her." X: "By condemning her to death?" G: "No, Xena, this way, I have a voice." X: "Mm." G: "I can plead Eve's case when they go to sentence her and I can try to wake up the Amazons to Ares' ways-" X: "-I just can't talk to you right now." G: "Xena!" – Awesome. I *love* it when they fight like this. 

7) Cyane: "Varia is the queen, Gabrielle. She decides the sentence." G: "I use my rite to challenge. You are not queen, Varia, until you defeat me." Varia: "You had a better chance of saving her with words, Gabrielle." – What a diss.

 

8) X: "Gabrielle, look, I don't want you to do this. Let me fight Varia." G: "Xena, it doesn't work that way. I challenged Varia. It's my fight. Promise me that you won't interfere. If I am queen, I can pardon Eve and uphold the Amazon law. You know it's the right thing to do. Promise me." X: "All right." – I thought it totally did work like that, that the queen could choose a champion to fight for her. What is going on? Maybe because a queen is challenging another queen? Also, I thought these fights were to the death. 

 

9) Varia: "This woman has pleaded guilty to her crimes. Even she admits she can never do enough good to erase the evil that she has done, and yet, she's willing to keep trying. As queen of the Amazon nation I hereby sentence Livia killer of the Amazons to death... [long scary pause], so that Eve the messenger of peace may live." – God, what a horrible time to make a "gotcha" joke out of that. Just to make a joke out of sentencing someone to death, period, is awful. 

 

10) X: "They've forgiven you, Eve. Maybe you should think about forgiving yourself." Eve: "Have you? Forgiven yourself, Mother?" X: "Ahh, good point." – Yes, good point, Eve. 

 

11) Eve: "I know what I have to do. I've decided to go east to Ch'in and the land of Indus. Eli's message will be heard." X: "Now?" Eve: "Yeah." X: "You mean now." – Thank god. I thought this moment happened way the fuck earlier in the season. What a complete dumbass I am. 

 

12) Eve: "Thank you for saving my mother, for bringing her such happiness. I'm forever in your debt." G: "Eve-" Eve: "Gabrielle-" G: "You don't owe me anything." Eve to X: "And thank you for giving me life so many times. I love you." – Goodbye, Eve :c 

EXTRA LOVED:

1) Young Varia wakes up, sees slaves 

2) Varia kicks Gabrielle's foot out from under her 

3) Skull disintegrates into acid water 

4) Xena breaks Varia's staff 

5) Varia knocks Xena off the plank 

I listened to this song this day... Fuck it, I listened to all three of these: